Guardian Angel

People think that giving up is easy, but it's so hard. You have to leave everything you know behind. Including everyone you love.

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1. Guardian Angel

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, still doing my best to convince myself that what I was about to do was wrong. But, no matter how hard I tried, it still felt like the only option to me. I had to do something... and this still feels like my only option no matter how long I wait.

        I looked down once more at the small pills I had in my hand. I wasn't sure what they were exactly, but the man in the flat down the hall said that they could help me forget everything for a while and make me numb. I liked the sound of that. To forget; to be numb. I needed to repress everything that had been holding me down and drowning me.
        I tossed all eight of them into my mouth and took a drink of the unidentifiable liquor I had sitting on my counter. After the alcohol burned my throat and washed the pills down, I went to sit on my leather sofa that was cool against my feverish skin. I leaned my head against the back of the sofa and closed my eyes, listening to the soft sound of my telly and waiting for the drugs to have an effect on me. After some time I smiled bitterly towards my ceiling when it started to spin- changing colors rapidly, like magic, as it went. It was positively captivating. So much so, in fact, that I didn't even notice my door open and a person enter through my uncontrollable giggles.
        When a pair of hands rested on my knees I heard a small, wind chime-like voice call my name. I was so overtaken by the drugs already though that I forgot my name was Eric, even as she repeated it. Her voice was so achingly familiar, but I was so far away now being pushed and pulled and pummeled by the tidal waves. I couldn't focus on her angelic voice because I was still drowning. I made this huge decision so that I would stop drowning yet there I was, still being asphyxiated by the engulfing water that would never release me. And that made the angel cry. I was drowning without a chance of salvation as an angel wept above me. The angel sobbed my name once more as I took my final breath whole breath and let the ocean take me. I wish it would have been easier, but dying hurt. I spasmed and choked and my eyes and throat burned as if lava were overtaking my body because I was inhaling the ever-present saltwater. 
        The beautiful angel did everything she could, but she was just a little too late. She wasn't strong enough to move me to the shower and didn't have time to make me ingest an emetic. I didn't want to make her feel helpless. But she had to be in order for me to finally move on and end the pain. I was ready to die. She had always been my guardian angel, but now it's my turn to be hers.

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