Show Me Your Soul

What happens if life throws you off track? What if someone asks you to trust him, even though you know nothing about him? Would you trust him?
Cecily Martesse is a normal student in her second year at college. Just when the next normal semester starts, she meets Ace - a handsome boy that throws her life upside down. Compelled by his words, his voice, his behavior, she finds herself getting dragged into a world full of secrets, unfaithfulness and deceit.
Just when she hears some devastating news about her brother, she has to face things she never knew she could endure.
A story about love, trust and friendship. Rated Mature for adult language and hot love scenes.


8. Confession




It was my turn driving. I put all my courage together: now’s a good time to finally tell them because I really need to talk about that with someone. And I don’t have to worry that Cassy’s going to bump the car into a tree after dropping the bomb.

“Girls, last night… I slept with Ace–”


The reaction was as I had expected, but a million times more intense. Everyone was screaming and talking at once. Even Anna’s glasses fell from her nose.

They were like hysteric chicken. “Guys, guys, calm down and let me finish talking! We didn’t actually sleep together, but we slept next to each other.”

“Okay...”, Ruby gulped while Cassy seemed to have calmed down. “And how come? I don’t get you two. One minute, you’re fighting and almost hating each other, the next you’re in his arms.” Yeah, she had a point.

“Well, actually it’s Ruby’s fault! Your snore kept me awake, so I went downstairs, but he was already there. Where else could I have gone? Aro and Lucas took a room for them since they wanted to smoke hookah until late night, in the other rooms were Josh and Eric and normally Ace, too, but it was too hot for him upstairs.”

“Yeah, ‘cause he’s already too hot… mamma mia!”, Ruby exclaimed.

I tried to suppress a laugh. “Oh, and he wasn’t a gentleman at all, he didn’t want to sleep on the floor!”

“Uh-huh.” Oh boy, Cassy was all in typical Cassy-mode. “So, what was it like? Did he touch you or you him while being asleep? Did you do other… things? Oh my gosh, Cecily spit it out. We want details!”

Okay, I gave them some details. But I left that part out where I woke up in the middle of the night, his arms tight around me. So, basically I told them that we were lying side by side until I found myself drooling on his chest. Ruby and Cassy were sometimes giggling, but seeing Anna in the rearview looking thoughtful made me frown. Was she angry?

“Cecily, you have to be honest with yourself and him. He doesn’t deserve that, in my opinion”, Anna said severely.

I frowned. What was wrong with her?

“Don’t be so harsh, Anna!”, Ruby looked as perplexed as I felt.

“She needs her time, Anna. Don’t be so bitchy, after everything with Ar–”, Cassy bit her lip. Crap. Anna’s eyes were glowing. “Cecily? Did you have bad experience with someone?”

Thank you, Cassy. I sighed. “Yes, something like that. Last year, I started to hang out with Josh and Eric, and they were friends with Aro. So, we got to know each other. Sometimes we had grabbed a bite after lab courses. But he was an asshole. Apparently, I was fascinated by his looks and that he was paying my meals like a gentleman, so I thought he was maybe interested in me. But he treated me like crap. He was arrogant, self-centered and disrespectful toward me. I was so stupid and blind. And all of that because I read the signs wrong and let my heart fall for a dude that what? That he paid my dinner a couple times, ‘flirted’ with me and helped me sometimes with my patients? I won’t make the same mistakes. So, don’t worry about Ace, Anna. Believe me, he has no feelings for me and me neither. Why are you so interested in him? Do you have feelings for him?”

Looking wide-eyed, she laughed nervously. Bullseye.

“What? No! I just don’t like... look, I understand that you had some bad experiences with Aro, but you shouldn’t play with someone’s heart. Just saying.”

I realized I was clenching the steering wheel hard. I was angry, why was she interfering? Maybe she really has feelings for Ace.

The thought suddenly made my stomach tighten.

“Well, Anna, if you’re worried so much about Ace, then you can go to him and comfort him. Believe me, I’m totally okay with it!” Now I was really upset.

“I don’t want anything from him! Man, Cecily, the fact that you’re so upset only shows your feelings for him.”

“Oh Anna, I can’t hear that anymore. Think what you want to think, but please, just leave me alone.”

“Hey, hey guys, calm down. You two are fighting because of… well I don’t know why exactly you’re bitching at each other like that. Oh yes, probably you’re all hungry! Let’s stop at the next rest stop and grab a bite”

Yeah, well I’m bitching because Anna is interfering in some things that doesn’t regard her and is jumping to false conclusions. But I didn’t want things to escalate, so I shut my mouth.

“Now that you mention it, I’m hungry, too”, Ruby said. That little traitor. They just want to appease the situation. I sighed.

We stopped, ate some sandwiches and stretched our limbs. Ruby switched places with me and I relaxed during the road.

Cassy talked about the exam ball next Friday and the dresses that we need to get, yet we weren’t very talkative.

In fact, I had been quiet during the road and suddenly I felt stupid for getting upset about something that banal. But I’m also not ready to reconcile with her. I know, I’m stubborn, but sometimes she really gets on my nerves – as if she were my older sister or mother! This smart-alec side of hers is exhausting. But something in the back of my head is telling me that she’s hiding something.

I saw the look of her eyes when we talked about Ace. It was almost as if she were jealous.


When we arrived at Los Angeles, Ruby drove Anna home, then Cassy and at the end me. We were alone on the way to my house when Ruby cleared her throat and looked nervously to me.

“What?” Obviously, she wanted to tell me something, but she hesitated.

“Um, Cecily. Don’t get me wrong so I’ll ask just bluntly. What was that fight with Anna about? It is not in your nature to begin a fight over something that futile.”

I bit my lower lip. What can I say? She was right and it was so stupid, but it felt like an anger was running through my veins and the words came out before I even gave a second thought about them.

“I know”, I said meekly. “But she just made me furious when she basically accused me that I’m playing with his heart or being dishonest with him. I mean, come on! Playing with his heart?! What was she thinking attacking me like that?” I tried to steady my voice because just the thought of her comment made my blood boil again. If someone is playing with a heart, then it’s Ace! His moods, the way he can look at me with a hateful glance and then his gentle touch and then his flirts. He’s confusing me to the core.

“Maybe she’s just protective. Or she – uh – is maybe in love with him and got kind of jealous…”

“Yes, I also thought about that. But why is she seeing me as a concurrence? I have no interest in Ace and he is – well he is just being Ace. Arrogant, flirting and joking.”

“But there’s this tension between you two. I’m sure, he feels something for you. Heavens, Cecy, you two slept next to each other and–“

“Absolutely nothing happened! If he were interested in me, then he surely would have made some attempts, but he just laid there – motionless and bored. Isn’t that proof enough that he clearly isn’t attracted to me!?” As I said those words, I realized, that was actually the truth. He really wasn’t interested at all. Okay, we touched and were entangled in the morning, but that happened unconsciously.

I felt a lump rising in my throat, but swallowed it down. There is absolutely no reason to feel sad. He just thinks of me as a little girl and not an appealing woman – who cares?

Ruby was quiet for a minute. She turned left to the driveway of our house. As she switched off the engine, she turned her gaze to me, her face plunged in deep concentration.

“I can’t tell you if you’re wrong or right. You have to trust your instincts and when they’re telling you that you two don’t feel anything romantic for each other, then that’s the way it is. But maybe Anna doesn’t think about it like that. She just sees you two and the chemistry between you – if you like it or not.” She paused and softened her big, dark eyes. “I’m on your side, you know that. But if I were you, I would settle things with Anna. Make it clear to her that you don’t want anything from Ace so that she can move on or make a decision, otherwise it would be a selfish act from your side and I know you’re absolutely not egoistic at all.”


Ruby and I parted after that. I thanked her for driving me and wished her a good night. When I arrived at home, Dad and Marlene were still awake. Marlene was so happy to see me that she jumped right into my arms and we nearly fell both on the ground.

“Shush, don’t be so loud, girls. Your mother is already asleep”, Dad pointed out. He was sitting on the couch with his laptop in front of him. Obviously he had some work to do, he looked very tired.

“Oh, Maman went to bed early. Is everything okay?” Oh no, when Mom goes to bed early it usually means she’s either sick or had a fight with Dad. His concentrated look at the screen and frowned face made it evident: they had a fight.

“Yes, she’s fine. Just a little tired from work and therefore huffish.” Oh Lord. But I was so weary from the trip and the fight with Anna that I decided to not ask any further.

Marlene and I went upstairs and she showed me proudly her English test result she got back on Friday. She was very excited and started babbling about everything she did this weekend. Listening to her stories in my bed until my yawns came nearly every minute, I decided to go to sleep.

As I looked at my phone I thought about calling Anna and apologizing. But it was late and maybe she’s already asleep. Or doesn’t even want to talk to me.

I tossed my phone back on my night stand and turned off the lights. Tomorrow morning I’ll clear things with her and until then I think about what I’m going to say – or rather how I’m going to make myself perfectly clear about Ace.


~ § ~


The next day, I skipped the first three lectures. Although they’re obligatory, I asked Cassy to put my name on the lists since Ruby and I didn’t have any patient today.

Going to the fridge, I gulped some orange juice since I was too lazy to use a glass. And it would be wasteful just for two sips, so actually I’m ecologically sensitive.

After preparing a sandwich, I turned on the TV in the living room. I hate feeling the silence leering from every corner of the house when I’m alone, so I always turn on the radio or TV, sometimes I even open the windows just to hear the neighbors talking or kids playing outside.

I contemplated what I could do the whole day. Reading my books? Or painting? Maybe go for a walk at the beach?

Just when I was about to get dressed, my phone buzzed. It was a message from Cassy; she wants to go shopping for the exam ball today. Oh, the ball… I had totally forgotten about that. Quickly, I typed that she promised to not bug me if I would go with her to that stupid party – which I had done.

“Please, Cecily, we’re going to have fun!”, she texted back. Rolling my eyes, I agreed. Arguing with her is just pointless. Opening my closet, I prayed I had a dress that was somehow festive and presentable. Of course I hadn’t… the last festive occasion I went to was Stefan’s wedding when I was seventeen and I certainly won’t wear that embarrassing, pink dress again. Why didn’t I go to a wedding those last years? Then I wouldn’t have to bother buying another one!

Once again, she asked if this afternoon would be okay for me to go with them to Bloomingdales.

Seeing Anna’s number on my contact list, I decided that it is now time to make up with her. It was about lunch time, so I shouldn’t be disturbing her now during a lecture or seminar.

After ringing three times, she picked up. “Hey Cecily.” She sounded edgy.

“Hi, Anna! How – uh – are you?”

“Good. And you?” She was polite as usual but her voice still seemed a little tense. “Fine, too.” I cleared my throat. This was worse than taking off a patch. “Uhm, look Anna, I wanted to apologize for–”

“You don’t need to, Cecy. I clearly shouldn’t have made you feel so uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”

I have imagined many scenarios how this conversation could have been: crying, shouting, insulting, fighting again, but that didn’t cross my mind. My mouth stayed open unable to form a single sentence. After a couple seconds, I said, “Anna, you don’t have to apologize. I was like a fury bitching around. I’m sorry.”

She was quiet for a while, up to the point that I thought the connection was gone. “Hello?”

“Yes, I’m still here. Look, let’s forget about that stupid argue. Cassy told me that she wanted to meet this afternoon at the Beverly Center. I wanted to meet you there a little earlier – uh if you don’t have anything else to do of course.”

“Yeah, sure we can meet there.” But why? “Um, is everything okay?”

“Yes, of course. I just wanted to tell you something in person.”

“Uh – sure. Is that little café on the first floor okay? At three?”

“Perfect! See you there, bye!”

“Bye.” I hung up. Okay, that was the weirdest conversation ever. She seemed so delighted at the end, I wonder what she wants to tell me not in front of the others or on the phone.


After finishing watching my shows on TV, I wore a navy-blue dress, some thighs underneath and put my hair up with a tie.

Anna was already waiting for me because I was a bit late as usual. But only because I didn’t find a single parking spot for nearly twenty minutes.

We greeted each other stiffly and went to the lounge. I ordered a chocolate cake and she cup of coffee. Why are people so addicted to that bitter, black liquid?

As soon as the waiter left our table, my curiosity nearly killed me. “So, Anna – you sounded very cryptic on the phone. What is it that you want to talk to me about personally?”

Looking past me at the ground, she clenched nervously her fingers together. She sighed and turned her gaze to me. “There is something I need to tell you.”

My heart was suddenly racing. Her whole body language made me feel uneasy. “Okay.”

“You were right.” She sighed. “I wasn’t honest to myself or you, but now I understand.” Okay, but I don’t understand at all, yet I was unable to speak. It was like in high school when the teacher was giving us our test results knowing that I had screwed up and just waiting to get the grade like a slap in my face. This was the same feeling.

“I have a crush on Ace”, she said explosively. Her fingers still trembled but her eyes were full of determination and clearness. I was wrong, this wasn’t like a slap in my face, this felt like someone was squeezing my stomach for a millisecond.

“Okay”, I said again unable to trust my voice if I say more. Why is she telling me that?

“I wasn’t sure about that, but since you confronted me, it became clear to me. I don’t know how long I’ve felt like this, but now I’m certain.”

As she said those words I realized I was clenching my hands so hard, turning my knuckles white.

“Anna, I don’t know what to say. I-I’m happy for you, even though I don’t understand how you could have feelings for that–” unfriendly and dislikable creature called Ace.

“Well, he’s always so calm… not like those immature guys in our semester. And have you ever seen the way he works on patients? I assisted him once and it was amazing how he worked. He has very skillful and steady hands. Also, he… he’s very helpful. When I started my first week here, my car just wouldn’t start and he helped me.” Wow, that sounds like a total different person than Ace. I just know him as the guy who rather breaks a car than repairs it.

I didn’t reply, just waited patiently for her to go on. “I-I’m not sure if he feels the same way a-and I wanted to know if you’re okay with me making some moves toward him.”

“Yes, that’s totally fine!”, I shrieked. She doesn’t need my permission, if she likes him she can do whatever she wants. “I already told you, I’m not interested and if you two are happy together then I’m happy for you, too.” I smiled just the moment the waiter came with our orders yet I have never forced myself so much to take a bite of one of my favorite cakes. Everyone loves chocolate cakes but this one was giving me nausea.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you yesterday. I was so jealous that you two slept beside each other that I became mean. I get that you don’t have feelings for him, but I also hope that he doesn’t have any for you, either.”

What?! He and feelings for me? He just likes to piss me off or to look at me salaciously. That is not being in love, that’s just–

“Anna, I can assure you, he doesn’t want anything from me. Believe me, I have two elder brothers and he just sees me as a little sister he likes to tease, that’s all.”

Her face lighted up as her eyes were looking at me full of hope. “You really think so?”

“Yes, absolutely! Many girls think that way, but I hang out with guys more than with girls in general. In high school, most of my friends were boys, therefore the girls hated me and even thought a few were in love with me!” And that was really the truth. And even here at college, some girls thought in the first semesters that Eric and Josh had a crush on me and vice versa! Ew… just ew…

“Okay”, she said smiling. “You know I trust you but I have just one more request.”


“Please try to keep a little bit distance between you and Ace. Even if you two are just friends or fellow students, I fear that he might fall in love with you if you stay too close together. I know, this is the most selfish thing I’ve ever asked anyone but I’ve never felt like this before toward anyone. And I know if he gets to know you better, he’ll fall for you because you are adorable.”

I felt my cheeks flushing. Her kind words and honesty is killing me. How can I say no to someone who opens up her heart and feels that desperate?

I gulped. “Anna, I promise you that I’ll stay away from him as best as I can and minimize our conversations. And you’re wrong, I’m not like you’re describing me. You are an amazing person and any guy would be the happiest person if he had you in his life. And I don’t think Ace is that stupid not to see it. Although he’s sometimes a dork.” She giggled, her eyes filling with tears as she laughed from the depths of her heart.

“Thank you, Cecily. I owe you a lot” She was beaming with delight.

“No, don’t be stupid. Oh, what time is it?”

“Oh, it’s already ten past four!”

Quickly, I paid my chocolate cake which was clearly a waste… I’ve eaten two bites and that almost broke my heart. So much for me being “ecologically sensitive”.

As we headed silently to the main entrance of Bloomingdales, Anna looked at me pale-faced.

“Oh and Cecily, please don’t say anything to Ruby or Cassy. I-I…” She stuttered and started knotting her fingers.

“Of course not. I won’t say anything, I promise.”

“Thank you” She sounded relieved. “It already took me every bit of my courage to tell you that.” She laughed lightly.


Once we arrived at the store, Ruby and Cassy were already looking for dresses. Funny thing that this morning I didn’t know what I wanted to do the whole day. Now, I know exactly what I don’t want to do: looking for a dress. Because the only thing I wanted to do was being in our garden with the view to the sea and paint the ocean while hearing the seagulls’ cries.


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