Break On Me

"Maybe it's not about the happy ending.. Maybe it's about the story."

Sometimes it’s hard to accept what is, and it’s hard to go along with something even though you know you could do better.. But how come it’s so easy to slip up? So easy to say the wrong thing, use the wrong words, or even make the wrong moves? Sometimes we just all need to break.. in more ways than just mentally. I want you to know, that no matter what, I will always be here for you.. whether you like it or not, if you want me here or if you want me to live.. If you love me, or if you hate.. You can always break on me baby.

We loose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too..


45. Chapter 044

My mind was stuck on two decisions that Carly was holding up for me. She insisted that I get at least one of them. I sigh, unable to make my mind up. Which one is prettier? They’re both nice, I’ll admit. But something about the one in her left hand makes me feel things, and then the other one in her right hand gives off the right vibes.
“I don’t know.’’ I mumble, shaking my head in annoyance of myself.
“Just think.. which one would  Harry like the most..” She suggests, smirking as she stared at me, waiting on me to pick one.
She’s right. What  would Harry like? Of course I keep that in my mind while I’m shopping, especially for this stuff. But something about these two pieces are driving me crazy. However, Harry would insist on the one I personally like more, but then again I have no idea! I’m totally screwed.
“I mean.. does he like black or red?’’ Carly asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Both, that’s the thing.’’ I huff out, I’m so mad right now. I just want to get something he’ll like and I can’t even choose between two things. Just two, that’s all. It’s not like it’s a whole rack.
“You know what, you’re getting both!’’ She laughs as she hands them both to me. I don’t argue, because that’s the same thing Harry would tell me and force me to do.
“If you insist.’’
Things have been slow today after the doctor’s visit. I’m just really nervous I guess. Things could change in a quick instant if the test shows I’m positive for pregnancy. It’s a scary thought, I honestly can’t handle another little baby any time soon. And besides, I’d like to spend as much time as Katie as I can while she’s little. It’s a vital thing for me and Harry to achieve, and I just don’t want anything to change.
We’re accustomed to things around the house now, we’re in a routine with Katie and ourselves daily. We enjoy what we have and what we do every day, I just don’t want a drastic change. However, of course, if it does change than we can adapt. I mean, for example, me and Harry had to change a lot when I was pregnant with Katie. Things don’t stay the same forever, it’s hard but it’s true.
I guess God will bless me with whatever he desires, and whenever he wants to. Sometimes I just wish I could control this world myself, but I know that’s never going to happen. I hate living this life – and no, I’m not referring to being with Harry or having a beautiful daughter with him. I’m talking about my depression. I hate what goes on in my head, things I can’t control, stuff no one will ever understand. It’s killing me, it’s so painful.. but there’s little I can do.
Very little.


“Good afternoon, Mr. Styles.’’ Someone says as I pass them in the lobby. I give him a nod, not really caring to reply to him at all. A sigh leaves my mouth as my eyes look out the window, no taxi in my sight. I’m just ready for Emmy to get back, but I know I need to let her have some time with Carly, she’s got a lot going on and I honestly can’t understand a girl’s mind all the time.
Especially my girl.
“Mr. Styles, are you expecting someone, sir?’’ The receptionist, Judy, asks me. She’s an older woman maybe caught up in her late fifties.
“My fiancé.’’ I uttered to her, leaning my elbows on the counter top.
“I haven’t seen any sign of her. I’ll let you know when she gets here.’’ She informs me, taking a pen and jotting something down on a piece of paper, probably a reminder to do what she just insisted on.
“Alright, thank you.’’ I say as I lean up, a sigh leaving my mouth as I realized I must go back to my office and pretend to care about everybody – the usual for me honestly.
I turn on my heel, heading towards the elevator when something hits me. I should probably talk about this real quick. In a few quick seconds I was back at the desk. Judy looked up, a smile on her face as she raised her eyebrows, emphasizing she was ready for my words.
“Did you notice a little something on your check last week?’’ I ask, giving her a smile.
“I did indeed.’’ She nods lightly, the creases on her forehead shifting as she lowered her eyebrows at me, questioning the reasoning behind the tad little change. “May I ask, sir, why did you do that?’’ She curiously asks, still smiling at me.
“Well, I passed by the employee longue sometime last week and I overheard your conversation.. so I listened for a moment. I’m really sorry about what happened, I wish you would have told me. You know I don’t mind helping  you out, besides you’re one of my most loyal around here. You know I don’t like many people.’’ I give her a slight laugh.
She’s going through a lot financially right now and I know it’s hard for her, so I decided to help out a little. And I know it’s working for her, she’s a good person and I’d do whatever possible to help her on a personal level.
“Thank you, it truly does mean a lot to me and my family.’’ She tells me, her eyes looking away from mine and down to the papers on her desk, addresses and numbers written in random places – most likely calls that she has to file and orders to place.
“I might.. have to take a few days off next week, if I can.’’ She sighs out, folding her hands on top of her desk. My heart twitches a little, I know things aren’t good but I hadn’t realized that they were this bad for her.
“She’s not doing good, I assume.’’ I mumble to her, so no one would over hear our conversation. Judy’s granddaughter is in the hospital, I think she’s four years old maybe? Three I think. I’m not sure but she’s terribly ill, and getting worse by the week. I hate it for them, and I know it’s rough times. That’s why I increased her pay not by a little, but by a lot. Almost double of what she made before. But her family needs help paying the medical bills, and I wanted to give them my input in some sort of way.
“No, she’s not.” She shakes her head from side to side, avoiding my gaze.
“You just let me know. I’ll make sure it’s with pay. And if you need anything, just ask.’’ I tell her, hoping she will be strong enough to do this for herself. She’s such a good lady, and she hardly ever misses any work.
“Thank you.’’ Judy gave me a kind, soft smile. I returned the same expression before heading back upstairs. It does hurt to know someone’s family member is really sick, and it hurts more when it’s a child. I have a little girl and I couldn’t imagine, I won’t even dare imagine what it would be like to watch her suffer in a hospital bed, cancer eating her up and knowing there was nothing I could do. It’s horrible, but I am very thankful that it isn’t my little angel.   Updating sooner or later.
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