Show Me Your Soul

What happens if life throws you off track? What if someone asks you to trust him, even though you know nothing about him? Would you trust him?
Cecily Martesse is a normal student in her second year at college. Just when the next normal semester starts, she meets Ace - a handsome boy that throws her life upside down. Compelled by his words, his voice, his behavior, she finds herself getting dragged into a world full of secrets, unfaithfulness and deceit.
Just when she hears some devastating news about her brother, she has to face things she never knew she could endure.
A story about love, trust and friendship. Rated Mature for adult language and hot love scenes.

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17. Not Enough

 

 

CECILY

 

I was speechless. Literally speechless. What could I possibly say that didn’t sound cliché or typical Cecily-interrogation-like?

He stopped talking and slipped his hand in my hair, playing with a strand around his finger. Normally, I didn’t like his fingers in my hair, but I guessed this gesture was appeasing for him, so I let it pass.

His whole past was so sad but still, it didn’t make me regret that I listened. He had been in pain, he still was – even if his pride would never allow him to admit it.

“You said you repaired cars with your Dad…”, I said meekly. “So, he wasn’t always… um…”

“An asshole? No, he wasn’t. He was actually a… nice man before he started to drink again. Sometimes, when he was in a good mood, he took me with him to his office and grabbed a bite afterwards. I started watching him repair cars when I was ten, and I helped him when he was sober. The rest, I kind of learned on my own. I read about cars and computers in magazines.” My eyebrows rose and he shrugged.

“I like teaching myself things rather than someone showing me how it’s done. Where’s the fun if you don’t try to figure it out on your own?” The corner of his lips curled up.

I nodded while my mind was still replaying the words Ace had said about his past.

“Your mother didn’t hate you”, I heard myself saying. I looked up at him and saw his eyes widen for a moment, something glinting in his icy color. “She didn’t. She couldn’t. You were her son. And in pain. I’m sure she understood that you had a hard time, too. I think it’s difficult to accept the fate of someone who’s sick. Sometimes, we express our pain in other ways.”

“And sometimes… we rebel”, I added.

His face was expressionless.

“How… was it with your Dad’s affair?”, he asked carefully.

I swallowed. I still couldn’t believe I’d told him that.

I could say it was none of his business like he’d done so many times.

But… somehow, I wanted to talk about it. I couldn’t speak about it to anyone but Mom. “If you don’t want to–”

“No, it’s okay.” I inhaled deeply. “I wasn’t much different toward my mother. But I was cold to my father. I tried not to hate him for a long time, but there was always this anger deep down inside me that he almost left us. That he betrayed her. Even though she was the love of his life. It was as if the most fundamental thing in my life didn’t make sense anymore. How could a person cause so much pain to another person that loved him more than her own life?”

I looked at him as if he had the answer to that question. But his eyes were just as sad as my voice when I talked about Mom and Dad.

His gaze locked with mine, but it was as if he was seeing past me.

“How could you bring yourself to forgive him?”

I contemplated for a moment, but then the words came automatically.

“He is my father. I loved him and I still do. He was the one who taught me how to ride a bike, who played with me hide and seek, who drove me to the hospital in the middle of the night when I had broken my leg. He was not a bad father and not a bad husband. We are all people who make sometimes mistakes. He deeply regretted his actions and that he made my mother suffer. And she believed and forgave him.” I paused and added carefully, “Didn’t… didn’t you have some nice moments with your brother, too?”

He looked at his hand where my hair was entangled between his fingers and seemed lost in his thoughts. He let out a snort before he closed his eyes.

“My family’s complicated.”

Cryptic. But I let it pass.

I looked at my watch and saw with a shock that it was almost 3 a.m.

“Oh my gosh, we need to sleep! We’re going to look like zombies tomorrow!” I rubbed my fingers against my eyes, ready to get up and sleep… on the couch? Well, if he were a gentleman, he would do that. But it was Ace we were talking about, he would never offer that.

 “Where do you think you’re going?” He wrapped his arms around my waist, stopping me.

“Um, well, either I sleep on the couch or you.”

He arched an eyebrow, shaking his head. “No one is going to sleep on the couch. There’s enough space for both of us here.”

I frowned but looking at his innocent face when he slid to the other end of the bed made me crave in. Fake-innocence, though.

“At least you won’t have a hangover tomorrow.” He yawned.

I arched an eyebrow. “Do you expect me to feel sympathy for your stupid behavior? That’s kind of your own fault”, I accused while throwing a pillow at him. He caught it and threw it back at me.

“Did you just throw a pillow at my face?” I flung it back at him.

A grin appeared on his face when he tossed it on the floor and lifted his body over me.

Oh my… my heart beat kicked up immediately. With nothing but his boxers on, he was a wee bit too close to me.

I tried to ignore him, his pecs, his abs… his everything.

A mischievous sparkle appeared on his face and before I realized where his hands were, he started tickling me. “No, Ace… please stop… You…You know I-I’m ticklish!”

I giggled and my legs clenched. I vainly tried to stop him, but he was ruthless. When my blouse rode up, he stopped and examined my uncovered belly.

I looked down and noticed that there were already rosy impressions all over my skin.

“My t-shirt is still available.”

When his fingertips barely touched my skin, I rolled out of the bed. Sighing, I grabbed his t-shirt from the floor.

“Turn the lights off and don’t peek.” You perv, I added silently.

As if I had said the opposite, Ace smirked and propped his head up on his elbow.

I pulled myself together and placed my hands on my hips. Seconds stretched to forever, but I was determined. Stubborn was my middle name.

“Fine”, he groaned and turned around to switch off the light.

When my eyes adjusted to the street lights shining through the huge windows, I turned around and slipped out of my clothes. He had been right; his t-shirt was like a short dress for me. It was so soft. Maybe he just bought it recently.

“Well that was disappointing. I was hoping you’d take off your bra.”

I nearly jumped.

Shamelessly, Ace was back into his former position, the smirk even in the dimness visible to me.

What’s the big deal? He’d probably seen countless girls naked.

My throat hurt like I’d just swallowed acid. Okay, so he had had sex with… ten girls? Twenty?

Urgh. It didn’t matter. There was no him and I. No us. And definitively no sex with Ace. Like ever.

I crossed my arms. “I told you not to look.”

“You took too long, so I got bored.” His gaze dropped to my legs, traveling up until he stopped at the places that interested him the most.

“My shirt suits you.”

Having no witty response in my head, I quickly slipped under the blanket and lied as far away as possible.

He arched his eyebrow. “Isn’t it too hot under the blanket?”

I shook my head, pulling it even higher to my chin. Okay, he was right, it was starting to get hot but I’d endure it.

He ran his tongue over his lower lip and tapped his long index finger against his chin, “Okay… huh… where were we? Oh, right.”

I didn’t see his hands making their way to me, but it was too late for me to notice. I cried out once he tickled me again.

“S-Stop… stop it, Ace!”, I said breathlessly between my laughs.

“I’ll stop if you tell me where you’re not ticklish”, he teased.

What? I tried to move away from him, but I was already on the edge of the bed. He grabbed my leg with his one hand and with his other on my waist and spun me around so I was straddling him. He sat up, but his arms didn’t loosen.

“Tell me or I continue. I’ll search every inch of your skin until I find it.”

“Okay, okay!”, I sighed in defeat. “My feet.”

One dark eyebrow raised. “Your feet? That’s usually where most people are ticklish.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not like most people.” I tried to disentangle myself from his grip, but his arms were like iron.

“Yes, you’re not”, he mumbled.

Annoyed that I was not getting away from his grip, I moaned. “Ace, let go of me.”

He frowned and cocked his head to his side.  

“What’s wrong?”, he demanded surprisingly gentle.

“What is this, Ace?”, I confessed, gesturing my hand between us. “I mean, what are we doing here?”

There was silence for a while before he parted his lips to say, “Really? You need a definition?”

Again, silence. He let out a deep sigh. “Cec, we’re having a good time together. Why do you need to define it?”

“Because”, I countered, my voice rising, “I’m not like one of those hundred sluts you had each weekend at your place.” Heat filled my cheeks, but thankfully he couldn’t see that. At least I hoped that.

“You know what, forget it. I’m just tired. We should get some sleep.” I got up from his lap and thankfully, he didn’t try to keep me there. Turning my back to him, I grabbed the blanket and pulled it to my waist.

The silence was killing me. All I could hear was my breathings.

“I never said I had sex with one hundred women.”

Closing my eyes, I focused on falling asleep. Kind of useless with my heart basically slamming against my rib cage.

“You shouldn’t be jealous”, he continued.

“I’m not”, I snapped back. I was not jealous. Hell, no.

“Whatever. Believe me, your innocence is a good thing.”

I snorted. “Didn’t realize we were back in the Middle Ages.”

There was a soft gasp, maybe a suppressed chuckle; I wasn’t sure.

“Hey, if you badly want to lose your virginity, I’d gladly offer you my–”

“Good night, Ace!”

I closed my eyes and shut in the initial anger within me. And this was exactly why I would never, never ever sleep with him. Or any guy that was like him.

True, Ace could be nice. He could be funny. And, God how I hated to admit it, but I could have fun with him. Sometimes.

But he was not serious.

Dudes stayed dudes.

My head was getting airier and weariness settled in me. I thought he was already asleep, but then his voice turned into a soft whisper. “I missed you those last few days.”

Okay, now my eyes were wide open.

Part of me wanted to give in to that feeling, but I couldn’t be weak. I knew better.

“That’s not enough, Ace.”

I heard him exhale deeply but remained quiet. Which was good. I didn’t want my mind to getting more confused than it already was.

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