Titanium

Titanium: strong hearted; strong
After eight years of ongoing battles between relationships, love and war, Violet and Luke are back. Changes have been made to their life, people have been added, mistakes have happened and love has changed. They have changed. But with every battle they fight and with every obstacle they are thrown into, they become titanium.

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5. Chapter Five

Running water. Sprinklers. Kids laughing. Parents talking. Babies screaming. The thrill of parks always has its perks and sometimes it's horrible moments. Just like now, today, with my guard up and my baby in his carriage with the blanket over the top part, shielding his eyes from the sun and my sunglasses over my own eyes, shielding my tired, black and blue, hungover eyes.

Yesterday, not only was it my first official day of training, but it was also Ben's birthday and that means drinking. Lots of it. Drinking, dancing, more drinking, more dancing. Lots of shots. Tequila isn't my friend and neither is that bottle of Jack I got ahold of.

Even though I had a baby to come home to, I couldn't leave. I didn't want to leave. The club was my free place, where I actually felt normal; free almost, where nobody saw me as a savior or has a helper. I was seen as the only drunk girl with a bunch of guys surrounding her and drinking with her. I wasn't asked to save someone, I wasn't asked to move an object. I was... myself. Something I haven't been in a long time.

The first thing I got ahold of was the bottle of Jack, and I chugged it right from the bottle. Jack tried to stop me from drinking it but Luke stopped him. He told me I was allowed to get the way I wanted because of everything going on. With James. My family. My parents. My brother. My apparent Uncle. My baby. Luke. Myself. I needed relief. Relief from the constant nagging feeling in my gut. The constant on edge feeling. The constant words replaying in my mind. The loneliness. The pounding and beating of my heart every time the door opens. Every time anew face comes around.

"You know, I didn't think we could actually get drunk," Luke said, sitting next to me on the bench.

"We're not supernatural. We feel everything everyone else feels."

"Yeah, but I never thought my hangover would be ten times worse than an actual hangover,"

"We had a lot of shots last night," I whispered. He nodded and folded his hands over his lap.

"What's wrong?" I asked, keeping my head straight, watching my little sister play on the monkey bars.

"Nothing,"

"Luke, you realize I have the same emotions you have and I just got a huge burst of.... awkwardness and nervousness. So, what's going on?"

"I, um-"

"Vi!" I stood up quickly, leaving Luke hanging in his thoughts. My little sister came running over to me holding her arm.

"What happened?" I asked.

"A boy pushed me," she huffed. I rolled my eyes under my sunglasses and sighed in relief.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it. Now, go back to playing. You dragged me here and we're not leaving that quickly," she folded her arms over her chest and stomped away, kicking wood chips behind her.

"She's a mini you, oh my god," Luke said.

"Stubborn, annoying, angered."

"I was gonna say strong, but that works too."

"I'm sorry, you were saying?" I asked, turning to Luke.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night. What happened was... uncalled for and totally shouldn't have happened." I nodded and looked back out to the playground. Last night. Memories of Luke and I played in my mind making me smile.

"You're right. It shouldn't have happened,"

"Totally. And you know, I'm with Chloe and I don't want to ruin that. I mean, she knows you're always going to come first in my life because that's just how it is, but you're nothing more than a friend, sister almost. And we dated once before, you know?" Friends don't sleep with other friends on a drunken night, though. Friends don't hold each other the way we do. Friends don't go through what we do.

"Why are you closing yourself off to me?" He asked.

"What?"

"Your thoughts. Why are you closing yourself off?" Because I don't want you to know how I really feel about you. I closed my eyes and shook my head. Do I still have feelings for Luke? Of course, he was my first crush, my first for everything really. And having him suddenly taken out of my life and put as a friend is... different.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Luke."

"If I can't read your thoughts then you can't read mine," I turned away from him. Excuse me, but I think I have the right to close myself off to him. He sleeps with me last night, makes me feel like the only girl in the world, tells me if I ever go away for having Ryan, he'll raise him, protects me from the guys at the club and us now being a douche? I have the right to be a little closed off.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," I whispered, standing up from the bench.

"Vi," he attempted to grab my arm but I pulled away.

"Luke, I need to get home. I don't feel safe out here and neither does Jenna. Let me go home." He stepped back, away from from me and let me go in my path.

"I know I'm supposed to feel safe around you, Luke. But I... I don't even feel safe around my own family anymore. Please, accept that and accept the fact that I have a life I need to tend to and I really don't need anything standing in the way of that."

I sat at the table with my family and the Hemmings and Chloe. I sat next to Ben and Luke sat across from me, next to Chloe who looked delighted to be at my house, with my family. Throughout the whole day, I've been closed off to Luke. Not letting him into my head, not letting him read my thoughts and not letting him communicate to me. Text after text after text, he asked me what was wrong and he asked me why I was closed off. But never once did I answer.

It's hard to be so in love with one person even though they don't love you back. It's hard to see the love of your life happy with someone else when you're sitting at home tending a baby as a single mother. The emotions that run through the body when the love of your life is right there but he's too far away for you to even touch, mentally, I mean. You feel angry, upset, depressed, happy for him but alone. That's what I am now. Alone. Alone with Ryan. Alone in motherhood. Alone in the world. I'm on my own right now. I have no love life; no boyfriend; I don't have much. I have a family and a friend hanging on by a thread.

"Excuse me, I have to feed Ryan." I pushed my chair out and stood up, leaving my family and friends at the dining room table. It's hard to keep myself closed off all day long to Luke. I can feel him lingering in my mind, feel his emotions run through my body. I can feel his touch when I close my eyes. I can see the memories I had from last night, the memories we shared from last night. But like he said; he's with Chloe.

"Violet," I turned around and slouched my shoulders, feeling my heart pick up speed. I made my way back down the hallway with Luke trailing behind me, keeping his tempo in check with mine.

"Dammit, Violet, stop."

"What, Luke. What do you want?" I asked, finally facing him.

"Why are you closed off to me? You've never done this before." I scoffed and continued to walk down the hallway to the nursery.

"Stop being childish," he said, closing the nursery door behind him.

"I have to feed my baby. If you could kindly leave," I whispered.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me why you're closed off,"

"Then I guess you won't be going home," he nodded and leaned against the closed door. I took a deep breath and turned the rocking chair which I sit in to feed Ryan towards the wall opposite from the door.

"That's how it is now? You're turning your back on me now?" Luke asked. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Confusion.

"No, Luke. I've never turned my back on you. In fact, I believe it was you who turned on me, if I remember correctly. Many of times. But who was there for you every single damn time you messed up? Or when you were beat up? That's right, me. I was. I was in pain with you. I was feeling the hurt you felt. The emotions you felt."

"You wanna talk about pain? How about when you went into labor?" He asked.

"Don't pull that on me. I was rushed to the hospital at six months pregnant because of you. Because you couldn't stop yourself at the bar and you got beat to a pulp and guess who had to suffer? Guess who had to be in bed rest for three months? Because I know it wasn't you,"

"Is that why you're closed off? Because I put you in the hospital?" He asked.

"You're pathetic, you know that? Why would I be stupid enough to close you off because of something so little when it wasn't your first time putting me in the hospital. I closed you off the first time you put me there. When you turned your back on me for five minutes and I was practically killed,"

"Don't bring that up. That was years ago, before we knew anything. And besides, you had me almost killed too. You don't have the right to put the blame on me or close me off."

"I don't have the right? No, you don't get it, Luke,"

"What don't I get, Violet!" I put Ryan back in his crib where he slept soundly over all the noise between his uncle and I.

"You don't know what I have to go through, Luke. The hurt and the pain every single day. The loneliness I have. I'm a single damn mother who has this... this curse and you know what? Yeah, I put you in danger and I risked my life for you. I risked my child's life for you. But what do I get in return? A freaking slap on the back."

"That's why you're closed off? Because I don't give you credit?" He asked.

"I'm closed off because I don't want to be lead on!" He stepped back from me in surprise and my tone of voice. I put my head down and shook it.

"You lead me on, Luke. You... you do things and you say things and you act certain ways and last night... I closed myself off to you because I can't be lead on anymore. I can't be a rebound because you and Chloe got into a fight."

"We were drunk, Vi. It was a mistake,"

"Isn't it always though? Everything we do is a mistake. You meeting close was a mistake. Ryan was a mistake. And we, we were a mistake. A huge mistake. And you know what? They say you learn from mistakes and you would think I would learn not to mess with you anymore. Obviously, I don't listen. So yeah, it was a mistake. Just like everything else in our lives."

"Violet," he sighed, reaching out to me.

"No, Luke. Just... go back out there with Chloe and put on a show. But I can't do it anymore. I can't continue to put up this front I have."

"Come on, Vi, don't do this,"

"Please, leave the nursery,"

"Violet, you know we need each other. We always needed each other. If we're apart for too long, we both become weak,"

"You already made me weak, Luke. All those years of loving you and having your back has made me weak. I've done too many things to myself because of you and I don't want that anymore. I'm being mature about this and I'm choosing what I want. And you aren't it. Now, I'm asking you nicely to leave the nursery,"

"What? Overdosing? Dating a drug dealer? Screwing up everything we had going for each other?"

"Yes. And as for screwing everything up, Luke, that was you. I was on board with everything. With what we had planned. With the missions we went on and the dates we went on. But you weren't. You made me do things to my body I didn't want to do and I can't have that happen anymore."

"Can we just talk about this?"

"No,"

"Vi-"

"Leave!" Luke jumped back as the house shook, making the pictures fall off the walls and making my friends and family in the dining room all scream. Footsteps sounded from the hallway and the door opened wide enough for bodies to come through. I looked around the room in shock. Luke has never been the reason behind that happening. He's never seen it happen, only heard about it.

Mrs. Hemmings guided Luke out of the room, whose emotions were all over the place. Angry. Sad. Confused. But most of all; hurt. I closed my eyes and let myself to him again so he can feel me.

'You wanted me. You have me.' And that's when I saw the emotions I have enter him. I watched as his facial expression changed; his body language; his muscle tone. Everything got weak. I felt it. And for the first time... it feels good.

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