Break On Me

"Maybe it's not about the happy ending.. Maybe it's about the story."

Sometimes it’s hard to accept what is, and it’s hard to go along with something even though you know you could do better.. But how come it’s so easy to slip up? So easy to say the wrong thing, use the wrong words, or even make the wrong moves? Sometimes we just all need to break.. in more ways than just mentally. I want you to know, that no matter what, I will always be here for you.. whether you like it or not, if you want me here or if you want me to live.. If you love me, or if you hate.. You can always break on me baby.


We loose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too..


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67. Epilogue

 

//Harry//

{ It’s been two months since Emmy left the house with Katie. Christmas passed by – Katie spent the holidays between the both of us. I get to see the baby about three times a week, mostly weekends when I’m not working. After about a month, Emmy got settled into an apartment after I finally convinced her it was the best idea. They were staying at Cary’s place, but I figured Emmy would need a place of her own.
The apartment is nice, it’s large and has three bedroom, a good sized living room and kitchen, and a nice balcony and view. Emmy and I aren’t speaking, we aren’t even on good terms. Niall and Carly are the messengers, as I refer to them as, and they usually do all the talking me and Emmy should be doing.
Niall picks up Katie for me, because I’m not allowed to be over there – despite the fact that I pay the bills every month. But I only do that because my child is living there, she deserves a good life and I will take care of all the needs and bills. Emmy doesn’t work, she stays home with Katie – for now though, I believe Carly mentioned that Emmy spoke about college here and there, but honestly I don’t think anything will change.
I don’t mind sending her a check every two weeks – I have to make sure Katie’s taken care of and that she has plenty of food, clothes, and necessities. And of course I want to take care of Emmy too, it’s sort of how I cope with not having her under my roof.
My main goal for a long time was to protect her and keep her safe, and that includes times when she’s not under my watch. It hurts me every day to come home to an empty house, but at the same time I look forward to those days I get to keep Katie.
I love taking my little princess to the park, to get ice cream, and other places - Niall tags along with us most of the time, I’m quite grateful of his presence, he helps me out a lot and I appreciate it.
Here it is mid-January and I’m alone in the house, at least I’m out of the cold I guess. Sometimes I want to go to the apartment and barge in and beg Emmy back – but I always push ideas away because I know she’s right.
I’m no good for her, I’ve never been good for her. I can’t control my temper and anger, and now it seems that things will be permanently like this. }


“When’s the next time you’ll see Katie?” Niall asks as he passes me a beer, it isn’t my first and won’t be last for the night. I give him a shrug of my shoulders, I wish I knew that answer but I sadly don’t.
“She won’t return my calls or texts, so honestly I have no clue.” I sigh out before bringing the rim of the bottle to my lips.
“You shouldn’t have let it go down this road, you know.” He reminds me of the painful thought.
“Don’t you think I fucking know that?” I ask, sitting the bottle down on the table. Niall rolls his eyes at me, like he doesn’t believe the words I let out.
“I’m so fucking sick of everyone blaming me for this. I couldn’t stop her from leaving!” My voice echoes in the quiet kitchen. He doesn’t say anything to me, he’s just like all the others – they want to bitch at me, but when it comes down to the truth, they have nothing to say.
“I promised her a long time ago.. that if she wanted to leave me then she could, and I’d understand. Even though this fucking hurts me, Niall, I understand why she left.” I say, lowering my voice – he’s one of the only people I have left, and I don’t want to lash out on him.
“You are the one to blame, Harry-”
“Why? Because I’m the reason our baby’s dead!” I yell out in the middle of his sentence. He freezes in the chair across the table from and furrows his eyebrows. Nobody knew about that baby but me and Emmy, and our plan was nobody won’t ever find out. But I guess I just don’t fucking care anymore.
“Baby?” Niall asks, his voice in a whisper.
“Emmy was pregnant, Niall. And I’m the reason she lost our baby!” The words come out of my mouth in a loud scream. I stand up from my chair and grab the beer – I have to stop talking about this before I lose my shit again.
“You didn’t tell anymore. We all thought she left because.. she was fighting with you.” He tells me – of course I know the lie Emmy told them.
“You know what’s funny?” I start with a sigh and a shocking laugh leaving my mouth. He gives me a shake of his head from side to side, of course he doesn’t know. Only I noticed this.
“Emmy wanted to leave me because of a list of things. But one of them was because we apparently lie to much to each other, we never talked about anything, but apparently she’s lying to everyone about what really happened.” I say as I begin pacing across the kitchen.
“She told me she hates me!” I yell into the silent room. I lean my forehead against the wall, letting the bottle slip past my fingers – it shatters on the ground, but right now I don’t fucking care anymore. I’m done trying to fix this mess I created.
“I killed our baby. She fucking hates me.” I turn around and rest my back on the wall, staring up at the high ceiling.
“She doesn’t hate you.” Niall claims, but I know that’s just another lie she’s told them.
“It’s all my fault.” I whisper softly to myself as I close my eyes tightly, wanting to remember the good times – but I can’t see past horror I caused.
My knees buckle, within seconds I’m on the floor – my eyes shedding hundreds of tears. It’s over, this is all over. I can’t fix this, there’s nothing I can do anymore. We’ll never be okay..

I’ll never be okay.    
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