Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.

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148. Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Two Part 2

“...Want to try kissing her?”

“A week ago, I would have tried it. But a few days ago, I kinda… crushed all of her hope.”

“That is very, very inconvenient.”

“You’re telling me.” I prodded her with my foot, trying to think of something. Piercing her ear was an option, but she’d wake up and be in a ton of pain. Forcing it around her ear was also an option, but again, it could hurt and worse, it might get stuck. “It just had to be a kiss, didn’t it? Sex would have been so much…” I stopped, my eyes slowly trailing down her body.

“What?”

“God, I can’t believe I’m about to do this…” I knelt down next to Fluttershy’s posterior and pulled apart her lower lips, then held up the ring.

“By the fire, don’t tell me you’re actually going to…”

What do you know, the ring fit around her clit perfectly, because fuck me, right?

Or fuck her, I guess.

As soon as I put the ring on, I pulled my hand away and backed up. Sure enough, because my life is designed to suck, both of her eyes slowly opened and she weakly groaned.

“Welcome back to the world of the living,” I said, crossing my arms.

“W-what?” she whispered, lifting her head and looking around. “Oooh, I’m so sore…”

“Well, you’ve kinda been asleep for a few days.”

“...What?” And then she finally noticed that she wasn’t exactly at home. “Where are we?!”

“It’s kinda a long story. You got kidnapped, Twilight and I came to rescue you, we kinda failed, and now we need your help. Actually, that wasn’t a really long story, was it?”

“K-k-kidnapped?!” she squeaked, finally sitting up and widening her eyes like crazy.

“Well, ponynapped, whatever you guys call it. Can you take off this collar?”

“I… I don’t understand! Who would ponynap me?”

“Someone that wanted to get to Twilight. Not important. Can you take off this collar?”

“T-Twilight… where is she?” Fluttershy finally looked around the room and winced slightly when she saw Phinny.

“She’s busy, and sent me and Phinny to get you. I’ll explain everything if you can just take off this fucking collar.”

Her eyes finally went to it and she blinked. “Um. Nav, why are you wearing a collar?”

“That’s part of the everything I’ll explain when you take it off. It’s enchanted so that only someone not wearing it can remove it.”

She rather noisily gulped and then reached up to very carefully undo the nasty thing and take it off my neck. When it was finally gone, I sighed in relief, then stuffed it into a pocket. Then I reached over and removed Phinny’s and stuffed it into a pocket as well.

“Alright, I said I would explain. You should just get more comfortable, because it kinda is a long story. Here, sit on this bed.”

She slowly rolled over and shakily got to her legs. Since they hadn’t really moved in a few days, I imagined they’d be really, really sore. As soon as she was standing, though, she stopped. “I… I feel funny… back there,” she said, turning her head to look at her ass.

“That’s something else I can explain,” I said. “Just lie on the bed, please.” She gulped again and slowly got onto the bed, though she gave the stars a very worried look first. “Alright, there was a spell on you that put you to sleep. I had to cancel it somehow and I had a difficult time getting the ring on you without hurting you. Unfortunately, it was a perfect fit on your clitoris.”

Her eyes very slowly went wide and after a few seconds, she opened her mouth to squeal, but I shot my hand out to her vag and pulled the ring off before she could make a sound. The squeal turned into a yawn and she only had time to look surprised before passing back out.

“Alright, let’s go,” I said, putting the ring back on.

“...Are you sure it is wise to just leave her here, Navarone?” the alphyn asked.

“Well, it’s better than taking her with us. You saw how she was.”

“...Yes, we do not need a milquetoast impeding our battle against Trixie.”

I almost asked him what milk or toast had to do with anything, but then Flo explained it and I rolled my eyes. “Now you’re just showing off. Let’s go deal with that blueberry cunt.”

“This is going to be very, very satisfying. How are we going to do it?”

“Well, first we have to get to the dungeon so I can get my weapons. Then I go into the dream place to talk to Twilight and tell her that I’ll put the amulet on her. Then I do so and she kicks Trixie’s ass. Everybody wins.”

“I see a few downsides to that plan. If you fight Trixie without me there, I cannot get an order that would kill me. Same for beating her too quickly.”

“Well, we have to overwhelm her shield. But which is more important, do you think: All of us getting free from that bitch or you getting to keep her?”

“While that is a good point, I would still very much prefer to keep her.”

“Unless you want to wake them both up before trying to fight or wait until morning, I don’t really know what else we can do. And either way, we need to get to the dungeon. Hell, maybe Twilight can give us an answer.” Since it seems that the two supercomputer artificial intelligences in my head can’t.

“Perhaps. Let us retire to the dungeon, then. It would be good to arm you quickly in case she awakens.”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice.” I started walking to the door. Soon, we were both standing in front of the long hallway from hell. “Thoughts?”

“How quickly can you run, Navarone?” the alphyn asked, lowering himself to a quadrupedal sprinting stance.

“Not as fast as you, but hopefully faster than any traps. Just remember, though: If we book it, you’ll be stuck at the end until I share the ring.”

“A risk we shall have to take, unless you feel like dragging the bed out here and using it to catch all the traps.”

I looked behind us for a second and turned back. “It wouldn’t even fit out the door.

“Then shall we?”

“On three?” He nodded. “One. Two. THREE!”

We both fucking sprinted down the hall, triggering god knows how many traps behind us. Thankfully, they were designed to stop things from getting to Fluttershy, not to stop people from getting away. I still felt a few things pulling at my cloak, and when we got to the final fake wall, I found that it was partially in tatters. All my stuff was still in it, though, so it wasn’t too much of a loss.

“Not too shabby,” I said, scratching at his neck without even thinking about it. He tensed slightly, but didn’t comment. “So you ready to go?”

“...Yes. The ring?”

I started to hold up my hand, but then I noticed something I thought was weird: The floor wasn’t under us anymore. Then we started falling and I realized that maybe not all of the traps were there to stop people from getting to Fluttershy.

The tunnel we fell into started curving almost as soon as we got into it, so I had a feeling we wouldn’t splatter onto the floor. Or at least, I wouldn’t, because the alphyn ended up under me when the thing curved.

That fear was rendered moot when the thing turned fully horizontal and we shot out of a hole in the wall of a prison cell that wasn’t even closed. “What the hell was that?” I asked when we stopped moving, rubbing at my even sorer ass.

“That was a trap door,” he rather uselessly replied. “But there’s some good news, at least: We’re in the dungeon now.”

“Wow. Way to go, Trixie.” Of course, I wasted no time getting out of the cell in case the door was supposed to automatically close eventually or something. “Why do you think she didn’t even bother closing the door?”

“Because she isn’t exactly the most intelligent being out there. It’s probable she left this door open in case she forgot about that particular trap and got caught in here herself, and never even expected anyone to get that far.”

“Not gonna hear me complain. Where’s my stuff?”

“Right this way,” he answered, finally leaving the cell and walking down the narrow pathway leading to the only lit torch I had seen the entire time. We walked past a few rows of cells before getting to a large closet and what I figured was the exit. We went into the closet, which is where all of my stuff ended up being.

I immediately went to my gun and released the pressure in it, then checked it over for damage. There was no way I was going to trust the scope on it until I sighted it in again, but at least it wasn’t cracked. I detached it and set the rifle down, then walked over to my armor. “What do you think?” I asked, standing over it.

“You said it was cursed.”

“It is.”

“And it protects you from both my fire and my claws.”

“It does.”

“Is a possible curse worth your life?”

“You have to answer that question, too. If I’m in control, I won’t kill you. Hurt you, if I have to, but I won’t kill you. If that thing gets in control, it will.”

“Well then, how does it take over?”

“I think it did so when the blood from your nose mixed with the blood from my wing and touched it.”

“Simple. I don’t make you bleed and you don’t make me bleed. If I’m told to attack you, I’ll go for your armor only.”

“And I’ll just punch you in your face a lot until you stop being a dick.”

“So put it on.”

I sighed and felt my wings sag a little. “Alright. It’s been a while since a guy actually told me to put on clothes, though.” I removed the cloak and started putting on the dark armor.

“For one that finds her new body a curse, you seem to be partaking in its pleasures more than would be expected.”

“If it feels good and everyone is consenting, it can’t be wrong. I’d much rather punch a girl in the back of the throat with my dick than get rammed in the cooch by a stallion, but I’ll take what I can get for the moment.”

“It is… different to see one who is so open to discussing such things. Especially in such a vulgar manner. Those back in my community are much more conservative.”

“They were where I came from, too. But then I came to Equestria and became a long-haired, free-loving hippy, minus all the parts about peace and brotherly love or whatever.”

“Peace…” He sighed, shaking his head. “Peace is a word I rarely get to use. Rarely get to think about. I think I would enjoy peace.”

“Sometimes you would. But once you bite the bullet, once you become a real veteran… Once you’ve fought enough, been through enough, killed enough, you find yourself missing it. Peace is nice, but very, very overrated. And besides, there’s nothing that keeps a community organized and together like saying there’s a group right next door that wants to kill them.”

“You are a disturbingly cynical individual.”

“Being neglected as a kid does that to you.” I finished with strapping on my sword and slowly putting on my helmet. “Anything else I need to know before we start fighting her?”

“If she gives me an order that frees me from her, I will be able to return to Tartarus when I please. If your purple friend is less kind than you are and actually attempts to harm me, I will leave empty-taloned.”

“Trust me, Twilight’s plenty kind. But she’s also racist, as much as she tries to deny it, so she might not be happy to let you take away a pony. I’ll see what I can do, though.” I swooped my cloak back onto my shoulders and then grabbed my rifle and its scope. “Shall we, then?”

“Let’s.” He led the way back out of the closet and then the dungeon. “So what manner of weapon is that around your shoulder? I rarely get much interaction with bipeds on the other side these days, so I don’t know much about weapons anymore, but that looks and acts nothing like what I do remember.”

“This is a gun,” I said, unshouldering it and holding it up. “It holds a canister of sharp projectiles and uses compressed air to fire them at extremely rapid speeds very accurately and over a distance of around three hundred or so meters.”

“Impressive. When was this invented?”

“Several million years ago. Then Discord killed off humanity and pretty much everything was lost.”

“...What?”

“It’s a long story. Basically, there’s this demon or entity or evil thing that calls itself Discord. It killed off my people some ungodly length of time ago. Then it killed off or imprisoned most of the constructs my people left behind to shepherd the new races we invented. Then some stuff happened and some time passed and finally it killed off the alicorn race, save for Celestia and Luna. Now it’s active again and I’m getting some stuff together to try to stop it.”

“That’s not a very long story.”

“Fine. It’s a long story when told in a way that isn’t extremely abbreviated.”

“The same could be true of almost anything.”

“Fuck you. Anyway, the purple chick we’re going to save accidentally summoned me from the past or something stupid like that.”

“Why didn’t you use this gun in the fight before? You did have another ranged weapon, but it appeared rather shoddily made and had nothing of the finesse of this one.”

“I didn’t have this weapon before. I went back to the past and got it and some other stuff. That’s part of the long story that isn’t so long when it’s abbreviated.”

“It seems you have led a very interesting life.”

“Yeah. It reminds me of an old curse from back in my time. ‘May you live in interesting times.’ It wasn’t until after I started living in them that I realized what a curse it truly is.”

“My kind knows that as well, I’m afraid…”

Since that seemed to start a lull in the conversation, I thought, Flo, I’m gonna go see if Twilight’s asleep. Assume direct control. Just like that, I was pushed back into the garden of my mind. Before Aqua could do or say anything bitchy, I went into the dream world.

Unfortunately, I forgot that she could attach herself to me like a nasty little parasite, and didn’t have the decency to care when she wasn’t wanted. “If you are going to visit my host, I would like to attend,” she said.

“Would like to or are going to?” I asked.

“Yes. Is she here?”

I sighed and looked around, thinking of Twilight to make her dream come to the forefront. There were only two lights even remotely close to me anyway, so I figured she was there. Sure enough, one of the two was Twilight’s. As tempting as it was to bust into Trixie’s dream and try to give her a heart attack by nightmare, I didn’t really want to risk waking her up.

Especially since she was having an erotic dream already.

Surprisingly, Twilight wasn’t having a nightmare. I know I had terrible dreams the first time I got raped. But then, I guess Twilight didn’t actually get raped, just almost raped. Either way, I let myself in, interrupting the tea party she was having with her pony friends (I wasn’t invited, apparently).

“Oh Nav, you came!” Twilight happily said when I appeared. She blinked and suddenly I found myself both female again and in a yellow sun dress, then Taya appeared by my side. “We didn’t think you’d have time…”

“To be fair, I kinda don’t,” I said as I walked up to her. She blinked again, not quite understanding, and then I laid my hand on her head. The dream-confusion slowly left her eyes and was replaced by clarity.

“Dear Celestia,” she whispered, backing away and shivering. The fake ponies disappeared around us and the sky became slightly darker. “I think I preferred dreaming…”

“Yeah, most of that was a lot nicer than where we actually are. Minus the part where I’m a chick and in a dress.”

“...It looks nice on you. Just once before we leave again, I’d like to see you wearing one out in Ponyville.”

“That’s nice. Now, I need you to concentrate on me. Remember that we’re in a dream and anything you do or think can change it.”

“...Right. Why are you here, though? I thought you said Celestia was coming…”

“I’m impatient. The alphyn and I are coming. I have the alicorn amulet with me. When we get to Trixie’s room, I’m going to put the amulet on you and then you’re going to wreck her shit.”

“As much as I really, really want to hurt her for what she did to me, why do I need to? If Celestia’s coming, I can just stop her from doing any magic.”

“Because we aren’t in the castle anymore. I have no fucking clue where we are and neither does Celestia. She’s just going to the castle to look for clues. We could be in a place where Trixie has complete control. We have to be careful. Also, remember that the alphyn is innocent. He has no choice but to follow Trixie’s orders. Try not to hurt him too much, but be ready to pretend to kill him so Trixie won’t order him at you.”

“...Alright. But I could just send him back to Tartarus where he belongs.”

“He said he wants to see the end of this just as much as we do. He’s not that dangerous to me since I’m back in my armor and you can just truss him up with magic.”

“...Alright. But Celestia doesn’t really like familiars that much. If he’s still here when she gets here, she’ll definitely send him back.”

“Noted. There’s one more thing I need to tell you. Trixie has some kind of innate magic shield that blocks all attacks.”

“I know. Overwhelming it would be hard without the alicorn amulet. It should be easy with it. I’ll just need you to be ready to step in and tell me if I’m going too far. That amulet corrupts you quickly and it’s supposed to be very addicting.”

“I’ll be there for you, don’t you worry. And I’m wearing the ring, so I can give you a spanking if you don’t behave.”

“Joy of joys,” she sarcastically replied.

“Also, can you cast that teddy bear spell on other people?”

“It’s possible, but I wouldn’t do that to anyone. This is awful.”

“Can you still feel things?”

“Yes. See, feel, hear. Presumably taste. I just can’t move at all.”

“...Could you do it to Rainbow Dash? I absolutely guarantee that she would love that in sex.”

“You’re disgusting and Rainbow Dash is my friend. I wouldn’t do anything like that to her.”

“But you straight up asked me to help you practice BDSM?” The sky turned a shade more red. “On second thought, there are better places to have this conversation. We’ll be there soon, Twilight.”

“I’m definitely looking forward to it. I remember having an itch on my nose before I fell asleep and just thinking about it is annoying me.”

“Well, you’re going to need to be awake when we get there, so…” Before she could say anything, I pulled up a handgun and shot her in the face. The dream dissolved just like that and threw me back into the anteroom, thankfully away from Trixie’s dream. “So did you just come along for the ride?” I asked Aqua.

“I wanted to ensure she was okay. She looked okay to me.”

“You could have said hi. Or, you know, told her you weren’t dead.”

“...I suppose I probably should have, now that I think about it.”

“Aqua, you’re kind of a bitch. No offense.” She didn’t reply, so I popped myself out of the dream realm and into Flo’s glade. “Flo, I’m back. Twilight’s good.”

“Excellent. Putting you back in control.”

I blinked once and then realized I was in the middle of a step, which almost turned into a trip before I caught myself. Then I noticed the alphyn was talking. “...and that was the last time I was forced to cheat on my mate. I suppose it was fun in the short term, but the memories still haunt me to this day.”

Jesus Christ, Flo, what the fuck did you even ask him? She started to say something, but I followed up with, You know I was just asking to be polite; I don’t actually care. She just sighed.

“I’m not really a fan of cheating or being an accomplice to it, either,” I said. “I don’t have many morals, but I stick to the ones I have. You tell her?”

“No. My kind don’t talk much.”

“I bet you really hate being away from home, man.”

“Not always. Adjusting back and forth can be difficult, though. Thankfully, Trixie talks to hear her own voice and rarely expects or wants a reply, as you found earlier, so adjusting won’t be that hard for me. I imagine it will be for her, though.”

“Yeah. I would tell you to send me some postcards detailing her progress, but I can’t imagine the Equestrian Postal Service runs through Tartarus.”

“And writing with talons is not a simple task, nor one I ever learned. It has been many full moon rotations since I even picked up a book, let alone read one.”

“That sucks, but makes me think of something. You ever been summoned by a changeling?”

“No. There is a special branch of my kind dedicated to dealing with those abominations.”

“Now when you say dealing with…”

“My kind works with them just the same as with ponies. It just takes a special kind of training to avoid being turned into a love hound. Now, we are nearing her chamber. Are you going to speak with the purple one in her dreams?”

“Already did, while we were walking. She’s awake and ready.”

“That is a very interesting skill. How did you speak to her while we were walking?”

“Hard to explain.” I could see Trixie’s door at that point, so I didn’t elaborate. “Are you ready?”

“How are we going to do this? Do you have a plan aside from putting the amulet on the purple one and backing away?”

“Yeah. I’m going to sprint away instead of just ‘back away’. She’s kinda pissed. Even with a magic resisting ring, getting in the way of that wouldn’t be smart.”

“Well then, shall we?”

“Let’s.” I very slowly opened Trixie’s door just a tiny amount and waited. When nothing happened, I opened it a tad bit more, just enough that I could slide inside, then eased it shut enough that I could just barely see. All four of Trixie’s legs were wrapped around Twilight, who had at some point found her way under the blanket. As tempting as it was to pull out Excalibur and test Trixie’s shield, I figured freeing Twilight would be more intelligent.

Unfortunately, Trixie’s legs were in the way of Twilight’s neck, so even if I got the necklace around her oversized head, it probably wouldn’t take effect. Since doing it the easy way wasn’t an option, I walked back to the wall and flipped on the light. Trixie flinched, but didn’t wake up, so I walked back to the bed, pulling out my sword.

She made no response, so I lightly tapped her on the side of the head with the flat of my sword. That got her to flinch again and slowly look my way with bleary, red eyes. “Yo, what’s up?” I asked, nodding. She squawked and pushed Twilight away in a scramble to get out of bed. Since she was now awake, I brought the sword down right on top of her, doing nothing but summoning a rock out of nowhere to block it.

She hit the floor on all four legs and smirked up at me. “Your treasonous plan will not work, ape! Trixie sees a simple spanking isn’t enough to teach you a lesson. Perhaps you need to be caned. Or maybe Trixie should give Phinny several rejuvenating spells and let him play with Twilight while you watch. What do you think of that, hmm?”

I just looked behind her, where Twilight was now back to a pony. Trixie saw my look and turned around, confused. “I’ll pass, thank you,” Twilight said, her horn lighting up. Trixie squawked again as she was covered by a blanket. She started trying to fight her way out while I walked over to Twilight and dropped the amulet around her neck. “Thank you.”

The blanket flashed and then burned away. Trixie appeared out from under it, glaring up a massive storm. “PHINNY! GET IN HERE!” I assumed she was trying to use the collars, but it didn’t really matter since he was standing right outside. That was an order he couldn’t ignore, so he walked right in. Trixie had time to give him a confused stare before a wall of flames engulfed her from below, and then some kind of transparent red box covered her from above.

“Trixie, you are not very intelligent,” Twilight sadly said, shaking her head. Trixie was slamming her hooves against the invisible wall, trying to get out, while the rocks under her blocking her from the flames slowly turned red-hot. “It never, never should have come to this. But you tortured Nav and had him raped, you killed Aqua, and you turned me into… that! I’m sorry, Trixie, but it’s time for you to go to sleep now. And I’m afraid you’re never going to wake up. The feeling of oxygen deprivation should hit you soon, as the flames eat more of the air. It’ll be relatively painless.”

The alphyn and I shared a very disturbed look. “Uh, Twilight?” I said, looking back to her. She was staring grimly at Trixie, who was actually starting to clutch at her throat.

“Yes, Nav?” Twilight asked, not looking away.

“This is… cruel. Even for me, this is pretty fucked up. I can make it quick, if you just break her shield.”

Twilight seemed to have an internal debate for a few seconds before sighing and hanging her head. The fire dissipated and Trixie collapsed to the ground, panting. Then some kind of ice spike slammed into her from above, grinding down onto a rock shield before eventually shattering the stone.

“P-Phinny,” Trixie hoarsely whispered. “K-kill!”

Twilight’s horn lit up immediately and another spike appeared right next to Phinny’s throat. “Don’t even think about it,” Twilight said.

“That would kill me, Trixie,” the alphyn said. “My shield is gone, as you can see.”

“Trixie… ORDERS you, Phinny! Save me!”

The alphyn’s eyes lit up red and his body pulsed white. “You have broken the accord, Trixie,” the alphyn said, bending down to an attack position. “I obey you no longer!”

“Yep, she’s yours,” I said, crossing my arms.

Twilight looked sharply up at me. “What?”

“I made a deal with him,” I said. “He helps me get to you, he gets Trixie if she breaks the agreement. She broke it, so she’s his.”

“But… that’s even worse than what I was doing!”

“Yeah, but I’m a fucking monster, so I don’t care. Phinny, she’s yours.”

“Thank you, Navarone.” He started walking to Trixie, but she screamed and parts of her horn lit up. Before she could cast any kind of magic, I jumped forward and kicked her right in the broken horn. She continued screaming as all the little parts hanging in the air shot all around the room, completely disabling her magic yet again.

“She’s all yours, buddy.”

“I… don’t know about this, Nav,” Twilight said as the alphyn walked back up to Trixie. She was staring up at him with absolute horror in her eyes, at the moment. The alphyn was just grinning, baring his fangs in delight.

“A deal’s a deal,” I said with a shrug.

When the alphyn got close enough, Trixie finally pounced away from him, jumping toward Twilight. I stopped her with a boot to the gut, though, kicking her away from Twilight and back onto the ground. “P-please, d-don’t do this to me!” she whispered, giving me a very tear-filled look. “I’ll… I’ll show you where your friend is!”

“The alphyn already did.” The alphyn that was standing right behind Trixie now, too. “Take her away.”

“Please, ape!” Trixie howled. The alphyn grinned and put one of his talons on her back, but I held up my hand and knelt down next to Trixie. Her eyes had so much hope in them…

“My name is Navarone. Remember it. And remember what happens when you cross me.” I stood back up and nodded at the alphyn. Trixie finally started crying as they were both absorbed into the earth. I turned back to Twilight with a wide smile on my face. “Well then, shall we?”

She had a look of abject horror on her face at the moment, actually. “How can you call ME cruel?!”

“Hey, just because I’m also cruel doesn’t mean I can’t point out that you are as well.”

“You… you just sent Trixie to Tartarus!”

“Yep. Oh, and she didn’t kill Aqua, by the way. She’s in my head now.”

“You… you…” Twilight took a very deep breath and slowly let it out, then reached up to the amulet and pulled it off, dropping it on the floor. “I can’t promise not to tell Celestia about this, Nav,” she said.

“I’m going to tell her myself.” I knelt down to grab the amulet and started to stand back up, but Twilight put a hoof on my shoulder to stop me.

“Nav, that was wrong.”

“Was it really?” I asked. “If we had done it your way, she would have died. If we had given her to Celestia, she probably would have been given to Chrysalis. And there’s no way we’d both be having this conversation if I didn’t make that deal with the alphyn. And because we have no way of knowing where the absolute fuck we are right now, it could be weeks before Celestia finds us. I can’t say it was a good thing to do. But all of our choices were bad. I picked the choice that was the best for us.”

“And the familiar!”

“He was being tortured just like us,” I said. “He’d been here for a month now, being experimented on by Trixie. There’s no telling what else she did to him, since he wasn’t in a hurry to explain. He has a wife and kids that he doesn’t want to be away from. So yes, this choice was also the best for him. But I don’t see how that’s a bad thing, since he’s not a bad guy.”

“He’s a familiar! He’s from bucking Tartarus, Nav! Of course he’s evil!”

“That’s racist.” She dropped her hoof and looked away, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her. “I know it’s hard,” I said as something slipped out of my ear and presumably into hers. “But it’s a tough, nasty decision that had to be made.”

“I… I know, Nav. It’s just… why did it have to be this way? If…”

“Life’s unfair. You can say if all you want, but that’s never going to change what actually is. Trixie was given a bad hand in life and she handled it poorly. And as much as I know you need to keep rationalizing this, we still have a friend that’s in danger. I had to leave Fluttershy behind because she would have just gotten in the way, but now we need to go get her.”

Twilight took another deep, shuddering breath and then let it out before gently pushing me away. “You’re right. Let’s go. And… keep that amulet hidden. I already feel myself wanting it.”

“Aqua can probably help with that,” I said as I slipped it into a pocket. “You think we should check for any magic items in here before we go?”

“Fluttershy might be in danger, Nav. We should get to her as quickly as possible.”

“I may have been… overstating things. I left her snoring on a bed past a hallway full of traps. Ain’t nothing gonna get to her and she isn’t going to wake up until she gets pulled off that bed.”

“Ah. Then yes, I am… quite interested in what Trixie has in here. But before we start, do you need any healing? I know she had her familiar… mistreat you.”

“Him? Nah, that big puppy didn’t lay an unwanted talon on me. Trixie was too fucking retarded to tell him to actually have sex with me, and he didn’t want to cheat on his mate, so he barely even touched me.”

“...So she didn’t have him rape you and she didn’t kill Aqua. And she didn’t even touch me inappropriately, though she really, really wanted to. Nav, I think we got off easy.”

“Oh yeah. Especially since Discord stopped by for a visit.”

Twilight blinked and then her eyes went wide. “Sweet Celestia, that was Discord! He was right in front of me!”

“Was he sexy?” She gave me a very flat look for that. “Hey, you never know. Evil’s supposed to be sexy, or so I heard.” She rolled her eyes. “Just sayin’.”

“He wasn’t. In fact, he was rather horrifying. He was… an amalgamation of animals. I think he’s called a draconequus.”

“That’s retarded. He’s just a chimera.”

Twilight shrugged. “I might be wrong. It’s been a while since I read that book. But there was a statue of something like him in the palace gardens.”

“Not like him, no,” I said, shaking my head. “That was him, according to Reginald. That’s what the elements of harmony did to him, and that’s why I absolutely do not want to get hit by those damn things.”

“...They turned him into stone?” Twilight whispered, her eyes widening.

“Yeah. Doesn’t seem very harmonic to me.”

“...Sometimes evil must be stopped at any cost. Didn’t you just demonstrate that with Trixie?”

“I’m not saying it was bad. I don’t know the situation, I don’t know the specifics or what was lost. But you saw the end, Twilight. We were in that book world together when Celestia and Luna hit him with the elements. Did he strike you as the kind of person to go into that without knowing what was happening?”

“True. But still…”

“But still, we weren’t there. Celestia and Luna were the last alicorns for six thousand years because of him, Twilight. He killed humanity. Killed the elementals, and god knows what else. If any motherfucker deserves to be stoned for eternity, it would be that one.”

“...Let’s just loot the room.”

Her tone brooked no argument, so I walked over to one of the drawers and pulled one out. She walked over to the dresser and started rooting through it. There was actually nothing in the top drawer, so I pushed it closed and opened the middle one. There was a disturbingly large purple dildo in there. I blinked a few times and pushed that one closed, then opened the bottom one, which contained all the rest of her sex toys.

Since I’m an awful, awful person, I grabbed the largest toy there then opened the middle drawer and grabbed the purple one. “Hey Twilight, catch,” I said, tossing it at her. She looked toward me just in time to grab the dildo with her magic. Before a look of disgust could come to her face, I held up my black double-ender. “En garde!”

She slowly looked up at me, her face turning red. “You… you’re joking, right?”

I jabbed toward her a few times, smiling widely. “Nope!” She slowly face-hoofed before pointing the toy at me.

“Alright. You brought this on yourself, though.”

Her toy thrust itself at me and I knocked it away, then jumped forward to try to hit Twilight. Her toy shot back in front of me right at the last second, though. Since my weapon was diverted, she tried hitting me with hers, but I dodged aside and let it soar past, then smacked Twilight across the face with my toy.

Twilight stood there in silence for a few seconds, my dildo pressed against her face. Then the light around her horn disappeared and she backed up. “I’m sorry, I just… No.”

“Ugh, fine.” I tossed the toy aside and added, “But we’re doing this when we get back to Ponyville, and we’re both going to be naked.”

“Now that, I can agree to. But we are not going to use someone else’s toys for that. There’s no telling where she stuck them, or worse, when she last washed them.”

“All good points. You find anything?”

“No. I… don’t think she really had much. I don’t think this place has been here long, wherever we are. It’s obviously magical in nature, since there are lights without any fixtures. I doubt she had the chance to accumulate much.”

“Then fuck this. I have the magic collars in one of my pockets, so you can play with those when we leave.”

“Oh, those. I believe I know how she made them, but I’ll want to look just in case. It might be possible to reprogram them.”

“Have fun with that. You want to go get Fluttershy and find the way out of this place now?”

“Yes. You said you know where she is?”

“Yeah. We’ll just have to stop by the alphyn’s room first, since that’s where we went from. After that, Flo or Aqua can direct us.”

“Excellent. Then lead the way.” I started doing so, leaving Trixie’s old room behind. “Do you know when Celestia should get to the old castle?”

“Nope. It’s probably been two or three hours since I told her, though it barely feels like that. I’d say a max of eight hours. She was going to try to get my crew together so she didn’t have to go alone, just in case.”

“That’s good, but I hope she gets here soon. This place might start collapsing without Trixie here to hold it together, and it would take me a few hours to find the focal point to hold it together or the escape point to get us out.”

“Well, when she brought us here, the first place I saw was the dungeon. Think we can get out from there?”

“...Maybe. I’ll have to study it to be sure. We can look after we get Fluttershy.”

“Bitchin’.” Silence creeped in at that point and I spread my wings to stretch them. “Actually, now that I think about it, I could use some healing. My ass is probably bruised after what she did. And can you do anything about my missing feathers?”

“I can heal your butt, but not your feathers. What… what did she do?”

“Spanked me for speaking out of turn. And when I was fighting the alphyn, he toasted my wings.”

“...Ouch. Well, take off your ring.” I did so and she healed my poor booty. “So I take it you don’t like spankings?”

“They’re okay if they’re done properly, but I would much rather be giving them. Rarity’s good for that, by the way. She really likes them.”

“More than I ever wanted to know, thank you…”

“Eh, it’s okay. She doesn’t like the pussy anyway.” I slid my ring back on and continued walking.

“Do you… really have no shame?” Twilight sighed.

“You should know better than that by now, Twiley. I have some, I just don’t let it show. If I did, I wouldn’t tell you that your brother and his wife asked me for a threesome.”

“...Please stop talking.”

“Hey, I said no!” Her horn lit up and two corks appeared out of nowhere, then fitted themselves into her ears. I just chuckled as we continued in silence once more.

Well, up until we got to the alphyn’s room, where she peeked inside, then dispelled her ear things. “You don’t want the clothes?” she asked.

“Hell no. I’m a slut and even I think that skirt was too tiny. And man, fuck heels.”

“I’ll let you do almost anything you want to me if you wear that for me and my friends.”

“Tch, fuck no. I can already do almost anything I want to Celestia, and the only person I need to debase myself toward is her. I’d rather keep it that way.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. But you’re missing out.”

“Not really.” I started walking again and she fell in step behind me. “The last time you had complete sexual access to me, you apparently accessed the pleasure nodes in my brain and fucked me so hard I literally could not move for half an hour.”

“I… Really?”

“It was when you were love poisoned. That remains one of the most horrifying things I have ever felt or done.”

“...I wonder if I could perfect that spell. I don’t really want to be known for that, but there is a certain… market for books about such topics.”

“Write it under a pen name. Problem solved.”

“True. Hm. Miss Grey. Miss Shady Grey. I could probably think of at least fifty things to put in there, after all that we’ve done and talked about!”

I didn’t even think about saying it, so I just said, “Sounds good. Let me know if you need help practicing most of it.”

“Of course. I could even name you as my partner. I bet you’d love all that extra attention, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, probably. But I’d still rather you didn’t.”

“Well, nothing’s on paper yet. It’s still just an idea. I might have to talk to some ponies, though…”

“Have fun with that.” We were coming to a certain intersection, though, so I put my hand against her chest. “Wait here.”

“What? Why?” I started walking so I could show her rather than tell her. Stopping where she stopped allowed her to be spared getting smacked in the face with a cloak. When I got to the other side, she teleported next to me. “That’s interesting. How did the two of you pass that earlier?”

“My ring. It didn’t activate when I tossed it across, so the alphyn just put it on and followed me.”

“Interesting. Are there other traps?”

“Yeah. Another one we’re both going to need to teleport across later, and then a long hallway of them you’ll have to teleport across to get to Fluttershy.”

“This is a lot of work. Did she really expect to need these?”

“Man, I don’t fucking know. Coulda been Discord that put these here. Don’t hardly matter, either way. All we gotta do is grab Fluttershy and get the hell out, then forget this ever happened.”

“Right.”

“And of course, when we get back to Ponyville, we tell everyone we won and that we never got close to losing.”

“...Yeah. I really don’t want anyone to know I was an inanimate object.”

“Or that I was forced to wear a maid outfit and then bent over a table for a spanking. Although I gotta say, you were more adorable than usual as a teddy bear.”

“And you were sexier than usual in that outfit.”

“Oh? Are maids your fetish, Miss Twilight?”

“N-no! It’s just… It accentuated your body quite nicely, is all. And what you were doing to Trixie was… looked really nice.”

“Twilight, do you want me to brush you when we get back.”

“Oh Celestia, yes! She looked so happy!”

I reached back to scratch her ears and she sighed in delight, lowering her head to accommodate me. “Of course I’ll brush your mane and coat, Twilight. But you’re gonna put that horn to good use either before or after.”

“Worth it,” she whispered, smiling faintly.

Anyway, we continued in relative silence, bypassing the fire trap with ease and getting around the fake wall by her blowing the thing down. Soon, we were standing in front of the still-open trap door leading down into the darkness.

“This leads to the dungeon,” I said, nodding at it. “On the far side over there is Fluttershy, still on the enchanted bed.”

“Did you really have to leave her asleep on that thing, Nav? We have no idea what it could be doing to her!”

“How do you think Fluttershy would have reacted to us giving Trixie to the alphyn? Or worse, killing her?”

“...Good point. So how do you want to get her?”

“Teleport across the field of traps, grab her with your magic, and then teleport back. Or just grab her from here and float her over here. As long as you don’t touch the floor, I don’t think the traps will trigger.”

“Blinking would be easier. I’ll be right back.” She teleported down the hall, right next to Fluttershy’s bed. She walked around it to study it and I heard her snort slightly when she got to the foot and saw the message there. Finally, she wrapped Fluttershy in an aura and teleported back next to me. “So how did you wake her up earlier?” she asked.

“I uh… I kinda… put my ring around her clit.”

“You what.”

“It wouldn’t fit anywhere else! I tried her ear and I didn’t want to use her tongue in case she swallowed it. Unless you wanted me to give her a new earring, the clit was the only option.”

“...Let me see your ring, Nav.” I took it off and held it up. Twilight grabbed it, lifted up one of Fluttershy’s wings, and slid it on the far tip, all the way down the feather. It messed the feather up, but when it finally hilted, Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes. “Only place… Yeah right!” ...And then Fluttershy fell, since the magic holding her up was dispelled.

That wouldn’t have been such a problem if Fluttershy wasn’t right over the open trap door. As it was, she fell down and immediately started screaming and panicking.

“...Oops.”

“Oh good job, Twilight,” I said. “You just had to go and wake her up!” I sighed, shaking my head, and then jumped down the hole after her. Twilight immediately followed. When we all got into the prison cell, Fluttershy was in the fetal position, rocking back and forth with tears streaming down her face.

I looked over at Twilight and jerked my head to Fluttershy. She nodded and started trying to sooth the timid mare, after of course removing the ring from her wing. I started looking around for anything that might indicate that this was a focal point or whatever. But of course, I’m not any kind of mage and I don’t really like magic, so I wasn’t all that surprised when I didn’t find a thing.

By the time I was bored of looking, Fluttershy was done with her little panic moment. Of course, I may have made sure those two events coincided, but I’m not about to say that. Anyway, I walked back over. “So we gonna blow this joint or what?” I asked.

Twilight floated my ring to me and said, “I’m going to look, but I can’t promise anything. We might very well be stuck here until Princess Celestia comes for us.”

“Well, here’s hoping,” I sighed, crossing my arms.

 Twilight started sniffing or magicking around the dungeon, breaking open cells as needed to explore. While she did that, Fluttershy gently poked one of my wings under my cloak. “Nav, what… what happened to your feathers?” she quietly asked.

“Fire.”

“Did… did it hurt?”

Bitch, the fuck you think? “Yes. Still kinda twinges, actually. Fire damage is a bitch to heal.”

“...I have some balms back home. When we get there, I can put those on. They might also make your feathers grow back faster!”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ll just go ask Athena. She’ll just run her hands over them and fix them right up.”

“Well… it would still be good for me to check.”

I almost told her that it wasn’t necessary at all, but Flo quickly said, “She’s lonely, Nav. And she’s even more afraid now than usual. Most of her animal friends left her and she just got kidnapped. She needs some company in her house, for at least a little while.”

“...It’ll be nice to be sure,” I said, reaching a hand down to scratch at her ears. The smile I got back almost made promising to waste my time with her worth it.

Then Twilight called out, “Over here, girls! I think I found a node!”

I looked back up and started walking over there. “Did you really just say ‘girls’?” I asked. “Like, seriously?”

“Nav, you have a vagina. Stop pretending you don’t. Now, I think I can manipulate this just right to get us out of here, but it might send us back to that arena instead. Is your ring off?”

“Yeah, I’m good. You ready, Fluttershy?”

“Yes. I really, really want to go home…”

“Hold onto me, then,” Twilight said. I put one hand on her back and one on Fluttershy’s back. Fluttershy put a hoof on one of Twilight’s back legs. When we were both ‘secured’, Twilight’s horn lit up brighter and we fell through space, reappearing in the large arena where we fought and lost to Trixie. “Well, shoot!”

“Hey, at least we got one level higher,” I said, letting them both go. “Do you remember where we started in here?”

“No, but it was on the outer rim. That’ll make looking faster. Just give me a few minutes.” She started walking away from the center. I shrugged and sank to the ground, happy to be off my feet for a few minutes.

“So, Fluttershy. How awkward are you at sex talk?” Her eyes went wide and both of her ears flopped down. “That’s what I thought. So, you need any help getting all your animal friends back?”

She gulped and quietly said while looking away, “I’m… I’m a v-virgin, Nav…”

“That’s not what I asked, Fluttershy.”

Her eyes locked with mine. “I don’t want to be a virgin anymore.”

Oh shit. “W-well, I’m sure I can find you a nice stallion that—”

“No!” I raised an eyebrow. “W-well… Later. When I… when I want a special somepony. But for my first time, I… I want somepony that… can feel what I feel. That knows what I feel. That can… that can make me feel… really good.”

Why do I have a feeling I know where this is going? “I can point you in the right direction, then. There are plenty of mares in Ponyville that would be all too happy to help you.”

Fluttershy sighed and looked away, apparently realizing what I actually meant. Or at least, hopefully realizing what I actually meant.

Twilight saved me from that problem, anyway. “I found the next node!” she called.

I achingly got up to my feet. “Shall we, then?” Fluttershy started following me, of course. “So this is the way home?” I asked.

“I certainly hope so,” Twilight said. “I could keep searching if you wanted, though. There might be teleport nodes all over this arena, leading to Celestia knows where.”

“Actually, I kinda doubt she does,” I said. “If she did, she’d probably already be here by now.”

“...Anyway, we can risk this being the one, or I can keep searching. But if this isn’t the right one, I can just take us right back and we can try again.”

“Then let’s fucking do it,” I said, putting on hand on her back again and the other on Fluttershy, who of course put a hoof on Twilight.

“Alright then, hold on.” Twilight’s horn lit up again and we fell through the earth once more.

“...about here,” someone was saying when we reappeared. Then I heard several people jumping or wincing and finally looked around. Watcher was standing next to Celestia right in front of us, and both were wearing surprised expressions. From what little I could see without turning my head, we were back in the burnt out castle.

“Well, it worked,” I said.

“And you were right,” Celestia said to Watcher. “Very good timing on the unlock, too. I can’t remember for the life of me why I let Luna have you, now.”

“I’m not complaining,” I said. “Now let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“...What about Trixie?” Celestia asked. “Did you just escape?”

“Her familiar dragged her to Tartarus,” I said with a shrug. “No great loss.”

“I would have liked to have a discussion with her,” Celestia said. “But Tartarus or Chrysalis’s dungeon would have been her eventual destination anyway. Watcher, would you like to continue studying this castle?”

“No, Princess. The magic used here is different and studying it might be dangerous. If the pocket she made starts collapsing, it might well bring parts of the castle down with it. Better to get out while we can and accelerate the process by knocking this castle down. If anypony were to stumble upon it now…”

“Yes, you’re right. And that could very well happen, with the magic out here acting strangely due to that failed spell. When I get back to Canterlot, I’ll dispatch a demolition team with instructions to dismantle the building from the outside only.”

“Are you sure?” Twilight asked. “There’s no telling what we might find inside. It might be worth risking.”

“No amount of knowledge is worth a life, Twilight,” Celestia said. “Learning more about our enemy is important, but most definitely not worth dying for. Now let’s get out of this castle quickly.”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice,” I said, turning for the exit. That turn showed me that there were at least two full squads in the room. We all started filing out, eager to get back into the moonlight.

“Luna outdid herself tonight,” Twilight said with a smile, looking up.

“I get that you’re happy to see the sky again, but do you really gotta bring that up?” I asked.

“Right, sorry. I forgot about your… past,” she said, blushing slightly.

“I meant the part about Celestia and Luna controlling the sun and moon, but that too I guess. You can’t tell me that Aqua hasn’t told you the truth yet.”

Celestia smacked me in the back of the head with a wing, then pretended she was just wrapping it over my shoulder. “Come, Nav. Let’s retire to the ship, shall we?” She didn’t give me a choice, teleporting us both up to the deck. “Let me get a look at your wings,” she quietly said, releasing me with her wing so she could use it to lift up my cloak. “...Oh my.”

“I don’t really know what you were expecting,” I said with a shrug.

“...I was expecting them to need preening. But this… Hm, I can deal with this.” She wrapped her wing back around me. “Come along, dear. You can tell me alllll about your trip while we… relax.”

She started leading me down into the bowels of the ship. Instead of taking me to my room, like I expected, she took me deeper, into what used to be Kumani’s room. I don’t know how she knew there was a bigger bed there, but she definitely took advantage of it. First, she unwrapped me like a present, then carefully set me down on it, stomach first.

“So why didn’t you get word to me when you were told about Fluttershy?” she asked as she carefully positioned herself on my back. I started to answer, but the words stuck in my throat when I felt her quite forcefully kissing one of my wings. “No, please. Don’t let me stop you.” I gulped and started to try again, but then I felt something itching in my wings and I turned my head. She used magic to force my head back down though. “No peeking. I’ll let you see when I’m done…”

I sighed and resolved to ignore it for now. “Discord was watching. He was actually there, Celestia. He spoke with Trixie in front of Twilight.” Saying that while she was slowly kissing and licking my barren wings was difficult, but I managed.

“Hm… And how did you lose the initial fight?”

“Twilight and I were holding our own f-fairly well.” Christ. Flo, can you help me out? She just giggled and did nothing, so I figured I was on my own. “The… The alphyn wasn’t able to do a thing to me. The fire and talons just bounced off me, and I was able to dodge most of what he did anyway. Same for Trixie’s magic. But they both had… shields on them. Some kind of shields that used rocks to protect them. So they could barely hurt us and we couldn’t hurt them…”

“Until the lightning?” she prodded, then started sucking on my wing, making me whimper slightly.

“Y-yes… That ignored the ring and fucked me up the first time. After the alphyn got a lucky hit on one of my wings, the blood hit my armor and it… came alive. It took over my body with some kind of needles and wanted to kill the alphyn. I had him in my hands, ready to plunge my sword into him, when Trixie hit us both with lightning. That p-put both of us out of the fight and then Trixie eventually surprised Twilight with a rock to the back of the head.”

“...Yes, I could see Twilight failing to protect against that. I will have to remind her that even powerful unicorns must watch out for the more mundane things. I assume that was hardly the end of it. She didn’t let you just have free range over the dimension she had.”

“She… turned me into a maid. With a horrifyingly skimpy outfit.”

“I really hope you saved it.”

“In your dreams.” In response, she targeted the largest pleasure spot on my wing and suckled on it like a fucking baby. “B-bitch!” Her only response was a giggle. “I… I g-got to speaking with the a-alphyn. He made me a deal. He helps me take out Trixie if he gets to keep her.”

“And you took it.”

“I did. I don’t regret it.”

“...What’s done is done.”

“You don’t like it.”

“You made a judgment call. I don’t agree with the choice you made, but I don’t disagree with you for making it. And I definitely understand the reasoning behind it. No, I don’t like it. But I like that you’re here, I like that you’re safe, and I like that you’re squirming.” And just like that, she started licking me again, perfectly fulfilling that last like of hers.

“And I love that you’re on top of me, Sunbutt,” I whispered, finally feeling myself relax for the first time in what felt like days.

“Then hopefully you won’t mind that much that your feathers are gonna be pink,” Celestia said.

“What?” I finally turned my head to find that, sure enough, all the feathers in the wing she was fucking with were coming in pink. “What are you doing?!”

“Oh, just making sure you promise me something,” she said. “It’s nothing too horrible, I promise.”

“...If you’re using this as blackmail, I imagine it’s going to be worse than horrible.”

“You told Luna you would speak to her in a week in the dream world, didn’t you?”

“...I did. I guess you want me to actually do it?”

“No, I don’t. Unless you’re going to tell her you forgive her, I don’t want you speaking with her at all, aside from an absolute emergency. Promise me you will seek no contact with her and your wings will be as beautifully white as mine.”

“Hell, you don’t gotta ask me twice. I didn’t want to anyway.”

“Excellent.” Her horn lit back up and she forced me to face the bed again, followed once more by her sexy kissing.

“So I gotta ask why not. Before now, you seemed all about me and her talking, trying to make up or whatever.”

“A few reasons. One, because I don’t want anypony to know where she is and she might talk about it. Two, because I don’t want anypony to know what she’s up to. Three, I know you don’t want to talk to her and I’m not going to let you do it just because you feel obligated because she helped you. Finally, I honestly, honestly don’t want her around you anymore. Ever. I know that won’t be possible when she comes back into the public eye, but until then, I want the two of you to have as little to do with each other as possible.”

“Works for me.”

“I thought you would agree. Now, I believe that’s enough talking. Let’s put our mouths to better uses, hm?”

It’s good to be back.

 

 

It’s time for a wonderful outro from your Glorious Leader!

When I said I wanted our beautiful heroine to deal with my ex-apprentice permanently, I did not mean sending her to pony hell. For the record, I meant for Nav to kill her.

But things don’t always go the way they’re planned. As I sat back and watched Trixie begging for my help, I realized that sometimes, plans don’t have to be perfectly executed to go well. And besides, perfection makes things boring.

As the tears streamed down her face, I felt a smile tugging at my lips. A new plan was already forming in my mind. A certain fire elemental was active in Tartarus. All it would take was a catalyst and I could make an already warlike continent burn red with the fires of dozens of armies, all fighting for the prize of escape.

A catalyst that the elementals would hand to me on a silver platter.

Trixie’s tears continued to flow as my apathetic laughter echoed through her mind.

 
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