Smile|A Joshler Fanfiction

Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph both know that they're gay. However, because of their fame, they both pretend to be straight, fearing that they would no longer be accepted. Josh and Tyler aren't only just gay, they're gay for each other, but they don't admit it to the other, so they're both scared to go for it. Especially Josh, who is scared that if he admits his love Tyler will become more depressed, and Josh couldn't stand to see the love of his life like that.

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9. Look Outside and See a Whole World

The wind blew Josh's bright red hair back and he felt cold on his face. It seeped into his skin, giving him a chilling sensation that traveled from his nose to his basketball shoes. 

He stood just on the tip of one of the rocks at a beach near the park, his feet halfway on, halfway off. He wondered if this is what Tyler felt like all the time, knowing that he could just jump off and his life would be over. That the waves would drown him and the sharp rocks at the bottom would bleed him to death. That the pain would be over. He never once did anything of the sort, though. 

"You see Josh," He once said, "Blurryface reminds me of this all the time. Doing it would only let him win."

"What are you saying?" Josh had asked.

"I'm saying that Blurryface cares what I think, Josh. If I die, I've listened to Blurryface, and that's not who I am. When I die I need to be me."

He stared into the water watching it curl up and smash against the rocks, rising with the impact and falling back into oblivion, receding and forcefully crashing again. Every time it rose it seemed to come closer, reaching up and trying to grab him, pull him down and end him, sucking him into the abyss. He shivered but didn't move. 

A faint noise rang in his ears, then again and again, louder each time. 

"Josh! Jish! Jishwa! Josh? Josh! Joshua Dun!"

It sounded just like Tyler.

Wow, I'm even hearing his voice. Damn it. I really love him that much. I'm such a... freak.

Reminding himself that Tyler was also gay, he stepped back a bit from the ledge. Tyler wasn't a freak. If he took that into consideration, the glass seemed just a bit more full.

Suddenly it was like someone had taken a swing from the glass and it was just that last bit that refuses to slide out onto your lips at the bottom. What did it matter if Tyler was gay? Tyler still didn't like him. He was a freak to have a crush on his best friend, that was what freaks did. 

He let his toes dangle over the edge again.

He stood on one foot, letting the other dangle freely over the edge. The air felt so clear out there, so unaware.

He heard Tyler call his name again and he sighed. He was such a freak.

His head felt light and his thoughts felt tangled. He reached out into the air. So... free. He felt as if a fall might not be so bad.

He stood there and thought about this, two limbs out, two limbs remaining firmly on the rock. A cracking sound caught his attention and he whirled around to see the edge of the rock breaking off. He then slipped in mid-whirl, grasping onto the cracking rock for dear life. He had thought about it, sure, but he had known deep down he wouldn't do that. It's not like the universe was giving him a choice now either. This was straight death that was filled with panic. The fall didn't seem as delightful anymore.

He gasped, the rock was about to break off and he was slipping. 

Suddenly a hand grabbed his arm and began to pull. He held on to his savior's arm with his other hand and the rock broke off and flew into the see. 

His savior hauled him onto the rock that had not broken off and he looked up to see Tyler above him. His face was full of grief and pain. Josh watched the tears stream from his eyes.

"Ty-"

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" Tyler screamed in his face.

Josh stared up at him in bewilderment.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST IGNORED ME AND TRIED TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF!"

It suddenly struck him that Tyler really had been calling his name.

"Tyler, I can explain, I fell!"

"But you were thinking about it." 

His voice shook with anger.

"Tyler," Josh whispered, reaching up to his beautiful face.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He screamed, turning on his heal and running away. 

Josh propped himself up on one elbow and watched him run into the fog. What had he done? A tear escaped him and he let himself fall back down on the rock. He let himself lie there and watch the fog pass over him out onto the water. He watched the sky turn black and the moon peek out between the clouds. He never wanted to leave. He just wanted to stay there and pretend that he'd never even come there. 

 

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