Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.


88. Chapter Seventy-Three—The worst feeling in the world

There was silence in the room for a few long seconds. Finally, he asked, “Did you just start singing?”

I shrugged. “It happens. Probably just some leftover magic working its way out of my system. That song is surprisingly accurate, though. I’m you from the middle of your senior year, with over four years of experience some time in the future.”

He leaned back, smiling. “If you—I—went to the future in high school, how am I still here?”

“That is a very good question… If I had to guess, I’d say the spell that brought me to the future created a duplicate. Which would make us clones.” I ruffled my feathers, grimacing as some were caught on the bandages. “I suppose if we’re clones… Want to find out if it would be sex or masturbation?”

He narrowed his eyes. “I think I’d prefer finding out if it’s suicide or murder.” He sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “It’s been a long few months. I don’t think my wife would like me threatening something like you. I know my employers wouldn’t. So let’s say what you said is true. What’s the future like?”

“There’s one very big problem: There are no humans. Those ponies you captured appear to be the dominant life-form, but there are a number of other mythological races. Dragons, griffins, changelings, dog people, cat people, manticores, elementals, and so much more. I’ve found evidence of humans here and there, but no direct proof. The continents are arranged the same, but much of the land has been changed. Several cities exist that are near duplicates of human versions. Maris. Flankfurt. Canterlot. Barkelona. Catro.” I sighed. “I don’t know. I came back to tell my—our—family what happened to me, where I went and why I disappeared. I also wanted to see if it was possible to form a short link between the past and the future to bring some colonists back with me. Humanity is dead where I come from, doctor. And we died too soon.”

“Now that we can both agree on. Let me tell you some of our situation here… Navarone, is it? Two of us with the same strange and frankly terrible name are too many.”

“Did our parents ever apologize for that?”

“They went to their graves feeling justified.” I felt my fists clenching. “Navarone, we are beset by a terrible enemy. I assume you know of Google?” I nodded. “This facility was built by them. There is a… thing. I would call it a god if we didn’t all know better by now. But this thing displays signs of magic, or miracles, or something like that. But it uses its powers for evil. Google started tracking it twenty years ago. Ten years ago, this facility was built in silence and secrecy. Five years ago, it was populated by survivalists, people who want to go on living when the world goes up in smoke and flame. This powerful entity takes over the positions of the high and mighty and causes chaos wherever it can. As soon as we noticed it, we started tracing historical trends. We were able to follow it down to the age of the gods, Navarone. Tell me, in your future, does this thing exist?”

“No, of co—Wait.” I remembered the images Flo showed me of the great chaotic monster. And then I remembered the name of the old king that Reginald and Chrysalis mentioned. “He does. But he was deposed.” Or was he? I thought back to my times in the garden in Canterlot, looking through the stone garden. I never really paid much attention to the statues there, but one caught my eye several times. And that one was the same one I dreamed about. “But… he’s still alive. Somehow. He’s been in my dreams, something called Discord.”

“We’ve never found any name for him, but that one fits. So we failed… Well, if what you say is true, anyway. Let me see your injured wing.”

I lowered it for him, holding it across the table. “Be careful with them,” I warned. “They’re sensitive.”

“In what way?” he asked as he began unwrapping the bandage.

“In the way that you go to jail for molesting me.”

“Then I will definitely be careful.” He set the bandage aside and began probing around the area where I was shot. “Remarkable. She was using nonlethal rounds, but it shouldn’t have healed so much and so quickly.” He let me go and I pulled my wing back over. “Are your wings augmented?”

“My entire body is.” I held up my left hand. “I lost a finger a year ago. Bitten off by something. My genetic code was crossed with that of a tree. My blood is sap. I heal quickly. Chop something off and it grows back. And a little over a year ago, all of my organs were melted with poison and grown back. Ever since then, I wanted to see what I looked like on the inside, because I know it ain’t human. During spring and summer, I don’t sleep and my hair is green.”

“And just how is that possible?”

“Magic, doc. I ain’t gotta explain shit. You want to know how magic works, ask the unicorns.”

“They’re being questioned as we speak. Tell me about Discord.”

“I don’t know much to tell. I met an elemental that claimed he got them all to go to war with each other, and then jumped in the middle and had a party. The god-rulers of the ponies and the changelings both confirm to have met him and implied that he ruled for some time before they came into power. A dragon I spoke to mentioned helping the ponies depose him. He has a statue in the capital of the pony kingdom and his body is all kinds of ugly. Fucking chimera, you know? The memory the elemental showed me of him… There are no words to describe it other than monstrous.”

“Yeah, that’s about right. You never thought to ask them more about him?”

I lifted an eyebrow. “You’re asking me if I went out of my way to ask a fucking goddess about her greatest enemy and one of the few things that brings pain to her face at the mere mention?” He shrugged. “No. I never cared enough. I didn’t even draw the connections until now. My mind was more fixated on not dying or getting raped. I swear, those things are fucking animals when it comes to sex.”

“Well, you seemed to have done well for yourself. A knight, if that song was accurate.”

“Yeah. A knight. To a goddess rapist that loves me. Funny how that works out.”

“You know, when I was a senior in high school, I remember being willing to do almost anything to get laid…”

“As it turns out, we were wrong. It wasn’t anything and it was not worth it. Now, I’d prefer to find a different topic. When can I find some hot chicks? I’ve been dealing with fucking horses for four years too long. The cat lady and the dragoness were at least hot, but they were like drops of water in a desert.”

He grinned. “Yeah, you are like me at that age. Speaking of which, how old are you, now?”

“...Shit, I don’t even know. Twenty-two, maybe? I know I’m past old enough to drink. I got a lot of shitty pickup lines I want to get out of my system.”

“Well, I can’t promise you anything, but if you behave and cooperate, you’ll probably be allowed into the general population. There are a few thousand people here. You won’t be allowed to tell them there are no humans in the future, though. You got any more questions before we go to the biology department?”

“A few personal ones. How’s Jane?”

“Our sister is doing well, last I heard. I tried to get her here, but she couldn’t convince her husband to come. I might be able to convince her to come and visit, though.”

“Please… If I can’t see my parents, I can at least see my sister. What about you? What do you do?”

“Biomedical engineering is the shorthand version. You left before a long series of breakthroughs, some of which were in nanotechnology. There has been some very, very cool things happening. If the laws were gone, I’d be able to create entire species of animals by myself. I’ll probably be one of the ones examining you and the three ponies.”

“How the fuck did I go from computer science to biomedical engineering?”

He gave me a deadpan look. “You ever try finding a small error in five thousand lines of code? Fuck that. What about you, what do you do?”

“I’m a problem solver. The princesses get a problem, they come to me and I deal with that problem. It usually involves killing things.”

“Sounds dangerous.” He didn’t seem that impressed.

“Yeah. So can we get on with the tests so I can go to getting shot down?”

“Sure.” He knocked on the table twice and stood. “Come on.” He led the way into the hall. I followed behind him, because what else was I supposed to do? Eventually, we got to an elevator of sorts. He pushed a button and we waited. “This place has over fifty floors,” he explained. “Someone in Google played plenty of Dwarf Fortress before this place was built, because it is maximized for efficiency.”

“I was meaning to ask about that, actually. How the hell did fucking Google do this? This is a military base with its own troops. How is this legal?”

“Navarone, money opens doors.” And just like that, the elevator pinged open, revealing three people in lab coats, two chicks and a dude. Their eyebrows shot up when they saw me. Anon let himself inside and I followed. “Google can do this because no one will stop us. You can disguise just about anything as a business expense when you rack in enough money.” And the elevator began its descent.

I turned to one of the women, an older looking chick but still a sight for sore eyes. “If I told you that you had a sexy body, would you hold it against me?”

Anon smacked me in the back of the head. “Don’t mind him,” he told the very surprised woman. The other two were snickering.

I looked at the other woman. “Baby, I may not be an angel, but that won’t stop me from taking you to heaven.”

Anon face-palmed. “When did you become so shameless?” he sighed as the three of them struggled to hold back laughs.

“When that night goddess used her freaky powers to give everyone wet dreams about me. Shame goes away quickly when everyone you know has had very accurate dreams of fucking you.” I looked to the first woman again. “Yes or no: If I were to ask you to have sex with me, would the answer to that be the same as to that of this question?”

She opened her mouth to respond but stopped. “…What?”

I grinned and turned to the other one. “Is that a mirror in your pants? Because I could see myself in them.” And then to the other, “Hey, I think I remember you from heaven. Want me to take you home?” And to the other, “I can’t spell fuck without u!”

She looked confused. “That one sounded more like an insult.”

I shrugged. “Sorry. I have one chance to use these and by God I’m going to.” I looked back to the other. “Nice shoes, wanna fuck? And, for the coup de grace…” I looked to the man and grinned. “Hey, from the looks of it, we both have bananas in our pockets. How's about we go back to my place and make sundaes out of them?” And there were four face palms, right as the elevator dinged open. I waved as Anon dragged me out. I said, “Call me!” just as the doors slid shut. “Nice people,” I commented as he glared at me.

“You are just the worst,” he sighed and began leading me away.

“Hey, I’m only you if things had been different. And I’m not really gay, I just wanted to fuck with that guy.”

“Oh yes, you made that abundantly clear.”

I chuckled as we walked. “Oh yeah, you’re married, right? Would it be cheating if I—” He swung around and tried to backhand me, but I saw it coming and jumped back. “Old man, you do not want to try to get in a fight with me. You may have security to back you up, but it might be too late by the time they get here.”

“If I find out that you are flirting with my wife or my daughter, I am going to castrate you. And I’ll find a way to make sure it doesn’t grow back.”

“Whoa now, I didn’t say a thing about your daughter. She’s technically mine too, so that would totally be incest. Also, she’s a fucking bitch.”

“And I suggest very strongly against calling my daughter a bitch. I’d hate to have to shoot you,” he said while patting his pistol holster. His smile disappeared very quickly when he realized his holster was empty.

I grinned. “Missing something?” I sweetly asked. I had nabbed it when they were all facepalming. It was hidden under my shirt, in my waistband.

“You have exactly one chance to give me my gun before I call security. It only has six rounds and there are a lot more people here than that.”

I grinned and pulled it out, taking a moment to study it. “This was my granddad’s gun, wasn’t it? I remember shooting this thing a few years ago. Kicks like crazy, but fuck does it do damage. I assume if my parents are dead my grandparents are as well?” He nodded as I passed the revolver back. “Well, that fucking sucks. So much for my personal reasons for coming back. Maybe I can still talk to my sister, at least…”

“Maybe. Come on. And don’t touch another gun without permission.” I sighed and continued following him, jamming my hands in my pockets.

That was when I remembered that I had two pockets of gold. “Hey, what’s the price of gold these days?”

“I don’t know. Why?” I pulled out a pouch and tossed it to him. He hesitantly opened it before gaping.

“Yeah, Equestria is on the gold standard and being the lackey of the princesses is lucrative.” I pulled out the other pouch and tossed it to him as well. “That’s pretty much all I have on me but clothes. Now let’s keep moving.”

He weighed them both in his hands before handing them back. “These aren’t weapons. Do with them as you would.” I slipped them into pockets and we kept moving. Finally, we got to some kind of med bay. “Pick a table and have a seat.”

I picked one at random and hopped up. “So you getting a blood sample or something?”

“Something like that.” He turned around with a rubber strap and an empty syringe. “Hold out your arm.” I did and he tied the tourniquet around it, pulling it tight. He then felt around for a vein. “Christ, your arms are skinny. Are they starving you?”

“No. I get most of my energy from the sun. I bet if you took a hair sample, you would find that it has chlorophyll in it.”

“I’ll get one before letting you go, then.” With no warning, he poked me with the needle. I barely felt a prick as he started to slowly pull blood out of me. “Ho. Lee. Fuck.” He saw its color at that point, and probably that it wasn’t acting like normal blood at all. “Well ain’t that something.”

“I told you. That isn’t the only surprise I have, either.”

“I can imagine. And I can’t wait to find out more.” He pulled the needle away from me and put a stopper on the top, blocking the sharp point. “I’ll send this off to lab with some hair samples. I could also use stool and urine.”

I shook my head. “Nope. Everything’s recycled.” I reached up and yanked out some hair for him. “Best I can do.”

He took the hair and put it into some small jars. He took a second to write something on them before putting the needle and the jars into a box, opening a little pantry door and sliding them inside. He closed the door and pressed a button. “Now, let’s take some x-rays. Take off your shirt and lay back on the table.” I did so as he walked over to my table and pulled something off from the ceiling. It was a long cylinder with a glass pane in the center. “Things have gotten a bit more advanced since you left.” He pressed a few buttons on the side of the cylinder and I heard a few clicks. “There. That should show us all the layers you got going on in there.” He pushed the cylinder up. “Get dressed and come on over.”

He walked over to a computer as I stood and put my shirt on. “So that’s it?” I asked.

“Yep. Let’s see.” He pressed a few buttons on the keyboard and a series of pictures popped up on the screen. He pressed a number and what looked like organs popped up. “Well well…” Those were not human organs. Those weren’t even organs.

“What the blueberry fuck?”

“It’s all connected,” he whispered, looking it over. “Just a mass of tissue…” One of his hands went to my neck and I felt fingers where my jugular should be. He lifted his other hand up, one with a watch, and counted down time. “Three heartbeats per minute,” he said. “Unbelievable. Whatever you are, kid, it ain’t human. This… this is something else.” He pressed another number on the keyboard and my bone structure showed up. “Similar. Ribs are closer together, forming a plate.” He put a hand to my chest and ran it up and down. “No way in. That explains why you don’t look that unhealthy, I suppose. What the fuck happened to do this?”

“I told you, my genetic code was mixed with that of a tree after I got burned so badly I almost died. I was on death’s bed, so the princesses gave me a tree’s life essence to bring me back. For a while, I was still mostly human, but then I got a poison that was so bad it melted my insides. With a mix of magic and biology, I was able to recover. I have a fuckton of stamina, my nerve endings are deadened, and everything is recycled.”

“And your eyes? Or the wings?”

“Different modifications. The wings were the result of a sphere of chaos spell that turned me into a pegasus. When I got turned back, the wings stayed for some stupid fucking reason. The eyes were my gift of knighthood. It has been an interesting four years.”

“I’ll say.” He checked his watch again. “It’s about nightfall. I’ll square away some rooms for you and your pony friends. There are cameras in your rooms. If you leave without permission, bad things happen. You may be given more freedom later, but for now, the most trust we’ll give you is leaving you relatively alone. There’s a computer in each room that has a connection to the internal network of the bunker system, so feel free to browse that if you like. You should find every song written in the past five hundred years on there, as well as a number of games. But I suggest sleeping, because you’re going to have a long and busy few days soon.”

“Alright. And dude, tell your daughter I’m sorry for stabbing her.”

“I will, if I see her.” He pressed a few buttons on the computer and a security guy walked in. “Take Navarone to the high class confinement chambers. He and his friends will have permission to go between rooms, but if they leave their hall, they are to be tracked down immediately.”

“Yes sir. You, follow me.” I shrugged and fell into step behind him. As I did, I realized that Anon didn’t even put a fucking bandage on my arm where he took blood. I looked down at it and saw a pinprick of amber keeping any more blood from flowing out.

“So what’s the future like?” I asked as we walked.

“The… future?”

“Yeah. Like, now. What’s it like?”

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

“Shit… How old are you?”


I sighed. “Then I guess you’re too young to answer the question. I got pulled out of this world thirty-five years ago. I was wondering what it was like.”

“Well… for the most part, it’s nice. But there are hints of trouble, which is why we’re here in this bunker. Someone obviously believed it was severe enough.”

Or Google finally turned evil and wanted to control a few thousand people. “So what’s it like working for Google?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t really know. I work for a private security firm hired out by Google. This place is admittedly very nice, and some of the equipment we get is top notch stuff that not even the military gets. It’s not like I really do that much. I heard a military team was sent out today, but that doesn’t happen often. I assume you are what they were sent to fetch?”

“Me and some friends, yes. I imagine the news will get out soon about us. I’m going to start wearing a fucking coat over these wings. Maybe then I can get laid.”

He turned to look back at me. “You’re joking, right? I bet you can get all kinds of tail with them things. More, if you don’t mind taking it from behind.”

“Which I do mind. Maybe I’ll have some luck later.”

He turned back. “One thing I do know changed from thirty years ago: Marriage is pretty rare. Most relationships are informal, so I imagine you’ll have good luck.”

“Well now, that’s good to hear. Is there a bar or anything where people looking to get laid can go?”

“In the civilian sector, yes. You’ll need permission to go there, though.” Well, now I have a plan: Be good and get permission to go to a bar so I can get my dick wet in a human. “So if you disappeared thirty years ago, where did you go?”

“A mystical magical world full of fucking assholes. I got to fuck a dragon, though, so that was cool.”

“You what, mate?” He was looking back at me in surprise.

“Yeah, dragons. I got to fuck a young one that was about six or seven feet tall. I gotta say, nothing makes you feel more like a man than making a sexy dragoness shoot fire out of her mouth while screaming your name.”

He grinned. “Oh yeah, I’m getting some buddies together and you’re going to tell us some stories.”

“Bring alcohol.” We got to the elevator and he pressed the up button.

“I’ll see what I can do. Do they have that in magical asshole world?”

“Not much. Just what I made. And the griffins had some mead, but I didn’t get much of that. What they did have, though, was some really high quality weed. Like, holy shit, that stuff will get you blazed.”

“Ooh, I don’t suppose you brought any back?”

“Nope. You ain’t seen nothing until you get a dragon and a physics defying pony high, though. They cleaned out an entire bakery.” The elevator opened and we let ourselves inside. He pressed a button pretty high on the list and we started ascending. “It was a pretty interesting few years.”

“What’s your best story?”

I took a few seconds to think. “Probably either the war games I had with the ponies or the time I shut down a crime organization in thirty minutes. For the first one, all you need to know is that the races in this place are technologically backwards. Their primary mode of fighting is line-to-line charge.” I gave him an evil smile. “I introduced guerrilla warfare. Normally the ‘games’ last over a week. I finished them in three days with twenty casualties. The enemy surrendered with less than a hundred troops left.”

“Well now, that don’t hardly seem fair.”

“All’s fair in war. Not in love, though, and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Last time I thought that, I got stabbed in the chest with a fucking horn.”

The elevator pinged and the door opened. “You got what?” he asked as he led the way out.

“Stabbed in the chest. There are magic-using unicorns in that world. One that was sadistic and apparently got off to torture fell in love with me. I didn’t realize that. Bad things happened.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. So… magic?”

“Yep. They can and will use it to throw your ass around, too. Yeah, I’m glad to be back.”

“I think I understand.” He stopped next to a door and knocked on it. When there was no answer, he pushed it open. “This is where you’ll be staying. I don’t know much about the arrangements the doc’ll be making, but you’ll be restricted to this room and three around it, one for each of your friends. I imagine you’ll get more freedom later. And every one of these rooms is monitored, as well as the hall. Security can be here in less than a minute. Any questions?”

“When will the others get here?” He shrugged. “When and where can I eat?”

“Food can be brought here or you can go to the dining hall. You can find a map on the computers, but I imagine you’ll be escorted wherever you want to go until you earn some trust.”

“Awesome. What’s your name?”


I held out my hand. “Navarone.” He shook it. “I’m going to bed. Thanks for showing me here.”

“You got it. Talk to you later.” He walked back to the elevator and I stepped inside my new chamber, closing the door behind me. It was… bare. A bed, a desk with a very strange looking computer, a dresser, and a door that led further in.

I checked out the door and found a bathroom. I poked around in the dresser and found… a bunch of girl clothes. “What.” I just shook my head and closed the panty drawer before walking over to the desk and sitting in their chair. I went through the drawers and found a roll of mints and an old fashioned tape recorder with no tapes. “Why would this even be in here?” I dropped it back in and pressed what I was hoping was the power button on the computer.

The screen immediately loaded. ‘Google OS v.3.7’ popped up. “Fucking really?” After about two seconds, the entire thing was loaded and ready to go. “Well, can’t fault it for being slow.” I pulled out the keyboard attachment to find a standard keyboard and mouse. “I was hoping for something more advanced, but why fix what ain’t broke?” I checked the system tray for anything and saw a few monitoring programs that I knew I couldn’t disable. I also saw something disgusting: Touch screen. I turned that shit off immediately. And then I double clicked on the icon for Google Chrome.

‘Access Denied.’

“Well fuck you too.” I hit cancel and went to the start bar equivalent. A list of files popped up. I clicked on the one that said games. That gave me a list of genres. I felt a smile forming on my face before I shook my head. “I didn’t travel several million years in the past to play STALKER.” I went back to the start list and looked through it before yawning. “Fucking… winter.” I shut the computer down, kicked off my shoes, locked the door, and fell into bed.

I quickly realized I had a pouch of gold in both pockets and threw them onto the floor before sleep claimed me.


I woke up feeling… off. I was used to having Flo bringing me to the glade when I slept. I didn’t have any dreams at all, this time.

And then Dash pushed me off my bed. “Wake up!”

I jerked up. “Christ! What the fuck do you want, woman?”

“About time, Nav! I’ve only been trying to wake you up for five minutes.”

“Unless it’s a fucking emergency, don’t ever wake me up. My body requires sleep during winter and I have no choice about getting it. Now what do you need?”

“Do you really need to ask that? What the buck is going on!? Where are we?”

“How the fuck should I know? I’m a prisoner just as much as you are. Where’s Fancy and Rarity?”

“I don’t know, dude. I just woke up a few minutes ago with a killer headache. There was a group of humans in some strange armor standing outside my door. They warned me that going anywhere that wasn’t your room would be a bad idea. I say we break outta here and find Rarity and Fancy and then make our escape!”

“No. That is the exact opposite of what we’ll be doing. Maybe you don’t remember, Dash, but you got your ass kicked last night. That was with nonlethal bullets. Lethal bullets will be considerably more lethal. And in case you weren’t aware, there are cameras in this room that are watching us and recording what we say. As soon as we make a run for it, security will be all over us. We aren’t going anywhere.”

“Then what do we do?! We can’t just sit here and let them do whatever they want to us!”

“There ain’t nothing else we can do.” I walked over to the computer and turned it on. “You have movie theaters in Equestria, right?”

“Psh, yeah. But what does that have to do with anything?”

I sat down and opened up the movie folder. From there I went to the action folder and did a search for Indiana Jones. “You’re gonna fucking love this shit.” I opened the first movie up, turned up the volume, full screened it, and sat on the bed. “We can’t do shit, Dash. Just sit down and watch the movie.”

“Nav, this feels… wrong. What if they’re being hurt?”

“Then there’s nothing we can do about it. Sit.” I patted the spot next to me. She bit her lip and looked at the door before sighing and hopping on the bed. “Alright. You remember Daring Do? Yeah, this is the original version of that.”

Original? Psh, Daring Do came before whatever this is.”

“Dash, we just went several million years in the past. Trust me, this came first. Now shut up and watch the movie.”

She rolled her eyes and did.

Twenty minutes later, she was fucking hooked. She didn’t even look up when my door opened.

I did, though. Two armed guards stood there. “Navarone, you need to come with us,” one of them said. “You’re going to be gone for a while, I imagine.”

I sighed and walked to the computer, pausing the movie. “Hey!” I added the other two—not the shitty fourth one—to the playlist before starting it again. Then I followed the guards out.

“So, what’s on today’s agenda?” I asked as they led me down the hall.

“No clue,” one answered. “No one tells the grunts anything. All I know is that we’re going to an interview room.”

“Interview or interrogate?” I asked.

“Interview. Depending on some answers, it might turn into an interrogation room.”

“I just can’t win, can I?”

The guy that was behind me grabbed the tip of my wing and jerked it. “Looks like you already did, if you ended up with these.” I quickly determined that this was not, in fact, a guy.

I grinned and bopped her with a wing. “Keep playing with them if you want.” I knew what skilled hands could do to someone with wings.

“I always did like birds,” she said, putting both hands on one of them. I felt her fingers tweaking at my feathers and running through them ever so gently. I definitely didn’t want her to stop, but she let it go when we got to the elevator. I just sighed as we began to sink into the depths.

“So what’s flying like?” the guy asked me.

“It was awesome the first few times I did it,” I answered. “And every time you can get into a good dive, it’s just amazing. One time I was able to jump off the side of a castle built into a mountain and fell for about half a mile before pulling out of it. Now that was an excellent flight. I don’t think they’ll work while I’m here, though.”

The girl’s hand went back to my wing. “If they do, let me know,” she said, stroking it.

“You got it.” Maybe Aaron was right. I couldn’t see this chick under her helmet, but honestly I didn’t really care about looks right now. After getting back from fucking horses, it matters much less what a person looks like.

She continued unknowingly molesting me until the elevator doors pinged open. She took the lead and we started walking. Yep, she’s got a nice ass. She led me right to an interview room and said, “Wait here.” She went in and closed the door behind her. A second later, it opened. “Come in.” I walked in and found myself sitting on the other side of the table with my daughter standing at his back.

Man, this can get really confusing. Anon was sitting at the table with what I assumed was his daughter behind him, glaring at me.

“Sit, sit,” he said, waving at the other chair. I walked over and sat down. “Didn’t feel like wearing shoes?” he asked with a smile.

I shrugged. “Not like I’m going outside any time soon. Jessica, I assume?” She stiffly nodded. “Sorry for stabbing you.”

“That’s nice,” she said in an unfriendly tone.

Anon cleared his throat. “That’s no way to behave around guests, dear. Guard, would you mind bringing us some coffee?”

“Yes sir.” My nice guard left, closing the door behind her.

My older self put his hands on the table, steepling them. “Navarone, we ran tests on your blood. Do you know what we found?”

“If I had to guess, I’d say that it wasn’t blood.”

“We found trace amounts of nanomachines. Tell me, how is this possible if you left thirty-five years ago?”

“What the fu—Oh. That makes some sense… That makes a lot of sense. Do you remember yesterday when I told you about meeting an elemental?” He nodded. “She put part of herself into me.” If you know what I mean. “That might have been what you picked up. She warned me about that before I left, that you might find something odd in my blood.”

“Navarone, the machines in your blood are more advanced than anything anyone in my team has ever seen. If I had to guess, these were post-singularity machines. This elemental, was she a robot?”

I shrugged. “Fuck if I know. She looked and felt like water. I don’t know what to tell you, doc.”

“Young man, do you use that head for anything other than lust and violence?”

“This is not a road you want to go down, old man. Don’t patronize me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Kids these days…” I was beginning to get angry. “Since you have nanomachines in your system, the task of telling your story will be much easier. Jessica, the device?”

She put something on the table and slid it at me. “Put this next to your ear and press the button.”

I picked up the cylinder and ran it through my fingers, examining it. “What is this?” I asked.

Anon answered, “It’s a memory module. It sends a message to the nanomachines in your body and requests certain information. This one is set up to take memories from up to five years.”

I put it up to my ear and pressed the button. A few seconds later, I felt something strange happening in that ear, but I didn’t move. When the machine beeped, the strange sensation went away and I put the device back down on the table.

“Now what?” I asked.

The guard stepped in with a few mugs and a pot of coffee. She set them down on the table. “Anything else, sir?” she asked.

“See to it that the memory module gets to the CS department,” he said. “They’ll know what to do with it.” She nodded and left, letting the door close again. Anon reached over and began pouring coffee. “Tell me about the world you come from, Navarone.”

“Dude, this is the world I come from.” He rolled his eyes and I grinned. “The atmosphere is different, but I don’t know if it’s lethal for a human. Everything speaks the same language somehow. Before we left, we got spells put on us to make sure we could speak whatever language was here and that we wouldn’t die from the different atmosphere. The ponies are ruled over by two goddess princesses that claim to be able to move the sun and moon. This is the weird part: They actually can move the planet. The two of them are, for the most part, benevolent tyrants and they demand and accept no worship, only love and respect. While they plot to keep every other nation weak and friendless, of course. The griffins are working to form a parliamentary government out of a kingdom, inspired by me. I haven’t been to the dog country yet, but I’ve heard they have a business oriented nation and are ruled by a CEO. The changelings are ruled by an immortal queen, like the ponies. They’re weak and live mostly in squalor, but Christ can they do damage if you get them riled. The cats have a standard dictator-style kingdom. I helped lead a slave revolt there that installed a friendly general as the new king.”

“And the elementals?” he asked, having poured coffee for himself and his daughter.

“Not a power at all. Those few that survived Discord’s war are either trapped or in hiding, but not for much longer. The dragons and naga are non-issues, as neither really have much care for politics. The dragons do have a country, but I haven’t been to it. Mostly, they’re nomadic and solitary. The naga are split into clans all over the place and act as mercenaries for whoever has the coin to pay them.”

“You said not for much longer. What’s going on with the elementals?”

I grinned widely. “I found one that was trapped. She can lead me to others, who can in turn lead me to others. If I can get all of the water elementals out, they can lead me to the fire and earth elementals. And once I free them all, I’ll probably have the most powerful force of nature on my side that their world has seen in millennia.”

“So if we could send our people anywhere, where would you suggest us to go?”

I leaned back and closed my eyes, thinking. “That… depends,” I finally said. “Which would be higher priority? Being independent or rebuilding the population? If you stayed with the ponies, you would be very well treated slaves for Celestia—probably. I imagine that would be her price for letting the humans live in her lands. And when she takes an oath of fealty, she uses magic to ensure that oath is fulfilled. However, Equestria is the most industrious nation and would allow you to get on your feet faster. They’re also working on building electricity after I told them about it. But if you went to the griffins, I can almost guarantee you independence and full citizenship. But most of them live in fucking trees, giant roosts.”

“What if we wanted to strike out on our own? Rebuild from scratch?”

“Don’t. I don’t have the entire world explored yet, but from what I’ve seen, the only unpopulated places are like that for a reason. You remember that shitty space opera Dune? I’ve read a bestiary. Those giant worms exist in some places in that world, though I don’t think they’re as big as they were in the movie. That should tell you what kind of place this is. Although…” I closed my eyes, trying to think of some safe place. “Wait… I need to see a map. Where is this facility located?”

“The United States,” he answered. “Why?”

“What state?”


My mouth dropped. “This… this place still exists. Damaged and open to the elements, but it’s there. Heavily guarded, though.”

“I am not a fan of living underground,” Jessica said. “But it would be very important to check it out. There is no telling what information might be inside if it does still exist.”

“Technology level?” he asked.

“Almost all the tech they have runs off magic. I taught the ponies and the changelings how to use electricity and the two races are currently in a research war, trying to outdo the other. As far as I know, the changelings are winning. Aside from those two races, no one else has magic and they all have no tech. I think.”

“Living conditions?”

“All over the fucking place. Ponies in Equestria don’t go hungry, though. They all have a special talent that determines their lot in life. Changelings lived in total darkness the last time I was in a hive. They had a few electrical lights, but the rest of their caves are dark. Before the treaty, they were mostly starving, but I came up with a solution that got them all fed, so they’re much better off. Griffins are mostly alright. Don’t know about dogs or dragons. Naga are good. Cats are… well, imagine Egypt back before Europe showed up.”


I shrugged. “I’m rich enough to house and feed an army for a while. I don’t know how the rest of it is doing. Most of the known world is on the gold standard, I think, though bartering and performing services for goods is possible.”



“Where’s most of the population at? And what kind of numbers are we seeing?”

“Population seems evenly spread. Get a population map of the world today and it would be about the same, I’d imagine. The only difference is that there is considerably less of everything there. Their idea of a big city is ten thousand.”

“Race numbers, then?”

“Ponies make up the largest group, I think. As far as I can tell, they’re split fairly evenly between unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies, which are just smaller versions of horses. If I had to guess, griffins or changelings make up the second one. Then dogs, then cats. I honestly don’t know, though.”


I snorted. “Practically nonexistent in the mainland. Go over to Europe or Africa and it’s a totally different story. I took down one fucker named the dogfather—no shit, that was his name. He ran about half of the crime in the known world, so things have died down some. Given that two of the consequences for breaking the law are becoming a food source for the changelings and going to a real living hell, most people are apt to stay legal.”

“A living hell?”

“You are going to crack up at this. Celestia built a place called Tartarus, linked up a few portals to it, and made it a maximum security prison. Here’s the kicker: She used the entire island of Australia to do it.” They both smirked at that.

“If we wanted to get accepted quickly, what would we bring?”

“Technology. Ways of generating electricity. And for the love of God, bring weapons. Outside of major population zones, this world is feral. Giant ants, cockatrices, manticores, wolves made of wood… This world is not a vacation zone. Also, bring exotic foods and ways to plant them, because they sure as hell don’t have coffee.” Though looking at Pinkie, that might be a good thing.

“Do you think we can do a good business trading weapons?”

“Yes. But you absolutely shouldn’t. If we get people there, humanity is going to be a very small fraction of the population, I imagine just a few hundred or thousand. You’ll need all the advantages you can get. Most of the ponies are friendly and would probably happily welcome more humans with my reputation. But not everyone would.”

“And what of you, Navarone? If humans came into this world, what would you do?”

“Same as always. Little would change for me, I imagine. I’m not human and I imagine I can’t breed with any humans—though trust me, that won’t stop me from trying. I’d have no responsibilities to the race past giving you a second chance.”

“You say you have a reputation. If you represented us, would that not give us a better hearing?”

“Oh, most assuredly. But why should I help you? You said it yourself, doc: I’m not human. You locked me up and took away two of my friends. You threatened me and took away my weapons. What incentive do I have to help you?”

“Young man, this is the future of a race. You are talking about us being completely extinct. Is it so much to ask that you help us get situated?”

“I am offering you a second chance at life. Is it a crime that I don’t go the whole nine yards and deliver you the good life on a silver platter? I built what I have now in four years of slavery, doing the bidding of a princess that threatened to throw my ass in jail and lose the key. If you don’t like it, as far as I’m concerned, you’re welcome to stay in the past and fucking die.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Let’s make it worth your while, then. What do you want?”

“For one, freedom. I won’t hurt anyone here. Two: When I leave, I want weapons and gear. I’m tired of using a crossbow and a sword. I’ll also want a solar powered laptop with as much information as you can get on it. And finally, I want it known that I can’t promise anything. I do not know how I will return home. For all I know, one day I’ll just disappear and be millions of years in the future. If that is the case, I will try to get back here and get a stable portal or something.” I absolutely love having a good poker face.

“I will see what I can do,” he said, leaning back. And he bought it. “I’m just a scientist, though. I can’t make any promises either.”

I shrugged. “Good enough for now. Oh, and if you’re torturing Rarity and Fancy Pants, I suggest you stop. Celestia would not be pleased to know you’re hurting her subjects.”

“We aren’t hurting them,” he said. “We’re just trying to study their magic, though it’s not working well. We would be studying your blue friend, if she had any kind of useful magic. The two unicorns will be released before the day is out, I believe.”

“Well, you can keep Rarity if you want. Fancy Pants is cool, though. I want to go bar hopping with that guy and get him trashed on cheap booze.”

“You will not be getting anything that has the potential for magic drunk, even if they haven’t shown that they can actually do any. I don’t care if they can’t currently do anything, I will not risk it.”

“Bah, you old guys are no fun. It can wait, I guess. So what now?”

“Now we process your memories. You’ll be confined to your quarters and that area until we do.”

“Now when you say process, what exactly does that mean?”

“We go through them. Since it’ll be over such a long period, we’ll have a large group of processors running through it all to weed out the important parts. Then a few people will watch through them and make sure you aren’t completely dangerous.”

I did not sign on for that! I was tempted to reach across the table and smack a bitch, but I figured that would end poorly. Jessica was looking at me like she just wanted an excuse to fly off the handle. So instead I grinned. “Make sure there’s no one underage watching them. They’ll see quite a few things they probably shouldn’t.”

“Our staff is full of professionals,” he answered. “Jessica, show Navarone back to his room, please.”

“Must I, father?” she sadly asked.

“Yes. And please, try to get along. I do not want the head of security butting heads with a mostly innocent guest. If it makes you feel any better, he is honestly rather similar to me when I was his age.”

“It doesn’t,” she answered. “You, come.”

I shrugged and followed her out of the room. I had a number of questions I wanted to ask her, but I figured I would be a lot safer by not saying a word. To that end, we got all the way back to my room in silence. I let myself back in without a word being passed between us.

Dash was still chilling on my bed, doing her best to pop her eyes out of her head to attach them to the screen. I was about to take a shower when I realized that I didn’t have any clothes. Instead, I joined Dash and we watched Indie save the world from Nazis.

The credits started rolling and Dash finally looked away from the screen. “Dude, that was awesome! They need to make movies about Daring now!”

“That ain’t all,” I said. “Want to watch the other two?”

“You bet I do!” And that’s when I heard a rumbling that sounded like it was coming from her. “…But do you think we can eat first?”

“I was wondering about that,” I said as I walked over to the computer and paused the movies. “I was told we’d either be given food or we’d be escorted to a dining hall. I’m not hungry yet, but if someone can make me some chicken marsala, I would love them forever.”

“I don’t know what that is, but I’m hungry enough to try to eat meat. I say we start walking and see what happens.”

We both jumped as an intercom crackled and a voice said, “If you two are hungry, tell me what you want and I’ll get word down to the kitchens.” It sounded like some nerdy dude.

Dash was looking every which way. “Who’s there?!” she demanded.

“Dash, chill. It’s just an intercom. Dude, if you can get me chicken marsala with extra mushrooms and wine, maybe with a bit of pasta or something, that would be super. Dash, what are you hungry for?”

She picked a random stretch of the wall and said in a rather hostile voice, “How can I trust you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Because,” I said, “if they wanted to kill us, they wouldn’t use poison, they’d use a bullet. Now come on, give him an order.”

She sighed. “Fine… Nav, what’s something good?”

“She wants a stack of blueberry pancakes and grits,” I said.

“I’ll do what I can,” the intercom said. “No promises about the marsala. It’s still pretty early.”

The intercom turned off as I said. Well, I can hope. “Back to the marathon?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I guess.”

And so we went back to Indiana Jones until our food got to us.

When it did, it was wheeled in under a covered by a real beauty. “I hope I do no interrupt,” she happily said. Oh my God she has a sexy accent. I think I just came. “You are zee angel, yes?”

“I’m Navarone, ma’am,” I said, standing up. “And I hope you’re not offended, but you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve seen in over four years.”

She grinned, a small blush on her face. “Zank you, Navarone. I believe zee request was for zee chicken marsala and pancakes, yes?”

“Yep.” I was alternating my looks between her beautiful face and the tray.

“Vell, it was hard to convince my manager, but I got him to agree to make your order so early.” She pulled the cover off the tray and revealed my desires. Well, some of my desires.

I looked up to her, a smile transfixed on my face. “I love you. If I wasn’t in such a hurry to eat this marvelous meal, I would offer to take you to heaven and beyond, if you were interested.”

Her smile deepened. “I might find you later, zen. But I vould not vant to make your… friend jealous.” She looked behind me at Dash. “So zis is one of ze ponies ve have heard about?”

Dash hopped down from the bed. “Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria!” Her wings were spread, presumably to show off.

“Ooooh, they do talk! A winged horse… Zat eats pancakes! It is nice to meet you, Miss Dash.”

“You never did give us your name, Beautiful,” I said.

“Cecilia. I vill leave you two to eat. If you are ever interested in meeting me, I can be found in ze kitchens. Or you can request me from the intercom.”

“You got it, Cici,” I said with a smile. With a small bow for the two of us, she left. I got a nice view of her ass as she walked out, too.

I looked over at Dash, who was giving me a deadpan stare. “Really, dude?” she sighed.

“Hey, I have exactly one shot to get laid by a human chick. If this spell wears off before I can get laid, I will be so fucking pissed. The least you can do is be a good wingmare for me, Dash.”

“Hey, it’s my only chance to get laid by a real human mare too! I’ve heard stories about those hands of yours, and I’d love to try them out!” I slowly smirked as she realized what she had said and a blush grew on her face. “You know what I mean! Let’s just eat!”

“You got it, Dashie. I know I wouldn’t mind…” I looked at a certain part of her. “…eating.”

“You’re terrible.”

My smirk turned into a grin and I grabbed her bowl of grits and her pancakes and set them on the bed for her. “You better not make a mess,” I warned as I grabbed my plate. “If you ruin my sheets, we can swap rooms.” Thankfully, I was provided with a fork and knife. There was also a nice bottle of wine to go with it, presumably because I asked for ‘extra wine.’ I took it as well and sat back on the bed. “We might be prisoners, but at least we’re well-treated prisoners,” I said, eating some of the bitchin’ fettuccini I got.

“Nav, this movie is really violent…”

“Mmm? Oh yeah, Temple of Doom is pretty fucked up. None of it’s real. If it’s a problem, though, I can find something else. Treasure Planet might be right up your alley.”

“No! I can handle it!”

“You better not throw up when he rips out a heart.”

“Well gee Nav, thanks for ruining it.” I rolled my eyes and went back to eating.

When that movie finished, I was starting to get a little worried. Rarity and Fancy should have been back by then. I decided to give it the length of the third movie before asking the intercom guy.

With the final movie in the trilogy was finished and there was still no sign of them, I decided to ask, “Yo intercom guy, you there?”

A few seconds later it crackled to life. “Yeah. What do you need?”

“Where are the two unicorns?”

“No clue. I’ll look around, see if I can’t find them. Give me a minute.”

The intercom died as Dash and I shared a look. She said, “Dude, what if they’re being hurt?”

“If they’re hurt, humanity is dead,” I answered.

“Well, that’s ominous,” she muttered, lying down on the bed.

The intercom kicked back on and said, “Looks like they’re on the way back, but I can’t tell for sure. They’re definitely being moved. I got a question for you, wing dude: How did you get Cecilia so easily? I’ve been going after her for months!”

“Dude, I’m a massive whore. You just gotta know the right words and have the right body language.”

Whoever was there just sighed as the intercom cut off.

I turned back to find Dash poking the computer screen with a hoof. “How does this thing work, anyway?” she asked.

“Fuck if I know. Stop poking it.”

“Psh. How do you not know how it works? Isn’t this some crazy human technology you kept going on about?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I understand it. You don’t understand how magic works, but you still use it to fly. Now, you want to keep watching movies or what?”

“Let’s wait for Rarity and Fancy Pants.”

I shrugged and walked over to the computer, sitting down in the chair. I closed the movie thing, cutting off the credits. “Let’s see…” I opened up the music tab and did a quick search for Crossfade. It didn’t take me long to find So Far Away. “It has been four years too long,” I said as I opened it up.

I smiled and leaned back as it played, closing my eyes and just listening. When it finished, I sighed, happy to hear good music again. Or at least, what I considered good music. Ponies are occasionally good at what they do, but usually I’m not a fan.

“Nav, what was that?”

“Music,” I answered with a grin. “Crossfade. Like it?”

“No, the lyrics. That’s so… depressing!”

I was about to say something when my door opened and my one unicorn friend and also Rarity walked in. Rarity looked exhausted and Fancy Pants didn’t look much better.

Dash’s wings shot out and she leaned forward, only to fall flat on her face when she didn’t go into the air. I assumed she was trying to fly, but failed rather miserably. She was back on her feet almost immediately.

“No no,” Rarity said, her voice a croak. “Don’t trouble yourself on my account!” She walked over to the bed and collapsed onto it. “Oh, it feels good to have a bed…”

Fancy followed her in, but managed not to collapse as Rarity had. “Navarone, you humans are very persistent.”

I sighed, looking back at the computer. “It’s not ‘you humans’ anymore…”

“What ever do you mean, old boy?”

“I got disowned.” I looked back at him. “I assume they spent all night questioning you?”

Rarity seemed to be sleeping. Dash was giving me an odd look. Fancy nodded. “Spot on,” he said. “A mix of questions and ‘tests.’ They weren’t entirely unpleasant, but they were unrelenting.”

I nodded. “Get some sleep, mate. You probably need it. I don’t know which of these rooms is yours. I assume you can just pick one that isn’t taken.”

“I’m to the right,” Dash said.

“I shall let Rarity have the left, then. I will be two doors down on the left.” He looked at the full bottle on the cart. “What is that?”

“Bottle of wine. I was saving it for the reunion, but that seems to have gone to shit. Might as well open it now.” I pushed myself out of the chair and grabbed it, popping the top. “Here’s to the future,” I said, lifting the bottle a little before taking a nice draught. “Fuck, I missed the good things in life,” I sighed as I pulled the bottle away, passing it to Fancy.

He shrugged and took it, knocking a good amount of it back. He didn’t seem to care for the taste. “Strong,” he said, scrunching his face in distaste as he passed it to Dash.

She took it and finished the bottle off. Fucking ponies, drinking all my booze. “Not bad. About on par with the first stuff you had me drink. Much weaker, though.” She set the bottle back on the cart.

I shrugged. “Go on to bed, Fancy. I can brief you all when you and Rarity are better rested.”

“Very well. I will see the three of you later, then.”

“Told you they’d be fine,” I said as he walked out, the door closing behind him. I turned back to the computer before I was grabbed from behind.

“I’m more worried about you, Nav,” Dash said. “What’s wrong?”

I shrugged her off and sat down, spinning around to face her. “Dash, we’re being treated much better than I expected we would be. Don’t get me wrong: I’m fucking livid that we got caught and that the three of you came with me. But all things considered, it’s going much better than expected. That said, several things are wrong.” I sighed, looking away. “Too many things. I need time to think. Time I might not have.” I looked back at her. “What kind of movie do you want to watch next? I’ll set it up and sit out in the hall while you watch it and Rarity.”

She shook her head. “You need a friend right now, Nav. You aren’t going anywhere.”

I leaned back in the chair. I knew she was right, but I really didn’t want to talk it over with her. “Dash, some of this shit is pretty heavy. Are you sure you want to talk about it?”

“Absolutely. I’m not letting you deal with this alone.”

“Dash, my parents are dead. Grandparents, dead. All this time, I was hoping to be able to tell them something, anything. Tell them what happened, why I disappeared…” I sighed, unable to look at her. “But I never disappeared, Dash. I met myself. I met myself, and he never disappeared. Where I went way into the future, he stayed behind. He lived the life I should have had.” I looked at her, now. “What does that make me? Am I a clone? A construct animated by and for magic? What the hell kind of monstrosity did Twilight make when she summoned me? I think, I feel. I know I’m real. But I know the other me is real, too. And I know he’s the one that should exist, not me. I’m a mistake. A fluke, torn from time and thrown into a land where I don’t belong. By the time I was able to return home, I found I was too marred and disfigured for humanity.” I shook my head. “I’m not one of them anymore, not physically and probably not mentally. So I’m no longer Anonymous the human. I’m Navarone the forsaken. And that… That is just the beginning of my problems, Dash. We come from the future, you realize that, right? Where are the humans? What killed them? How far in the future do we come from? And the most important question of all: Are they worth saving? If it’s possible to save them, the entire weight of the human race is on my shoulders. If they’re possible to save, should we? If we should, how? If we do, how do we keep them alive?” I sighed, rubbing at my eyes with my palms. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I am. Too much hit me in too little time.”

I looked down with I felt a hoof on my knee. “Nav, you may not be a pony, but you know you’re one of us. You’re not forsaken. You’re Sir Navarone, knight of Equestria. You have a home with us. And does it really matter what kills the humans? They die, Nav. We can’t change that. What we can change is if any live. Ultimately, it’s up to the princess, but if they all end up as cool as you are, there’s no way she won’t let them live in Equestria. You need to relax, Nav. You’re finally home, even if it’s not like you expected. You can worry about all of this later. For now, we need to think about getting us both laid.”

None of what she said made me feel better at all. It probably would help a pony, but I was well beyond that level of innocence now. I smiled anyway, hoping to put her at ease. “True. I’ll show you the glory of bar hopping later, once they let us out of these rooms.” Of course, I had never been in a human bar, but she didn’t have to know that. I was hoping I could just wing it. Heh, because I have wi—Fuck you.

She gave me a sad smile that told me she didn’t buy it, but said, “Sounds good. What do you want to do until then?”

I started thinking about movies that Rainbow Dash would like. A dark grin blighted my face and I whirled around, opening the movie folder. I did a search for The Room. “…Why is there a text file here?”

I opened it up. ‘You ought to be ashamed of even thinking about watching this movie.’

“Well… at least it’s honest,” I said, closing the file. I shrugged and searched for The Hangover. I had no problems getting it up and running. With some liberal application of getting Dash to shove Rarity over, the two of us took our spots back on the bed.

“The one problem I have with your movies is that it takes so long to get to the good stuff,” Dash sighed.

“Well, unless you want to watch porn, we’re stuck with this.”

“…What’s porn?”

I tousled her hair. “Don’t you worry about it. Let’s just watch the movie.” She grumbled and settled down.

When that one finally finished, it was near four. Rarity was curled up in a ball behind us and I was using her as a pillow. Dash ended up really getting into the movie, though she wasn’t a fan of the part where the guy ripped out his tooth. She calmed down some when I explained he was naturally like that, and that the original tooth was just a prop.

Fancy Pants entered our room while I was thinking of a new movie for us to start watching. “Well, Navarone?” he asked. “Is Miss Rarity back with us?”

“Nope,” I answered, poking at my pillow. “She seems pretty out of it.”

“If you would be so kind as to wake her, I believe now would be a good time for you to fill us in on what exactly is going on.”

I shrugged and hopped off the bed. I pushed Rarity onto her back and unballed her before leaning in and blowing a raspberry on her tummy. She woke up squealing and pushing my head away.

“There, she’s awake,” I said, quickly backing away from her before her rage got the better of her. I sat on my kickass spinny chair and leaned back. “Alright. Rarity, you good?”

She was glaring at me. “Was that really necessary, Navarone?”

“Nope. I need answers, now. Rarity, Fancy Pants, can either of you do magic?”

They both shook their heads. Fancy said, “I think I know why. The spell the unicorns cast, it was not made for other unicorns in mind. It is possible that we will be unable to use magic until the spell wears off and we return home.”

I nodded. “Decent enough theory. The why isn’t important, though. That you can’t, is. It limits our options and our bargaining position. To put a long story short, we’re in an underground base run by a private corporation for the purpose of surviving an incoming apocalypse. I’m not explaining it because it’s not important. They know they’re fucked, so at this point, the main goal is to save as many people as possible. To that end, they want to know if it’s possible to send colonists to the future. That gives us enough of a position, I think. We’ll be getting a number of freedoms soon, depending on how well we behave. Unfortunately, we’ll still be trapped underground. Not so unfortunately, there is apparently some kind of city in the levels above us. I have no idea how long we’ll be here. The time guy said a week, but with their spell fucked up like it is, there is no telling how long we’ll be here. As for human society, follow the laws of Equestria, use your common sense, and don’t take anything anyone offers you. Trust only when you have to. Any questions?”

“Why are you so paranoid, Nav?” Dash asked.

“Because I haven’t seen the city yet,” I answered. “I might change my tune once I go through it. But until I do, I’ll assume it’s like the place I grew up in. I would tell you not to go in alone, but I don’t feel like escorting any of you around for the entire time we’re here. Rarity, you’ll probably want to check out the fashion scene. Almost every single human wears clothing, so there’s a lot to look at. Fancy Pants, there might be some proper gentleman’s clubs out there. If I find any, I’ll let you know. Dash, if this place is anything like the future should be, we’ll find some incredible parties out there. That reminds me…” I hopped up and walked over to the two gold sacks. “I came here with bits. Equestria is on the gold standard. Earth is not. These two bags are worth… shit, probably over a hundred thousand dollars. I’ll do my best to get it converted into local currency, if there is any.” I sat back down. “Any other questions?”

“I have one,” Rarity asked. “How are they going to take… us? How will the other humans treat us?”

I shrugged. “No clue. We will definitely get stares. A lot can change in thirty-five years. And I imagine Google wouldn’t pick just anybody to save from the world dying. We should hopefully be fine.”

“Why are you so short?” Dash asked.

“Fuck you,” I said by way of answer. “Any other questions?”

Fancy Pants nodded. “As much as I respect your desire to enjoy the hospitality of the humans, should we not make an attempt to escape? We are prisoners, after all.”

“No. Intercom guy, you there?”

It crackled to life. “Yep. Gotta say, it’s interesting watching you go through all this. The three ponies should be fine, just watch out for little girls that want to pet you and little boys that want to ride you. You’ll get stares, but you hopefully won’t be harassed. Navarone will get propositions from just about everyone that draws breath.” Score.

“Thanks, bro. You can fade back into the background.” The intercom clicked once before shutting off. “To answer your question, we’re being watched every hour of every day. The minute we overstep our bounds, security will be all over us. And I believe you saw how well Dash fared against them. Just chill, man. Anything else?”

We all heard a rather loud rumble coming from Rarity. She blushed, smiling sheepishly. “When and where can we eat?” she asked.

“Presumably whenever. Dash, Fancy, you two hungry?”

“Quite,” Fancy said. “I haven’t eaten since well before we left Equestria.”

Dash shrugged. “I could eat.”

“Yo intercom dude, you mind taking orders?”

It crackled once more. “Welcome to Google, may I take your order?”

I nodded at Rarity. She asked for something overly difficult. Fancy Pants and Dash were much simpler with their orders, thankfully.

When they finished, I said, “That’s it, dude. Two more questions, if you got the time. First, what’s your name?”


“Navarone, nice to meet you. Second, can you lock these doors remotely?”

“Yep. If you don’t need anything else, I’ll get these orders sent to the kitchen.”

I shook my head. “Nothing. Peace, bro.” The intercom shut off. “Alright, movie time. Give me genres.”

Rarity said romance, Dash said action, Fancy shrugged.

“I’m tempted to use Titanic, but ugh… Let me think…” After a few moments, a perfect idea came to me. I spun around and did a search for the Zorro movies. I grinned and picked one at random. When I got it playing, I stood, pushed the chair out of the way, and moved to the bed. Rarity ended up on one side of me, Dash on the other. Fancy Pants sat on his haunches in front of me.

“So what is this?” Rarity asked.

Zorro,” I answered with a grin.

A few minutes into the movie, the door pushed its way open and my lovely Swedish lady came in with a new cart. I managed to wiggle my way off of the bed and walked over to her, a smile on my face. “Hello again, my lovely dear,” I said.

She grinned. “Hello to you as vell. None of zis food looked fit for you.”

“Honey, I see all the meal I want right in front of me. You want to leave the kids to their movie and pig out?”

Her smile grew much wider at that. She reached over and grabbed my hand before pulling me out the door. I heard Dash say something before the door clicked shut.

“Every room has cameras,” she told me as she grabbed me by the arms and pulled me into her, with her back against the wall. “But zee ones in zee halls are only turned on in emergencies.” She leaned in and very aggressively kissed me, forcing her tongue against mine. I was grinning as I fought back, my hands wrapping around her and to her very well-formed ass, squeezing it before lifting at the skirt so I could touch the real goods.


(If you haven’t guessed sex is coming yet, you don’t deserve a warning. ‘Sex is over’ to skip)


She moaned into my mouth as one of my hands found her wet snatch, uncovered by panties. I pulled back from the kiss. “So naughty,” I whispered with a grin, still fingering her.

She was grinning, a beautiful blush on her face. “You vere promised a meal,” she said, one of her hands going to my head and gently pushing me down. I grinned and didn’t fight back, ending up kneeling in front of her. She was holding her skirt up and I was getting my first look at a real human pussy.

“Beautiful,” I whispered before going in for a taste. She kept herself well-groomed, so I didn’t have to worry about a mouthful of hair. As soon as I tasted her tangy lips, my wings started to stretch and unfold, showing my arousal. One of her hands went to the back of my head, holding me steady. The other went to one of my wings, lovingly caressing it. One of my hands held her skirt up while the other reached around and got a handful of her sexy ass.

Her hips pushed forward and she pushed my head in further. I took the hint and let my tongue slip inside, lapping at her folds like a fountain of youth. My hand on her butt began circling her tight hole, waiting for her to relax so I could violate her.

I let my eyes look up, hoping to catch a look of her face. I couldn’t see it, but I was hardly disappointed since I caught a nice look at her generous bosom instead. I wish I had been able to play with those instead, but I was having plenty of fun making her squirm and moan where I was.

When her loving strokes on my wings turned into painfully grabbing it, I slipped my finger inside her forbidden hole and gently curled it, burying my finger to the knuckle. “Ooooh… Now who’s naughty?” she moaned, jerking my long hair.

I just grinned and moved my mouth to her little love button, suckling on it the way Celestia taught me to treat a teat. I was rewarded in a very different kind of milk, but it still tasted heavenly when I jerked my head down to catch it.

She grabbed my ponytail and pulled me up, letting some of her precious fluids go to waste. I stopped caring about that when she forced her face against mine, doing her best to catch any of her lady cum that was left on my face and in my mouth.

When she got all that she could, she pulled her blushing face away from mine. One of my hands was still fondling her backside while the other was rubbing at her dripping pussy. “My turn?” I whispered with a grin.

One of her hands went to a wing. “Angel wings means no human, yes? We do no need… protection?”

“You got it, Cici,” I answered, slipping another finger inside of her.

She gripped me by the shoulders and pushed me back. “I like it from behind,” she said, letting me go and turning around, putting both hands on the wall and jamming her ass at me. “Don’t be gentle.”

I lifted her skirt and took a nice look. Oh yeah, it wasn’t what I was used to, but I was not going to complain. I grinned and sharply brought a hand down, slapping her ass and leaving a nice handprint. She moaned eagerly as I undid my belt.

“I hope you don’t mind if I make this a quick one,” I said. “I for one don’t want to get caught.” My pants down and my dick at attention, I stepped in and grabbed her hips, pulling her against me as I hilted. Her natural lube was flowing and we were both ready to fuck, so I wasted no time setting a hard pace. Every few thrusts, I brought a different hand down on her cheeks, getting a grunt of appreciation each time.

A minute into it, I brought my wings in and wrapped them around her lower body. I didn’t have nearly the control someone like Dash did, but I was still able to push her skirt up with one of them and rake my wing tips across her clit, the feathery touches making her moan and jerk her hips in appreciation. Sure, it was getting my wings dirty, but I needed a shower anyway.

And it was well worth it. Soon after, her moans picked up and more fluid began sliding down our legs, tickling me as it ran through my short leg hair. Of course, she wasn’t the only one that was getting closer. She wasn’t as tight as Luna had been as a human, but Cecilia was much more experienced and had better muscle control. She had been milking me before she came, and when she hit her peak her contractions were enough to put me on the edge. My fast and hard thrusts were making it difficult to keep up my good stamina, and my desire to not get caught compounded that.

To that end… “Just about there,” I grunted.

“Inside!” she moaned. I smiled and thrusted a few more times before burying myself to the hilt and letting my barren seed grace her womb. “Oooh, so vaaarrrm…” she sighed, her head gently pressing against the wall. That gave me some bad flashbacks, but I waited until I was flaccid again to pull out.

“That was fun,” I panted, grabbing my pants.

“It vas,” she answered, letting her skirt fall back. “I need to clean myself, dough.” I smiled at her lovely accent, made even better by the lusty voice she was using.

“Bathroom in the rooms to the left and right,” I said. “I need to wipe myself down, too.”

“Vell let’s go, shall ve?”

I waved an arm at Rarity’s door. “Ladies first.”

She gave me a mock curtsy. Given how short her skirt was, that gave me a pleasant view. We let ourselves into Rarity's room and took our time getting clean.


(‘Sex is over’)


By the time we got back to my room, all three of the ponies had finished eating. “I vill remove zee carts,” Cici said, a small grin still on her face.

“Thank you,” I said, nodding. “If you’re ever in the area, feel free to stop by…”

“Oh, I vill. Until zen.” I helped her maneuver the carts out the door before stepping back inside to find Rarity glaring at me and Dash just staring.


“You know what!” Rarity said, her glare growing stronger. “We could hear her from in here!”

I shrugged. “That’s what you get for running at the group of unicorns that were performing one of the most complicated spells the world has ever seen. The three of you aren’t supposed to be here and I will not let you ruin a good thing.”

Fancy nodded. “I for one understand. I may not approve of the location—in the hall, for Celestia’s sake!—but given that this might be your only chance, live while you can.”

“Stallions!” Rarity growled. “Fancy Pants, you’re supposed to be a gentlecolt!”

He rolled his eyes. “Rarity, my wife is a whore. Trust me when I say that Navarone is not the only one here that hopes for a good time.”

All three of us gave him very different looks for that. Mine was a knowing grin. Rarity’s was shock, confusion, and possibly horror. Dash was mostly confused.

“Looks like everyone’s getting laid,” I said with a grin. “Well, everyone but one certain stuck up mare. You and Dash might have some problems, but I’ll take you two out one night and see where things take us. Who knows? Maybe we’ll either find some horse fuckers or find some really opened minded chicks.”

Fancy Pants snorted. “Navarone, a gentlecolt doesn’t just lay with somepony and drop them.”

“Fancy Pants, you don’t have to be a gentleman here. The only one that cares is Rarity. You know Dash and I won’t say anything.”

I would know, and that is enough,” he answered. “We are ahead of ourselves, though. We need to get out of this hall, first.”

“You leave that to me,” I said. “If it’s possible, I’ll find a way.”

Rarity sniffed and stepped off the bed. “If the three of you want to discuss debauchery, then I will leave you to it! I want nothing to do with it!”

She smartly trotted off, slamming the door behind her. “Good, she’s gone,” I said. “Who wants to watch the real movies?”

Dash sighed. “Should we really just let her storm off like that?” she asked. “We’re alone, Nav. It’s just us four.”

“I know, I know. I just want to give her some time to cool off. Let’s see… How about A Knight’s Tale? That’ll show you some of humanity’s horses.” They both shrugged. I shut down Zorro because it honestly wasn’t all that interesting and opened up the next movie. I joined the two of them and we watched it for a few minutes.

When I deemed that enough time had passed, I walked over to Rarity’s room to find that she had luckily chosen to flee to the correct one. She was sitting on her bed, looking rather depressed. She looked up at me when I entered and sighed when she saw it was just me. She looked away, toward the computer. “Mine doesn’t work,” she sighed.

I sat next to her on the bed, putting a hand on her back. “Rarity, we’re just messing with you. I don’t think Fancy really wants to do that.” Yes he does. “And there will be plenty for you to do.”

“It’s not that, Nav… We ruined this for you. All the time and planning you put into it… Gone, because we didn’t stand and face that monster. We heard you with that old man. You were asking for a way to get us to safety. You could’ve just ridden with him and gotten back home… But now you’re stuck here because of us. It isn’t fair…”

“Life never is. You have to take it in stride anyway.” I stood up and walked over to the computer, turning it on. I made sure she couldn’t see how I did it. “We’re watching something next door that I don’t think you’ll like. I’ll set you up with something more your speed.” It’s a good thing she wasn’t facing me, because if she could see my smile, she would be wary.

“Well, sometimes it’s nice to watch these things alone,” she whispered.

“Yep.” I made sure to disable the touch screen before loading up the anime folder. I found the translated files and opened up Boku No Pico. I started it, reached behind the computer, pulled out the mouse and the keyboard, and said, “Have fun. I’ll be back to check on you in a few hours.” I quickly let myself out of the room and ran to Fancy’s. I opened the door and said, “Ryan, lock Rarity’s room.”

The intercom crackled a second later. “Done. Navarone, you’re evil. And awesome.”

“Thank you.” I left Fancy’s room and walked over to mine. I let myself in and walked to the bed. “She’s fine,” I said. “Just tired and cranky. I set her up with a good movie and told her to sleep after it.”

“Well that’s good,” Dash said. “This movie’s pretty cool. And those ponies are huge!”

Fancy grinned. “Horses, my dear. We are ponies. Those are horses.”

“Hey, we have ponies too,” I said. “All kinds of them. None are sentient, though.”

The rest of the night passed in a whirl of movies and whatnot. When the two of them finally left, I was pretty beat. I was about to turn in when the intercom crackled. “Hey Nav, don’t forget Rarity,” Ryan said.

“Shit. I don’t suppose you can turn off her computer remotely?”

“Dude, I don’t think she wants me to. She uh… Well, after the first hour or two she really, really got into it.”


“I’ve seen some pretty strange things, running this security system. This was the first time I’ve ever seen a horse masturbate.”

“Nope.” I turned my lights off and fell into bed, not wanting to deal with going next door. Sleep came easily.

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