Show Me Your Soul

What happens if life throws you off track? What if someone asks you to trust him, even though you know nothing about him? Would you trust him?
Cecily Martesse is a normal student in her second year at college. Just when the next normal semester starts, she meets Ace - a handsome boy that throws her life upside down. Compelled by his words, his voice, his behavior, she finds herself getting dragged into a world full of secrets, unfaithfulness and deceit.
Just when she hears some devastating news about her brother, she has to face things she never knew she could endure.
A story about love, trust and friendship. Rated Mature for adult language and hot love scenes.

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10. Decisions

 

CECILY

 

I watched Ace leaving our driveway and closed the door. Mom was already grinning widely and waiting at the hallway.

“Before you say something: no, he is not my boyfriend, and no there is nothing going on between us”, I said as I passed her and headed to the staircase.

She followed me upstairs, whispering, “Are you sure? He seems really nice and very handsome!”

I rolled my eyes. I laid on my bed, stretching my limbs while Mom was caressing my hair. She asked me how the evening was and I told her about the breathtaking ballroom, the lights, the food and the music. I just left out the incident with Marc and my back.

She listened until I got too tired to talk anymore and kissed me goodnight. I didn’t even brush my teeth – I’m a real exemplary dentist – but I was too tired. I fell asleep the moment my eyes adjusted to the darkness in my room, my mind recapping one last time what happened before I jumped into a dreamless sleep.

 

The next day, I called Alex, Ruby and Cassy and asked them if they wanted to meet. Cassy was already having plans with someone else; she sounded very cryptic on the phone. Huh, I wonder what she’s up to again. But Ruby and Alex were available, so we met at Chipotle’s. I honestly wanted to invite Anna, too, but I feared she might be mad at me for dancing with Ace and I didn’t want to risk another drama-bitch-fight over something I couldn’t even explain.

“So Alex, how was it in Korea?”, Ruby asked bright-eyed as we waited for our food.

Alex told her about the university there, the people and the culture. She showed her the beautiful places she had gone to and even the traditional clothes she had worn sometimes!

As the waitress came with our food, I nearly drooled over the table. Man, Mexican food smells too good!

After a while, I asked Ruby about Cassy. “Ruby, do you know what kind of plans Cassy has today? She sounded so secretive on the phone.”

Ruby swallowed her bite, chuckling at my question, “She has a date with the guy she danced with on the exam ball.”

“What?!”, I nearly shouted. “Okay, thank you for telling me that sooner! When did that happen?”

“Well, after you went home with Ace, she got a little tipsy and started to dance with a guy that was looking at her the whole evening. He was sitting at our table and seemed really nice. He’s the brother of a girl that was in the exam semester and studies law. You know Cassy, so they flirted and at the end he gave her his number.”

“Well, well. That’s good, then she’ll be occupied and leave me alone.”

Ruby grinned widely. “Oh, Cecy, I’m not so sure about that. When you and Ace were gone, she pictured some pretty – uh – hot scenarios between you two.”

I looked at her flabbergasted. “She did what?

Alex giggled. “Oh, I so need to meet this Ace! And Paul Kim! Dammit, Cecily, when are you going to introduce me to him?!”

“Alex, first of all, I just heard that there were speculations about me and a guy that totally pisses me off. And second, how do you imagine this is going to happen? Should I just go to him and say ‘Hey Paul, how are you? Um, do you have some plans this weekend because I have a friend who’s totally into you. Okay, bye!’? I mean, I barely know him, I’ve exchanged some words with him and he lent me once his AUX cord. That’s all.”

Alex gave me her typical reindeer-look that could melt anyone’s heart. “I know… but just figure something out…” Oh boy… and how am I going to do that?

“Alex, you need to come to the clinic. We’ll make an appointment next week and then you can flirt with him as much as you want. Oh, talk to Taeri in Korean while he’s around. He’ll notice that and comes to you!” That was actually not a bad idea. But I have no idea how to get the three of them in one room. Huh… there’s also Timothy who speaks Korean. How many Korean students do we have by the way?!

Alex nodded; maybe she will come next week for an appointment. I focused back on Cassy’s shocking theory.

“Okay Ruby, and what did she say?”

“Oh, nothing special. Just that you two are probably making out in his car and that she should have given you a condom – just in case.”

Okay, now I choked on my coke. After coughing so loud that some people at the table across the room started looking at me, I calmed down and wiped away the tears. “What the fuck?! Is she out of her mind?!”

Alex chuckled and Ruby smirked. “Relax, she didn’t mean it seriously… I think.”

Uhh, well I don’t think so. The only thought of Ace kissing me was already… NO! Uh-uh, I won’t let those images cross my mind.

Oh no! I had totally forgotten –

“Um, and what did Anna say?”, I asked as casual as possible. Crap! If Cassy said all those things in front of her, then she must have felt awful – and heart-broken. Double crap!

“Nothing. She was quiet as usual. Huh… a bit too quiet. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well.” Yeah, I can imagine why…

“Okay guys, there is something I need to tell you. But you have to swear that you won’t tell Anna!”

They looked wide-eyed and nodded. I need to tell them about Anna’s feelings or they’re going to keep teasing me with Ace in front of her and that will only hurt her unnecessarily.

“Anna told me that she’s kind of in love with Ace a couple days ago. She didn’t want anyone to know, but she told me because she wanted to be sure if I had any feelings for him or not. I assured her that I don’t feel anything romantic toward him and she asked me to keep a little bit distance between him and me.”

They were both quiet for a while and quickly exchanged some glances. As they still didn’t say anything, I added “And therefore it’ll hurt Anna if you guys make jokes about me and Ace. I already regretted dancing with him the moment I saw her sad face at the table. But I was so taken by the music that I shut down my brain…”

Ruby cleared her throat. “Well that explains why she made those comments in San Diego.”

Yeah, now I felt even more guilty.

“And does Ace know about that? Or rather, did she tell him about her feelings?”, Alex asked.

I shook my head. And if I were a good friend, you wouldn’t know about that, too.

“Okay, I’ll tell Cassy and we won’t make jokes anymore. But don’t you think that’s a bit odd that she asked you to stay away from him?”

“… well, she feels threatened by me – for whatever reason, so she’s just being protective, I think?”

Ruby crossed her leg and put her index finger on her cheek, looking as thoughtful and professor-like as Philipps. After a while, she looked up and her big round eyes were suddenly very sad. “Cecily, I hate to tell you that, but if you promised to stay away from Ace, then you aren’t very good at keeping it.” Ouch. That felt like a slap, but I already knew it.

“I know… but it’s not something I do intendedly.”

“Yes, but I think he’s interested in you and she noticed that, too. And if you have no feelings for him then you should tell him so. Otherwise he keeps looking out for you and maybe hoping for something that you don’t want.”

I took a deep breath and considered what Ruby just said. Well, I still don’t believe that he’s interested in me, therefore I don’t see why Anna should be troubled or feeling threatened. But I respect her opinion therefore I had promised.

“And how do I make myself clear that he should stay away from me?”, I said surprisingly meek. “I have insulted him every time we had talked and fought with him most the time.”

“Maybe you should tell him that you already have someone”, Alex suggested. I turned my wide-open eyes to her, but she just shrugged her shoulders. “In general, that is what guys – uh ‘turn off’. When she’s kind of… taken.”

I blinked at her several times. “And how do you think this is going to happen? Should I just stand in the foyer at the clinic and scream ‘hey, does anyone want to be my fake boyfriend for a while’? Maybe I ask Paul Kim, perhaps he’ll say yes.”

“Hey! Don’t you dare!” Alex laughed. “You don’t have to get a boyfriend, Cecily. Just tell him that you already in love with someone else, that’s it.”

Yeah, that sounds so simple coming from her mouth, but I know the moment he X-rays me with his eyes I will stutter and he will instantly know that I’m lying.

I sighed. “Okay, I’ll try. What do you think, Ruby?”

She finished her meal and took a sip of her soda. “This could work…” She started chewing her lower lip. Oh no, something’s bugging her.

“But?”

“But I’m not comfortable with eventually hurting a person. I don’t know how much he cares for you, so I don’t know how he’ll react.”

“Oh Ruby, you’re way too compassionate. Believe me – that’ll leave him cold. I can literally see his bored face in front of me and his shrugging shoulders. Maybe he’ll say something mean or teasing.”

Ruby still seemed worried, but at least she stopped chewing her lip. “Either way, after that it’ll be Anna’s turn to be honest with him. She can’t hide her feelings forever otherwise he’ll fall in love with someone else and it’ll be too late then.”

Okay, that thought made my stomach twitch again. Dammit, what was wrong with my abdomen?!

We finished our meals after that and strolled through the shops looking for nothing in particular.

 

When I arrived at home, Mom’s car was already in the driveway. I walked past it and saw the scratch Ace caused back then. The thought of seeing him tomorrow made my stupid stomach twitch again. I guess I’m nervous because now I have to lie convincingly and find a way how to bring up that topic without being too suspicious. Yay. Two things I’m very bad at…

 

Dad came in the evening as planned. He looked tired and exhausted. Apparently, the visit at Noah’s didn’t go well – as we feared:

Noah was indebted more than he admitted and all job interviews were negative. The employers did some researches about his financial status and consequently found out that he was in jail for not paying taxes.

“So, what does that mean, Mathieu?”, Mom asked worriedly at dinner.

Dad sighed deeply and continued, “It means, he can’t find any job at an IT agency because they all do some researches. I asked him if it was true, if he really did some illegal businesses with this guy, because I still couldn’t believe that he would do something this stupid and without consulting us.”

The look on his face was enough to assume that it was true.

“But what kind of business was that, Papa?”, I asked.

“They gathered some money – even from private investors – and speculated on the stock exchange the value of it. He said he trusted that guy completely, but he didn’t tell him that they were making losings. He promised him to earn the double if they invested then more and more and Noah fell for it. He didn’t tell him or the others that were working with them about it, took the money that was left and ran away. The finance office couldn’t catch the big fish, so they brought down the others that were working for him.”

Oh Lord, that sounded pretty bad…

“But I thought those speculations on the stock aren’t illegal. Many people do that nowadays.” All those brokers at the Wall Street do that every day and nobody presses charges against them!

“Yes, technically it’s not illegal. But he lied to private investors and squandered their money thoughtlessly. And we are talking about thousands of Dollars. In addition to the money he owes the state.”

He put his head in his hands and we all stopped eating. Not that we had much appetite anyway. Mom and Dad were so desperate and I had no idea how we are going to get out of this mess.

“And he doesn’t want to come back to L.A. and start looking for a job near to us?”, Mom asked carefully.

“No. He’s as stubborn as usual. He’s too attached to New York and believes that there are the best job offers in the informatic department, therefore we had an argue the whole day, but he just didn’t want to be reasonable.”

Stupid, stupid idiot!

“But at least he has contacted a job placement officer that helps him find the right thing for him. Maybe even beyond his task field. I’ve met him and he says that he has many experiences with those cases and he’s convinced that there will be a positive response soon In my opinion, he just wanted us to pay him further, but Noah believes in his knowledge.”

After dinner, Marlene went upstairs to go to sleep. I stayed for a while with Mom and Dad in the living room and we continued talking about Noah. Dad told us that even Stefan tried to talk to him yesterday on the phone and wanted to come to New York, too. But Dad didn’t want him to bother coming all the way from Santa Maria to New York. Maybe I should also talk to him, too… but I know I’ll just start yelling and shouting on the phone.

When I got up to go to sleep, too, I heard Dad sigh another time from the hallway. I cocked my ears and heard him talking with such a sad voice that it almost broke my heart. “Peut-être on doit vendre la maison.” I felt my heart racing and suddenly my spittle was gone. What? Selling the house?

“We start giving the finance office and the investors their money each month. I am so sorry Julie, but I think I’ll have to go on business trips more often to earn more money.”

“Chéri, I understand. I have started giving private lessons to students. That could help a little.”

I swallowed but my throat still felt parched. I went upstairs and laid on my bed for a while, but my eyes were wide open and my thoughts swirling.

There is in fact only one thing that could bring Noah to reason. Someone needs to beat the shit out of him, because talking is obviously not working.

 

 

~ § ~

 

 

 

The next day, Dad went to his office although it was Sunday yet he had some work to do and wanted to finish it this week in any case. Marlene was invited to a birthday party, so I was alone at home since Mom gave some private courses. I honestly didn’t know what to do with my free time… normally I would jog alone the beach, but with my that bruise on my back, that was not an option. Yet thanks to the ointment, my bruise was not hurting when I lean back against something. And thanks to Ace. Uhh… no! True, he helped me, but I dismissed the thought about him immediately.

 

I tried to call Noah several times, but he didn’t pick up or the voicemail started immediately. After a couple times, I gave up and wrote him a message that he should call me when he sees it.

Before Mom rushed to the front door, I asked her if she could come home earlier to drive the car to the repair shop. Okay, that was chicken-livered, but I so didn’t want to face him… especially after our last encounter in my bedroom, with me nearly topless…

“But chérie, you know that I have to work today until past five!”

I felt ashamed. They were doing their best for Noah although he drives them crazy and I’m here whining that I don’t want to see a guy. At least the reparation is cost-free…

Just the thought of Noah’s stupid mistakes made me boil with rage!

Nodding, I dropped the topic and watched her leave.

Roaming upstairs, I decided to go paint something. I put on a white t-shirt, a jeans overall over it, heading straight to our garage. As I opened the door, the familiar scent of my paint tin and the blank and colored stretcher frames tickled my nose. For a moment, I felt completely relaxed and already in my element.

I took out my utensils, colors and frames and sat on our terrace, the view to our garden. The weather was perfect as usual. Cold, but perfect. A blue sky with no cloud up above. I heard the waves splash on the beach and even a sea gull crying in the distance.

I opened my eyes and moistened my pencil with a steel blue and started to paint the ocean in the middle. Normally, I don’t paint anything surrealistic, but today I felt like doing so. The sea gull kept crying from time to time and with the sound of the ocean it was just inspiring.

I waited until the painting was dry and stretched my limbs meanwhile. My back was aching since I was sitting in a tense position – just like after treating a patient for a couple hours.

As soon as I put the painting in my room, my stomach started to howl. What time is it? It was already noon! How long did I paint? I walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge to find some delicious meatloaf from yesterday!

After eating up, I laid on the couch, feeling as if I’d eaten a whole cow. My eyelids were getting heavier as I watched an old episode of Charmed until I dozed off.

 

I woke as if someone has slapped me on my face. My heart was racing and I instantly straightened up. Why am I being so nervous? I wiped away the drool from the corner of my mouth, looking at the clock. Half past four.

Blinking several times, I looked around just to turn my head to the clock in a hell of a speed.

3.30 p.m.?? Oh my gosh, I have totally forgotten about the car and Ace! I quickly put on my shoes, took my purse and keys, and rushed like a maniac to the car. If our neighbor had seen me, he would have thought I just got out from the inside of a washing machine with my hair in a tousled side plait, a scruffy overall with blotches of color on it and my shriveled face, because I think I’ve used my jacket as a pillow.

Okay, who cares. It’s just Ace…

I arrived half an hour later. Okay not as bad as I had expected. Eddy’s was not at the best neighborhood, but I don’t think it’ll take much time to remove the scratches.

I was surprised to see some people waiting for their cars on a Sunday.

I parked my car in front of the entrance and got out. Okay, now I really felt embarrassed with my eccentric look and those people staring at me. Straightening my head, I went inside. Some guys were changing the brake linings, another boy – maybe fifteen years old – was looking into the engine of the vehicle and tightening some screws. And another one was making some noises with a machine that was a million times louder than a dental drill. I turned around but couldn’t find Ace anywhere. Where the hell was he?

“Hello Miss, how can I help you?”, someone said behind me. I turned around and a man smiled while extending his arm. “I’m Eddy Ferez”, he added with a slight Spanish accent and shook my hand.

“Oh hi. I’m looking for Ace. He said he worked here.”

“Oh, okay. Wait a minute, I’ll go get him.” He quickly walked along the hall and turned left, disappearing into another room. A few seconds later, Ace came out.

He was the same as usual, just in his blue jeans that were smutched with lubricating oil and a black t-shirt, plastered around his body with sweat, the tips of his hair pasted on his forehead and around the back of his neck… he must be really sweating…

I gulped. Now is not the time for a daydream!

“Uh… hey”, I said as he came to me unsmilingly. Oh no, I hope he isn’t mad at me for being this late…

Scanning me with his penetrating look from head to toe, his head tilted to his side. “I see, you were kind of busy?”

I chewed on my bottom lip and looked to my side. “U-huh. I was painting and then…”

“Yes?”

“I kind of fell asleep. Sorry for coming this late”, I mumbled.

I could see his shoulders shaking from the laughter he was trying to suppress. “Why am I not at all surprised?” He grabbed a rag from his pocket and cleaned his hands with it.

“Okay, I just finished with another car, so you can get your car and park it here. It won’t take long, maybe twenty minutes.”

I nodded.

As I started to turn around, he grabbed my arm, placing my chin between his other hand. I stared at his electric blue eyes that where looking so piercingly into my eyes that suddenly, I felt so naked. “Wha–?”

“You have some paint on your cheek.” His voice was calm, almost serious. I felt a trillion shivers running through my body each time he circled his warm thumb over my skin.

I took a step back and released myself from his very confusing and very distracting touch. “Thanks, I got it from here”, I sputtered as I made my way to the car. I got in and looked at myself in the mirror. A light blue line ran across my rosy cheek. How could I have not seen that thing the whole time? My cheek felt warm because of his rubbing thumb, I guess.

Okay, my heart didn’t want to stop beating as if I’d run a sprint. Calm down, Cecily! That was actually a good opportunity to tell him that I’m not interested in him, but I totally panicked… okay next time he touches me or another thing happens, I’ll tell him to back off.

I drove the car to the inside of the shop and got out. He examined the scratch for a while, bringing his utensils and started working silently. I watched from behind his fingers moving with such a swiftness and precision that it made me shiver. Surely, he must be very skilled and rigorous with his patients, too. And also very gentle… okay, I need to get out of here. Just watching his broad back is way too distracting.

I waited outside and looked at my phone. No missed calls and also no messages from Noah. I tossed it back in my purse and started to pace back and forth.

“Hey! Are you Ace’s friend?”, someone asked. I looked up and saw that teenage boy grinning at me.

“Hi. Uh – we go to college together.”

Friends. I wouldn’t call him that. But I don’t know any other accurate definition.

With his tousled brown hair, oil blotches on his cheeks and his lanky appearance, he somehow reminded me of Eric. Surely he must have resembled the boy a bit when he was fifteen.

“I’m Jake, by the way”, he said and shook my hand.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Cecily.”

“Are you sure you’re a dentist student? That doesn’t suit you at all… you look rather like an artist or something like that.”

I laughed. He sure had some self-confidence. “Yeah, I painted at home and didn’t have the time to change.”

He laughed and told me he helps his uncle Eddy at the shop once in a while. “Here, look, I did that all by myself! Okay, my uncle was standing next to me, but he didn’t say anything!”, he said proudly. He showed me the inside of the engine he worked on a couple minutes ago. “My uncle has to examine my work because I’m not a learned mechanic…”

At least it’s assuring that his uncle looks over his nephew’s work.

I looked to the left where Ace was standing entirely focused on his work. He was applying some varnish on the surface, polishing it with a machine afterwards.

When he finished, he wiped his hands clean and turned his gaze to me.

“It needs to dry for twenty minutes.” Mom’s car looked as if there had never been any scratches.

“Wow. That looks good”, I said.

“Of course it does, I did it.” Oh boy… I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I see you’ve met Jake”, he added when the teenage boy came to us, grinning widely.

“Yes. He’s very… interesting.”

“I hear that a lot”, he said still grinning. Oh God, Ace must be a really bad influence to him, he’s as cheeky as him!

Arching his eyebrows, Ace tousled his hair brotherly which made me smile. It’s rare to see a gentle side of him or even a smile on his lips. Usually, he just looks… bored and poker faced.

“Okay guys, I’ll go finish my work”, Jake said. “It was nice to me you, Cecily.”

“Yeah, you too.”

And with that he quickly made his way through the standing cars.

“There’s something I need to give you”, Ace said and ushered me to a room where there were a few lockers, a bench and even a table with some chairs. Going to his locker, he pulled something out of his bag. My notebook! I had totally forgotten about that.

He smirked and handed it out to me. “You should really pay more attention to microbiology instead of drawing. Although it’s pretty good.”

Why did he have to take my microbiology notes?! One of most personal and random things are drawn in it!

I snatched it from his hand in a blink of an eye, wrapping my arms around it.

“That was very private! You shouldn’t have looked at them!”, I shouted. Why is he always sticking his nose in things that are none of his business? Yeah, you do that too, my subconscious told me. I dismissed the thought and kept glaring at him. Ace, however, had no remorse in his eyes – just as expected.  

“Relax, it’s not like I knew it was your drawing-diary or whatsoever.” He shrugged his shoulders, utterly uninterested.

Still, I don’t remember what I had drawn back then, so he could have seen anything in there!

“Whatever. Is my car ready now?” I so want to go home and stay under my blanket for the rest of my life.

He reached out his hand and started playing with the tips of my hair between his fingers, looking absent-mindedly at them.

“Not yet.”

My pulse was racing. He was way too close and his hand in my hair too distracting. I slapped his hand away, walking past him.

“How’s your back, by the way?” I could feel the warmth of his fingers brushing my back.

“Fine!”, I shrieked. I turned around, facing him just so I could remove his hand from there.

“What’s going on with you?” Grabbing my waist, he pulled me closer to him, his breath tickling my ear when he whispered, “Why are you acting coy?”

“Wha–?” My mouth numbed as his nose tickled my neck, his lips tracing my pulsating vein.

I wanted to tell him to back off, to disentangle myself from his hands but my limbs didn’t want to listen to my reason, to my brain.

“No, Ace–”, I gasped. My heart was speeding, my legs trembling at his closeness.

“I know you want me”, he breathed, nipping my skin lightly. His voice is hoarse, his soft lips against my feverish skin making me dizzy.

“No, I–” I don’t want you. I don’t want him. I don’t… I can’t

“You wanted this since you had seen me with Karen at the party.”

The moment he said Karen’s name, my neurons gathered their functions. How dare he claim I would want to be as needy as that skank!

“No, I don’t!”, I said firmer, shoving him successfully away. I was breathing heavily as if I just ran for a while. “Don’t touch me – ever, Ace!”

His gaze turned poker-faced instantly. “Why does it bother you suddenly?”, he asked calmly.

I swallowed. Clearing my throat, I held his gaze and looked straight in his unfathomable eyes. “Because it’s inappropriate since I have feelings for someone else.” I tried to speak as calm and steady as possible although my heart was nearly jumping out of my rib cage.

Snorting, he shook his head. As if the idea I could be interested in someone else was ridiculous. He’s just too arrogant!

“Who?” At least his mouth was a hard line as he asked me that question.

Oh Lord… good question. Eric and Josh would be obviously a lie. Oh God, who else…?

“Aro.” What the fuck?

“What?”, he snapped incredulously. Okay, maybe Aro wasn’t a good lie. Maybe I should’ve said Paul Kim after all…

I bit my lip and shrugged. “He’s funny and really nice once you get to know him.” Yuck, even though it was a lie, my stomach twisted as I said those words.

He laughed humorlessly. His laugh that used to be warm was now just dreadful.

“You’re lying. You can’t be serious with that guy.”

“I’m not lying. And that’s none of your business who I like or not. Believe it or not, but not every girl is into you. There are other guys out there who are–”

“Yes?”

“More suitable for me”, I finished since “better than you” would be too harsh. I can’t insult him. Especially when he just did my Mom a favor with her car. I don’t want to be cruel.

“Oh, and Aro is more suitable for you, really? Even you can’t be that blind or stupid not to see–”

“That is none of your damn business!”, I hissed. My voice sounded way more confident than I felt on the inside. How dare he insult me? He’s just like Aro, worse maybe. Anna deserves better than him but it is her choice to make.

He shrugged his shoulders, his eyes turning ice cold. “Whatever. You’re right, that’s none of my business. I just expected more from you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I won’t ever touch you again. Good luck with Aro, you two deserve each other.” He turned around and made his way to the door. I couldn’t answer anything to his comment. My feet felt like rubber and his words were like face punches.

He opened the door, saying over his shoulder. “You’re car’s ready.”

And with that he left. After a couple of minutes, I walked to my car but he was nowhere in the hall. I got in and started the engine. As I drove through the main entrance, Jake waved me goodbye so I waved back trying to force a smile on my face.

As I made my way home, I felt surprisingly hollow. I parked Mom’s car and went upstairs to my room. Laying on my bed, I looked at my ceiling while my mind was replaying our whole conversation. It was the right thing to do, my subconscious told me. Then why do I feel like I made a big mistake? No, it was the right thing! Maybe if I say it more often, my remorse is going to fade away.

As I closed my eyes, I pictured Anna’s happy face when she’ll hear that he loathes me and thinks poorly of me now and that made me doubt my decision even more…

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