Break On Me

"Maybe it's not about the happy ending.. Maybe it's about the story."

Sometimes it’s hard to accept what is, and it’s hard to go along with something even though you know you could do better.. But how come it’s so easy to slip up? So easy to say the wrong thing, use the wrong words, or even make the wrong moves? Sometimes we just all need to break.. in more ways than just mentally. I want you to know, that no matter what, I will always be here for you.. whether you like it or not, if you want me here or if you want me to live.. If you love me, or if you hate.. You can always break on me baby.

We loose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too..


30. Chapter 029

My strength was getting weaker and weaker by the minute. The combination of Harry’s tantrum and the thought of the contents of the letter made my headache, the stinging and stabbing pains all over my body got worse. I was felt like I was about to pass out, but at the same time I felt like I was about to lose my damn mind. I tried to control myself, my eyes at least, and not look in Harry’s direction or even listen to his voice scream at himself – but nothing I was doing was working, as usual.
“I can’t fucking take this shit anymore! I’m so sick of every time I fucking turn around something is wrong with you! Or some damn magazine has said something about us and you lose your god damn sanity! I’m so,  so fucking tired of you not taking your medicine, because I know how you act when you do take it and, well, lately you haven’t been taking it! I know you haven’t!” Harry’s rant addressed me, but not actually to my face. I know he’s just talking out loud, he’s not really thinking right now.
He gets like this when he’s really mad. He does it at work, in the car, and a whole list of other places too. He’s just the kind of person to keep his thoughts locked up, until something happens and he loses all control. I know how it feels, except his are released through screams, mine are let out through tears.
“All I try to fucking do in my damn life is to make sure you’re surviving. And now some douche has sent you a fucking letter that’s caused you to get sick! I just can’t fucking handle all of this! You won’t ever fucking tell me anything anymore, not like you did before though! You’ve never told me anything, I always have to pry shit out of you!’’ Harry’s words did hurt me a little, but I was already shattered and he only crumbled my broken pieces.
“Do you know how that makes me feel!’’ Harry’s voice gained power, got louder. I looked up as I sensed his eyes on me, and indeed they are. I gulp gently as he keeps his intense stare on me, anger wiped across his face. He is extremely upset, and I know my presence isn’t doing much good.
“Do you fucking know, Emmy? Do you really know?’’ He asks angrily. I found a little courage and energy to shake my head lightly from side to side. This response of mine only resulting in him sighing heavily, but his anger didn’t decrease, not even by a smidge.
“It makes me feel like you don’t trust me, like I’m just here to kiss you when you go bed and hug you when I leave, instead of being here to protect you and to make sure you’re okay.’’ His voice was still loud as he talked, well more on the yelling side, to me.
But I tried not to let it affect me much, I know when he gets mad he yells, he can’t help it honestly. I don’t hold it against him, because he’s at least trying to make things better.
“I know our relationship started off weird or whatever, but damn Em, every now and then I’d like to just sit and talk to you about what’s on your mind, but you don’t ever want to do that. I know we aren’t perfect, no relationship is fucking perfect.. I just want us to be as close as we used to be, I just want us to be happy with each other being around.. I don’t want our daughter to be the only god damn thing that keeps us together! I don’t want us to just fucking tolerate each other, I want us to love each other.’’ Harry says, his voice relaxing none as he continues letting his mind free.
I bite my lip nervously as he stops completely, his eyes glued to me as I stared at him from across the room. I don’t know if I want to cry even more, or get up and yell back at him. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t ever know what to do.
“I just want you to fucking trust me! I want you to fucking tell me everything!”
My heart broken a little more as I saw a few tears trail down Harry’s cheeks. This was a sign, a true sign, that he was hurting. Harry doesn’t cry very often, but when he does it’s because he really cares about something, and this has to be one of those things.
He notices them too as he turns away from me, his hand harshly wiping off his face. He hated to cry, he thinks it makes him look weak. But that was a lie. Real men cry, real men feel emotions. Harry doesn’t like to cry, but he knows it’ll be okay..
Before I could understand completely what I was doing, I was on my feet and running over to Harry. I was afraid that he’d be mad, but I knew taking the chance would mean more to him than me just sitting there and witnessing him fall apart. He hugs me when I cry.. and I return like to return the favor.
Within seconds I’m standing behind him, my breathing soft and my footsteps light. I place my hands on his waist softly, his skin was warm and soft like usual, I’ll never stop loving that about him. I’ll never stop loving him at all. Gently I slide my arms around him, hoping that he’ll let me embrace him and not pull away from me. Harry lifts his arms up some so I could get mine around him – that helps assure me that he’s not mad entirely mad at me.
He grabs a hold of my arms, his grip tight as he kept me locked around him. I smiled a little to myself as I rested my head against his back, I could hear his heartbeat. It’s a beautiful sound to me, I listen to it all the time, it helps me sleep.. it calms me down. It reminds me of my purpose. It reminds me of our love.
A sigh leaves his mouth as his hands hold mine tight. I try to calm myself down as I lean against him, Harry’s presence does wonders to me when I’m sad. I just love to hold him, to feel his hot, tanned skin against mine which was normally cold and pale.
Everything from the rise and fall of his chest when he breathes to the way his legs tangle with mine under the covers. Harry is something special to me, he’s the only person that’s ever loved me the way he does. He’s the only person that’s ever touched me the way he does. He’s the only person that has ever seen me the way he has. He’s my one and only.
“I love it.. when you hug me.’’ I hear his voice say softly. I squeeze him a little, just so he knows I heard him. Well I really wanted to reply with, “I love it when you hug me too’’ but I couldn’t find the strength to open my mouth and make the words. He knows it anyways, there’s no need to tell him if he already is aware.
“Now.. just.. tell me, or let me read it.. or something.’’ Harry says as he releases my hands, gently letting them go to fall down around him. I sigh to myself as I lean off him, he was ready to get serious and stop being all lovely with each other – I was okay with that for the most part, but I do expect some cuddling later on, at least a little bit.
Harry turns around and grabs my right hand. He begins walking towards the bed, leading me there. He sits down on the edge as he lets my hand go. I go to do the same, but before I could even brush my leg against the cover, Harry grabs my waist and pulls me onto his lap.
I know there will be no fighting against it, this is what he wanted and this is what he’ll get. His large hands move me around so that my legs were wrapped around his waist, he likes it this way and honestly so do I. Harry’s hands stay glued to my waist as his eyes make their way to stare into mine.
“Now tell me.’’ He whispers, a seriously and stern look on his face. He wasn’t being harsh, he just wants the truth. And the truth he’ll certainly get.  
Sorry For The Short Chapter. I Will Work Hard On The Next One. ~Angie
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