Show Me Your Soul

What happens if life throws you off track? What if someone asks you to trust him, even though you know nothing about him? Would you trust him?
Cecily Martesse is a normal student in her second year at college. Just when the next normal semester starts, she meets Ace - a handsome boy that throws her life upside down. Compelled by his words, his voice, his behavior, she finds herself getting dragged into a world full of secrets, unfaithfulness and deceit.
Just when she hears some devastating news about her brother, she has to face things she never knew she could endure.
A story about love, trust and friendship. Rated Mature for adult language and hot love scenes.

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12. True Feelings

 

 

CECILY

 

I didn’t know how I got to the subway station. I didn’t even know what I had replied after Victoria had dropped the bomb about being engaged to Ace.

I just remember excusing myself and then rushing to the door. Ace had shouted my name, but I ignored it.

I don’t want to go home. I ran to the bus station so that he won’t follow me. And I didn’t care that some people were looking at me as I arrived exhausted at the station, hot tears escaping the corners of my eyes. When did I even start crying? I wiped away my tears, telling myself that I should get a grip over and over again. Yet the look on her face kept haunting me for the entire ride to her place.

I need to tell her everything. She must be at home by now, so I’ll just go there.

As my heart calmed down, I got inside the bus that brings me straight to Alex’s.

 

***

ACE

 

“Cec!”, I shouted but she was already on her way out. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Victoria just laughed and turned her gaze to me. “Oh, just let her go. There’s so much we have to catch up, Ace”

“What the fuck are you doing here, Victoria?”, I repeated. “Did Thomas send you?”

“No, of course not. I haven’t seen him since you’ve left Chicago. I have come to bring you to your senses. Your little stay in Los Angeles has lasted too long. You need to come back to your family, to your friends, your life”, she said and looked at me with those deep blue eyes that used to be so pretty but now they’re just hollow.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I started to make my way past her, but then she said, “That’s what I thought therefore I’m staying for a while in L.A. Oh, and I’m going to make an appointment. My teeth need an inspection. That one dent is hurting me for a while…” She smiled innocently and I had to remind myself that Victoria is female so that I wouldn’t smack that smile from her face.

“Victoria, you’re taxing my fucking patience”, I barked.

“You’re still swearing that much!” She must have noticed my glare since her eyes flickered and she stopped smiling.

“I won’t treat you, you’re just wasting your time. And I thought I had made myself perfectly clear when I had said I never wanted to see you again.”

She is no position to scold me about anything. No one is. “Who said I want a treatment from you. That girl Cecily seems interesting. Maybe she can tell me something about your new self”

Closing the space between us, I tried to be as calm as possible. “You are not going to talk to her – ever. Leave her out of this, Victoria” My blood was boiling, this fucking day is just unbelievable and I cannot lose my calm now.

She arched her eyebrow and placed her hand on my chest. “Why? Is she so important to you?”

Squeezing her fingers, I removed them away from me. “That’s none of your business” I feel like I’ve said that phrase those past weeks more often than in my entire life.

She just smiled, heading to the door. “I see. Well, I’m staying at the Beverly Wilshire. I would really like you to visit me there. We could talk about… everything”

My head started to throb. Running my hand through my hair, I felt the universe laugh at me. This can’t be true. This has to be a bad joke.

She left the entrance door, walking to her limousine. Leave it to Victoria to always make a pompous performance in a limousine.

I was motionless for a while until a few students walked past me.

Without realizing what I was doing, I headed to the subway station. Maybe I’ll find Cec there. No, she already left.

 

***

CECILY

 

I arrived at Alex’ and rang twice before she opened the door wide-eyed. “Cecily, hey. What’s going on?”

“I-I-…”, I couldn’t say anything else because I already started to cry. She hugged me tightly and asked what’s going on as we went to her room.

“He’s engaged”, I finally said. “Ace is engaged!”

It was like my heart was tearing apart. Every memory of his touch – as lightly or casual it was – crossed my mind and burned my skin. I visualized his chuckle when he laughs at my clumsiness, his voice echoed through my ears when he calls me “Cec” and “you baby”, his bright smile that could illuminate a million Watt lamp and his eyes that always scan me, were piercing through my mind. Alex still hugged me tightly and caressed my back, telling me to calm down. How could I have been so endlessly stupid?

When I calmed down, I told Alex what exactly happened. We were quiet for a moment while she kept caressing my back.

It was all a joke for him. I was a joke to him. I was just a stupid, little girl he could have fun with while his fiancée was in Chicago. I may have fallen in love with a cheater! Now I know why he doesn’t want a relationship.

It was getting dark but I still had no desire to go home.

I texted Mom that I’m staying at Alex’s. She lent me her pajamas and made us some sandwiches but I couldn’t take one bite. After begging me to eat at least half of it, I forced myself to appease her.

“Maybe that is just a misunderstanding, Cecy”, she said carefully.

“No, Alex. It was very clear. He is just a cheater. An unfaithful man that left his fiancée clueless in Chicago while he could have fun with some girls here.”

Men are just the same.

“Oh Cecy… if that’s true… well, then you’re lucky nothing happened between the two of you.” She smiled warmly.

Yes, nothing happened. He just acted as my boyfriend at that party to scare off that drunken guy. He just slept next to me in San Diego because… I jumped next to him. He just danced with me because he wanted to. He just helped me with my back because… well, maybe he had compassion at that moment. And the flirts… maybe those weren’t flirts, that’s just his way of talking to girls and I misunderstood everything.

 

We woke early since Alex had a tutorial and I couldn’t afford to skip the first lecture of pharmacology.

She drove me to the clinic, hugging me tightly before she headed to her tutorial.

I arrived at the lecture hall and found Cassy and Ruby. As I sat next to them, I tried to greet them as usual. Happy and untroubled.

Yet I was taciturn the whole time, trying my best not to show any trace.

For God’s sake, when Noah had been in jail I had hidden my feelings way better, so why can’t I be as cheerful as usual now?!

We hurried from one lecture to another until it was lunch time.

As we entered the cafeteria, I spotted Josh, Eric and Ace sitting together at a table. “We should eat at the table there.” I pointed at a table across the hall. They exchanged surprised glances but didn’t ask any questions.

Cassy kept talking about her upcoming date with Michael and how things are going with them right now. I was happy for her – or at least I tried to pretend.

As I took a couple of bites of my meal, I looked up just to see Ace looking at me from across the room. I was mesmerized by his intense stare; to the point that I dropped some ketchup on my white coat. Great… I swallowed the last piece in two bites and told the girls that I needed to change my lab coat, so I hurried to the entrance door and made my way to the basement.

It was a very creepy and dark place, but we needed to put our dirty clothes at the end of the day in the machine to get some new, fresh ones back.

After walking the deserted hallway along, I turned right to the little room where the machine was. Taking off my coat, I put it on a little table to remove my name badge, pencils, masks and other things I had stuffed into my pockets.

“Are you going to run away from me forever?”

I nearly jumped at the ceiling with shock as I saw Ace standing behind me.

He was looking tired, his jaw clenched and eyes unreadable as usual.

“I have nothing to say to you” I turned around and placed my lab coat into the machine, shoving my card in it. After a second, a new, clean one appeared.

“But I do”, he said and came closer until I could feel his warmth against my back.

I turned around and focused on his chest, unable to look him in the eyes.

“No, you and your fiancée are none of my concern” I tried to walk past him but he just blocked my way with his arm against the wall.

“Ex-fiancée”

“Whatever-fiancée! Do you think I believe you? I don’t give a damn thing about you two, now move away!”

Of course, he didn’t move a bit. His eyes narrowed dangerously. “Don’t prejudge before knowing the whole story. You have no idea–”

“Shut up, Ace! I’m not prejudging, I’m just seeing the facts. A girl appears and claims she’s your fiancée while you’re being busy flirting and have fun with other girls at parties! When I asked you in the elevator if you had a girlfriend you didn’t say ‘No, Cec. I don’t have one, but hey, there’s this girl I kind of wanted to marry’.”

Now his cheeks were getting dark.

“I don’t tell people I barely know about my past so lightheartedly, Cec. And I’m not lying, I have no feelings for her”

“Whatever. You’re a hypocrite and maybe even a cheater. And the worst part is that you nearly made me make the stupidest mistake in my life”

He took a step back and gave me an aghast look.

“Is that what you think of me?”

“Yes. And I’m glad that I realized that. I could never be together yet love someone who’s as disingenuous as you, Ace and I don’t want anything to do with you!”

His eyes were full of loathing. “Then I wish you and Aro the best. I hope he is not as disingenuous as me”

“Aro might be an idiot sometimes, but he never, never hid something about himself, his family or his past from me. He answered every question I had ever asked him and is very honest.” I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to let him feel the same pain as me. But every word didn’t feel enough. Even though it was true what I had said about Aro, but that didn’t matter. I would have lied if Aro hadn’t been as I described him but telling the true version made it a lot easier – and more convincing.

He was quiet for a second just leaning forward. Coming closer, his lips were just inches away from my ear.

“Then I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time, Cecily”

With that, he turned around and left me in the little room, my feet feeling so weak as if my upper body was weighing as much as this whole building.

I was standing there with my lab coat clenched around my arms for a couple of moments. With every passing second; I felt like the air in this room was vanishing.

I need to go outside; I need some air. It felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore: my throat was tightening and every inhalation didn’t seem to be enough to fill my lungs with oxygen. I rushed along the hallway, running upstairs I ended panting.

Breathing the fresh air and the bloomy scent coming from the little garden across the street, I had a sudden feeling of nausea. As if someone was squeezing my stomach with a firm grip that was squeezing not only my entrails but also something deeper in me. I headed to the bushes and threw up my entire lunch. A couple students noticed me coughing and spitting, asking if I was okay.

No, nothing’s okay with me.

But I just nodded and told them I had eaten something funny.

They left me alone and I headed to the girl’s bathroom to wash my mouth and face.

Ruby was already waiting for me in the treatment room and asked if I was feeling okay. I assured her everything was fine and we started preparing the tray for our next patient.

I honestly have no idea how I had the energy and nerves for treating the patient. I’ve never felt so absent-minded in my life before.

He was just like quicksand. And I was stuck. The more I had tried to get out, the more and quicker I had sunken deeper.

And I have no idea to get out.

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