Blurryface |Joshler|

Tyler Joseph. Blurryface. Tyler Joseph. Blurryface. Tyler Joseph. Blurryface. Blurryface. Blurryface. Blurryface.
TRIGGER WARNING SELF HARM

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2. Bleed to Know

Tyler frowned as the blade hovered over his wrist. He was sitting on the bathroom floor with his sleeves rolled up. 

Dø it, Blurryface hissed.

He took a quivering deep breath and pressed down, blood erupting from the slice. He made a nice clean cut, feeling a little of Blurry leak out of him. How many would it take for him to completely vanish? He knew the answer, and he didn't like it. Blurry would only be truly gone if he cut until his death.

Again.

He pressed down again and watched the blood ooze from the cut.

Again.

This went on until the cuts reached his elbow. Finally Blurry seemed content.

Yøu knøw, Tyler, it really is as easy as it søunds. Yøu have the blade. Slit yøur thrøat.

Tyler shook his head.

No.

He felt Blurry extend himself into Tyler. He was trying to take control.

I wøn't be døing this for yøu, but I can shøw you...

He lifted Tyler's hand to his throat for him and pressed the blade against his adam's apple. Tyler stood and looked in the mirror, saw what Blurry wanted him to see.

Just. Dø. It.

Tyler did nothing but watch himself, but it was certainly getting harder and harder to resist.

Dø it.

No!

DØ IT!

"No!" Tyler cried, but he didn't move the blade from his throat.

"Tyler?"

It was Josh.

The bathroom door opened revealing the scene to Josh, who's jaw dropped.

"T-Tyler?"

Tyler slowly lowered the blade from his throat and watched as Josh's eyes went back and forth from the blade to the cuts on his arm.

"Tyler, why?" He whispered.

Tyler said nothing, just stared at the floor. He set the blade down on the counter and stood there, embarrassment flooding him.

"You knew this was going to happen, didn't you?" Tyler screamed.

"Wha-" Josh began, but then quickly realized he was talking to Blurry.

Yes. And guess what? He hates yøu nøw.

"No, he doesn't!"

Josh watched as Tyler's knees buckled and he began to fall to the ground. He looked extremely pale, like he'd lost more blood than he'd thought. 

Josh quickly ran over, catching him and wrapping his arms around him and letting him lean into him. He was shaking like crazy.

Tyler buried his face in Josh's T-Shirt, letting out a tremendous sob he didn't know he was holding back.

"Tyler, please tell me, why," Josh whispered.

Tyler sobbed in response, digging his nails into Josh's back for fear that he would let go. There wasn't a good answer.

Josh felt a lump appear in his throat and his eyes started to water.

"Don't tell me...Don't tell me when you had that blade against your throat you were going to kill yourself."

Tyler said nothing, just squeezed Josh tighter. He honestly didn't know what he was going to do in that moment.

"Don't let go of me," He said through his tears. 

"I won't," Josh assured him.

His voice reflected pure shock. 

Slowly, he began to lead Tyler towards the bedroom of the tour bus and sat his down on the bottom bunk. 

"I'm gonna get you some ice and I'll clean you up a bit okay?" Josh said.

Tyler bit his lip and nodded as Josh ran back into the bathroom to grab a wet cloth. He stared at the blood dripping down his arm and twisted it to the side to stop it dripping onto his pants. The red streaks entranced him and he didn't look up from it until he saw Josh pressing a wet cloth to it.

"That stings," He whispered.

"Sorry," Josh mumbled, not meeting Tyler's eyes.

Tyler watched the man, so focused on the task at hand. He was gorgeous and Tyler suddenly felt inclined to apologize for his actions.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this."

Josh looked up and stared him straight in the eye.

"I don't want to hear you apologize. I'm not mad."

Tyler took a second to let that sink in.

"If you're not mad, then what are you?" He asked.

"Scared," Josh responded immediately. 

Tyler didn't know what to say to this so he said nothing, just continued watching him.

The sun was setting when Tyler was finally cleaned up and Josh threw the cloth away since it was covered with blood stains. He walked into their so-called kitchen and took the pizza dough out of the freezer.

Tyler stood up and walked over, standing beside him and reaching for the sauce. When Josh saw this he grabbed Tyler's hand and led him back over to the bed.

"You need to rest," He whispered.

Tyler nodded, but he really wanted to help. He thought that he didn't deserve to be cooked for. 

Josh formed the pizza's shape and began to spread the sauce, thinking about what he'd just witnessed. He couldn't help but wonder if he hadn't come back from Brendon's bus early if his best fren would be dead. He knew it was Blurry who was controlling him, but Tyler was listening and this scared Josh more than anything. Without Tyler, nothing would make sense. His whole life would be broken, especially since he'd gotten that guardian angel tattoo on his shoulder for him. He wanted to protect Tyler-In a best friend way.

Or so he thought.

Tyler had been his best friend for the longest time, but he couldn't help but think he was more than that to him. He was so... beautiful. 

He knew he couldn't think like that, but it was more than true.

He began to add some toppings, thinking that he'd never forget what he'd seen or the look on Tyler's face when he caught him; the alarm in his eyes as he pressed a knife to his throat. He wished he could just take Blurryface out of Tyler's head, but he knew it wasn't possible. He just hoped that maybe one day they would trade places, fantasized about it even, and Tyler wouldn't have to live in fear anymore.

He'd told Tyler this once and the man who acted as though he was a boy said, "Josh, no offense, but Blurryface would crush you. There's so much you don't know."

To this, Josh replied, "Then tell me."

Tyler just shook his head.

"I couldn't do that to you."

Perhaps he had a better idea after what had happened.

It obviously hadn't been the first time he'd seen Tyler with cuts, but to see the poor guy with a blade pressed so close to his throat and blood running down his arm, this he supposed was the most devastating time of them all. 

When the pizza was in the oven, he went to sit down next to Tyler, who was staring at the wall like somebody was there that Josh couldn't see. There probably was, really. It was probable that Tyler was having a conversation with Blurry at that moment, as much as he'd like to think he wasn't. 

"Tyler?"

It took Tyler a moment to snap out of his days and when he looked over at Josh his eyes were filled with something like fear. 

"Are you okay?" Josh asked, sliding his hand across the blanket towards Tyler's.

"I'm not sure," Tyler replied truthfully.

He glanced down at Josh's hand and slowly moved his toward Josh's. Their fingers slid into each other's and they both looked up, unsure of what this meant and comforted at the same time. Tyler stared into Josh's eyes which were so captivating in the dark shadow of the bunk. Josh blinked suddenly and they both seemed to come back to reality. Josh slid his hand away and Tyler watched. The emptiness between his fingers was cold and he missed Josh's fingers filling the space. Why did he feel this way? Something stirred inside him and he wondered... He pushed the idea away into the back of his mind. 

"So, maybe we should watch a movie or something?"

Tyler cleared his throat, "Yeah, definitely."

Josh studied him for a moment. All of the signs that Tyler must feel the same way about him were there, the way he seemed so unsure and nervous, the way he refused to meet Josh's eyes again.

Josh leaned back against the wall. 

"What movie?"

Tyler shrugged and leaned back against the wall too... accidently into Josh's outstretched arm. 

They looked at each other and both of their faces represented shock, discomfort, and desire all at once and Josh slowly adjusted his arm to fit Tyler's shoulder. Tyler relaxed into this a bit, seemingly trying to tell himself it wasn't different. The awkwardness didn't exactly dissolve, though. Josh let his hand dangle loosely over Tyler's chest and his eyes followed his barely outstretched fingers down to the cuts just below Tyler's elbow down. 

"You never told me why you did it," Josh murmured through the awkward atmosphere. 

Tyler's body became rather tense and Josh almost wished he hadn't asked.

But he needed to know.

"Blurryface," Tyler replied.

Josh knew Tyler was hoping to move on, but Josh wasn't about to take that as an answer.

"What about him?"

Tyler swallowed hard, knowing that he couldn't dodge these questions for much longer, he would have to tell Josh about the guilty pleasure it gave him.

"Every cut feels like a piece of Blurry is being released," He choked.

Josh furrowed his brow and his expression Tyler read as confused. He took a deep breath before continuing. 

"I know that he'll only really be gone when I cut till I'm dead, but I don't have the courage to..."

Josh bit his lip and scooted closer to Tyler instinctively. 

"It certainly seemed like you had the courage today."

Tyler rested his head on Josh's shoulder. Josh leaned on his head and let his lips just barely grazed over his hair. What was he doing? He stopped immediately. 

"Blurry... You know how I'm scared of him defeating me?"

"Yes."

"Sometimes he's very close. He just kept telling me to slit my throat and it was like... like..."

"Like what Tyjo?"

"Like he moved my arm for me. He said he wanted to show me h-how easy it was."

Before he knew it, Josh was wrapping him in a hug and they were like that for a long time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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