MS Universe


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1. Ms Universe

Ms Universe

I have been Ms Universe for half my life. I am exceeding beautiful and well known in the world. So many notice me when I go out, especially  the men. It is an uncomfortable feeling. But in this town I live in, everyone is very nice. They are polite and very friendly.  I like it best when I am treated just like anybody else.  However this town has a celebrity day, when we are treated like royalty. I go along. I have a friend who is most respectful and I buy tea at the stall he has set up. In a fair.  As a result, all my expenses for the year are covered.  I have worked for his organisation  and generated huge amounts of funds.  So in recognition of my work, they cover my families expenses for the year, every year.  That was the deal I worked out with them. 

I enjoy living for free.  The only place I use cash is at the veggie market where they don’t accept card.  I always keep some cash on hand.  The money goes back to my bank account, as the veggies are from my estate.  I used to manage my finances for a long time.  Got bored of it and now that my affairs are simple, being retired, my fund manager only charges a small fee for the privilege of handling my money. A 1 minute job for them.  I don’t cost my friends heaps. As I am covered by insurance for almost everything.   I am not enamoured of any man though I am beautiful and can have any man I want. I have a few admirers who have my permission to drive by and look at me as I stand in my drive way.  And yes I am married but very much my own person. I married because I wanted children and in our days you couldn’t have children unless you married.  I married for companionship, a man as independent as me and someone who doesn’t bother me too much.  At one time I contemplated being a nun and I instead became interested in India and Hinduism and trained to be a Brahmin.  That took many many years but I enjoyed it. In 2015 I completed my Brahmin training.  My children are the joy of my life, both Pisceans. However it has not always been easy raising them.  Effortless but not easy.    
All these years I have been chaste. My husband is a Brahmin himself,  so he understands my need to be celibate.  However after years of being pristine and pure , something has changed.  Why I don’t know. I attribute it to the Venus period or dasa I am going through.   As they say in Vedic astrology. It is not a comfortable feeling at this late stage in life.  The doctors say it’s because I am off birth control medication.  But that is not true. I married at 29, and handled being single very well without medication.  I trained to be a defence force academy person. Contrary to what many think,  defence force personnel are the bravest, most celibate and handsome people in the world. Many never marry.  Anyways  I have developed a roving eye.  I am attracted to tall strong athletic handsome  men.  I have explained this to my handsome friend  at the fair and he said , accept it.  Think you have defactos, as Australians say.  Don’t feel guilty.  I am in love with 4 men.  3 of them I have known for over 30 years.  They were pleased and flattered when I told them. They say they have loved me for years.    Not that I do anything about it.  I am past the sex stage in my life but not the wanting it.   I am celibate these days. Mind you , my husband and I had a good married life but he feels like a friend to me now. We stay together for the children and for companionship and money  plays a huge part in the equation.  Life would be simple if I just loved my husband.  But I don’t love anyone in that way anymore.  I did love my husband all these years. Maybe it’s the way seniors love.  That must be it. I have been raised never to be ashamed of myself.  It has been 2 years since I have felt this way. I am still uncomfortable about it  but am beginning to slowly accept the fact that that’s the way it is. I am a Sahaj Margi and we believe in the truth , no matter how uncomfortable it is.  So my perception of life has changed. My husband is effectively a donor for the kids I have.  He is not interested in family any more and hasn’t been for a few years now. His interest is in the high position he has acquired in life. Mind you he is still a good husband and a good companion.  I would not want it any other way.  I recently discovered I loved my friend very much but he has left the country and works in India now. He said he returned my feelings. Just as well that he moved away.  After missing him for a few years, I have come to terms with the fact that I may never see him again.  I love the USA and I will never leave it. I send emails to him and hope it reaches him, wherever in the world he is. My husband is a good man. We don’t connect enough as he is a busy man.  Therein lies the problem and always has. Whereas I managed fine before, I am not able to do it now.

Sex is not the solution.  I have lived decently all my life and that is not going to change.   I dream that these men are the dads to my children and that I had wonderful sex with them. All a figment of my imagination. All I did was kiss a man before I married my husband. That too for a kissing contest, with the permission of my family. :-0.   I am not a prude and my family is open minded. I have worked with men and women alike.

So what do I do about my awakened sexuality ?  The solution is to accept it and think of myself as single and unattached. Because that is how I feel.  Great are the powers of Vishnu and his lila. Maybe the feeling will go away with time. I hope it does. 

Closure on all relationships.My ista devata is Vishnu. He visited me in human form.  Surya narayana, laxmikanth,   vlk , and many more,  all forms of Vishnu.   I am at peace. I have seen the avatar of the Lord Vishnu and still do.  I see God in these friends of mine.  I have known them for 20 years. They live here just like I do and I see them once in a while. I have moved in another phase of my life. The transition has not been  easy.

 

********** The End************

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