Break On Me

"Maybe it's not about the happy ending.. Maybe it's about the story."

Sometimes it’s hard to accept what is, and it’s hard to go along with something even though you know you could do better.. But how come it’s so easy to slip up? So easy to say the wrong thing, use the wrong words, or even make the wrong moves? Sometimes we just all need to break.. in more ways than just mentally. I want you to know, that no matter what, I will always be here for you.. whether you like it or not, if you want me here or if you want me to live.. If you love me, or if you hate.. You can always break on me baby.


We loose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too..


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36. Chapter 035

//Emmy//
“I feel the need.. to address this issue in a serious manner. So, I agree with what Harry has told you.’’ Dr. Evans’s voice came into my attention. I look up to see that her stool was about two feet away from and she was giving me a very stern look.
“But.. I don’t want to.’’ I mumble, staring down at the top of Katie’s head. Harry releases a sigh beside me, I could feel his stare on me, as well as the doctor’s.
“I understand, darling, that this is a scary thing but I believe you need to handle it, you need to meet them. It doesn’t have to be right away, you can write back and arrange something, take some time to adjust.’’ She insists one of her many solutions. I’ve been coming to this woman for a long time now, and I know she’s going to be rough on me and she’ll suggest anything – as long as I go along with something.
“I don’t.. want to, though.’’ My voice was soft as I looked at the bow clipped into Katie’s hair, I actually think she might be asleep or at least almost there.
“Emmy, I know it’s scary and-‘’
“No.’’ I cut her off, not wanting to hear what she thinks is wrong with me.
Babe.’’ Harry says with stern tone, telling me to calm myself down some. I was getting worked up, but I still didn’t give a damn at all.
“Leave me alone.’’ My reply was childish, but right now I couldn’t care any less. I wasn’t in the mood for Harry’s bullshit and I’m certainly not going to sit here and listen to his mouth. What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never thought anything like that before, I mean I know we fight and he drives me up the wall but the sound of his helps me, especially when he’s not yelling.
“Perhaps we can schedule them a flight-‘’ Dr. Evans was cut off once again, but not by me this time.
“You’re acting like a bitch, Emmy. The woman’s trying to help you and you’re just pissing around.’’ Harry says, turning in his chair to face me.
I look over at him to see his eyebrows furrowed, he was confused on why I was acting this way – and honestly, I’m quite confused myself. There wasn’t anything that I could force myself to other than roll my eyes and ignore him.
“Well if there’s one thing I’m assured of, it’s that you two don’t talk to each other a lot, do you? Because you’re both acting like children. You’re in a relationship, you have to discuss things with each other, most importantly the troubling ones.’’ Dr. Evans preaches as she gives us a deep huff, she’s completely right.
“We don’t ever talk.’’ I mumble under my breath.
“Because you get fucking mad when I ask you about anything! You act like you can’t trust me!’’ Harry says, his voice slightly louder than before.
“All you do is yell at me!’’ I say back, feeling more courage to speak back to him than I ever have before.
“Do you want what fuckin’ happened in Rio to happen again?’’ Harry asks through gritted teeth, he was absolutely furious, but so was I so I don’t give a damn about his feelings.
Harry was probably waiting on me to reply to him, and so was Dr. Evans I’m sure, but I don’t. I just keep my mouth shut and try to ignore him, it will be hard, but I will try.
“There you go again, always giving up on everything. We can’t even argue like normal people!’’ Harry says, his eyes burning holes through me. I hold my little angel against me, making sure she was okay. I don’t want this fool to scare her like he normally does when he’s like this, well when he’s worse.
“Go ahead and run out of here like you did down there, just run away from everything, that’s what you do best.’’ Harry said, his voice stern and loud.
I gulped gently, I won’t lie I am scared. But sometimes it’s much better for me to shut up and listen to him bitch instead of trying to make a point.
“So you two haven’t spoken about this?” Dr. Evans asks curiously, all of her dots finally connecting together. She knew what the issue was, I just wish she would say something about it.
“No because Emmy doesn’t want to! And baby, I know you’re scared, and I-”
“I’m not fucking scared!’’ I yell out, cutting him off completely – my heart racing as I looked over at him. He clenched his jaw as he stared at me, not saying a word.
“What is the issue between you two? When you first started coming to me the relationship was fine, whatever happened?’’ She asks us both questionably, she wonders the same thing Harry and I do. What happened to us?
“You want me to be honest?’’ I ask aloud, turning my attention towards her.
“Yes, please.’’ She nods, gesturing for me to come on and admit it all to her.
“Sex. We stopped having sex. Harry stopped loving me like he used to.’’

//Harry//
My eyes widen as Emmy tells this woman about our personal life, what we do in our bed away from everyone else. Or at least what we should be doing. I gulped at the comment and awaited for the doctor’s reply.
“Sexual frustration, it’s very common. Harry works all the time, plus you have a child. Things can get crazy and sometimes you can’t end up enjoying each other. I do recommend more time doing that, it will make you both more comfortable and very more pleased to be around each other.’’ She informs us, her eyes glancing from me to Emmy every few seconds.
“I’m not scared.. I’m just confused, okay. You can’t understand, Harry, what the hell is going on in my head. I just found out that.. that the man I called dad my whole life isn’t even.. Harry, I’m sorry I’ve been the way I am for a few days, it’s just so much.. shit going on and.. I can’t.. take it. Sometimes I.. I just want you to.. hug me, like you used to.’’ Emmy sighs, looking anywhere but at me.
My heart is telling me to put my arms around her and hold her tight, assure her things will be alright in the end. But my mind is telling me to admit everything to her, let her know she’s not the only damn one suffering in our relationship. It’s often hard for me to choose between my heart and my mind, but right now I’m pretty sure I know which one to lean on more.
My mind.
“Emmy, listen to me.’’ I start. She lifts her head, her eyes trailing to me. I exhale heavily as I get myself prepared, this is going to be rough for the both of us.
“I know I can be a damn asshole sometimes, and I know I can be mean. I’m sorry that things have changed, I don’t know why we let it get this way, all we do is fight and I know it drives you up the walls just as much as it does me.” I pause, staring into her beautiful eyes. Her bottom lip was pouted out, I know she’s upset but she’s trying so hard not to show it.
“And you’re right, I’ll never be able to understand what you’re going through. But I know one damn thing.. and that’s that I’ll always be here for you. You can always depend on me, baby, I.. I just want you to be okay and I.. I freaked out about this because I just know there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. I can’t change your past, I can’t send those letters back and act like they never came to the house.” This situation has really hurt me, it honestly just has drove me insane. I hate knowing there’s nothing for me to do for the girl I absolutely love with all of my heart, nothing to make her better.
“You’re right when you say we don’t spend enough time together. I’m always at work, I know. And even when I’m home I’m always working on something. I’m sorry that I have ignored you for so long, and I honestly plan on doing better. I don’t want to lose you and I definitely don’t want to tear us apart. You and our little baby are all that I need in my life to be happy, and I know I fucking abuse that privilege to have you both all the time. I’m sorry. I am sorry.” My heart is beating so fast, I can hardly keep up.
I had no clue of what Emmy was thinking right now, nor could I even make up an excuse for it either. She’s so complex, and emotion – you never really know what she’ll say or how she’ll say it. Overall it’s hard to handle, but it’s worth it in the end because I still have her in my life. That’s all that matters.
“I just want.. to be.. normal.’’ Emmy says, the words shaky as they leave her mouth. She sighs, leaning down to place a kiss on top of our baby’s head, she was asleep and worn out already. It was a beautiful sight to witness – the child I made with the most beautiful woman in the world, being held by her wondrous mother, the only two things I need in my life.. all sitting in one chair beside me.
“I know, baby. I try my best to make life normal for you, and it’s hard. It really is. Every day I wake up and I worry that you’ll see some shitty news report or rumor about us, and I hate that I brought you into this life of mine. If I could go back and change it I would, because I’d rather die alone than have you suffer your life with me. I know it’s hard to be in the world I’m in, where every damn person watches your every move. And I know it’s tough on you.. but I just.. I’m sorry I can’t fix that, I can’t.. help you. It kills me everyday.. and there’s nothing I can truly do to stop it.’’ I address the situation first hand, knowing exactly what she refers to when she says that word normal.
“Harry.. I love the nice things you buy me, and the places we go to, and the amazing people I get to meet because of you. I do love the luxuries, but every now and then.. I’d like to just sit on the couch or in the bed and watch a Disney movie with Katie.. and.. I just want us to.. to be.. average. Not normal, but.. average.’’ Emmy sighs, her eyes connecting with mine.
“I know this isn’t what we came here to talk about, but listen to me.’’ I pause as I pick up Emmy’s hand from off her thigh, lacing our fingers together as I lean in to her, just for the comfort of knowing she’s close to me. She gives me a slight nod, telling me to continue on.
“There is nothing I want more in my life than to make you happy. I want you and I to have an amazing life with each other, with our little girl. And I want to show you every single day that I love you and I will never stop loving you. And yeah, it’s definitely hard because of your depression, but baby that’s why I try so fucking hard to make you feel okay every day. I want you to feel like you can trust me, and depend on me to make you feel better in the long run. I just want you to be happy with me, and I want us to love like we used to. I don’t know about you, but I never stopped loving you at any point since I’ve known you.’’ Emmy’s mouth curves into a slight smile just for a second before going back to a pout, she was listening at least and that was good enough for me.
“I know we have been slacking on the whole sex thing, but.. I just want you to realize that I don’t love you for the sex we have, I don’t love you because of the kisses or the date nights or anything like that. I love you because you have shown me how damn amazing life can be. I never imagined I’d share my life with anyone, but now I’m sharing it with the two most beautiful girls in the world.” There was that smile again, it stayed on her beautiful face much longer than before, and that certainly made me smile inside too. Emmy and I never have talks like this, so know is a good damn time to start them if you ask me. It won’t be the last, that’s for sure.
“I love you because you are everything I never knew I wanted in my life. I didn’t know what love was.. until I looked into your eyes that very first day I met you. I love you, and I’m sorry I can’t be a better man to you.. and I’m sorry I let you down. I apologize for all the wrong things I do.. And if there’s ever a day when you can’t take this anymore.. and you just want to leave the city and be normal, then you can. With.. I hate to say it, but with or without me. If there’s ever a day when you feel like I have abandoned you, then go.. I’ll hurt like hell, but I’ll understand.”
I will.

 

 

I Know I Know Long Chapter.

And Sorry For Not Posting.

~HellloooAngiee

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