Takheo's Heroes

A 2-year-old boy, Takheo, diagnosed with an inoperable stage 4 brain cancer named DIPG. A cancer of 0% survival rate. Follow Takheo's journey beating the impossible.

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11. Fuck Angel Wings!

Who could be so cruel to do this to us? To him? I don't want hear about my baby brother safe in the arms of "Jesus." He is only safe in our arms for the rest of his life, which should be a long life, where he belongs. I don't want to watch this cancer eat away at his little body while we can do nothing about it except for sit back, watch it happen, and keep him as pain free as possible. I don't want to have to just be able to watch him fade away from us forever. How the fuck am I going to do that? Our baby brother is our entire world and he completed our perfect family. There was always something missing until he came along. He has added so much happiness and laughter to our lives and now we just get to sit back and have it taken away from us? That is bullshit I tell you and I am so mad about it. How is it possible that there is nothing left to do except enjoy the time we have left with him? I feel like a failure. We all feel like failures for our boy. I failed my brother. How is it that my love is not strong enough to save him because I have never loved anything more in my life. We've fought so hard to keep him here and now what? It doesn't matter because as his doctors said, we may only have weeks left with him. How in the world can this be true? What am I going to do with not hearing his voice waking me up in the morning whispering to me; "wakey wakey Nember! I wuv you." What am I going to do not having his big blue eyes to look into? How am I not going to hear him say, "Nember, i wuv you thiiiiiiiiiis much." How am I not going to crumble up and die? How do parents plan a funeral for their 2-year-old? I've already explained to my parents that this has to be something different, but it also has to be something small because Tak never liked a ton of attention. Nobody is to wear black, everyone has to wear something colorful and bright because that is what our boy brought to our world. But most of all I want a miracle and I need to not have to think about any of this, but we are facing our worst nightmare. The future holds our baby Tak leaving this earth, and that is something more than I know how to handle. And I need not to hear about him "earning his angel wings." I HATE THAT SAYING. No child should ever have to earn their wings; ever. I spent most of today cuddled up in bed with Tak. He was back to his loving self - waddling from room to room, as hard as he can to reach us all, one by one, to give us tiny kisses - and playing with his branches from outside all day long.

We have his pain controlled. I'm sorry Tak. I'm sorry we can't do more. I'm feeling a ton of anger for you, Tak. I really need to punch something because this is so not the way I saw things going. I always saw us all growing up together, having the tightest sibling bond ever. I will still do. I am not leaving his side, ever again. I'm not going running at the park, shopping with my gals, to the movies with my best friend, or out of my fucking home unless he comes with me. I will not miss a second of being with him. I will hold him and love him and kiss him until he gets annoyed and tells me; "Nemberrrrr!" with a voice full of giggles. I will not give up. All we are gonna do till he's ready is make sure he is as comfortable as possible. Our family will never be the same without Tak. NEVER NEVER NEVER. I am so sad. Sad beyond words. I will never understand how our love was not enough to save him. We will keep fighting and do whatever it takes to make Takheo the happiest little boy on this earth. We will never give up on him.

We love you, Takheo Grayson!

XOXO

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