Break On Me

"Maybe it's not about the happy ending.. Maybe it's about the story."

Sometimes it’s hard to accept what is, and it’s hard to go along with something even though you know you could do better.. But how come it’s so easy to slip up? So easy to say the wrong thing, use the wrong words, or even make the wrong moves? Sometimes we just all need to break.. in more ways than just mentally. I want you to know, that no matter what, I will always be here for you.. whether you like it or not, if you want me here or if you want me to live.. If you love me, or if you hate.. You can always break on me baby.

We loose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too..


34. Chapter 033

(next day)


“You know I hate coming here.’’ I mumble to Emmy as we sit in the waiting room. The doctor’s office smelt like lemons, not the good kind though – more like the cleaning supplies smell.
“I do too, but please just.. don’t make a scene like you did last time.’’ Emmy sighs to me. Oh great, here she goes with this incident again. It wasn’t really my fault that things got out of hand, that girl was woman was weird and I didn’t want her handling my child.
“She was crazy.’’ I say, a little too loud. Emmy shushes me viciously as she slaps my thigh. I huff at the punishment she gave me. Like I said, that woman was insane and I didn’t want some stranger holding my baby anyways.
“Um, excuse me?’’ I hear someone say.
I look up to see a man standing in front of us, a friendly smile on his face. I tighten my hold on Katie, she was sitting on my other leg, chewing on my finger as she usually would.
“I hate to bother you, but my wife is a huge fan of you, and she was wondering if she could get a picture with you.’’ He says, obviously talking to me. I give me a smile back as I pass Katie over to Emmy.
“Yeah, no problem.’’ I say as I stand up, fixing my shirt casually.
“She’s not composed at the moment.. we’re still getting through our child’s death, but, uh, she is so excited to see you here.’’ The man tells me
“Oh, I’m sorry about that. Maybe I can put a smile on her face.’’ I glance over my shoulder to see Emmy staring at me, that jealous look on her face. I wasn’t sure why she was looking that way, this guy isn’t attractive, at least I don’t think so.
“April.’’ He says as we reach a woman in the corner. She looks up, a smile appearing on her face. She was maybe thirty, probably early thirties.
“Hi.’’ I say with a smile, holding my hand out for her to shake. She moves the jacket that she was covered up with, it is quite cold in here. Now I know why Emmy is having that jealous feel. I smile to keep my eyes from widening at the sight before me.
No, I wasn’t turned on and I didn’t like it, but it kind of shocked me, and I think this is just a part of the body everyone notices on a woman. And trust me when I say.. everyone notices this woman.
“I.. I love your designs. My purse.. is.. is one of yours.’’ She says as her hand clasps mine and she gives me a firm shake.
“Well, thank you.’’ I say with a light laugh.

After signing the back of her phone case and taking a picture with the woman, I finally get back to Emmy. That was the longest five minutes of my life. A sigh leaves my mouth as I sit down, getting my little princess back in my lap, and just like that her little hand grabs my finger and shoves it in her mouth. What a joy.
“Did you enjoy.. that?’’ Emmy’s voice mumbles lightly to me. I sigh, knowing that she’s being jealous right now and honestly there’s nothing to be jealous of.
“I didn’t, actually.’’ I retort, turning my head to look at her. She was staring at the floor, that mad pout on her face. This time I didn’t even do a damn thing. I really didn’t.
“I bet she did.’’ She softly replies.
“Maybe she did, but I didn’t. Now.. stop.’’ I sigh, rolling my eyes as I look away from her. I lean down slightly, giving my angel a kiss on the top of her head, but it doesn’t stop her from biting on my finger. Sometimes it will get too rough and she’ll really hurt me, I won’t admit it but she does.
“Matthews.’’ Emmy was cut off by the nurse coming into the room, the clipboard tight in her hand as she looks up, searching for her patient.
Emmy and I stand at the same time, I go with her all the time because I’m afraid she won’t be honest with me. She’s insecure about this stuff and she gets nervous, she just doesn’t want me to worry. I adjust Katie as I hold her, walking towards the hallway I’ve been done before.
“Room 2, please.’’ The nurse says as she gestures towards a door. I follow behind Emmy as she opens the door and steps into the room.
“Doctor Evans will be with you soon.”
“Thank you.’’ I say before shutting the door. I turn on my heel just to see Emmy sitting in one of the chairs, her elbows digging into her thighs, her head cradled by her hands. She’s timid right now, she always gets that way when we go to a doctor, especially this one.
The room was bright, nothing I would expect to be in a doctor’s office. But yet again, this is the psychiatrists’ department of the hospital. The walls are painted a soft pink, the white tiled floor just received a wax it appears. My eyes stay glued to Emmy as I walk towards her.
“Ma ma.” Katie says, her arm extending in Emmy’s direction, her hand closing into a fist and then opening, she wanted Emmy to hold her.
“Do you wanna sit with Momma, princess?’’ I ask her in a soft tone. She pouts her bottom lip out, giving me that face that kills me every time she does it, breaks me down – I can’t resist to treat her to what she wants.
I sit down in the chair beside Emmy, hoping she will be feeling okay soon. I sigh to myself as I realize Katie was reaching for her again, but I’m not quite sure if it’s a good idea or not. It’s not that I don’t trust Emmy, I do – I mean damn this is her child – but it’s just, I don’t want to bother her and then her get mad. The usual, basically.
“Em.. Katie wants you.’’ I mumble to her.
Her hands fall slowly from her head, releasing a sigh softly as she leans up. She flicks her hair over her shoulder and gives me a gentle smile, holding her hands out for the baby. I pass her along to Emmy, glad to see she’s okay for the moment. Katie smiles brightly as Emmy sits her on her lap facing her. She looks up with those beautiful eyes she got from her beautiful mother.
“Ma.. ma.’’ She says, sticking her tongue out of her mouth for not certain reason, she is so adorable.
Emmy doesn’t say anything, just gives her a smile. That loving smile fades away as she rolls in her lips, closes her eyes. She wasn’t okay, she does that when she’s trying to keep herself together – and now, I can surely tell she’s not all connected with herself.

She’s worn out.


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