Not Far

Jean is subjected to a rude awakening when she parts ways with her best friend. She makes her way to Washington D.C. before finally running into a group of survivors, but is she in for more than she bargained for? Will she slowly lose her mind in this lonely world of devastation and no hope?

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6. Over The Edge

The dead leaves crunched beneath my stomping boots. My tank top stuck to my torso in an uncomfortable way due the the walker guts and blood it was currently drenched in. My breathing was erratic and I knew that I wasn't thinking straight. Who knew that a simple action like that would've pushed me over the edge like this. 
  A distant glow came into view. I smelt smoke and followed the strong sent, moving closer to the yellow gleam. A chattering sound caught my attention. I stopped stomping around for a brief moment to listen, and eventually heard a scream. I ran toward the source of the sound before realizing that there was more than one person. From the sound of it, there seemed to be two more people. One of the voices infuriated me. 
  I gripped my knife's handle tightly. So tightly, in fact, that it was enough for my long, unclipped fingernails to dig into the soft flesh of my hand. I then stood behind the nearest tree, waiting for them. 
  "It's either you get lost, or you join your friend over here. We don't have any supplies, that's why we have so little people." A voice claimed. I furrowed my eyebrows, these people must've ventured too close to their camp and caught their attention. 
  "He'll do nicely. Maybe we'll have enough to get through the next month." The voice spoke again. My heartbeat sped up, they were... I couldn't even finish that thought. I peaked from behind the tree to watch the scene unfold. They moved again, this time approaching Alpha Wolf. I glared and moved quickly, going behind this asshole's men, slitting their throats one by one. 
  "You seem like you'd be perfect as well." The man started. I panicked. While yes, I was mad at him, I didn't want him to die at the hands of someone else. If anything it'd have to be me that killed him. Not some dumbass cannibal. As quickly as I could, I plunged my knife into the man's side. He slowly turned his head to look at me before collapsing to the ground, screaming about his side. I grabbed his chin, forcing him to look up at me.
  "Threaten him like that again, and I'll gouge your tongue out with a spoon. Got it?" I asked. The man didn't answer, he only looked at me with a pained expression and replied with heavy breathing. I gripped his jaw and squeezed.
  "Speak when you're spoken to asshole! Do you fucking understand?!" I asked again. He nodded.
  "Y-yes." He stuttered. I let go of his jaw and turned away.
  "Good." I stated simply before turning away, not bothering to mention the reanimated corpses of his men that were crawling towards him. The sounds of his blood curdling screams filled the night as his men ate him alive. I didn't bother to look behind me, the asshole fucking deserved it. The auburn haired man that stood next to A.W. rushed to put the walkers down.
   "Jean... you're alive. And unharmed. It's a miracle." I glared at him before swiping at him with my knife. I swiped at him, stabbed at him, tried to hurt him in any way. That is, until I was tackled. 
  "Jean. Look at me." I refused, still kicking and trying to hurt him.
  "Fuck you." I spat, trying to break out of his grasp. His happy facade faded into a confused look. 
  "What-why all the hostility, my dear?" He asked. I huffed, giving up and glaring at him.
  "You know why. Stop acting innocent, I'm sure your follower knows just how much of a fucking monster you are." I told him, feeling tears well up in my eyes. He let go of one of my wrists and used it to caress my cheek, chuckling lowly to himself. 
  "Jean. That was a test. To see if you'd go back or if you'd leave." He looked up and toward the campsite.
  "Obviously you were loyal enough to wander back toward the base." He uttered. I furrowed my eyebrows and immediately felt the guilt settle in. Then it hit me, he still didn't trust me.
  "So you still didn't trust me..?" I asked in a volume barely above a whisper. His gaze was still fixated on the close-by campsite. 
  "Arno." He called. The man beside him with auburn hair straightened up. 
  "Go back to the camp, I'll catch up." He stated before turning his attention back to me. Arno nodded and began his short journey back to the camp. Alpha W immediately picked me up, practically cradling me in his arms as he made his way back to the camp. 
  "As a reward for you being such a good girl..." He started. As he spoke his breath tickled my neck, but I was anything but amused. If anything I was disappointed in myself. I was a psychiatrist before all of this, you'd think I would've figured out his plan already, but no. I couldn't. And I almost killed him over it. 
  "I think we'll have some well deserved fun tonight. What do you say?" He whispered seductively. I took a deep, shaky breath and wriggled in his grasp. 
  "Please p-put me down." And just like that, all of the trust built up between us was gone. Between me stuttering and then him refusing to put me down, there was something broken that-I feared-could not be fixed. My next action, would've set this in stone.
  My hand flew up at an alarming speed, making contact with his face with enough strength to cause him to stumble. With wide eyes, he looked down at me, and I kept my stern and demanding expression.
  "Put me down." I commanded. I felt the tears again as he gently placed me back on the ground. I had to muster up the courage to speak, to tell him what he had put me through.
  "Look, I-I would go back with you and mess around until the sun came up but... I can't. Not after what you put me through, and not after I tried to kill you. Cause that's what I tried to do. I was going to kill you. If you still think I was as  loyal as you said earlier, then that had to have changed something." He looked down for a brief moment, only to look back up at me with a devilish look.
  "That doesn't change anything." He said as he walked closer. I sighed, my breathing became erratic once again and the urge to cry became overwhelming. 
  "Listen to me!" I shouted, making him stop dead in his tracks. At this point, I was crying. I was practically sobbing. 
  "I was going to hurt you! Don't you get it?! You left me! Again! Why-how can you sit there and act as if what you did wasn't wrong?! What the fuck is wrong with you?" I ranted as I slid down the trunk of a tree. While my face was buried in my knees and the rest of my senses were dull due to the intense emotion I felt, I knew he was walking towards me. I didn't bother to look up, I didn't have to. 
  "I didn't know... I didn't want this to happen to you." He told me as he crouched beside me. My heart ached because I knew I loved him. There was no other way around it. If I didn't, this whole ordeal wouldn't be as much of a problem as it is now. I couldn't leave him, and it hurt that he could leave me so easily. 
  I didn't say much. I only threw myself into his arms and cried. I cried my eyes out, muttering things that could barely be considered words. He held me tightly, bringing me closer to him, trying to make sense of what I was saying. Eventually, the right words surfaced and sent us both into a silent shock.
  "I love you. I'm sorry that I love you. But I need you." I told him. He said nothing, he only continued to hold me.
  "You almost died... and I couldn't stand the thought of living without you." I continued. Suddenly, as I remembered what I did, I felt a fear build up from deep within me. But I wasn't afraid of him, I was afraid of myself. 
  "I know. It's okay. He's gone and I'm not going anywhere." He reassured me. He finally let go of me, looking at me with a loving expression. 
  "Lets go back to the camp." He told me as he helped me up. I smiled and nodded, gripping his hand even when I was on my feet. 
  I looked back at the corpses that were just a few feet away. They were like that because of me. In all fairness though, they really shouldn't have threatened my man.

 

 

 

A/N:
  Okay. So while yes, Negan is in the tags for this story, he's not in it yet. This story is very much centered around the Wolves, so he's not going to show up for a while. But, I did really like the part where she basically quotes him. Jean has officially gone down a dark path, but it only gets darker from here ;) 
  There really isn't a schedule for publishing on this story so... just bear with me. Cause I have so many ideas but I have to go through filler chapters and the first half are hard to write because we never got to see much of the Wolves or their comic counterparts which are The Scavengers. 
  Luckily, that gives me some freedom and I can write a character without fear of making them too ooc. Like, when it comes to Owen (Alpha Wolf) if he's acting nice, don't believe it. Just trust me for now on that one. 
  Until next time
-Harleen

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