Break On Me

"Maybe it's not about the happy ending.. Maybe it's about the story."

Sometimes it’s hard to accept what is, and it’s hard to go along with something even though you know you could do better.. But how come it’s so easy to slip up? So easy to say the wrong thing, use the wrong words, or even make the wrong moves? Sometimes we just all need to break.. in more ways than just mentally. I want you to know, that no matter what, I will always be here for you.. whether you like it or not, if you want me here or if you want me to live.. If you love me, or if you hate.. You can always break on me baby.

We loose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too..


32. Chapter 031

My eyes find Emmy next to her bedside table, her hands digging into her purse in search for the cause of tonight’s situation, I hope. I stand up and make the short distance to her. I sit down beside her, just a few inches apart, hoping I gave her enough space.
No words leave my mouth as I turn my head to get a better look at what she was doing. She pulls out a folded up piece of notebook paper. Emmy situates all the items in her purse back to how they were before, then she zips the bag and sits it down beside the bed. Her hand clutches the piece of paper as she leans back up, her eyes staring at it hard.
I gulp gently as I patiently await to receive this information, this reasoning for all of these sudden emotions she has. I hate it when she’s upset, and I hate it even more when I don’t have a clue of what caused it.
Without looking at me, she places her hand on my thigh, the piece of paper held between her index and thumb, put forward in my direction. Carefully I grab the paper with two fingers and she releases it, letting all become mine as she sits her hand back on her lap softly, those beautiful eyes I adore so much still not reconnecting with mine.
I sigh to myself as I begin to unfold the paper, not at a quick pace however. I was a little nervous, I had no idea what was written on this note nor did I know who from. My heart slowed its pace as I realized I was finally about to find out what was going on, and begin to think of things that would make Emmy feel a little better.
As I unfold the paper until only one fold kept it hid from me, I stop. What if I didn’t need to know this? What if this wasn’t any of my business? What if my worrying about it really had Emmy tipping over the edge of stress? What if I was the reason she was so upset?
“Are you.. sure I need.. to see.. this?’’ I mumble lightly as I close my eyes, afraid to hear the answer. I want to know, but yet I still wonder if it’s the right thing to do, is this the way to handle this all?
Emmy’s hand touches my thigh and I couldn’t resist opening my eyes to witness it. Her thumb rubs against my leg with a little force applied. She gives me a slight squeeze before she stands up, using her hand against me to push herself up.
My eyes follow her body as she walks over to the door, her hand grabbing the handle as she stops. She looks over her should just to see my eyes gazing upon her. Emmy gently lifts the corner of her mouth, the smile giving me the reply I really wanted. It was yes.
Before I knew what she was doing, the door was shut and I was left alone in the room. I look down at the piece of paper in my hands. With a deep exhale, I unfold it one last time to reveal to me a heavily inked letter. I might be afraid to find out what’s going on, but I don’t hesitate to read it. Both of them.

It’s hard for me to accept the fact you don’t know who I am. It’s hard to go on every day knowing you have grown up with someone else in your life instead of me to be there for you. Before I begin to confuse you, I guess I will go on and state my point. I know your mother didn’t tell you this, and she certainly doesn’t know that I wrote this for you. I don’t want this all to be dropped so suddenly on you, but my name is James O’Reilly and I am your biological father. Before this starts to frighten you, I just wanted to inform you that things were very rough between your mother and I, and I left before your mother knew about you. I was told when she found out, but I was also notified that she had another person in her life. Your mother and I decided to pursue our professions and attempt to keep in touch. However, we lost that connection when I moved to Los Angeles. It took me nearly twenty years to find you again, but now I have and I am hoping you will be willing to do meet with me and we can sort things out. I also learned that you are in a relationship with a very well-known person in the world and that you have a daughter. On the other hand, though, I will be able to understand if you don’t want me in any part of your life. I just want you to know that I tried my hardest to get in touch with your mother and her family – I never forgot about you. Your mother just didn’t think I would be a good enough father, so for some idiotic reason, which I still don’t know of, I stayed away and let her raise you without me in your life. All of this time without you has really damaged my trust in other people, and my love for anyone else. I regret not coming back, but I know you had a good childhood and the man that raised you done well. I don’t hate your mother for her decision, and I don’t hate that man for stepping into a place I was kicked out of. Also you have a half-sister, Nikki, who was excited when she first heard about you. I apologize for all the years we lost, but hope we can regain those years. Please contact me back if you want, if not I will understand. Thank you for taking your time to read this. I have always loved you darling and I hope we can meet.

-James O’Reilly

I’m sorry if this is too much, I’m not used to writing – just talking. I honestly cannot believe this right now. Harry Styles is one of my favorite designers and I’ve seen you with him so many times, never knowing exactly who you were. It’s an honor to be writing you this letter. For the past few months I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around things – dad has told me so much in such short time! But I am very excited about this. I’ve always wanted a sister, and I never knew I had one. There is an entire, complicated list of things I have been through and a sister was all I wanted during those times. However, I really hope that we can make the future better and forget about the past. When I was thirteen (I’m seventeen now) I was raped at a party, a place I wasn’t even allowed to go to. But I went because I was a stupid teenager. And that horrible experience gave me the most beautiful gift life could give you, and I’m sure you can relate to this one, a child. I was very overwhelmed when I realized that Harry Styles’s adorable daughter was my niece! But anyways, I have a son who just turned four back in August. His name is Jacob and I have indeed told him about you. There is so much more I could tell you, but I think my voice could speak more than my hand can write! I really hope that you plan to meet with us, more me than Dad to be honest. My life has been better knowing that I have a sister, and meeting you would make it even better. I just want to sit and talk about anything and everything. My mother’s absence in my life created a great lacking in encouragement, confidence, responsibilities, and morals. I wasted my younger teen years away with drugs and alcohol, and it wasn’t until recently that I became one year sober. I done it for Jacob, and for myself. I thought I was alone in this world, I mean I love dad and all, but a girl needs a friend. And when he told me about you.. I smiled because I felt something, like a spark in my heart where nothing had been before. You filled the little cracks for me. I just want to confess everything to you, and just see you. I’ve never had anyone to depend on the way a girl needs to.. but I’d love to have you ♥

-Nikki O’Reilly J x

A heavy sigh left my mouth as I folded the papers back up and got to my feet. Emmy wasn’t scared, or afraid. She was baffled. As I stepped on the cold hard wood floor, I felt a quick stabbing pain in my chest. In my heart. Maybe it was knowing that I couldn’t truly make this okay for her. Or perhaps it was finally understanding what had her all shook up.
Honestly I’ll never be able to feel exactly what she’s feeling now, but I have a damn good feeling of how it is. I bet her head is aching, her mind overblown with everything – all the thoughts and the memories of what she thought was a happy childhood just crumbling, mixed with the commotion of the content of the letters.
I can assure myself that her breathing became slow, like if she stopped for just a mere second she’d be gone forever – wondering if she should take the risk or not. In my heart, sadly, I know she’s imagining that cold metal against her wrist, the blood trailing down her arm as she released all her pain.
And I just know she’s crying. She’s confused, she has no clue what to think of this. She doesn’t understand why this happened, but she knows it was meant to be. If Emmy believed in anything, it was her faith.. and destiny. She highly believes things happen for a reason, and I do to.
Her heart is broken because one, she grew up in a lie – and two, she grew up never knowing there were two other people she was meant to have in her life. I know it’s killing her, it’s hurting her soul. I can feel it. That’s how much I love her – so much.. that I just know what’s going on. I get it.
Not completely, but enough.

    I know I Know Lots Of Drama. I  Just Did This Chapter So Yeah. Hope You Like It. ~Angie
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