Her demons kept her from living. But what everyone didn't know....was that she needed them to survive.


5. Chapter 2


‘ “Honey? Would you be a dear and get the door for me? I‘m trying to make sure my pineapple upside down cake doesn‘t burn.” My mother states, looking through the window of her new oven.

“Sure, mom.” I reply, walking into the small hallway to answer the knocking on the other end of the door.

My mother had just gotten her vases filled today, so the smell of roses was dominant in this part of the house. She was making sure everything was ready for the big party tonight, that she was having in my honor. I could care less about having a few cocktails with her high end friends. What I’d rather be doing is going to the library to catch up on schoolwork. Lord knows I’ll need all the help I can get to pass this year.

“Hello, my name is Dr. Veronica Loiston. May I come in?” A stunning woman asks, while standing on my porch. ‘

“May I come in, Lucille?” Veronica asks, from outside the door of my room.

Of course you can.” I say with a smile.

“Are you ready for today? I‘ve got tons of places we can go and all your doctors agree, this is the perfect exercise for your returning home.” She states, watching me put my shoes on.

I thought you were sickening, she’s so desperate to get on your good side she’s telling you doctor secrets.

Hush up please, Ro.

Lu, she’s so pretty today.

As I slink into my jacket I look her over from my peripheral view. Her dark blue jeans are high waisted, with cuts in the thighs. I can make out blue thermal pants underneath them to keep her warm. Then as my eyes look up, I notice her shirt is two sizes too small. I can just see the bottom of her stomach. While her chest threatens to pop out of the form fitting fabric.

“Where did you get the short boots? They‘re so cute.” She asks, looking at my shoes.

Oh. They were a birthday present from daddy, a ‘good job‘ for getting high marks in all my classes last year.” I state honestly, looking at the leather skinned -ankle length boots.

“You‘ll have to show me where I can get some today.” Veronica says with a laugh. I smile and together we walk out the door.

After we make it downstairs, she signs out for me and we enter her car in the parking garage. We make small talk on the way to the first location and Titch listens intently. Meanwhile, I can’t get Ro to shut up about how she’d like to cause bodily harm in order to make her stop talking. It didn’t surprise me in the least when we reached our destination, that I ended up with a minor headache.

“Are you sure you‘re okay? Maybe we should‘ve stayed in.” Veronica says, feeling my forehead through her gloved hand.

I‘m fine, really. I probably just need some open air.” I state, trying to move on to another subject.

What is this place anyway?” I ask, hoping it’ll divert her attention off me. Not to mention people were starting to stare at the two of us being so close. I didn’t want them to think the wrong thing about us.

What’s the matter, Cil? Don’t want anyone to know you might be a les-

Can it, Ro! Don’t even think it. I am not, nor will I ever be that. It drives me nuts the way you jump on anything that moves. At least Titch is normal, he’s only aroused by women.

Hmph, I don’t recall you having a problem with it your freshman year of college. You wanna visit memory lane with me? You’ve got some juicy stuff stored in here..

Quickly I grab Veronica’s hand from my head and pull her into the store. Trying to drown out the sound of Ro, naming off women and positions that she deemed immaculate.

Sigh, you were so much fun then. Whatever happened to that side of you, oh, that’s right, you made me!

Seriously, Ro? Just, can it will you? I’m trying to stay focused here and you aren’t helping.

It’s not my fault your memories are making you flustered…in more ways than one.

Titch too, Ro.

See? Even lover boy over here loves it when I take over.

“What about this? I think you‘d look cute in this.” Veronica says, holding up a shirt similar in style to the one she has on.

Uhm, I- I don‘t know. I don‘t thi-” I start to say before she cuts me off.

“Nonsense, come on! Let‘s prove you wrong.” She states, linking arms with me and heading to the dressing rooms. She can’t be serious.

Oh, but she is Cil, and you know it.

Will you please shut up.

Can Titch come out to play? This is his favorite part…

He sends a shudder through me as he fights to break through. We enter the tiny room and she helps me strip off my clothes. 

No, Titch! Look away, look away right now!

“You‘ll see, you‘re going to look so cute in this. I can see it already.” She claims with a familiar smile.

But Lu, that smile..she’s-

No, Titch! Don’t look!

Are you sure we should both be-” I start to ask, before I’m interrupted by my shirt rising up over my head.

“We‘ll be fine. We‘re both big girls and I‘ve already called ahead to all the places we‘re visiting today. They‘re all perfectly aware you‘re my patient. So no one will think it‘s strange that I‘m following you into a dressing room. As a matter of fact, they‘ll think it‘s strange if I don‘t.” She says, tossing my shirt onto the bench. We’re both silent as I let this sink in and Ro has managed to occupy Titch as we stare at my reflection in the mirror.

“That‘s such a cute bra too, it‘ll look perfect with this!” She says excitedly. I stare at myself in the mirror and see a stranger. My once long curly, blonde hair is now lifeless and short. My body used to be so toned and strong, now it looks weak and broken. Then, my wide green eyes which used to contain all my happiness, look soulless and tired with the dark rings under them.

“Here. Try it on.” Veronica says, reaching her arm out to hand me the shirt. 

Let her put it on.

Are you crazy? I’m perfectly capable of doing this myself.

Honey, look who you’re talking to. We’re all crazy. Just do as I say, let her put it on you. Trust me.

Even though I’m completely against it, I do as she says and turn to Veronica with my arms raised above my head.

“Hmph, sure, I‘ll help.” She says with a bright smile.

This flirty little shit.

Your thoughts are not needed in this present moment of time, thank you very much.

Touchy, touchy.

“See, I told you this would look amazing on you.” She says beside my ear as we look at my reflection again. My chest which was once covered with my loose fitting gray shirt, is now exposed and the tops of my bra are showing.

I don‘t know, I just don‘t thi-” I start to say, when she decides to cut me off again.

“Oh come on, you don‘t think you look amazing? What would Ro, say to you wearing this?” She asks, turning her head to look at my face. I stand there frozen at her question.

Holy shit.

Ro, help me. I don’t know what to say.

Tell her you don’t know, say we haven’t spoken in ages.

“I don‘t know. We haven‘t spoken in so long..” I say, trying not to let her hear the deceit.

“Come on now, you know that‘s a lie. We both do. MPD‘s always still have their other personas, they just get better at hiding them.” She says, turning me to look at her.

Our faces are so close in this box of a room. I can feel my body temperature rise and worry something bad is going to happen. Too many moments like this have happened before and one of them always came out unexpectedly. It can’t happen here, not here, not today.

I really don‘t kn-” I start but don’t finish. There’s no saliva to ease my gummy mouth from dryness. Her fingers trail along the side of my head,

“You‘re not going to make me call her out, are you?” She asks in a whisper, with her mouth just centimeters from mine.

I‘m here, I‘m here. My God, keep your damned hands to yourself. And no one wants that overused tongue anywhere near this body. So if you don‘t mind.” I say, clearing my head of Lucille’s nerves and pushing Veronica away.

“My, my when did we get so grouchy? Has it been too long, Ro? Or is it just that I‘m a girl, that you don‘t want me?” She wonders, playing with a long strand of my brunette hair. 

Neither. It‘s that you physically disgust me. Now, if you aren‘t going to buy me this, can you please leave so I can change out of it?” I ask, pointing toward the door.

She gives me that same flirty grin and opens the door to let us out. I grab Lucille’s shirt and we head to the counter. Once there, I feel Veronica slide her hand over my lower back and drag her fingernails lightly across it.

“Ladies, there are children present.” A mother says behind the two of us. 

Oh please, I‘m sure your son sees enough at school from his friends when they play hide the sausage behind the jungle gym.” I rage, getting in the mother’s face.

Veronica finishes paying for the shirt and grabs me by the arm, hauling me out of the store.

“Just what the FUCK was that?!” She shouts, earning some looks from passer-bys.

Oh, look who regrets digging me out of my comfort place,” I reply with a smirk.

If you could be so kind as to dropping us off at the train station, we‘ll gladly get out of your hair. You know, save you from all this embarrassment.” I continue with sarcasm dripping off my tongue.

You two are making such a scene, you’ve gotten the guards attention! Shit! Shit!

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