Break On Me

"Maybe it's not about the happy ending.. Maybe it's about the story."

Sometimes it’s hard to accept what is, and it’s hard to go along with something even though you know you could do better.. But how come it’s so easy to slip up? So easy to say the wrong thing, use the wrong words, or even make the wrong moves? Sometimes we just all need to break.. in more ways than just mentally. I want you to know, that no matter what, I will always be here for you.. whether you like it or not, if you want me here or if you want me to live.. If you love me, or if you hate.. You can always break on me baby.

We loose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too..


49. Chapter 048



By this point, I’m just ready to forget it all. My mind is jumbled up, my heart is racing, my breathing is unsteady. Hell, I can’t even think straight. I’m constantly running from one side of the house to the other, tending to either Emmy or Katie. My idea of keeping Katie away from Emmy, so she won’t get sick, is failing miserably. I can’t handle this.
“C’mon baby, don’t do this to Daddy, just please go to sleep.’’ I sigh out, my voice grabbing Katie’s attention. Her beautiful eyes meet mine and she pouts her bottom lip. It’s cute, I’ll admit, but right now is not the time adoring her pouty face. I need to focus, I need to get her to sleep.
“Daddy knows you’re upset, doll. But please go to sleep for me.’’ The words leave in a mumble as I switch her position in my arms, placing her against my chest. She lets out a few whines and whimpers, as if she was about to burst into more tears, she’s already done it twice in the past thirty minutes.
“Shh..’’ I let out as I press my hand against the back of her head, laying her head down on my shoulder. I felt her slobber wet my skin, but I don’t really mind at all. She’s calming down some now, I can tell.
The weeks ahead are going to be hectic. I have a show to attend next Saturday night. Then, I took it upon myself to plan this one, we’re going to Los Angeles for a few days to meet Emmy’s real father and her sister. She doesn’t know yet, but I plan on telling her soon. Then the holidays are near and things are just going to be wild. I don’t think it can get any worse and out of hand as it is now.

It took about ten minutes of my soft singing and few requests for peace from her to get Katie to fall asleep. At first I’m nervous to lay her in the crib, I don’t want her to wake up and start crying again, but thankfully she’s out cold and as her little body hits the mattress, she doesn’t make a peep.
I just want to go to sleep, my body is aching and my head is pounding. Yet I know on the opposite end of this house there’s someone that’s much, much sicker than I feel. I know I’m just tired, there’s not really anything wrong with me.
But Emmy, her poor soul, she’s not feeling well and I’m so tired of her getting this way. I don’t know if it’s her depression, or the change in weather, or what. I don’t know, and that only worries me more.
There’s nothing I can do, which only hurts me more and more by the minute. I can’t save her, I can’t stop the pain, I can’t take it all away.. I just can’t. Not this time. It feels like I’m letting her walk through Hell alone.. even though I’m right beside her the whole time.
I wish I could close my eyes and open them back up to find that everything wrong was gone, all the hurt she has and the pain was just all gone. But I can’t do that, if I could I’d do it without any hesitation, but sadly I just can’t.


Slowly my hand wraps around the door knob of my shared bedroom, I twist it and push the door open just as slow. My eyes trail to the bed where I see Emmy lying on her side, her lower body covered by the blankets. I sigh lightly to myself as I step into the room and gently shut the door behind me.
In a few short seconds I reach where Emmy was laying, which is actually my side of the bed but I honestly don’t mind one bit. I sit the baby monitor down the nightstand, making sure that I turned it on so I could hear the baby if she wakes up before I go back over there.
Emmy’s eyes are closed, her breathing is deep and heavy – a sign that she’s sleeping good and I do not need to mess with her at all, and I won’t dare.
I make my way to the end of the bed, easily sitting down on the edge. I release a huff as I bring my leg over the opposite knee. I pull off my boot and sit it down on the floor. I do the same to the other foot before picking the pair of shoes up and going over to the closet.
I drop them on the floor, the thud sound they made wasn’t loud so I didn’t start to worry, and I don’t even care if the closet is becoming messy or not, I just can’t find the strength to think about anything other than my girls. That’s all I care about, that’s all I can honestly think about.
Another thing was added to my list of proofs – evidence to me that Emmy is truly not feeling well, and that was her discarded clothes on the floor. She’s a clean freak most of the time, laundry has to end up in the hamper or she’ll have a panic attack. But not tonight. A sign she’s not herself right now.
I bend over and pick up the shirt and jeans that were in front of the open bathroom door. My eyes roam to look into the bathroom, a sigh leaving my lips as I see the slight mess of things. Without wasting anymore time, I go on in and begin to pick up in there too.
There was still water in the bathtub, along with a few clumps of bubbles. She forgot to remove the plug I’m sure. I reach my hand into the slight warm water, it probably hasn’t been long since she took the bath, and I pull the plug out. The water instantly begins to drain.
After sitting the plug on the side of the bathtub, I go over to the counter and kneel down. A shaky sigh leaves my mouth as I pick up the package of tampons, Emmy’s had one of her panic attacks up here or either one of her lash outs and she hasn’t told me. Sometimes she gets overwhelmed and she’ll just lose it all, and throwing things around is one of her specialties. There is a few more different things tossed out on the floor. I grab them all in my hands and neatly place them under the sink where they belong, making sure everything is back in its own place again.
Emmy might just be on her period, she might just not be feeling good. Cramps and headaches, those are both things she’s experiencing right now and are also both things that happen to her during her period, so either it’s coming tomorrow or it’s already showed up. She usually doesn’t forwardly tell me, most of the time I just figure it out and understand to be easy with her.
To be one hundred percent honest, I don’t know what the hell is going on with her, and it’s worry the shit out of me. What if she’s sick, like really sick and she won’t tell me, won’t let me take her to the doctor? What if it’s nothing though, on the other hand she might just be getting her menstruation cycle symptoms. I don’t know.. and that’s what’s killing me the most.


Gonna update a lot.

so get ready.

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