Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.


33. Chapter Twenty-Seven—The wager

It took us a few days to arrive at Canterlot. It was midnight when our train dropped us off at the station. Taya was asleep when we arrived, so I gently picked her up and carried her, along with all of the stuff we had, to the palace.

The palace was decked out for the Gala, which I had completely forgotten about. Thankfully, the party didn’t seem to be that day, as there weren’t tons of ponies there. Also thankfully, the guards and servants all recognized me, and showed us both to some good quarters.

I set all the stuff and Taya down on the bed. She had barely stirred the entire way. I was trying to decide if I should try to find either Luna or Celestia to report, or try to get some sleep, when my mind was made up by a servant that was sent to bring me to Princess Luna. I grabbed the report I had been working on—basically my journal entries, minus all the dialogues where I said anything impolite about Celestia or Luna—and followed him out, leaving a short note for Taya. I didn’t expect her to wake up, but you never know.

The servant led me to the throne room, where Luna was waiting. “You think you need to defend yourself against sweet little me?” she asked, eying the large amount of weapons she could see strapped around my body.

Truth be told, I hadn’t even noticed them; I was so used to wearing them that I stopped paying attention to them. Instead of saying that, though, I said, “I don’t think I would be able to defend myself against you if I tried. That seems like a quick way to get vaporized.” Which might be why I’m not interested in you.

For some reason, she smiled at that. “Remember that the next time you brag to a guard at how easy my sister or I would be to… take down.

“Oh, you mean assassinate? That’s very different from self-defense. Yeah, I don’t think I would have any problem with that.”

“Maybe you’re interested in a little wager, then?” she asked with a secret smile.

“I don’t make bets with royalty.”

“We could make it a competition, with a prize for the winner.”

“No thanks. I’d be happy to do a training exercise with the guards, if it meant you and your sister were better protected. But I’ll not risk any of my limited possessions—or whatever else you might try to wager—to something I might lose.”

She looked hurt. “You’re no fun sometimes, Nav.” A second later, she was staring at a bolt sticking out of the wall right next to her head.

I lowered the crossbow. “And you just lost your competition. Would you like to see my report on the Egypt situation, or should I save it for Princess Celestia?”

She was still gaping, wide-eyed at the bolt. “H...How? I didn’t even see… That contraption is more powerful than I thought.”

“Yep. Now, the Egypt report?”

“Save it for Celestia… How does that weapon work?”

“One piece of bendable wood holds a string tightly in place. You pull that string back to build massive amounts of tension, and lock it in place. Then you put a projectile in front of the string. When I pull the trigger, the string is released from its lock and forces itself back to its original position. The projectile uses that force to propel itself forward at astonishing rates, very accurately. If I wanted to, I could nail your head to the throne from fifty meters away.”

“And this is a common weapon where you come from?”

“Oh, God no! This thing is primitive compared to what we use. This thing’s maximum effective range is around a hundred meters, if you’re a very good shot and you’re aiming at a good sized target. The best weapon we have that a single person can carry with him can kill from two kilometers away, though that is an uncommon weapon. Civilians usually use smaller weapons that can easily kill up to twenty meters away, but do a hell of a lot more damage than a crossbow. It’s easy to wound someone with this, but harder to kill them, unless you hit a vital organ. The weapons we use can make you bleed out easily. There are also weapons available to our military that can kill you on the other side of the planet, anywhere from one to billions of people at a time.”

We spent a good while talking. I pulled the bolt out of the wall and showed her more closely how the crossbow worked. We also spoke a bit of my time in Egypt, and of Taya, who was soon going to be living in the orphanage. And I learned that the Gala was tomorrow. “Your friends from Ponyville weren’t planning on coming this year, aside from Twilight,” she said. “They might change their minds once they learn you’re here.”

“I find myself doubting it. It takes a while to get ready for a party like that, for women. Me, I just throw something on and show up. Not like most of these ponies will know the difference anyway.”

“I don’t suppose Egill will be making a reappearance?”

“Nah, probably not.”

“That is a shame, though it might be for the best. I would not be surprised if that hussy is still upset with him.”

“C’est la vie, I suppose.”

“I believe I’ve heard you say that before. What does it mean?”

“An old idiom from my world. Means such is life.”

“That seems like a good phrase for your world.”

“Yeah, it gets used pretty often.” If you’re like me, at least.

“So what are you planning on doing with Taya?”

“Leaving her here with Celestia’s orphanage. She’s your problem now.”

“Celestia’s problem, not mine. But even then, I doubt she’d be a problem. Emerald Script described her as incredibly well behaved and very quiet.”

“Because she’s psychologically scarred. She’s so terrified of speaking out or getting any attention drawn to her that she almost never talks to anyone that isn’t me. She’s used to being attacked or worse. It’s going to take her a while to get over that, and I’m not a psychologist.”

“How do you think she’ll handle being taken away from you?”

“Poorly, is my guess. I feel bad about that, but it’s probably for her own good to be taken from me. I’m a terrible person and I’d make a worse parent.”

“I think we both know better than that, Nav. I heard the story you told Taya and the guards, and the response you got.” I fucking hate magic so much. “You may not be a good parent, but I know you’re not a bad person. And I know Celestia listened to your long talks with the unicorns from the pirate ship.” Did they fucking eavesdrop on everything? “It would be good for Taya to be around you.”

“Man, why are you eavesdropping on me? That’s fucked up.”

“You were the right hoof of Equestria on this mission of peace, Nav,” she answered. “My sister and I pay close attention to our agents when they are in the field. We… do not always see things that we like. And there are many things that you did that my sister found questionable.”

“How does that even work, then? Can you just spy on anyone at any time?”

“No, of course not,” she answered, shaking her head. “Only those to which we are attuned, via teleportation. We can see from your eyes, hear from your ears.”

The NSA’s wet dream. “I don’t suppose you could stop that shit? I absolutely don’t want you two seeing what I do.”

“Perhaps. I can discuss the issue with my sister. But we have both found that it encourages honesty.”

“Bah! You two can keep your honesty. I’d prefer a good bit of lying, myself.”

“I can tell. You’ve already told me a few in this conversation alone.”

I assumed she had some manner of lie detector spell going on. “You know me, Luna. I couldn’t tell the truth if I was being paid.”

“Which is why we spy on you, of course. But what does it take to get you to tell the truth?”

“I’ll let you know when I figure it out.” I pretended to think for a second. “Actually, on second thought, I don’t think I will. That’s dangerous information to be giving out to a princess.” Especially one that loves me.

She stuck her tongue out at me.

“Anyway, I couldn’t teach Taya magic, and I think she wants to learn that.”

“There is no better school of magic in Equestria than here in Canterlot. If she wants to learn, this is the right place for it.”

“There you go. Yet another reason she shouldn’t continue staying with me.”

“Unless you start living in Canterlot.”

“I know two people in Canterlot, and both of them are princesses. And I couldn’t afford to send her to an expensive magic school.”

“You’re lying again. How many bits do you have on you right now?”

I thought, and surreptitiously felt around my body. That got old, so I decided to do some quick math instead. “Let’s see… Emerald gave me five hundred bits when I left—which was ridiculously heavy, I might add. I spent one to get some books in Alexandria, four to buy train tickets to San Sebastian, one to buy some books there, twenty for passage to Manehattan, four for tickets to Canterlot… So four hundred and seventy bits. I have no idea what that’s worth. I’ve never really dealt much in the economy here.”

Luna was smiling and shaking her head. “Navarone, that’s enough to buy a house. And you’re carrying it around with no idea…” She barked a short laugh. “You could easily send Taya to school with that money, and possibly buy a modest house in Canterlot while you’re at it.”

I got slightly sweaty at that news, not having realized the ridiculous fortune I had on me. I figured a bit was like a dollar. No wonder Emerald looked at me like an idiot when I asked if five hundred would be enough to get home with.

“But… This isn’t my money anyway, not really. This is Celestia’s money, or yours. I was just borrowing what I needed to get home!”

“Don’t think you can excuse yourself out of wealth that easily, Nav. I think it’s about time you were rewarded for your services. Even if you are a bit heavy hoofed or eccentric at times. I believe Celestia will agree.”

“I don’t! Good lord, this is a fortune. I’ll never need this much money for anything!”

“You might, if you want to take care of Taya.”

“Taya is going to the orphanage, where she’ll be better off!”

“Do you really think she’ll be better off living with nothing but ponies after what she’s seen? Do you think any of them will be able to understand what she’s been through?”

“I think she’ll be better off in a loving home with two normal pony parents. Not living with an emotionally stunted human that gets called off every few months to kill people for two princesses that rule over a world that’s a lot more violent than I thought when I got here. I can’t raise a child. I just can’t do it.”

“What are you so afraid of?”

“I… I’m afraid of screwing up. I couldn’t bear looking someone who depended on me in the eyes and seeing an accusation there. I know that’s irrational. I know that most children don’t think of things in those terms. But I still can’t help but feel anger at some of the things my parents did... And if I was a parent and I thought my child might feel something like that for me, I would feel devastated inside. And I couldn’t handle that.”

“So that’s what it takes to get you to tell the truth…” she whispered. “Pain. Fear. Sorrow.”

“That is what humans respond to. It often brings the best out in us…” Or the worst. We were silent for a while.

“Go on to bed, Nav. You’ll have to present your report to Celestia early tomorrow. The party doesn’t start until late, but some ponies like to start showing up early, and she has to be there to greet them.” I bowed slightly and left.

I found Taya still in bed. I removed most of my weapons and left them on the floor. This bed was a hell of a lot bigger than the ones we were used to, so I just got in on the other side of her. I still didn’t know what to do with Taya… I figured Celestia and Twilight could give me some manner of advice.

I went to sleep with that thought in my head.


I was woken up by Taya gently shaking me, whispering, “There’s someone at the door…” In my haze of sleepiness, I realized what words she said before I comprehended their meaning. Someone. Picking up mannerisms from me already. Then it clicked.

I groaned and yelled, “What?” I heard a muted voice behind the door. “Come in, dammit!” I wearily sat up and looked to see dawn streaming over the horizon. When Luna said early, I figured she meant around noon or so, not the crack of dawn.

The door opened and a servant came in. “Princess Celestia wants to see both of you at your earliest convenience.”

“Throne room?”

“Sitting room. She said you’d know the one.”

“Of course. It’s only the same one we’ve used for every meeting. I’ll be there shortly.” He nodded and left.

I sighed and began changing, and muttering. “I was going to shave, get a bath, get some real food… Maybe some cake or something… But nooo! Fucking princesses…”

“Doesn’t… doesn’t convenience mean when we’re ready? We could do all that first.”

“That phrase doesn’t mean the same thing when it’s royalty that’s waiting on you. That phrase means hurry up and get there as fast as possible.” I finished dressing and started strapping on weapons before I realized what I was doing. When I did, I stopped adding new ones but didn’t take any of the ones I already put on off. That left me with a belt of throwing knives, the falchion, and the crossbow with a quiver of its bolts. “You ready to go meet Princess Celestia?”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.” I cocked the crossbow, just in case Celestia tried to pull a stunt like Luna did last night.

“Are you expecting her to attack us?”

“No. But I’ve learned that it’s best to err on the side of caution. I would tell you to be on your best behavior, but then I’d go and set a bad example by not being on mine. That, and I don’t think you know how to misbehave… Shall we?”

I led the way to the sitting room. I was somewhat amazed at the number of servants up and about, more than I had seen in a good while. Preparations for a party as large as the Gala take a good while. The number of servants would likely die down slowly over the day, until they became all but invisible during the party itself.

I got to the door of the sitting room and hesitated, then looked down at Taya. “When she looks at you, look her in the eyes.” With that said, I opened the door.

Princess Celestia and Twilight were both inside. Saved me the time of finding Twilight, I figured.

“Nav!” Twilight rushed forward to hug me. I was a bit surprised at that; I was used to her being more reserved.

“Yeah, it’s me.” I said, holding her. “I didn’t know you’d be in town already.”

She let me go and said, “I got in yesterday. Come in, come in!” Taya and I followed her in. “Oh? Are you Taya?” Twilight asked, seeing her.

“Taya, this is Twilight. You can blame Twilight for me being here.” Celestia smiled at that.

Taya looked down and whispered, “Thank you.”

“First time anyone’s thanked her for that,” I muttered. “Go keep Twilight busy for a spell, would you? I believe Celestia and I have some words to trade.”

“Don’t worry, Taya,” Celestia said, looking at her. “I won’t keep him long, and Twilight has long wanted to meet you.”

Taya was staring right at Celestia’s eyes, wide-eyed. I don’t know what ponies see in her that I couldn’t, but Twilight and all of her friends always comment on how looking into her eyes is like looking at a loving mother or something. I just think her eyes are hot, not that I’d ever tell her that.

Twilight broke Taya’s concentration and gaze by herding her away to a corner. I handed—not quite the phrase, I suppose, more like held it up to be grabbed by magic—the report to Celestia. “I figure you already know most of this, but whatever you didn’t know is there.”

Without looking at it, she said, “You know, a lesser pony might be insulted by some of the things you said about me while you were over there.”

“I’m glad you’re such a great pony, then.”

She snorted at that. “You sure don’t seem to think so…” She started reading through the report. She commented periodically, without looking up. “You tackled an assassin? Are you insane?” “Gruesome… But necessary.” “These naga are rather widespread… Reminds me that I still need to deal with them here.” “That poor filly…” “Not the smartest thing you’ve done, telling Emerald Script that…” “How romantic…” “One week to read!?” She looked up at that. “Are you sure, Navarone?”

I was watching Taya and Twilight talk. I flinched when Celestia said my name. “What? Oh, yes, she went through those primers between Alexandria and San Sebastian. So it was about a week and a half, actually. Why?”

“How long does it take human children to learn to read?”

“I don’t know, I never thought about it. Why, did she learn fast or something?”

“It takes most fillies several months to learn to read. More, if they’re recalcitrant. To learn that fast is… incredible.”

“Well, we also have no idea how old she is. She may have already been taught and just forgot it from her time on the streets.”

“Likely. I wonder how quickly she could learn magic.”

“I was meaning to talk to you about that, and some other things,” I said. “First, I have all the bits leftover from my trip. I wouldn’t want you to think I was trying to steal from the Treasury…” I stopped at the amused expression on her face.

“Do you really think Luna and I don’t talk?” she asked. I sighed. “Keep the money. You might need it.”

“For what? If Taya is going to stay at your orphanage, I have no need for this much money. And I can’t teach her magic, Celestia. The schools here can.”

“You’re right. You can’t teach her magic,” she said with a significant look at Twilight.

The blood drained from my face.

She continued, “We’ll let Taya decide, of course. And Twilight will have to agree to it before anything happens. But I think she’s ready to take on a student.”

“You… you can’t… Why?”

“Because you’d make a good parent, despite what you seem to think, and it’ll do all three of you good. Twilight will lose some of her rashness teaching a student like Taya. You’ll lose some of your violent edge, having to take care of somepony. And Taya will get a family of sorts, and plenty of friends to go along with it.”

“One way or another, though, she’ll still be damaged. Psychologically, I mean. You can’t just erase years of abuse with… whatever substitute of love I have to offer.”

“There aren’t any psychologists in Equestria, Nav. Why would there be? Luna was right: Being with somepony who was there with her will be the best therapy for her. There are hardly any ponies in Equestria that would even be capable of understanding what she’s been through. You want a normal life for her, and that’s admirable, but after what she’s been through, normal isn’t a word that will likely ever apply to her. You have more of a chance fitting into a crowd than she will.”

“I know. It’s just… I can’t imagine myself as a parent.”

“Then don’t imagine yourself as a parent. She knows you aren’t, you know you aren’t. You’re her guardian, in more ways than one. Just take care of her.”

“I can… try. If nothing else, I can’t fuck her up worse than she already is.”

“Not quite how I would have put it, but if thinking that makes you feel better…” She smiled lightly and went back to reading. She finished with a frown. “We’ll talk about some of this later, Navarone,” she promised me.

Twilight and Taya came over to us then and Celestia’s smile returned. Twilight said, “She’ll do fine, Princess.” Taya was wearing one of the biggest smiles I’ve seen on her face.

“Wonderful! Taya, would you like to learn magic?”

“Yes, Princess.”

“Do you want Twilight to be your teacher?”

“I… I would like to stay with Navarone.”

Twilight and Celestia both smiled at that. “I think you know where Navarone lives, Taya.”

“He travels,” Taya said.

“But I usually live with Twilight,” I said. “If you stay with me, Twilight can teach you, and she can take care of you when I’m on a dangerous job.”

“Then… yes,” Taya said. I nodded, Twilight smiled, Celestia looked down at her with what should have been pity but what was instead happiness.

“Twilight, would you like to show your new student around the palace? I have some more things to discuss with Navarone.”

“Yes, Princess. Taya, do you want to go exploring?”

Taya looked to me, and I nodded and waved her to the door. They went out.

“I think she might be developing dependency issues,” I said, watching the door. “We’re going to have to work on that.”

“So what’s this about you being able to assassinate either me or Luna whenever you wanted?”

I turned back to her, only to find her standing uncomfortably close to me. I realized again how much larger Celestia is than the other ponies. Most of them come up to my chest. Celestia stood a head over me.

I didn’t back up, instead looking her dead in the eye. And I’m ashamed to admit how much courage it took to do it. “I proved to Luna last night it was true. I can. But I wouldn’t. I don’t think there’s anyone stupid enough in this world to accept a hit on you.”

“And yet you boast that you could do it. Tell me, how do you justify that?”

“It’s true. And there was no one around to hear.”

“Luna said you denied her wager, without even hearing what it was. I have one for you as well, and you’ll hear me out before you deny it. Tonight is the Grand Galloping Gala, as you know. Security in the palace will be at its highest. I will be watched from every angle, by guards and courtiers alike. Any food that will be brought to me will be tasted beforehoof. No pony gets to me without being seen by all manner of ponies. If you find any way to assassinate me, with a 100% chance of success—be it from poison, bolt, knife, or anything—take it, using a fake weapon or fake poison. I had a set of non-lethal bolts made for you, based on the bolts you left behind. I’ll give you three tries.”

“You said this is a wager. What do you get if I lose?”

She smiled at that. “Kat wasn’t entirely wrong, you know.” I was confused for a second, and then it hit me.

“No deal.”


“Hell no.”

“Can I finish?” she begged. I didn’t say anything. I was somewhat—no, I was completely appalled. She continued in one of the most distraught voices I’ve heard from her, “I can’t ask you to understand what it’s like to live as long as I have. I get lonely. Students like Twilight are great. They give me a brief light in this long, lonely life. Actual friends, though… I can count on one of your hands the number of friends I’ve had over the years. I’d like to think you’re one of them, though. And because of that, I want you to understand. I am thousands of years old, but physically I’m only in my late twenties. I’m a mare. You can’t know what it’s like… I spent hundreds of years as a teenager, going through physical changes… I knew what I was missing out on, because of what I was. None of the ponies, stallions or mares, could understand the pain I was feeling at having to miss out on everything they got. Eternal life is, as you predicted in that conversation we had so long ago, both a curse and a gift. I’m gifted in that I can see my civilization grow and thrive, and I can know I’ve helped cause that. I can see trends in time, and stop mistakes before they happen again. I can help and save thousands with my experiences and my magic. But I watch everypony I grow to love and cherish waste away. I blink and they’re older. I turn my head for a second and they’re gone. I can’t build any strong relationships with a life like this. All I can do is just take what I can get. And I think I can get you. I can’t ask you to love me. I just ask you to give me something I’ve been missing out on for so long…”

Silence reigned for a while. I… was speechless. Finally, I managed, “Win or lose, I’ll give you some peace. It’s the least I can do for all you’ve done for me.” I’m going to give a princess pity sex. What has the world come to?

She smiled sadly at me. “Thank you, Navarone. You can’t know how much this means to me.”

“I take it Luna is not to know of this?”

“Oh, she knows I was planning on making the offer. Her wager and challenge were… similar. I’m surprised she tried to tell it to you in the throne room, with her guards.”

“Oh man, is she pissed off at me now? I didn’t even listen to her offer!”

“She’s not. How could she be? You beat her fair and square before she even laid down the challenge or the wager.”

“Good… One thing about your challenge, though: Don’t warn the guards or the servants. It’s only fair to me, that way.”

“If I don’t warn the guards, and you attack me in the open, I don’t know if I’ll be fast enough to stop them from beating you down.”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“Your funeral.”

“When does the challenge begin?”

“If I said now, I’d probably lose.” I smiled and hefted my crossbow to show her it was cocked. “That’s what I thought. The Gala officially begins at six. Any time between six and twelve is fair game.”

“Good. Where are the bolts I’m to use?” She nodded to a bookshelf, where I found them in a quiver. Next to them rested a wooden knife and a pouch. I decocked the crossbow and grabbed the new bolts. I took one out to look at it. “What in the… How does this work?” The top of the shaft was wooden, and it had the typical feathers sticking out of it. But near the end that’s usually pointy it… stopped existing. Sort of. I couldn’t see anything, but I could feel something.

“It’s the same as any other bolt, but it’s magically made. If it hits somepony, all they’ll feel is a twinge, and then the wooden tip is consumed in a flash. It’ll get their attention, but it won’t hurt.”

“Neat. Shame I’m only going to need one of them. Still, you never know.” I grabbed the quiver and picked up the pouch. “I assume this pouch is the poison I’m to use?”

“Yes. It’ll leave a very definitive taste that only ponies will notice. Magic has some interesting qualities. If you’re going to make a plan, you should probably go now. I know I need to get back to the preparations, anyway.”

“Go ahead. I’ll head back to my room first, then find Twilight and Taya.”

“Oh, one more thing. No pony is to know of our… agreement. And I’m not talking about the challenge.” With that, she walked out.

How the hell do I keep getting myself into situations like this?


When I got to my room, I dropped off the real bolts and the sword. I grabbed a cloak to conceal the crossbow, the bolts, and my wings with. The pouch and knife got shoved into a pocket.

I had a plan. An evil, dastardly plan. But first I needed to find Twilight and Taya.


They weren’t hard to find. Twilight was explaining the (very boring) history of some statue or something. I interrupted that lesson. “Twilight and Taya. Let’s go exploring a bit more, shall we?”

“We were exploring, Nav. I was just explaining the significance of this statue. It’s really very fascinating, you see—”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure. By ‘let’s go exploring,’ I mean let’s go exploring in a way that’s fun. Taya, lead the way.” I waved my arm forward. Taya put a smile on and tenderly walked the way I waved. We followed.

“Twilight, I need you to help me plan a surprise tonight.”

“What kind of surprise?”

“Do you still know that invisibility spell?”


At 6 o’clock sharp, Celestia began her welcoming speech.

At 6:00:01, she stopped her speech, a flare visible on the side of her head.

At 6:00:05, a disembodied voice said aloud, “You lose, Celestia.”

At 6:00:10, panic ensued. It was satisfying.

At 6:15, Celestia stood to address the considerably calmer crowd. A very mortified Twilight and a smug looking human stood flanking her. A group of very pissed guards stood around them.

Celestia restarted her speech, “Welcome to the Grand Galloping Gala. Sorry for the small interruption. I made a bet with my human friend here. He won.” I bowed theatrically. “My apologies for causing distress to you all. I was not expecting him to make his move so soon… But no matter.” The rest of the speech was the standard fare.

When she finished, she led us both away from the crowd for a second. “I should disqualify you for cheating, Nav.”

“You never said I couldn’t get help.”

“That’s why I said I should disqualify you. Twilight, what were you thinking?”

“He had his crossbow hidden! He just said he was going to give you a surprise!”

“It was definitely surprising. I was expecting you to hide in the gardens and try to sneak in.”

“That was one of my ideas, if Twilight hadn’t agreed to help me.”

“You’re clever, Nav. Way too clever. Go back to the party. I have to deal with ponies.”

I nodded and Twilight bowed. Celestia headed over to her traditional greeting spot.

“Navarone, you’re terrible,” Twilight accused.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am. I’m going to go get Taya. You want to come?”

“Yes. I hate this party.”

I had left Taya in my room with a few books. I told her I might be a few hours. Twilight and I set up in that spot an hour before the Gala began, and stood or sat next to the wall for an hour, whispering. She wanted to know what I had been up to while I was gone, so I was telling her. There were a few close calls of servants and guards getting near us, but it was worth the wait.

We found Taya exactly where I left her. Before, I had to turn the pages for her, or she had to scrabble against the book with her hooves—I don’t know why ponies even use books if most of them can hardly turn the pages—but it seemed Twilight somehow managed to teach her a small amount of magic, as she was struggling very, very hard to turn the pages, her horn glowing weakly.

“Homework already?” I asked. Taya nodded. “One of the biggest parties in the world is going on right now, if you’re interested. Music—not the magical kind, though—food, people, gardens, all that jazz. Well, actually, not any jazz, sadly. I wouldn’t mind hearing some good jazz… But anyway, we’re heading back down to the party, if you want to join us.”

“I need to practice,” she said.

“Your choice. Just don’t turn into as big of a recluse as either of us was at your age.”

She nodded and turned back to her book. I shrugged at Twilight, loaded the quiver up with some real bolts just in case, and dropped the cloak off.

“Nav… There’s no reason for that.”

I opened my mouth, but Taya actually beat me to the punch: “Always err on the side of caution.”

I smiled sheepishly. “In a crowd like this, Twilight, I’ll not take any chances. There might be a few people looking to curry favor with Celestia by doing something to the person that beat her in a bet in the most public way possible.”

“She wouldn’t give any favor to anypony that did that.”

“You and I know that.”

“Fine. But I think you’re being overly paranoid.”

“That’s what Emerald Script said when I asked to return to the embassy. I found assassins when I got there.”

“Fine! Have it your way. But I still think it’s just silly.”


Back at the party, we both got swarmed by ponies. Some were ponies wanting to know how I did what I did, and some were unicorns wanting to know how Twilight did what she did. I explained the workings of a crossbow dozens of times. Twilight refused to explain the workings of invisibility hundreds of times, often to the same unicorns.

We had a surprising savior in the form of Princess Luna, who broke up the crowd around us with a simple pronouncement: “Twilight, Navarone, let’s go for a walk in the garden.”

When we got outside, I happily took a deep breath of the summer night air. It was tinged with the tantalizing scents of flowers and light perfume, a wonderful mix I had missed in Egypt.

“Thanks for the rescue,” I said. “If I had known how popular we would be, I would have just stayed with Taya.”

Luna nodded and replied, “Now you know how I feel at these things. I like having friends, but I don’t like having ponies talk to me to try to worm into my good graces.”

“Oh yes, that reminds me,” I said, digging in my pocket for something. I grabbed it and lightly poked Luna in the neck. “You lose again,” I announced, showing her the dagger. Luna sighed.

“Navarone, why do you keep killing the princesses?” Twilight asked.

“When I was in Egypt, I got to talking to a guard. I mentioned how easy it would be for me to assassinate Princess Celestia. Celestia or Luna was eavesdropping when I said it, and I don’t think they were pleased. Last night, Luna tried to make a bet with me that involved fake assassinating them, but I refused to hear of it. Today after you left, Celestia forced me to listen.”

“And what was the wager?”

“You know, I don’t even know what I won. I just know what would have happened if I had lost. Luna?”

She looked at Twilight, and then back to me. “The same thing that would have happened if you lost, but you get more control over it. I don’t know how better to explain that, right now…”

“I think I understand,” I said, nodding slowly.

“I sure don’t,” Twilight said. “What’s going on? What did you win?”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s none of your concern.”

“You never accepted my wager, or my competition, Navarone. Would you like to change your mind?”

“I assume you have the same reasoning as your sister?”

A long pause. “I do. It’s hard, sometimes… You understand.”

I sighed. “You’re putting me in a bit of an awkward position. But I accept.” I poked her in the neck again before she could say anything. “Just in case,” I said.

“You won that competition with me last night. You just killed me twice for the fun of it. I didn’t think you hated me that much…”

“The fact that I agreed to the contests at all knowing what the wagers were disproves that.”

“Are you sure about this, Navarone?” Twilight asked. “I… think I know what you’re talking about. And I’m not sure I approve.”

“The only thing I’m sure about is that I’m not sure about anything. What’s done is done. I’ve agreed and that’s that.”

“...If you’re sure. I think I’ll head on back to check on Taya, see how she’s coming along.”

We waited for her to get out of earshot. “She’s getting wiser,” I remarked.

“You’ve never seen my rooms, have you?” Luna asked.

We didn’t see the end of the party.


(Sex is coming. Ctrl+f Sex is over to skip)




Luna and I kept up a small conversation as she led me back into the palace via a small servant’s entrance. I could hear some tension in her voice, and she was struggling to keep coming up with small things to talk about. I suppose she was doing it in case we were seen and overheard. Me, I was only feeling a small bit of nerves. I’m about to defile a princess. Fun.

We walked through the palace, ghosting through empty halls and silent rooms, half-hearing broken conversations from the Gala. Luna’s quarters were rather far from the garden. Why we didn’t fly was beyond me, but whatever.

We finally got to the hallway that leads up to her rooms. She froze as soon as they came in sight. “The guards!” she hissed, remembering them suddenly. She led me back a ways from the hall. “Keep your hand on my flank and don’t make a sound,” she whispered. I reached a hand out and tenderly touched her side. I assumed I was invisible.

My guess was proven accurate as she led me back up the hall right to her room. The guards saw her approach and somehow managed to stand even straighter.

“Get tired of the party already, Princess?” one of them asked.

“Nothing I haven’t seen already,” she answered, slowing down. “Just another chance for Celestia to show off. The only high point was when she got shot by the human.”

The guards’ mouths dropped.

Luna sniggered. “It was her own fault. She decided to challenge him as I did, and lost even more embarrassingly. That’s what we get for underestimating him, I suppose.”

“Don’t worry about that human, Princess. He’ll never get past us!” The other guard nodded in affirmation.

Luna smiled. “I know how to take care of him. You don’t need to worry about me,” she said. She flung her door open with magic. “Now, I don’t want to be disturbed for anything other than the end of the world or the return of Discord. Though one might lead to the other…” The guards saluted and we entered Luna’s quarters. The door quietly shut behind us.

It felt like entering an entirely different world. It was around twenty degrees colder and everything was black or dark blue. I took my hand off her back and looked around. I only saw a few spots of color: a wreath of flowers and several stuffed animals, both on tables near the back of the anteroom we were in.

“Look around if you desire, Nav,” she said. “I will go prepare.” She headed off with an air of purpose to another room.

There wasn’t really much to look around at. This room was about as bare as mine. A few tables and bookcases, a single chair and a few couches—ponies lounge on them, fuck all if I know why they have chairs. I ran a hand over one of the couches to try to tell what it was made of. Black velvet. I guess if you can afford it… I shook my head as I gently set my crossbow down on the couch. My quiver followed it.

I walked up to the stuffed animals, wondering why she even still had them. My hand gently brushed over them, memories surfacing of the Nightmare Night that felt so long ago. It’s odd. I remember being… happy with her, then. Happy in general, even. So many changes… To shake off the odd feelings, I moved to the flowers.

Red roses… I picked up the wreath, not thinking. I dropped it about a second later, a thorn having taught me a lesson. Who would give a necklace of thorned roses? Then it hit me. Someone—some pony, rather—that wasn’t entirely pleased at the thought of eternal darkness. Revenge and forgiveness, all in one. Why would she keep this? A constant reminder of her sins?

I idly sucked at my finger while I looked over the books on the cases. A few titles I hadn’t seen, a few Twilight would probably be interested in. It was fairly dark in her room, so I didn’t think I would be able to actually read any of them even if I was given much time.

She didn’t have any knick knacks or pictures on the walls.

Still looking at the books, I called out, “So what exactly did you mean when you said I’d get a bit more control?” I thought I knew, but I wasn’t sure.

I heard something near the room she had entered, but she didn’t say anything. I turned around and my breath caught in my throat.

The second most beautiful woman—human woman—I had ever seen was looking back at me. She was wearing a black sun dress that did very little to hide any part of her body. A long, dark horn stuck out of her forehead, jutting out awkwardly, one of the only things marring her form. Her dark wings were folded casually against her in a manner than I knew I could never mimic. Her hair was still gently flowing, which was awesome. The first word that came to my mind, aside from a few things I won’t repeat, was delicate. She looked like she would break if I so much as brushed her with a finger.

And she looked very nervous. She kept trying to meet my eyes, and every time she looked down after a few seconds. I finally tried breaking the silence. “Luna?” I whispered. She nodded, still trying to meet my gaze. I weakly pushed my way to her, fearing she would disappear if I moved too fast. I stopped when I was a foot away, and noticed that she was just a smidgen taller than I.

I can’t believe I’m really about to do this… I know it seems cheesy as fuck, but I actually cupped her chin in my hand and pushed her gaze up to meet mine. “You are beautiful,” I said. Then I remembered I was bleeding and jerked my hand away, murmuring a quick apology. It seemed a sin, to ruin the moment, but I didn’t want to risk her being afraid of blood.

I dropped my eyes and rubbed at my hand. She reached out and took the wounded digit in her hands. When she saw the blood, she sent a glare at the garland of roses. Her horn faintly lit up and the bleeding stopped. I ran my other hand over my face, to find that the scars from the assassin were also gone.

We met each other’s eyes. She started speaking. “After a long talk, Celestia and I both decided that you would be a lot more comfortable like this. We both know how much you hate being a pony… And after a few other considerations, we decided it might be best for all involved if we let you have some control. Of course, we couldn’t just come out and say that; much more fun to think you earned it. Or so she thought. I think I know you better than that.” She was right.

“A few other considerations?” I asked, somewhat fearing the answer.

She blushed, confirming my guess, but she said it aloud anyway: “Well, we were watching the whole time you were in Egypt. We saw some of your… interactions… with Kat. The way those cats moan!” She shuddered slightly, possibly in anticipation. “It wasn’t just for you that we decided this. We also saw you with that unicorn when you were in jail here. Or at least, Celestia saw you.” That bitch! They did make that cell cold on purpose! “Mind, there’s a limit to the control we’re giving you. For example, if you don’t lead me into that bedroom right this minute, I’m going to drag you in there and rip off all your clothes and make you take me on the floor.”

“As you command, my princess,” I answered with a small smile. I considered surprising her by carrying her to the bed, but I didn’t see any reason for fake romanticism. I was planning on doing my best to make it memorable, but I didn’t care to do too much and risk her thinking I actually did have feelings for her.

As I gently pulled her into the room, I had one of my common errant thoughts: I’m about to have pity sex with a princess. Where did I go so right in life?

“Now, a bit of a disclaimer: This might hurt if it has been a while since you last got laid,” I warned her.

She blushed slightly and her hands fidgeted with her dress. “Then be gentle.”

Oh boy, it’s been a while for her…

“I’ll try,” I said. “But I’ve never really had to before. Just tell me if I’m doing something painful.” Alright, first time having sex with another human. About fucking time, that’s for damn sure. Now let’s just not ruin it.

I looked at her and saw how nervous she was. Too much thinking, not enough sexing.

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her. She was surprised at first for some reason, but recovered quickly enough. After a moment, I felt her wings and arms stretch around me and hold me. She eventually opened her mouth a little, allowing my questing tongue to snake in. She moaned lightly at that and tightened her grip on me. This was the first time in a long time I had been in the dominant position when making out with a chick and I really didn’t want to cut it short, but…

My head pulled back from hers. “You didn’t go through all this effort to just make out,” I said, smiling.

She was blushing furiously, looking at me with a surprised look. “I’ve never even heard of two ponies doing that!” she gasped. I just lifted an eyebrow and she blinked and turned her gaze down. “I-if you’re… ready…” she whispered.

“I’m doing this for you, Luna. I’m here to make you feel good.” Great, and now I made myself sound like a man whore. She didn’t seem to mind my wording, though, and haltingly moved to the bed. Before she could lay down, though, I said, “I think you’re forgetting something, Luna.” She turned back to me and blinked. “Please, allow me…”

I pulled her back to me and wrapped my arms around her again. She smiled and moved her head in again, thinking I was just going to kiss her. I lowered my hands down to her thighs and pulled her in closer. She gasped, looking at me in more surprise. I just smiled and raised my hands, bringing her dress with them. They stopped where her legs met her body. I leaned in and kissed her again, distracting her from what my hands were doing. I gently reached between her legs with one of them and found what I was feeling for.

With a gentle flick of her clit, I had her moaning into my mouth. I continued lifting her dress with one hand while the other gently toyed with her. She was wet enough that I could slip a finger inside. When it pierced her lips, she gasped, pulling away from the kiss and breathing in deeply until I was knuckle-deep.

Then I hit a bit of a snag. How the fuck am I going to get this over her wings? To distract her from my dilemma, I began pumping the finger in and out, her natural fluids acting as lube. Man, fuck this dress. Seeing no other option, I just tore the fucking thing and then pulled it off of her. She didn’t seem to mind. After all, it’s not like she really needed a human-shaped dress that often anyway.

Despite the fingering I was giving her, she pushed me away, allowing me a look at her body. So much for that dress not hiding much. Hot damn! Small and perky, just a nice handful. “You’re beautiful,” I said with a smile, somehow making her blush even deeper.

“Your turn,” she said, likely meaning my clothes.

Since one of my fingers was rather wet at the time, I looked in her eyes and stuck it in my mouth, cleaning it of her warm juices. Her eyes widened when she realized what I did and I began stripping down. She watched me with what I assume was hunger in her eyes. When I was naked in front of her, she looked me up and down with a smile. “Sorry to disappoint,” I said with a shrug.

“Oh, I don’t think you will,” she answered, her eyes finally moving down to what she wanted, already hard and ready to play. Her smile deepened as she reached out and pulled me close. “Now, I think it’s time we got started. I need you,” she whispered.

Need? I gently picked her up and held her in my arms like a hero. Or a newlywed… I kissed her again as I walked to the bed. I told myself I wasn’t going to do this. I sent her down on the bed. Her smile was so wide… I couldn’t help but give it an answering smile.

I wish I knew how her wings were folded like that… Shut up, brain. You’re almost done thinking for the night. “I’m not a gentleman, but I know better than to just jump into the main event,” I told her, stroking her closed wings slightly. She shivered at my touch. I withdrew from her slightly and got on my knees at the end of her bed, then inched my way toward her and gently grabbed her waist.

She looked at me, confused. “Nav, what are you doing?”

“Making you feel good,” I answered, moving my head down between her slightly open legs. I took a gentle lick at her jewel and was answered with an intake of breath. Nice and sweet, just the way I like ‘em. I pulled her closer to me and began my efforts in earnest. Since her clit was already bared, I gently took that into my mouth and began sucking on it. As soon as the pleasure registered in her mind, both of her hands grabbed the back of my head and latched onto my hair.

In response, I started circling her little nub with my tongue, making her start jerking my hair as she moaned into the air. My hands reached around her waist and gently groped her cheeks, squeezing at her. She began to grind into my face, still jerking my hair. I can’t imagine my unshaven face felt that great against her most sensitive of areas, but the way she was moaning, she obviously enjoyed it anyway.

When I pulled away from her clit for a second, she instantly forced my head back down onto her. “Don’t stop!” she half-moaned, half-commanded. I was just planning on repositioning myself anyway, so I did as she begged. My tongue reached down to her actual folds, teasing apart her tender lips and finally getting a proper taste. Slightly tangy. Slightly sweet. Very worth it.

As soon as my tongue got inside of her, I heard a gentle pomf from above me. When I looked up, still tonguing her, I saw that her wings had slammed open and were quivering. Her face was bright red, her eyes were squeezed shut, and with the way her hands were on my head, her petite breasts were squeezed together.

When I swirled my tongue, her back arched and she squealed, cumming and letting loose more liquids that cascaded into my mouth, a warm taste of pleasure. I lapped the fluid up as she began bucking, trying to milk the cock for which she so yearned.

Soon, her spasms subsided and she was left panting for air as I pulled away, my lower face covered in her love juices. As she struggled to recover, my hands gently caressed her, teasing glances of contact that dissolved before she could feel any real pressure. Goosebumps covered her skin, her small hairs sticking straight up.

“That… that was…” she panted, barely able to speak.

“Just the beginning,” I whispered, pushing myself over her, my wings already spreading as I began lining myself up with her entrance. “Are you ready?”

Instead of answering with words, she forced herself up, hugging me and kissing me deeply. I took that as consent, and slowly pushed myself around down there until I found her very welcoming entrance.

She was still very sensitive from what I had done, so as soon as my tip prodded her lips apart, she broke the kiss and moaned, her fingers trying to scratch at my back. Thankfully, she lacked fingernails. As I continued to push in, she finally found something to grab onto: My wings.

My breath caught when she started jerking at them, but after a moment, I kept slowly moving, trying to give her time to adjust. But she was tight, her body naturally squeezing me until I finally bottomed out, fully inside of her. I paused there, gently grinding, letting her body get used to being filled again.

Finally, she whispered, “I’m ready…”

My body slowly lifted, pulling out. She gasped as she felt my love shaft receding, sliding against her walls. I pulled almost all the way out, breathing deeply at the sensations her body was providing. When I could only feel her tight warmth around my tip, I began pushing back in, faster. She moaned as I thrusted deeper, trusting that her rusty body was again in working order.

She offered no complaints, only squeezing and pulling at the base of my wings in tune with my thrusts, making my wings sway and spasm as we made love.

As we danced to a tune as old as life itself, I realized that there was a problem neither of us had foreseen. She was a human woman. I was a human man. That meant babies were an unpleasant possibility. Judging by the way her moans were reaching a beautiful crescendo, she was nearing her climax.

And despite my experience with Kat, a man can only take so much. The way her feathery walls squeezed against me, the feel of her slender body against mine, the thought of finally making love to a human… All of it was building up inside of me, spreading out the pleasure in my mind and focusing into one area that was about to erupt.

She let out one final scream and yanked my wings so hard I heard them pop. The sudden moment of contrasting pain was all I needed. I pulled out, spilling my seed onto her belly. Her body bucked and writhed under me, riding the throes of pleasure. I panted heavily, hardly able to hold myself above her, still dripping precious life fluids onto her stomach.

Finally, she fell back against the bed, struggling to breathe, her frantic attempts to bring in air shifting my warm baby batter and dislodging it from its fragile position on her stomach. Before she could fully recover, I forced myself to my feet, knowing I needed to escape before she could beg me to stay. Don’t fall for a trap, don’t get forced to stay.

She seemed to barely notice me as I hastily dressed on shaky legs, uncaring of the mess I was making from our combined fluids in my britches. Knowing I couldn’t just leave without a word or action, but also that I must hurry, I just wadded my shirt up and leaned down over her, gently kissing her before pulling back. “I had a wonderful time,” I whispered, gently stroking her wet bangs from her eyes. She tried to formulate a response, but I kissed her again, stealing what little breath she managed to save.

As one of her hands reached up to try to grab me, I pulled back, standing again.

“Sleep well, Princess of the Night,” I said, backing to the window.

“W-wait,” she breathed as I pushed it open and let myself fall out, soaring off into the night. Can’t risk letting that love kindle. But that was… an amazing experience. Certainly something to remember.





(Sex is over)


I don’t know what time it was when I got back to my room. Taya and Twilight were asleep in the bed. It was larger than the ones we were used to, but not large enough to fit a pony, a filly, and a human. I grabbed a pillow from the closet and used my cloak as a blanket. Despite thinking I’d never get to sleep, I was out rather quickly, due to days of traveling and waking up early, then fucking a princess.

This time, I got to sleep in for quite a while. I was finally woken up by Twilight, who “Got tired of waiting for your lazy butt to wake up.”

“I want some pancakes,” I groaned.

“Then go to the kitchens and get some. I’m not about to go do it for you,” Twilight told me.

“You’re so ungrateful,” I accused.

“Me? Ungrateful? You involved me in a plot to assassinate Celestia! And then Luna!”

“That’s neither here nor there,” I said, getting up. “And it’s not getting me any closer to pancakes. I’m going to the galley. You want to come, Taya?”

She got off the bed, where she was reading, and walked over to the door.

“What, you’re not going to ask me?” Twilight said.

“You’re a big girl now. I don’t think you need me to hold your horn. Shall we, Taya?”

We went, Twilight following and muttering a few unpleasantries.

The kitchens were pretty easy to get to, and it wasn’t so late that they weren’t willing to make breakfast for us. Taya and I got pancakes, despite Taya not knowing what they were. Twilight got a waffle just to be difficult.


Around noon, I was summoned to meet Celestia. Twilight and Taya stayed behind to work on some more magic.

I brought only a belt of throwing knives this time, and I made sure they weren’t overly visible.

“Your stunt last night was humorous, Nav, but it was hardly wise,” she said.

“No assassin that attacks you will have the benefit of a unicorn helping him.” Probably.

“That isn’t the only thing I meant. Disappearing into the night with Luna was also ill-advised. It might raise a few questions.”

“Questions will always be asked, no matter what the circumstances. As long as Twilight was careful in how she returned to my room, we can easily brush the questions off with nothing happening.”

“Fair enough. As to that other matter. The matter of your winnings…”


(Sex is coming. Ctrl+f Sex is over to skip)





“You know,” Celestia said with a coy little smile, “I never did tell you what you won.”

“I’m listening,” I answered with a smile of my own.

With a flash of her horn, we teleported to what I assumed was her room. “You see, Luna and I are opposite in several ways…” she said.

“Oh God, don’t tell me you have a penis!” I have absolutely no idea where that thought came from and I just blurted it out without even thinking.

She gave me a look of total shock before bursting out laughing. “No, Navarone. I most definitely do not,” she finally managed to say. I was more than a little embarrassed. “What I meant,” she continued, “is that our bets worked a little differently. Or rather, our wagers did. You see, you were supposed to lose mine and win hers.”

“So… what exactly did I win?” I asked hesitantly.

She smiled darkly. “You’re about to find out why you should ask questions like that before you take bets.” Her horn glowed again and my clothes fell off of their own accord, leaving me naked but for a belt of knives that was hidden under my clothing. “Oh, you think you can defend yourself against me?” she cooed, using magic to send the belt away with ease. “As I said, I am the opposite of my sister,” she said in a sultry voice, walking closer to me. I wasn’t really feeling that comfortable with this situation, and I started backing away until her horn glowed again and I froze. “When you won her challenge, you won control. When you won my challenge… Well, you lost control.” She was right in front of me now, and looking down into my eyes with a gaze that I could only define as creepy.

You know how her hair normally moves on its own? Well, now it was moving on its own down, touching the tip of my dick and gently stroking it. Oh God, that’s so soft…

“Now come along, my little human,” she said in that same tone. “You’re going to give me a very good time…” She used her magic to pull me into her bed chamber. She backed into it, her hair molesting me the entire way.

“That’s… kind of what I wa—Ooh—expecting to do anyway. Can you… can you stop that?”

Her smile somehow deepened. “You lost your control of this, remember?” Her hair continued toying with me. I was now fully erect, her hair stroking me with light touches, sending hundreds of pinpricks of pleasure into my mind. She finally backed into her bed and stopped. “First things first: I do believe I need a massage. And I bet those fingers of yours are just perfect for it…” Her hair finally stopped, leaving me gasping slightly. She winked at me and jumped on the bed.

I had her pegged right when I called her Trollestia. Or maybe now she’s Molestia. Her magic released me, dropping me lightly to the floor. She was lying on her stomach, head turned and eyes half-lidded, giving me bedroom eyes with those beautiful pink irises. I’m going to go to hell for desecrating the pony goddesses. Fun.

I climbed on the bed and straddled her back. “I have almost no experience in this,” I warned. “So if I fuck up and break your back, I’m going to preemptively blame Spike.”

“Why Spike?”

“Because he seems like a good fall-guy,” I answered, moving my hands up to the base of her neck. “You do seem a bit tense, though. Maybe you should take a vacation.” I began applying pressure and she slowly began to loosen up. As I said, I had no real idea how to go about doing this, but I really don’t think I could screw up that badly.

From the way her body was reacting, I was thinking that I was doing something very right, actually. I could feel her shifting against my loins, her soft fur gently rubbing against me in ways that would make me call for an adult if I wasn’t currently with the oldest living pony on the planet. Not like I wasn’t enjoying it anyway. The lower I moved, the more she started to shift and the more pleasure we both felt.

“Is that a banana on my back, or are you enjoying this as much as I am?” she moaned.

“Fur is no longer as creepy as I thought when it comes to sex. And you’re moving just right…”

“And those hands are just as fun as I thought they would be,” she answered with a sigh.

I just continued my way down, bypassing her wings since I knew that would make her jump right to the main festivities. She didn’t seem to mind. I was now sitting on her flank, rubbing her lower back.

I felt her tail rise up and prod lightly at my back as I continued my work. A moment later, I felt it slithering around my waist. I thought it was going to stop at my manhood and deliver some nice feelings, but it continued around my waist. I never realized how long her tail was until it had me trussed up with still enough room to toy with me.

She began to run the tip of her tail up and down my shaft, teasing me with hair-light touches as I continued—or tried to continue—massaging her. I wasn’t able to pay much attention to what I was doing with her tail brushing against me like that.

“Oh, giving up already?” she mocked. “Well, I know what to do to bad stallions that don’t do as they’re told.”

I was starting to pant a bit. “Does it i-i-involve getting on with it?”

“Nope.” Her tail somehow pulled me back and dropped me on the bed. How is this thing so strong? It continued teasing me the whole time. Celestia turned her head to look at me. “What makes you think naughty stallions deserve any release?”

“I could… think of… a few reasons,” I forced out, trying to ignore what she was doing. God, I can imagine her doing this to some poor bastard in public.

She lifted one of her wings and looked it over. “I’m sure you probably could. Why don’t you try to articulate them for me?”

I opened my mouth to say something when her wing shot out and took the place of her tail next to my shaft. She started running the tips of her feathers up and down me, turning what I was going to say into a garbled moan.

“Oh? That’s your argument? I think I’ll just continue playing with you, then.” Her wing gently caressed me, featherweight touches causing me to shudder in pleasure. I sighed as she continued toying with me. “Getting tired of it? Well then, I guess I’ll just have to try harder.” Her tail released me and she turned to face me fully. Both of her wings extended to me. The tips of one gently circled my head while the other slowly traced my shaft.

I threw my hands to the side and gripped the bed as hard as I could, trying to fight the feelings inside my manhood. My eyes squeezed shut as she continued. Just as I was about to cum, her wings withdrew.

I opened my eyes in disbelief, just in time to see her mouth wrap around me and feel her tongue flick out to caress my tip. That was enough to get me to release my seed into her waiting throat. She moaned at the taste as her tongue wrapped around my shaft, milking me for all I was worth. I finally relaxed when I felt her mouth release me.

She pulled her head up, smiling. “I don’t remember saying you could cum.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t be so good at this.”

“I don’t hear you complaining.”

“It’s nice, being the focus of attention in one of my intimate sessions. Usually I’m being raped and have to focus on making the other person feel good.”

“I never said we were done, Nav! We’re just getting started…” With that, her horn glowed. I felt energy pumping into me, removing all the sleep deprivation I had and making me stand at attention. “Now that’s what I like to see! Just one more thing…” Her horn lit up like the sun and I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block the light out with my hands. A moment later, the light was gone. I opened my eyes, blinking them to try to see again. In front of me kneeled a very tall woman. Without seeing her stand, I’d have to guess she was around six and a half feet tall. “You said my sister was beautiful. What do you think of me?”

“I’ll let you know when I can see without spots in my eyes.”

“That’s just my beauty radiating away, blinding you.”

“You should try modesty.” I was finally able to actually see enough to determine physical features. “Let’s see…” Breasts the size of melons, a wonderful hourglass figure, and a face you wouldn’t really write home about. The sun princess of ponies was a butterface. I made a point of looking her up and down. “Eh, you’ll do.”

She punched me in the arm. “Tell the truth.”

“Most people would consider your body sexy. Your face, not so much.”

“Most people? What would you consider it?”

I reached my hands out and grabbed her melons. My hands couldn’t wrap all the way around. I felt her nipples start poking me. “I consider this excessive. You could kill someone with these, if you weren’t careful.” I let them drop and reached around her, grabbing her bottom. “Nice and squishy,” I said, pulling her against me. “I’m not complaining, of course. I know you did this to make me more comfortable. Even if you are a giantess.”

“Well that’s good to hear. There wasn’t anything you could have said to stop me from ravishing you anyway, but now I guess I’ll have to work harder to make up for my looks.”

“Oh come now, it’s not like you’re ugly. And with this body, you could easily catch eyes anyway. I just happen to like a different figure.”

She pouted. “You mean like Luna’s.”

“Yeah. Twilight’s was also nice.”

“Oh. You’re just saying that I’m old!”

“It’s like you’re looking to be insulted. How about I just show you that I’m okay with your body?”

Her pout disappeared and a scary smile appeared. “I think you’ll remember that I am in charge here.” Worth a shot. “Now then… This human shape is relatively new to me, but something you did with your cat friend interested me.” Her horn lit up and her bed changed consistency. I looked down and saw we were on a cloud. Thankfully, we were still in her room. It was okay to do something like that in Catro when there are no other fliers, but in Canterlot? That would end poorly.

I was a bit lost in thought when she pushed me onto my back. I fell, the cloud fitting nicely around my back. Celestia gave an evil smirk as her horn glowed. I felt something attach to my wing joints and tighten, pulling them back and holding me steady onto the cloud. I tried to pull up, only to find that I couldn’t move at all. So my wings were tied and held and I was stuck. Her horn glowed again and my hands shot off to the sides and were similarly tied.

“Uh… I’m not so sure about this, Celestia.”

“Well, I’m sure about you not having a choice one way or another. Now, let’s see…” She pulled herself off my lap and walked around the cloud a few times, looking me up and down. “Yes, this will be quite fun,” she finally said. “I know that tongue of yours is skilled, but sadly I don’t have all day to enjoy this. So…” She swung a leg over my lower body and straddled my thighs, leaving my member resting right up against her. “This human body is rather strange, but I’m willing to bet it works quite the same as mine, at least in one regard.” Her horn lit up again and something came flying to her from across the room.

She took it in her hands and popped the little bottle open. She grinned as she poured a little in her hands and began applying it to me. “Lube?” I asked. “You aren’t wet just from looking at me?”

She looked up from her work with a dark smile. “Who said anything about that hole being wet?” Oh. OH! Holy shit.

“I’ll admit to not knowing much about anal play, but shouldn’t you stretch a bit first?”

“And here I thought you paid attention to your pretty princess,” she said. She leaned up a bit and reached around behind her, then pulled a small plug out. She must have seen the ‘what the fuck’ look on my face. “It’s amazing what tails will hide, when you control them with magic,” she sighed, throwing the toy aside. “I’ve been waiting for this for a while.”

She pushed herself up and slowly positioned herself over me. She looked in my eyes as she slowly let herself down. When my head popped in, she bit her lower lip and continued lowering herself, still watching my eyes. I don’t know why, since I’m pretty sure I was fair—holy shit!

She started squeezing down on me as she lowered, her muscles milking me. I felt my eyes roll up and close as my hands balled into fists. Good God, this is not fair! This isn’t fair at all! She finally hit the base and stopped moving, just letting herself adjust and continue squeezing. “Look at me,” she commanded.

I forced my eyes open. Her face was lightly blushed and she seemed to still be smiling. She said, “Now do you see what comes from letting me have my way?”

“A fun surprise,” I gasped out.

She didn’t answer with words. Instead, she started lifting herself off me. She got to where just my head was inside before letting herself fall again, still squeezing me just right. “Look lower,” she ordered. My eyes fell down to her snatch and I saw that she had one hand rubbing it while the other held her steady against my stomach. “These human hands are quite nice,” she idly commented. I don’t know how she was so calm about this.

When she hilted this time, she started picking up speed, riding my manhood and putting me in bliss. Since there was nothing I could do for her, I just let my head fall back and allowed the waves of bliss to overtake me. I saw her breasts jiggling as she bounced up and down on me and couldn’t help but giggle a bit. Why did I think those were excessive? I wanted to reach a hand up to fondle them, but I was a little bit tied up.

“Oh, see something you like?” she slyly asked.

“Just rebuking myself, is all. Your body is quite nice, now that I see it properly in motion.”

“I’ll remember that. Now, the only noises you’re allowed to make are moans.” She won’t get too many of those from me, but I think I like what she’ll do to try.

When I started getting used to her riding me, she started grinding, still squeezing with her disturbingly strong muscles. She never stopped rubbing herself, either. We were both panting when she started pumping me again, bouncing up and down as we both fought against being the first to cum.

Surprisingly, she actually climaxed first. With a scream, she put both hands on my stomach to stabilize herself, squeezing her breasts in a manner I found most delightful. I think I enjoyed the spasms her muscles were making even more, squeezing me randomly and finally pushing me over the edge. I coated her intestines in my warm juices as she leaked hers over my stomach. She finally hilted herself one last time as we both rode our orgasms, mine short and hers lasting nearly a minute. She was panting as she pulled herself off me. She made sure I was looking when she replaced her plug.

“I wouldn’t want to waste a drop,” she said with a smug little grin. “Now, how should we get cleaned off?” She didn’t wait for an answer. Her horn glowed and I sunk into the cloud. I fell all the way through and it lifted off me. When it was gone, the mess she made on me went with it. The ropes also disappeared and I found myself lying on her regular bed. I sat up from the uncomfortable position—fucking wings—and turned to her.

“That was fun.”

“Yes, it was. I would like to go a few more times, but sadly, duty calls. We went slightly over schedule, but you won’t hear me complain.” Her horn lit up bright again and she turned back into a pony. “If you ever find yourself needing time to… relax… by all means, let me know.”

“I’ll have to keep that in mind, as long as Luna doesn’t get wind of it. Wouldn’t want to make her jealous.”

“I think the same offer goes for her. But I know I prefer having you here than having you with her.”

“Experience is refreshing, yes. But being able to teach the other what you like is also fun. I guess I can juggle two sisters.”

“Brave words. We’ll see how that turns out, then. But now, I really do need to go. Feel free to show yourself out when you catch your breath.” With that, she teleported away. I just shook my head as I started trying to find all my clothes.





(Sex is over)

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