Break On Me

"Maybe it's not about the happy ending.. Maybe it's about the story."

Sometimes it’s hard to accept what is, and it’s hard to go along with something even though you know you could do better.. But how come it’s so easy to slip up? So easy to say the wrong thing, use the wrong words, or even make the wrong moves? Sometimes we just all need to break.. in more ways than just mentally. I want you to know, that no matter what, I will always be here for you.. whether you like it or not, if you want me here or if you want me to live.. If you love me, or if you hate.. You can always break on me baby.

We loose ourselves in the things we love, we find ourselves there too..


21. Chapter 020

My fingers dug into my skin as I tried my best to wipe the tears away, but it was hardly doing any justice for me right now. I didn’t know exactly where I was going, but I do know the name of the resort and I know these people can speak English, or at least I hope they can.
Harry is nothing but an obnoxious child when we get around other people, including friends. He always wants to blame every little flaw in our relationship on me – when it reality it’s him too. I get so sick of hearing him complain to me about ‘my ways’. I figured since he loved me he would show me every now and then, but that’s been lacking more than anything.
Lately I’ve been having feelings that he’s not in love with me, he’s only acting that way. It wouldn’t surprise me really though, I mean look at his past – there was another woman who obviously wasn’t good enough for him. Wait, I know that’s true.. she done him wrong, but it still advances my point some.
My eyes were burning, my eyeliner ruined by the tears and smeared into my eyes. But I didn’t really care anymore, I have no concern of how I was looking or what I was doing – I am upset, nothing I could do about it at all.
As my pace began to slow down, I realized that my feet were aching from all this walking, dodging the people, trying to find my way to some unknown destination. My eyes caught sight of a café on the street corner. I sighed in relief as I begin to get closer to, ready to sit down in one of the chairs outside.

Time ticked by, or maybe it didn’t – I have no idea of anything, I can’t comprehend anything but the fact that I’m torn into shreds. He not only embarrassed me in front of the store full of people, but he told me he didn’t care about us anymore. He basically said that, and that hurt my heart – hurt my already aching soul.
When things like this happen between us, it makes me wonder why. Why is Harry still with me if he doesn’t really love me? Why did I have to obey his every command and become his pathetic little whore? Why do I put up with people making rumors about me, calling me names, and talking to me like I’m nothing in this world? Why did I leave my little town? Why did I allow myself to fall into such a fucked up relationship?
But lately a better question is what if? What if Harry is only using me for sex? What if Harry just wants Katie and not me? What if Harry and I were never truly a thing? What if I left him.. what would he do then? Would he cry? Would he beg me back? Or would he move on.. or drag on?
“Excuse me, miss.” The words shook me from my thoughts.
I look over to see a guy sitting in the chair across from me at the table. He gives me a concerned look, as if he was actually worried about my well-being. Harry always told me do not talk to anyone without him – especially in another country. But yet.. look who’s not here.
“Yes?’’ I ask, sniffling a little as I try to collect myself in front of this kind man.
“Why are you crying?’’ He asks me, for the most part he sounded foreign to me, probably lives in Brazil. Either way though he was very nice for being curious about my current situation.
“Boyfriend, um.. well.. fiance issues.” I correct myself, rolling my eyes as I sigh at the mention of it all.
“Did he leave you alone here?’’ He asks me, eyebrows furrowed as he leans on the table to show me he was actually interesting into listening to me.
“No.. I left the shop we were at.” I reply.
“Did he make you furious?” He asks, his eyes were blue, his skin had a shade to it nothing like mine.
I gulp gently as I begin to tell him, “Yes, very.”
“My apologies, my name is Gabriel. And yours is?’’ He asks me with a smile.
“Emmy.’’ I inform him of this, he nods gently as if he was telling me to continue ranting to him about my issues. I give one last sigh before finally spilling it all, “He just.. he blames me on a lot of things. And he doesn’t.. show me any respect when we’re with our friends.. and.. I feel like he’s only with me because we have a baby.’’
“I as well have a baby, my love with his mother is rocky. Perhaps you need to chat with him, calmly maybe?’’ Gabriel insists with a life of his eyebrows.
“I try talking to him.. but when I do he lashes out. He has.. anger problems, and I know it can get.. bad if I.. pull too many of his strings, you know? So.. I try to keep it to myself.’’ I admit this to him.
“Well, my problem is that the mother does not trust me. I try my hardest to show her and prove that I am willing to raise my son. And maybe he just.. doesn’t know how to show you that he loves you.’’ Gabriel adds in to his suggestions.
“He shows me, just not in the ways I want to be shown. You see, he’s got a lot of money.. but that’s not the reason I love him. Well, he buys me things and takes me places. It’s just.. I want to be shown love another way, like.. I just want to talk to him without having to argue about something. I want us to spend time with our daughter without being interrupted by this work or by another business trip. I just.. I can’t handle this all.” My heart started to beat a little fast, talking my issues always gets me riled up, like I’m about to fall apart even more. My pieces are going to break into even more pieces.

My eyes scanned the crowd, but I didn’t see a damn person that even resembled Emmy. I pull my phone out again, checking the location of her phone as I did early, but it’s so crowded here I don’t know what’s what anymore. My heart jumps in my chest as I see the dot pointing at her on my screen is closer to my location than I thought before.
Carly really put some sense in my back there, Emmy and I are having rough times and perhaps we just need to work things out, I need to speak to her like I love her, not like I hate her.
I come upon a café where her dot hovers over. I nearly lose my shit as I see her hair, her back to me. I just know it’s her, I can’t mistake anyone else for her. But before I charge over there, I stop myself in my tracks and realize she’s talking to someone.
My stomach twists into a knot as I worry about her safety, but instead of running over and saving the day.. I easily make my way past the people blocking me from getting to her. I stand a few feet away, turning my back just in case she sensed someone was looking at her. I block everything out, as I have learned to do in the past, and listen to her voice and that conversation she’s involved in right now.
“I figure that he might have some problems telling you things, he might believe that he needs to keep some things to himself.” The guy, whoever he might be, tells Emmy. I quickly assume, and just know, they are talking about me.
“I don’t know.. I mean, like, I know I hide things from him.. but he never asks about me. If he would ask I would tell him.. I believe that has a lot to do with our problems. I just wish he would ask me every now and then.” She replies to him, that beautiful voice I love so much putting shame on me.
But I highly deserve it all.
“For a man, it can sometimes be hard to understand what you’re going through, and we might not really know how to address you about it. But if you just ask him what’s on his mine, he will most likely ask you the same. No offense to you at all, miss, but women are hard to understand.” He informs her.
I gulp gently, listening as he basically tells her the truth.
“I guess you’re right.. It’s hard to understand things you’ve never truly experienced.” Emmy agrees with his fact.
“A woman holds so much emotion, so many thoughts inside of her body. And stress sets in, along with worry and anxiety. I can tell you suffer from anxiety, possible depression, don’t you?’’ He asks her.
“Yeah, really bad.’’ She replies.
I bite the inside of my cheek, keeping myself from blurting out loud the three words I know she loves to hear. I need to contain myself as I listen in.
“But a good conversation with him will help you, it will ease you. If you suspect cheating.. or other issues, just go on and straightly address it. I’ve been down this road and I know it’s hard, especially when we cannot relate to your emotions. There’s a lot of things involved in a relationship, and trust and love are the most important.” The man tells her of this.
My ears pick up on the sound of her sighing to herself, something she does a lot – too much I believe.
“I can tell you have love in your heart for this man, and for your child, just from our conversation with each other. So don’t let yourself believe it’s not there.”
“But.. I.. feel like he.. just doesn’t love me anymore.’’ Emmy simply states.
The words created a sudden spark in my body, I couldn’t stand here and listen to her talk about our relationship like there was nothing left – I could bare to hear her say that I don’t love her.
“I do love you. I will always love you.’’ I blurt out, finding myself facing her back as I take in what I just did.
Her eyes stare hard into mine as she stands in turns to look in my direction. Those beautiful lips part as she takes a step closer to me, but I didn’t move, I couldn’t find the energy to move my body towards her.
“How long.. have you been there?’’ She asks me curiously.
In my head I replied to her, but not out loud. My heart raced fast as my eyes stay glued on the only girl I ever have, and ever will love in my entire life. She doubts my love for her, she doubts us completely. Why must I explain myself to her, my reasoning for my so called behavior lately? Why must I tell her a thing? It seems as if she’s the one that needs to be explaining why she thinks I don’t love her?

I won’t lie. I’m beginning to believe she doesn’t deserve my love anymore. I don’t need to prove to her that I love her. She needs to prove to me.. that she loves me.



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