Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.

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149. Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Three

Celestia was very thorough in healing my wings, making sure every single feather was back in place. This had the effect of locking us both away for the entire trip back to Ponyville and also feeling extremely good. There at the end, she was just lying on my back and mindlessly blowing air through my feathers.

“Sometimes you’re the best, Sunbutt,” I happily sighed, ruffling my feathers for her.

“Hm, only sometimes?” she whispered. I saw some light from her horn and felt something caressing my hips.

“Yes, only sometimes,” I replied, doing my best not to shiver at her touch. “And as much as I want to let you ravish me, we should really check up on the ship.”

“I believe they’ll come and tell me when we get to Canterlot. Or maybe they won’t. Does it really matter?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” I turned around under her and kissed her on the nose. “Taya’s in Ponyville and I can’t exactly leave her there. I’m also not quite ready to come back to Canterlot. Besides, you need to get some sleep.”

“Oh, staying up too late with magic only affects you if you do it several days in a row. But yes, I do suppose you need to be with Taya.”

She didn’t move for several more seconds, staring down at me with a smile on her face. “So…”

“How do you feel about the Wonderbolts, Nav?” she asked.

“I met Soarin’ and Spitfire a few months back. They’re both alright. Spitfire totally offered to bang me, but I doubt that offer’s still good now that I’m a chick.”

“I meant their shows, not the team.”

“Oh. Kinda boring, honestly. I mean, seeing the stuff they can do is neat, but I wouldn’t pay money for it. Well, unless Taya wanted to go, I guess, but I wouldn’t pay for myself.”

“Hm. Well, do you know what’s public but not out in the open?”

“...Doppel’s vagina?” Her look turned very flat. “So you’re saying our date should be a Wonderbolts show. It would be fairly convenient. Hide in plain sight and all that. That’s if you want to hide.”

“Well… It might be wise, given our current arrangement. Should we decide to make it official, we can sing it from the rooftops for all I care. But until we finally do so, I think it would be best to stay silent so there won’t be more questions when you leave.”

“Alright then, I suppose a Wonderbolts show would work. It definitely fulfills Cadance’s stupid dare. When’s the next one?”

“In about five days. It’s in Canterlot, so you’ll need to be back in the palace by then.”

“I can definitely leave this place behind that quickly. God knows it’s getting boring. Now, shall we return to the top?”

“Just a moment,” she whispered before going in for another kiss. Since she was currently lying on me and too heavy to easily move, I let her do unto me as she would, and bore the indignity with pleased stoicism.

Finally though, she broke the kiss and then slowly pulled away from me. It was just in time, too, because the door opened and in walked Twilight. “We’re at… Do I even want to know why you’re naked?”

“Celestia was healing my wings,” I said with a shrug.

“...And you had to be naked for that?”

“She had to touch them,” I said. “You know how my wings are. I didn’t want to cream my pants.”

Twilight slowly face-hooved, so Celestia decided to step in. “Have we arrived at Ponyville, Twilight?”

She looked back up and then stepped the rest of the way in so she could close the door behind her. “Can I be frank here?” she asked.

“You’re much better as a Twilight than a Frank,” I said.

Both of them gave me a long-suffering glance before looking back at each other. “You know you can tell me anything, Twilight.”

“What is going on between you two? Princess, I know you… have needs, just the same as any pony, but you’ve been neglecting everyone else to spend time with him! The entire time both of us were in Canterlot, you avoided and ignored me while spending your time locked away with Nav. When I was younger, you always told me I had to take responsibility and be dutiful, but you seem to be spending more time with Nav than you are taking care of Equestria.”

Celestia sighed and hung her head. “You… are not wrong, Twilight. But I’ve spent almost all of my life governing this country. Putting everypony else first. Is it really so bad that I take some time for myself now that so many things take care of themselves?”

“You mean letting others take over your responsibilities! Rarity told me what happened when you sent us to Detrot. You’re just using us so you can take time off!”

“...At times, yes. But other times, I send you on a task so you can learn a lesson from it. But once again, is it truly so bad? Do you know how long it has been since I truly took a day off? Cancelled everything? It has been over a century. I still take care of my country very well, Twilight. I’m just finally finding the time—and realizing the need—to take care of myself.”

“By using Nav. The one your sister self-admittedly abused and tormented.”

“The very same. It isn’t common that I find a mind that has the potential to be as dangerous as mine or Luna’s. I’ve found two in recent memory. You are one and Nav is one. It just so happens that he has the mind of a male, and I met him when he was older than just a filly. It is no real surprise, at least not looking back, that we eventually grew close. It could be said that we are too close, given our history. Making a real relationship work between us will be difficult given our past and the immense generation gap, but I believe it’s possible and I believe we’re both willing to try.”

“But you’re letting him sleep around and do as he wants!”

“For the moment, neither of us have laid true claim on the other. I know that Nav has needs and he knows the same of me. We are going to be separated when he resumes his journey, so I see no reason to hold him to a pointless promise he would find difficult to maintain. There is a separation in his mind between sex and love, so I have nothing to fear.”

Twilight sighed and looked away. “I can… understand some of your reasoning.” Her eyes moved back to meet Celestia’s. “But that doesn’t explain why you’re avoiding me!”

Celestia sighed and turned her head to me. “Navarone, would you mind giving us a moment?”

“Sure. Let me just get dressed and grab my armor real quick.”

“I’ll take care of the armor,” Twilight said, not looking away from Celestia. Seeing that I was definitely not wanted by at least half the people present, I hurriedly got dressed and got the hell out of there, though Celestia snagged a quick kiss before I bailed.

God, I feel like Twilight caught Celestia cheating on her with me or something. Ugh.

“Well, she kind of did,” Flo said. “Not sexually, I hope, but Celestia is certainly spending more time with you than she is with Twilight, something that Twilight probably never expected would happen. Of course Twilight would be jealous.”

Feh. At least she had given me time to get dressed, so I didn’t get to the deck wearing nothing. A few crew members and guards were up there, but most were presumably asleep. Still, the ones that were on the deck wanted to know what exactly happened. A quick glance over the side told me that we were actually anchored over Ponyville, but if I wanted to wait for Twilight, I’d be waiting for who knows how long.

So for the crew’s benefit, as well as for Fluttershy who was also up there, I told the abbreviated and censored story of what happened. I can’t imagine most of them were overly pleased to have had to cancel whatever they had planned to save us when we kind of saved ourselves, but none of them said that to me.

Not too long after I finished the story—which didn’t really mention any of the indignities we suffered, of course—Twilight decided to show her face back on deck. She was levitating a bulging bag of armor behind her. “Ready to go?” I asked as she passed me the bag.

“Not quite. I’ll be staying with Celestia for now. I might be in Canterlot for the rest of the time we’re here, actually.”

“I’ll be heading back there soon myself, probably. Guess I’ll see you when I get there, then. Welp.” I turned to Fluttershy. “You ready to head home?”

“I… don’t know,” she whispered, looking away.

“You’re perfectly welcome to stay here,” I said, putting a hand on her back. She flinched slightly at my touch before seemingly relaxing. “And there’s a nice bed in the library that’s not being used right now. That’s right in the middle of town.” She didn’t seem overly receptive to either of those. I sighed and knelt down next to her. “How would you feel about some company, Fluttershy?”

She slowly looked up. “You… you’d stay at my home?” she quietly asked.

“That’s not a promise I can make,” I said. “I have a daughter I have to take care of. But I have a really nice friend that’ll make you feel safe and help protect you.”

Flo sighed. “Are you sure about this, Nav?”

“…Who?” Fluttershy asked.

I held a hand up to my head and let Flo slither out onto it. “The one that’s been guarding me for so long,” I replied as I moved her up to Fluttershy’s head. She eyed the water warily, but didn’t make any attempt to stop Flo from entering her brain.

Fluttershy’s eyes flashed a pale blue for a moment before returning to their pleasant teal shade. “…Hello?” she whispered, her eyes darting away from mine. Then she flinched and shivered slightly as Flo presumably responded.

While they were doing their introductions, Twilight asked, “Nav, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Nope. Lord knows I don’t want her out of me for long, either. But I think Fluttershy could use some company. Hopefully I won’t need Flo’s advice until we leave.” I readied myself for an internal passive-aggressive comment that never came and almost asked why before I remembered that I just removed the source. “…It’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“It’s more peaceful at times, at least,” Twilight said. “Are you two ready?”

Fluttershy was still looking out into the distance, so I poked her on the nose, making her flinch yet again and look back to me. “Time to go home,” I said, spreading my wings. “You ready?”

“I… think so? Um. You can’t… hear what she’s saying, can you?”

“Nope. And if you want to talk to her privately, just think things at her. But remember that she’s a naughty elemental, so expect her to whisper all kinds of dirty suggestions in your ear.” Fluttershy started blushing almost immediately, so I quickly added, “Like rolling around in the mud or not washing your hooves after dinner. Filthy, filthy girl.” That suitably confused her, so I looked back to Twilight, who was just shaking her head in disappointment. “See you later, starbutt. Tell Celestia I said the crow caws at midnight. She’ll understand.”

“…What does that mean?” Twilight asked.

“Like I said, she’ll understand.”

“Uh huh. I’ll see you later, Nav. And don’t call me starbutt again or I’ll make your butt regret it when we start writing our book.”

“I look forward to it, starbutt.”

She sniffed and looked over to Fluttershy. “I’ll probably be back in town in a few days, Fluttershy. If you need anything at all, just let someone know and I’m sure they’ll be all too happy to help.”

“I know… But I think I’ll be fine.” She actually cracked a small smile and I realized my idea might have been smarter than I thought. I just hoped she didn’t grow to depend on Flo, because I was definitely going to get her back as quickly as possible.

She’s mine to depend on.

Anyway, since Fluttershy got over her little bitchfit thing, we both spread our wings and jumped over the side. Celestia definitely did a good job on my wings, though they still felt pretty tender from the other stuff she did to them. Honestly, it might have been worth having pink feathers just to be able to actually fly, not that I’d ever tell her that.

Or any of the ponies, actually.

Even with Flo in Fluttershy’s head, I didn’t want her to go back home in the middle of the night all alone. We flew to her bachelorette pad next to the Everfree together, our naturally slow speeds harmonizing quite nicely. She didn’t say a word until we landed, though, which was nice.

Unfortunately, she ruined that niceness by what she actually said. “Do you… want to come inside?” she quietly asked when we stood in front of her door.

Oh boy. “Uh…” Dammit Flo, where are you when I need you? “You… probably shouldn’t mess your sleep schedule up anymore. And uh… Angel definitely missed you. I don’t want to get in the way of all that, you know?”

“I just slept for three days… And you won’t get in the way, I promise.”

“I know you slept for a while, but Flo can put you right back out. It’ll be a good way to keep your schedule in order. I can… come by tomorrow.” With a nice, loving daughter that can act as a buffer from any unwanted advances. “Besides, I know Taya’s worried sick about me. I really need to go let her know I’m okay.”

“…Alright. I know she’s always worried about you… Oh, if you come early enough, I can make us all breakfast!”

Why can’t I ever win? “Sounds nice, but Taya might sleep later. She does that sometimes. Anyway, I’ll see you in the morning, Fluttershy. Goodnight for now.”

“Goodnight, Nav…” I really think she wanted to say more, but I hoisted the heavy fucking bag of armor and took off before she could build up the courage.

It was a short but lonely flight back to Vinyl’s house, where I was hoping Taya was still staying. Since no one in Ponyville believes in home security, I let myself right in the unlocked door and quietly ventured on down the hall to our room. Sure enough, Taya was curled up on the bed, her nubile filly form unhidden by any of the lofty blankets surrounding her. There was a somewhat pained expression on her sleeping face.

I slowly lowered the bag of armor to the floor and then stepped up to the bed to gently caress Taya’s slumbering belly. Surprisingly, the adorable scrunchy face she had eased down until she was just passively sleeping again, the nightmare or whatever hopefully forgotten.

Either way, it was nice to finally be back. I just kinda wish I had something to actually do or someone to talk to until morning. Lacking anything better to do, I sat on the floor next to the bed and entered the dream realm, opting to fight nightmares and nonsexual dreams to stave off boredom.

Some unknown amount of time later, I felt a small spike of pain that dragged me out of teasing Big Mac with Luna’s sexily-clothed body. When I opened my eyes, I found that my head had been knocked into the floor and I was being glomped by my overly cute daughter.

I spun in her grasp and hugged her back. “I missed you,” I quietly said. “And that trip was not fun.”

“I missed you more,” she replied. “Where did you go?”

“Fluttershy was kidnapped by one of Discord’s cronies. Twilight and I had to save her. Fuck Discord.”

“But you won. You got her back, right?”

“Yeah, but saying we won is slightly inaccurate. I mean, in the end, yeah. But we definitely lost the initial bout. We had some bad luck and apparently that dragon armor is actually cursed. The zombie from the dragon took over.”

“It didn’t hurt you, did it?”

“Sorta? I mean, it shot needles into me, probably to hit my nerves or something, but it didn’t hurt too bad. Barring some experiments from Twilight, fuck putting that shit back on. It just ain’t worth it.”

“Good. You shouldn’t even let her do that, though!”

“It… should be harmless as long as it can be controlled. But I was wearing my ring and in the middle of a fight, which aren’t very good lab conditions. Still, that won’t be something I do any time soon. Twilight’s back in Canterlot at the moment.”

“…I was gonna ask her some magic questions.”

 “Well, the reason she’s back in Canterlot is also to ask magic questions. So I guess you can be comforted that she’ll be able to help you better when she gets back.”

“I kinda doubt she’ll be asking the kinds of questions I’d be asking… Oh well. So are we just gonna lock ourselves in today so no one else can try to take you away?”

“If only. I need to go see Pinkie and then Fluttershy. You’re welcome to come with me, if you want.”

“Of course I do. But… didn’t you just save Fluttershy? Why do you need to go see her now?”

“Because she’s kinda traumatized. And I’m going to bring Pinkie because Fluttershy tried seducing me.”

“...So why do you need Pinkie?”

“Do you know what a ‘town bicycle’ is?”

“No.”

“Good, you’re too young for all that. I think Pinkie can and will help Fluttershy.”

“...Daddy, what’s a town bicycle?”

“A slut that’ll sleep with anyone in town. Thus, everyone gets a ride.” She sighed and shook her head. “Taya, you’re silly. Anyway, I need a shower and you need to eat breakfast.”

“And so do you, daddy.”

“Only if you exercise today. Are you going to exercise today, dearest daughter of mine?”

“...Maybe.”

“How about we do that before going to find Pinkie, then?”

“Do we have to?”

“Hey, if I have to get in shape, so do you. I think that’s pretty fair.”

“Yeah, but you only have to eat! You make me run for hours.”

“Those were only the preliminary stages. Now that I know how terribly out of shape you are, it’ll only be about fifteen to twenty minutes a day for a little while. Just enough to get you active and out of breath a few times. That time’ll go up after a few weeks, when you get used to it.”

“Why can’t I just do whatever Doppel does? She was almost always out of breath whenever I saw her on the ship, and I never saw her running.”

She has to be joking, right? “Because running builds up a lot of muscles and shit and it helps with your stamina a lot. I want you to be able to run away from whatever you might need to, after all.”

She sighed. “Fine. I spoil you so much, daddy…”

“I’m sorry I’m too cute to say no to, honey. Now let me up. It’s been far too long since I last had a shower, and lying with Twilight and then an alphyn got me all sweaty.”

“What’s an alphyn?” she asked as she let me go and stepped away.

“A demon out of Tartarus. I can tell you about the trip while we’re exercising. For now, I guess just head to the kitchen and look for something to eat. I’ll be out when I’m out.”

“Okay, daddy.” She watched as I sat up off the floor. Before I could stand, she darted in and kissed me on the cheek. “I missed you…”

“I missed you too, dear,” I said, rubbing her hair. “See you in a few minutes.” She smiled and happily trotted on out while I went to the bathroom.

After taking a long shower (long only because I took the time to do inappropriate things to myself), I joined her downstairs. Unsurprisingly, Vinyl was either still asleep or just not there. What was surprising is that Taya was actually cooking. She even had an adorable apron on, though I don’t know why ponies had those in the first place.

“Oh wow, you must have really missed me,” I said as I slid into a chair at the table. There was already a plate there and across from it, hopefully for us. “Unless you’re poisoning it to force me to stay near you so you can administer doses of the antidote.” Her nervous chuckle didn’t make me feel very comfortable at all. “...Did I mention recently that you’re my favorite daughter?”

“Daddy, I’m your only daughter.”

“You’re my best daughter, then.”

“...Still your only daughter.”

“If I had to pick from any of the daughters I’ve ever had, I’d pick you for sure.”

“I’m also the only daughter you’ve ever had, unless you aren’t telling me something.”

“Damn. Well, I guess you’ll have to settle for something simpler and more disappointing…” I paused so she would have to ask.

Of course, she didn’t disappoint. “And what’s that, daddy?”

“That I love you.”

She finally turned to me with a smile on her face, levitating the pan of eggs with her magic. “That’s not disappointing at all,” she happily said as she trotted to the table. Since she’s a horse and has to do horse things, she nuzzled me affectionately as her magic divvied up the eggs on my plate and hers. And since I’m a human and have to do human things, I rubbed her ears with joy until she stopped and went to her place at the table.

When we finished and cleaned up (not that Vinyl particularly cared about having a clean kitchen), we finally left the house and started heading to Pinkie’s pad. I probably shouldn’t have brought Taya for what I was about to do, but it saved me time from having to go back and get her after I grabbed Pinkie. Besides, it gave me a chance to unsuccessfully try to spoil my daughter some more by giving her extra sweets.

While Taya was once again staring dubiously at some horrifying cupcakes, I ascended the stairs to the second story of Sugarcube Corner, hunting the ever-elusive Pinkie. I had a feeling that she would know I was coming for her as soon as my feet touched the stairs, so I had to be quick if I wanted to take her before she took me.

I stalked my way down the hall toward her room, listening for any potential disturbances. My eyes passed over the slumbering twins in their shared bed, since they posed no threat to me. I sought out darkened corners and hidden places for the pink menace before moving on to the next room, where the twins had been originally produced. Alas, there were no signs of pink in that room aside from a lacy pink strap hanging from the lower drawer that I hastily looked over.

That left only one room. The one room I dreaded to search. The one room where she had the most power. Her room.

And what do you know? She was sleeping on the bed. Well damn, that was a waste of fucking time. I entered her domain uncautiously, though stopped when I realized there was something off. She seemed to be asleep, but her breathing was normal, unhindered by slumber’s sweet embrace. It was as though she was lying in wait, perhaps hoping I’d attempt to take her unawares.

So I just shrugged and said, “Pinkie, you awake?”

She grunted once and rolled over toward the window.

“I know you’re awake, Pinkie.”

She groaned and covered her head with a pillow.

“Don’t you want to ask me about the ominous mission Twilight and I went on?”

One of her ears twitched and turned toward me.

“Well, I guess not.” I shrugged and turned to go. “I’ll just go tell Rarity instead. She’d love to hear all about it.” Before I could take a step, Pinkie rocketed out of bed and managed to somehow plant herself in front of me, a wide grin on her face. “That’s what I thought.”

“So what was the big secret mission, Navi?” Dammit Pinkie.

“Discord sent someone to kidnap Fluttershy and we had to get her back. We did so. Twilight’s heading to Canterlot now.”

“Oh, oh! You know what this calls for?”

“You to keep listening so I can explain why I need your help?”

“Nope! It calls for a party!”

“Let’s go with my suggestion.” She sighed and deflated slightly before nodding. “Fluttershy very strongly hinted that she wants me to take her virginity.”

“What.” Wow. Not even Pinkie has anything to say about that.

“I know, I didn’t know how to handle it either. She said she wanted a chick to do it since they could feel what she feels and make sure she has a good time. I was hoping you could… I don’t know, handle it?”

“...I’ll go talk to her. Alone.”

“Alright, that works. And a warning, in case it becomes relevant: Fluttershy’s kinda traumatized from what happened, so I let her hold onto Flo for me. I figured that would be a good way to comfort her without actually being there and having her try to seduce me.”

“No problemo. And after I talk with her, we’re going to have a party!”

“Shouldn’t we wait until Twilight gets back?”

“We can have another party then!”

“...Pinkie, I think you might be addicted to parties.”

“And you might be addicted to sex, but that isn’t a bad thing. Making people happy is good, and you forced me to take enough bits at that party that I can throw parties pretty much whenever I want. And since you said Fluttershy’s traumatized, she probably needs one!”

“...Uh huh. Well, I’m going to take Taya running, then head back to Vinyl’s house to lock myself in my room. Let me know when you’re done with Fluttershy and I’ll head by her place to check up on her.”

“Yep yeppers! Oh, and never tell anypony about this.”

“Don’t need to tell me twice. I’ll see you later, Pinkie.” Before I could bail, she jumped up and snatched me into a hug, then let go and ran off before I could reciprocate. I just shook my head yet again and followed her down the stairs to collect my daughter. She managed to devour the cupcake, at least, though she looked like she was questioning where she had gone wrong in life. “Ready to work off all that sugar?” I asked with a pleasant smile on my face.

“...You’re evil, daddy,” she sullenly replied, staring up at me with a leaden gaze.

“Love you too, dear,” I said. “Shall we?”

She sighed and slowly stood. Mrs. Cake waved at us as we left, probably happy to have her only customers gone. Although given that she wasn’t making any money, that might not have been the case.

Since Taya had just eaten, I decided to go easy on her at the start to give her stomach time to settle, then started kicking up the heat as I told her what happened with Trixie. I figured telling her that I wouldn’t slow down but I would keep talking would be a good incentive to make sure she kept up. Sure enough, she kept up to hear me, though she was pretty much unable to ask any questions. That was just fine by me, because I didn’t really want to answer any.

It took me about fifteen minutes to tell her what happened, which was good because that was also about the time I wanted her to run. “So yeah, you’re hellishly out of shape,” I said when we stopped. She practically collapsed onto the ground, trying to catch her breath. “I mean, that was some pretty basic jogging. I suppose I should get you on a good sleep schedule, too. Hm. I’ll need to talk to Twilight about your horsey circadian rhythm and see if you have the same cycles that humans do. A diet probably won’t be necessary… This’ll be fun.”

“Sadist,” she coughed, still trying to remember how to breathe.

“Yeah, well, you know. You’re trying to make me fat, so I might as well do my best to make you skinny.”

“Not fat. Just…. healthy.”

“Hey, I’m not having too many problems. I mean, if I didn’t have this hair thing, I would probably immediately die, but I have this hair thing. Although if I actually did put some skin on my bones, I might turn out kinda pretty. Hm. Flo, what do you… Fuck.”

“What?”

“I kinda let Fluttershy hold onto Flo for me. I figured I could handle a few days without her. I feel… incomplete.” The last time I didn’t have Flo was in the bunker, and I could actually feel some dread starting to invade my mind as I felt those haunted halls return to my thoughts. I shivered slightly and continued, “Whatever. Let’s get back. You probably need a shower now that you’re covered in dirt and sweat.”

“...My legs hurt,” she said, not even making an attempt to stand.

“Welcome to exercise. If you think they hurt now, wait until tomorrow. Let’s go.” She groaned and forced herself up. “Besides, you have magic. Can’t you just magic them better?”

“I’m a lot better at blowing things up than fixing things, but…” Her horn lit up and wreathed her body in its aura. A few seconds later, she sighed in relief and let the light die down. “Magic is amazing.”

“It sure takes a lot of the hard work out of exercising, I suppose. Which is a shame, because that would put hair on your chest.” She opened her mouth to retort again, but I pre-empted with, “Don’t you dare.” She giggled and we finally started heading home.

Vinyl either hadn’t gotten out of bed yet or she had already left to do who knows what, so we just went back to our room. Taya showered and then started doing whatever abnormal fillies her age do when their parents are around. I started to get the painting stuff out, but then remembered that it would be kind of hard without Flo. So instead I just pulled out the laptop and fucked around for a while.

That’s how Pinkie found us when she let herself in through the window. Since that window happened to be over the bed, she promptly fell on top of me. “Nice of you to drop in,” I sarcastically said, closing the laptop and thanking no one that it wasn’t damaged. “How did things go?”

“Pretty good!” Pinkie happily replied, not making any effort to remove herself from my lap. “Aside from being the most awkward thing ever.” She finally turned around on her back, so her belly was presented to me. “And she wanted me to give you something!” She held up an adorable cat that looked like it was smiling at me.

“...Is this a metaphor for pussy or something?” I asked, not even thinking about taking the cat.

“Nope!” One of her legs reared back and she threw the cat at my face. It latched onto me and I almost started panicking before I felt something wet sliding into my face. When Flo was once more inside me, the cat fell off.

“You know that she could have just ridden in you, right?” I asked, poking Pinkie in the belly because I knew it would make her giggle.

After giggling, she replied, “Aerie wouldn’t let me, so I borrowed a kitty! Party in Sugarcube Corner in an hour and you’re invited!”

“Are you gonna take the cat back?”

“Nav, it’s a cat. It’ll go back if it wants to.” She finally rolled off my lap and hopped up. “See you soon!” And just like that, she hopped back out the window.

“Hope Vinyl’s not allergic to cats,” I muttered as I set the thing on the windowsill.

“What was that all about?” Taya asked.

“I had Pinkie do a Pinkie thing for me,” I said, waving a hand. “Not important. You ready to head back to Canterlot?”

“What about the party?”

“Like I said, you ready to head back to Canterlot?”

“...Yes.”

“Awesome. Can you start packing, then? I should see if Vinyl’s here.”

“There’s not much to pack… What do you want to do with these paintings?” I finished off a few of them, and they’d be nontrivial to move.

“Hm. We’ll probably have to go by train anyway. I’ll see if Vinyl can spare some blankets or something. If not, we’ll have to… ugh, talk to Rarity. Just pack everything else up and we can deal with those later.”

“Okay, daddy! When we get to Canterlot, do you think I can talk to the princess?”

“I don’t know, probably. See you in a few minutes.” As soon as I stepped out of that room, I asked, “So Flo, what brings you back so soon?”

“I never want to be in that mare again. Her mind is… not fun. And don’t you ever do that again without asking me first.”

“I missed you too, babe.” She just snorted. Vinyl’s door was slightly open, so I poked it open a little more and peeked in. She wasn’t there, so I wandered on down the hall to the main room. Surprise surprise, she was actually reading a fucking book on the couch. “Sup, honeybuns?” I asked, plopping down next to her.

She jumped in surprise, looking up. “Oh hey, you’re back!”

“Yeah, got in last night. And just about to bail again, too.” She took a deep breath, but I kept going. “We’re heading back to Canterlot.”

She let it back out. “Got me worried there for a second. I’m not a foalsitter, dude. I don’t mind doing it in an emergency, which it better have been, but not again.”

“...I know she didn’t give you that much trouble.”

“I’m not a filly pony. Or a colt pony, either. But no, she wasn’t any trouble. Didn’t see her around here much, though. I figured as long as she came back at night she was fine. Now what was the big emergency? And why are you heading out again?”

“A servant of the ancient demonic entity that killed off my entire race kidnapped Fluttershy. Twilight and I had to get her back. And I’m just heading to Canterlot now to escape a Pinkie party.”

“Oh, cool. Though you know Pinkie’s gonna be mad, right?”

“Yeah, I know. If you’re interested, you can take my place. Just wear clothes, stand on your hind legs, and hide in a corner. They’ll never notice the difference.”

“Think I’ll pass, though I wouldn’t mind going. It’s soon, right?”

“In an hour, at her pad. Can I have some blankets?”

“Dude, I use those to keep me warm. And fall’s coming! Why do you even need blankets?”

“Gotta transport those paintings. I’d prefer to have them covered.”

“Oh, that? Just take the curtains in your room, then. Nopony’s gonna stay in there any time soon and I stole them from a hotel anyway.”

“...Why would you steal curtains when you have enough money to buy a small town?”

“Terrible service. Also, I was so high and drunk I barely even remember. I think that’s actually when I decided to stop using that stuff myself. Anyway, yeah, go for it. I should probably get matching curtains anyway, I guess.”

“Be careful, Vinyl. You’re starting to turn normal.”

“Celestia help me,” she whispered, her eyes going wide under her glasses.

“I would recommend that you come to Canterlot with me and we can do stuff there, but I guess you have curtains to buy and tax forms to fill like a boring normie.”

“B-but… those taxes are due in a week!”

“Yeah, sure. Enjoy your book, nerd.”

You wrote this!

“No, I translated it for money. Some other geek wrote it. Anyway, I got shit to pack. When you see Octavia, remember to thank her for making you an adult.” I finally hopped up and started walking back to my room.

“I’m not an adult!” Vinyl called after me, though she didn’t get up. When I looked back before getting to the hall, she was angrily reading the book. I just smiled and kept going.

Most of our stuff was packed when I got back into our room and Taya was just staring at one of the paintings. “Why are you even making these, daddy?” she asked, though she didn’t look up.

“For the fun of it. Much faster turnaround than books, that’s for sure. Anyway, we can use the curtains to move them. Just make sure to tie them up well.”

“Tie? As in… knots?”

“Yes, as in knots. How else do you tie something?” She slowly turned her head to me. “...Taya, do you know how to tie any knots?”

“...Maybe?”

“I should have put you in the filly scouts. Their uniforms are adorable and knowing how to tie knots is useful. Then you could have taught me, because god knows I can’t do more than a few simple ones.” I shrugged. “Just bundle them up and I’ll tie them. Surely there’s a soldier or two at Canterlot that’ll be willing to teach us some.”

“So are we leaving right now?” she asked as she carefully yanked down the curtains and started floating them to the paintings.

“As soon as we get those bundled, yeah. Unless you have a particular reason to stay longer, that is.” I paused for an answer that she didn’t give. I smirked and asked, “Taya, do you want to go to a Pinkie party?”

“What?!” Her head jerked to me, her eyes wide. “No!”

“It’s okay, dear. You can tell me if you do. I won’t judge you out loud for it.”

“I don’t want to go to a stupid party!”

“You don’t have to be ashamed, Taya. I mean, you’re a pony. Normal ponies like Pinkie parties. That’s just how it is. If you really want to go—”

“I don’t!”

“Good, then let me just tie those up and we can go.” She snorted very contemptuously at me as I grabbed some rope from the bondage kit Vinyl had in her guest room. Why she had that in there, I didn’t ask. I just figured that was the room she normally had Octavia in. When both the pictures were nicely bundled up, I nodded. “Well then, shall we?”

“Are we gonna try and be sneaky?”

“Hm… Pinkie’s probably still setting up her party. As long as we’re fast, we should be able to get to the train station without trouble. We need to leave, like, now, though.” I grabbed my bag of clothes and painting shit, then the bag of armor. “You mind carrying the paintings?” She carefully lifted them up with magic, not even looking away from me. “Kinda wish we could have stayed longer, but at the same time, I figure now’s as good a time as any. Here’s hoping Spike doesn’t show up looking for me, though…”

“Why would he? I thought you left him with some dragon in the Everfree.”

“I did. But Twilight made me visit him and he puppy-dog eyed me, so I said he can visit. Oh well, whatever. Let’s go.”

“I think you’re growing soft, daddy. Or maybe you’re just a big softie for a certain purple dragon.”

“I admit it. I’m totally in love with him. Spyro owns my heart and I can’t give it to another.”

“...Who’s Spyro?”

“Oh, were you talking about a different purple dragon? My bad. Disregard that entirely.”

“Daddy, you’re weird.”

“Your face is weird.” She blinked. “And also really cute. Now no more stalling.” I finally exited the room and she followed at my heels, though slowly to make sure the paintings didn’t slam into the doorsill.

When I got to the main room, Vinyl looked up yet again. “Wait, you’re leaving right now?”

“Yeah. I thought we just went over this. Man, if your memory’s going, you really are getting old!”

“Oh ha ha. I thought you were going to wait a little while or something, maybe do something before you left.”

“Dude, that party’s in less than an hour. If you don’t go to a Pinkie party, the Pinkie party comes to you. I escaped her once by going to the moon. I just hope I can escape her again by getting to Canterlot.”

“...You went to the moon?”

“A few times with Luna, yeah, before she showed how crazy she was.”

“Cool. How was it?”

“Eh, it was alright,” I said with a shrug. It was obvious she was waiting for more, given the arched brow. “Nice view, I guess. Humbling. Also, she made me cuddle the whole time we were up there.”

“Huh. So when are you heading out of Equestria again?”

“Few weeks, probably. It’s nice to be back, but I’m itching to move again.”

“I hear that.” She finally tossed the book aside and hopped up. “It was nice having you here, Nav.”

“Hell, it was nice being here.” She actually hopped up for a hug, so I somewhat awkwardly returned it while trying to hold two bags. She either didn’t think I was a huggy person or she realized how uncomfortable it was, so she didn’t make it last long.

Instead, she snatched my poor daughter up in a hug. “And it was nice having you too, squirt,” she said, giving Taya a gentle noogie. Taya bore it with silent horror, not quite sure how to respond. When Vinyl finally let go and backed off, she grinned even wider at the look on Taya’s face. “Man, your dad’s right: You really are cute.” She looked back to me. “You need help getting to the train station? Or you need bits for a ticket? I imagine you were probably planning on going back in a chariot…”

“I brought plenty just in case and I think we’ll be fine. You’re welcome to come if you want, though.”

“Nah. I think I’m gonna go get ready for a party. Without you there, it might even be fun.”

“Hope so. The girls need some nice R&R, especially after what happened with Fluttershy. Just be careful with her, because she’s apparently going after mares now.”

“Oooh, the shy ones are always the kinkiest… Now I have something to look forward to! Though I’m surprised you aren’t going after her yourself.”

“She has some very deep-seated mental issues that I want no part of. Also she thinks she’s in love with me.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can see why you’d want to avoid that. Well, I might see you in a few, if I decide to come up to Canterlot. And if not, see you next time you’re around.”

“Hopefully sooner rather than later. See you, Vinyl.” She kindly saw us out and then Taya and I were on the move, walking through Ponyville with the seasoned steps of travelers, well used to leaving behind friendly territory.

It was impossible to avoid all attention, but thankfully, we didn’t run into anyone that actually cared enough to ask where we were going. It was around the middle of the day, so I figured everyone that might have really cared was at work. We safely made it to the train station and got tickets heading to the capital. We got relatively lucky, with the train getting there in about fifteen minutes and leaving ten after that.

Taya demanded more details about what happened with Trixie, so we spoke about that until the train got there. As soon as we got safely seated in one of the cars with our stuff stored in another car, a colt trotted up and handed me a message.

“What’s this?” I asked, unfolding it. When I looked back up, he was gone. I shrugged and read over it.

I know. - P

“Oh god,” I whispered.

“What is it, daddy?” Taya worriedly asked. I turned to the window as the train started to move and saw Pinkie standing on the platform, staring directly at me with no expression at all on her face. My eyes widened slightly in fear as we sped up and thankfully quickly left her behind.

“I… I think we might be safe,” I quietly said, relaxing and sitting back, only to jump in fright. There was a pink balloon tied to the seat in front of me.

“Where did… What?” Taya asked, just as dumbfounded as I was.

“...Pinkie knows,” I said.

“But… she’s back there. We’re here, safe. She can’t make us party now!”

“With her, anything’s possible. But I think we’re safe. I think this—” I waved a hand to the balloon. “—is just a message.”

“...Daddy, Pinkie scares me.”

“She scares everyone, dear.” As tempting as it was to pop the balloon, I had a feeling that would be a bad idea. Instead, I opened the window and pushed the thing out, then closed it back up just in case. “That’s more than enough about her, though. So what did you do while I was away? Vinyl said you weren’t in much.”

“Oh, you know. Sucked a lot of dicks.” My head shot to her so quickly I felt and heard it pop. She giggled and said, “Just blew some stuff up around the Everfree.”

“Alright, you aren’t allowed to say that anymore. Ever.”

“Not even if I actually did?”

Especially if you did. Jesus. You need to have more self-respect than that.”

“Why? You don’t.”

“Yeah, but I have no reason to have any. You’re actually really skilled in what you do and you have several promising career paths ahead of you once we finish up here. I’m just a washed up slut-turned-merc. After this is done, you already know I’m probably just going to crawl in a hole and die.”

“I know that’s not gonna happen, daddy. I’d crawl in behind you to drag you out, then force you to stay alive.”

“And you called me a sadist.” I shrugged and leaned back in my seat yet again. “Still, dying like that’ll be harder than it should be, since Flo is very vehemently opposed to the thought for whatever reason.”

She decided to finally speak up using my mouth. “Me and the rest of the water elementals. The sole remaining human will not find it so easy as that to escape us. I wouldn’t be too surprised to learn that some of my sisters already have plans for you.”

“Hey, I’m not the only one left! What about Athena? Or Arachne?”

“Athena is trapped in her realm and Arachne is monstrously dangerous. Besides, neither of them were active in humanity’s heyday.”

“We don’t actually know that,” I quickly said. “They were both apparently alive back when humans still had some pretty powerful magic. For all we know, Discord got rid of all that and censored history so well that we don’t even remember our true golden age.”

“...Neither of them were active in the period immediately leading up to humanity’s demise, which is what I and the rest of the elementals consider humanity’s golden period. And they wouldn’t be so easily led anyway. Their force of will is much more… adept than yours.”

“So you’re saying I’m a pussy and you’re all planning on manipulating the shit out of me.”

I am not. I doubt that Ice will try. Naiad and Mist are likely planning something. Aqua and Brook definitely have their own plans. As, of course, does your lover, and many others. Your life will not be as empty as you’d like, I’m afraid.”

“Never doubt the indomitable human will when it comes to spiting others. Especially when it comes to those that are incapable of understanding spite.”

“I kinda wanna feel it,” Taya said. “You talk about it a lot and it sounds neat. Do all humans have it?”

“As far as I know, yeah. Some don’t really do anything with it, though. I’m just hardly the ideal specimen when it comes to humans, so I care considerably less about releasing my anger.”

“...Daddy, did you just call yourself a terrible person?”

“Nope, that definitely isn’t what I did.” She pursed her lips to take a moment to consider, so I decided to interrupt her with a hug. “I really did miss you,” I sighed into her furry back. She shuddered slightly in my grasp as she felt the caress of my breath in her fur, but didn’t fight back against the hug.

She did, however, ask, “Why are you trying to change the subject?”

“Because you’re cruel and would throw me out of the train if you thought I said I was a terrible person. Or worse, teleport me back to Ponyville so Pinkie can get me. If we’re gonna play the question game, why do you never hug me back? Do you not like my hugs?”

As soon as I pointed it out, she flinched slightly and hugged me back. I think she was about to say something, but I used that opportunity of weakness to strike, dragging her across my lap and leaning down to blow a massive raspberry on her belly. She immediately burst into giggles and squeals and tried to fight her way free. But I finally distracted her from thinking I said something she didn’t like, and I wanted to keep it that way, so I started tickling her like crazy.

When I finally finished, she was absolutely not amused, and was pouting as far away from me as she could get in the small room we had. “Taya, why do you have to be so cute?”

She just hmphed at me.

When we got to Canterlot, she was over her adorable little tantrum and back to her typical ‘dead inside’ self. “So are we going back to the palace or are we staying on the ship?” she asked.

“Depends on you,” I said with a shrug. “If you like palace beds, we can stay there. If you prefer the extremely hard and lumpy beds on the ship, we can go back there.”

“...So you’re saying you want to stay at the palace?”

“Have you ever tried the food there?” She rolled her eyes. “Just sayin’.”

“I don’t remember your bed being all that hard or lumpy on the ship.”

“That’s because there’s a cloud in it. Perks of having wings. It’s probably pretty lumpy for you, though, since you should fall right through clouds.”

She shrugged. “It’s better than mine.”

“Then I’ll have to find a nice cloud to put in yours.” Then maybe she can stop trying to sleep on my bed when I’m not around. Dealing with horse hair everywhere gets annoying. “Anyway, palace or ship?”

“Palace, I guess. I think you’d be going there a lot anyway.”

“Yeah, probably. We also need to drop these paintings off at Fancy’s house.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard. Where does he live?”

I blinked a few times, the realization coming to me that I actually had no idea where that guy lived. “Uh.” Thankfully, the Canterlot train station had a directory/map for just such an occurrence. We made our way over to it and quickly learned where Sir Fancy Pants resided. I would say it was the fancy part of town, but this was Canterlot. There isn’t any place in Canterlot that isn’t fancy.

“So why are we taking these to him?” Taya asked when we got underway. “Doesn’t his wife kinda hate you?”

“I don’t know about hate,” I said with what would have been a dismissive hand wave if my hands weren’t full. “But the dude himself is alright, even if his wife is a little annoying. I think he has a low-ranking chick on the side that he actually loves, anyway. That’s the only reason I can think for him marrying her.”

“Why not just marry the low-ranking lady, then?”

“In Canterlot, everything is about politics and your image. The upper class nobles marry other upper class nobles, or the most beautiful ponies they can find otherwise. It’s generally more about status than love. Fancy Pants is, I assume, just another victim of politics.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Yeah. You better watch out yourself, though; if Celestia and I do end up sticking together, you’ll be the ideal target for all kinds of rich young stallions and mares alike.”

“Ugh. You’re just dating her to torture me, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.” She sighed and we continued our journey in silence, aside from all the people we passed that were whispering about me. Since I was so used to it, that didn’t bother me at all.

When we got to Fancy’s fancy pad, the servant at the door practically dragged us in. “We really don’t need to see him,” I said, trying to stand my ground against the butler’s grasp. “Just tell him that Navarone left some stuff for him.”

“Lord Fancy Pants is not in, Sir Navarone,” the stallion said. “But his lady wife has standing orders to show you to her immediately should she be in when you visit.”

I immediately dug my heels in. “That’s not necessary. I’d really rather just drop these off and get going.”

“It really is necessary, sir.” He tugged once and the shitty soles in my shoes gave in, letting him slide me across the floor. Taya, for her part, watched impassively. “Having a job is very beneficial to my well-being, and the lady of the house is not well-known for her forgiveness when it comes to servants that disobey… unless they are willing to beg forgiveness in a way that would ruin a stallion’s marriage.”

“Dude, Fleur’s a fucking bitch,” I said, trying to sound at least somewhat consoling. “It’s not like she would know I was here, anyway.” He didn’t respond. “Ugh. Taya, would you mind…?” I asked with a smile.

She smiled back ever so sweetly at me. “Daddy, do you remember tickling me on the train?” My smile immediately disappeared. “I think I’ll just wait here.” She sat down next to one of the fancy statues in the entrance hall and set the paintings against the wall and took the bags from my hands with magic. I sighed, resigned to my fate, and let the butler drag me into the depths of the manor.

Honestly, I shouldn’t have been surprised that he bypassed a few sitting rooms and instead took me directly to a large bedchamber. The door was closed, so he loudly knocked on it. A gentle murmur on the other side was enough to make him open it and quietly announce, “Sir Navarone is here, my lady.”

“Send her in,” Fleur answered.

“The lady will see you now, sir,” the butler said with a small bow to me, finally releasing my arm from his hooved grasp. Since I somehow didn’t think I had much of a choice, I entered the lavish room. The butler pulled the door closed behind me as I tried to take in everything as quickly as possible.

Fleur was lying on a very large bed, covered in silk sheets and nice pillows. There was a gentle smirk on her slightly red face as she beheld me. Mirrors and dressers lined the walls, each telling a story of the vanity of their mistress. As I foolishly got closer, I could see a mirror above her bed as well, facing down. A single book case stood on the back wall, though I didn’t bother trying to decipher the titles of the smut likely contained within.

“Lady Navarone, how nice of you to see me,” she said, pulling one of her hooves out from under the blanket to wave me even closer.

“I wasn’t exactly given much of a choice,” I replied, crossing my arms. “I was just here to drop some stuff off for your husband when your butler started dragging me up here.”

“How kind of him. I’ll have to be sure to reward him somehow… Perhaps you’re wondering why I requested your presence?”

“Not really. You can have almost any stallion or mare in the city, if you wanted. I don’t know why you’re so fixated on me.”

“Ah, the eternal curse of a mare’s mind is the need for what she can’t have. You should know that, my dear lady. And you… You are doing your best to show that I can’t have you. It only makes me need you more. Sending your little pet changeling out to pretend to be me was quite an interesting move. It was definitely not one I had anticipated, and I’m disappointed to say it was one that worked out quite well for you. But don’t think this war is over, my beautiful Navarone.”

“The only reason it isn’t over is because you won’t leave me alone. It isn’t one I particularly want to fight. I quite like your husband and would rather not be at odds with his wife.” Even if she is a massive slut.

“He quite liked you, too. Before your… transformation. But we needn’t bring him into this. We’re married in name only. I know it, he knows it. All of Canterlot knows it. You don’t want to fight, so just submit. Give me a night of wonderful passion and I’ll never so much as whisper your name again. And aside from the noises our lovemaking produces, I would never tell a soul you gave in. Just be mine, and all this will be over.”

I smiled sadly and shook my head. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. It’s just not in my nature to submit.”

“Ooh, I’d let you be on top… Dominate me all you want. Teach me a lesson for everything I’ve done!” She moaned richly and arched her back, moving her one visible hoof to her forehead. “Punish me, mistress!”

Wow, she’s really getting into this. “You’re absolutely beautiful, my dear. But I’ll fight you to the end. And don’t think for a moment I’ll lose this war. My kind are quite adept at winning.”

She let her hoof lie at rest again and went back to smirking. “Perhaps. But you aren’t the only one winning battles, Lady Navarone.” She finally tossed her blanket aside, revealing Doppel between her legs, getting a snack. My mouth dropped before I could stop it. Fleur chuckled at my reaction. “Did you truly think I would let her continue to sully my name and body? She’s been here for a day now, servicing me like a true professional. Willingly, I might add.”

“Doppel, what the fuck?”

The named changeling finally looked up from her duty, sweet juices dripping from her muzzle. “Oh, hi Master!” She noticed the very unpleasant expression on my face. “Um… She seduced me!” I narrowed my eyes and her ears drooped. She took one last lick before standing up and hopping down to stand at my side, still slightly dripping.

Fleur, of course, was quite amused. “By all means, take your wonderful pet back.” She looked down at Doppel, who was refusing to meet anyone’s gaze. “You’re welcome back at any time, my dear. All you have to do is beg for me.” Then her eyes moved up to mine. “That offer goes for both of you.” I felt my teeth start grinding and she chuckled oh so gracefully. “I believe you know the way out, dear Navarone. Unless you’d like to stay and finish the job?” She opened her legs slightly wider to accommodate my size.

I turned around without a word and left. Doppel followed behind me, trying to make herself seem small and quiet. One of Taya’s eyebrows lifted when she saw Doppel, but she didn’t say a word as we left the large palace and the paintings behind.

After a few blocks, Doppel finally decided to speak up. “Master, I can explain…”

“I don’t actually care,” I said with a shrug. “I was just putting on a show for Fleur. She’s annoying, but I finally realized she’s treating this more as a game than anything else. Might as well play along. Any good in the sack?”

“Master, you don’t even know. If I were you, I’d be in her bed in an instant.”

“Don’t tempt me. Now, Taya and I are heading back to the palace. Are you staying on the ship or there?”

“I’ve been in the palace, for now. The princess likes having me there, I think. And I know her servants do.”

“Somehow I doubt they’re for the same reasons. Unless you’ve actually managed to seduce her?”

“I haven’t, but having me there makes the servants happy, which makes her happy. Everypony wins.”

“...Did you just say everypony?”

Doppel airily chuckled and said, “Mistress Fleur made me say it after I said everyone. With what she was doing at the time, I couldn’t say no.” God dammit, Doppel. I should not want to give in this badly.

“Whatever. You’re also welcome to go back to Ponyville, if you’d like. I don’t really know if you made any good friends there you’d like to visit. If so, I’m not going to keep you from them. I doubt I’ll really need your services that much after tonight.”

“What’s tonight?” Taya and Doppel both asked at the same time.

“Just something I want to try. Don’t worry about it.” They presumably shared a look behind my back before shrugging. “Just let me know before you go if you decide to.”

“Alright, Master.” I heard her wings flicker and then something tiny perched upon my head. “Fleur may have been fun, but I prefer you,” she quietly whispered before making herself comfortable.

I don’t know why, but that made me feel pretty good.

Celestia was all too willing to accommodate us once again when we got to the castle. Our rooms were almost exactly as we had left them, aside from being cleaned and whatever else maids tend to do with rooms. Of course, Celestia herself was too busy dealing with Twilight to really talk with us, but I suppose it was the thought that counted.

Doppel quickly went to her room to sleep off whatever Fleur had done to her and to hopefully take a shower, leaving me and Taya to entertain ourselves. “Well… we’re back in Canterlot,” Taya said. “Now what?”

“Now we do whatever we want,” I said with a shrug. She looked out to the window while I walked over to the dresser, where some papers were. A quick glance showed me that they were letters, which is when I remembered they were those mysterious fan letters I got from the books I wrote. After a brief internal debate, I decided to pop the next one in the series open.

Letter six was a basic explanation of how he or she figured out who my publisher was. He or she apparently accessed some records or something and found which companies suddenly printed out a lot more books and began earning a lot more money around the time I released my first few books, then cross-referenced that list with a list of books each company produced. The fan picked the one that didn’t have any books listed but somehow earned a lot of money anyway.

Fairly ingenious, if somewhat creepy. I don’t know why he or she decided to tell me. Maybe it was just to help me hide better, or something.

Since Taya was just kind of staring into space, I went ahead and read through the next couple of letters. One was just a letter gushing about a certain romance book that Flo forced me to write, ending with begging for more of those. That was my first hint as to the actual gender of my nameless fan. Another was actually a very thoughtful critique of a thought-provoking piece of satire, which was somewhat surprising.

The last one said she wanted to meet me, and finally specified that it was, in fact, a mare. Aside from the gender, though, no other details were given. And she said she had no clue who I was, though she had a few thoughts. It was dated about a month before I got back to Canterlot.

Needless to say, I folded that one up and hid it away before Taya could get a look at it. I really didn’t want to meet anyone that was crazy enough to try to track me down. Getting raped again would suck.

Life so rarely gives us what we want.

Just when I decided to start tormenting my daughter again, someone knocked upon my door. My first thought was that it was a messenger from Celestia, so I opened it up. Sure enough, there was a maid on the other side. “Can I help you?” I asked, fighting the urge to put on a winning smile.

“You have a visitor, Lady Navarone,” she said. “Would you please accompany me?”

“Uh. Sure, I guess, though I’m not really dressed for anyone fancy. Just a sec.” I turned back in and said, “Someone apparently wants to see me. Be back in a few, Taya.”

“Okay, daddy.” She hopped up on the bed and languidly stretched out.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the maid. “Right this way, my lady,” she said, turning to walk down the hall. I followed her, pausing only to pull the door shut behind me. Unsurprisingly, the maid stayed silent for the rest of the walk to the sitting room she had apparently chosen to house the guest, whoever it might be. “Your visitor is waiting for you within, Lady Navarone. Should you require anything, you need only ask.”

“If you could stop calling me lady, that would be nice.” She made no reply, so I just shrugged and let myself into the sitting room. “Oh come on!” Inside was my apparent nemesis, Missus Fleur de Lis. “Are you really going to hound me even here?”

“I saw your paintings.”

I crossed my arms. “And?”

“My… husband seems oddly convinced that a large number of books that were released recently come from you.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Fleur, what do you want? I don’t have much time to spend with my daughter and I’d much rather be doing that right now, thank you.”

“Did you write the books from another world?”

“No. I translated them. Same for those paintings you saw, which I asked your husband to sell for me. Though it’s more that I repainted them. Why? I don’t imagine you spend too much time reading, with your thighs always wrapped around the nearest stallion.”

“I spend considerably more of my nights alone than with stallions, believe it or not. I have a proposition for you, Navarone.”

“Oh, I think I already know what your propositions usually entail.”

“I will stop playing this game in an instant if you agree to have tea with me tomorrow at a neutral location. Civilly. Just you and me. No more reporters, no more talk of the party, no more sending your daughter anonymous love letters, and no more enmity.”

“...What was that third one?”

“Do we have a deal, Navarone?”

“...Alright. If you’re fucking with me, I’m done playing around.”

“Noted. Is there any location you would prefer?”

“I don’t know shit about Canterlot. You said neutral, so not your pad and not the castle.”

“Very well. We shall meet at Sun Cafe. Is noon fine for you?”

“I’ll keep my schedule clear.” The good news is that she couldn’t really do anything to me while I was wearing the ring. That said, I resolved not to drink anything she gave me herself. “Is there anything else you needed?”

“We can discuss everything tomorrow. Until then, Sir Navarone.” It wasn’t until I was walking away that I realized she actually called me sir instead of lady.

Flo?

“I believe you might have found your nameless fan. She has the resources and time to do what she did to find you and all the time in the world to read, given her lack of wifely duties. Give her a chance. At the very least, it’s relatively unlikely she’ll attempt to kidnap you, since it’s well known at this point that you two are feuding.”

“Yes, that makes me feel so much better. If Doppel’s still in town, I’ll send her ahead of me. She can scout things out well enough.”

“And I rather doubt Fleur would blame you for being cautious after all she’s done.”

“And if she can, fuck her. I’ve been dealing within the laws, but if she betrays me tomorrow, the gloves are coming off.”

“...Unwise, perhaps, but it would make dealing with her simpler.”

“And faster.” She didn’t have any real replies to that, so I got back to my room in peace.

Taya looked up from her bundle of blankets when I entered. “Who was it?”

“A messenger. I gotta meet with someone tomorrow. Alone, sadly.”

“That’s stupid. I’ll just go invisibly.”

“No, that is stupid. It’s in town and it’ll be a public place, so I won’t be in any danger. And you know the night guards are watching me whenever I leave the palace, so I’m good.” Speaking of them, I might want to hit up the bar tonight. “Hopefully it won’t take long. I’m sure you can find something to do without me for a while.”

“Maybe. But I’d rather find something to do with you instead. Who are you even meeting?”

“That’s a good question.” A question I could technically answer, but wasn’t going to. With Taya’s ridiculous paranoia, there’s no telling what she might do if she knew I was meeting the enemy.

“...And you’re just going to go?”

“Part of being an adult is doing things you don’t want to do and might not be safe. You do them anyway because you have to.”

“What are you getting out of it? Why do you have to?”

“I just might be losing an enemy. And that’s all I’m going to say about it.” I walked up to the bed and grabbed the bundle of blankets she was in, then started wrapping them tighter around her so I’d have a Taya burrito.

“What are you doing?!” she asked in a panic, trying to fight her way free.

I dug out my ring and slipped it over her horn, then forced her legs still while I fully wrapped her up. “Well, you remember how you didn’t help me escape Fleur earlier?” I asked with a smirk when she was fully encased.

“Because you tickled me!”

“Details,” I said, waving a hand. Since she was pretty stuck unless I helped her out, I walked over to one of my bags and pulled out a small case. “I hope you don’t mind being pretty, dear.”

As soon as she saw the makeup within the case, she started begging.

It didn’t do her any good.

That night, after we had eaten (without Celestia, since she was still busy with Twilight) and after I put Taya in bed, I found Doppel, who was pretty wide awake from sleeping all afternoon. “Turns out I have a job for you after all,” I said. “I’m gonna need your help tomorrow, if you don’t mind giving it.”

“Not at all, Master,” she happily said. “What am I gonna be doing?”

“Scouting and playing guardian angel. Fleur came by earlier and offered me a truce of sorts, and wants to meet alone tomorrow to talk. I figure I can go in with you and have at least some backup in case something goes wrong.”

“Sounds pretty fun! It’s been too long since I got to spy on anyone. But didn’t you also say you needed me for something tonight?”

“I do.” We were currently in her room, so I didn’t feel any compunctions against saying what I was about to say. “Do you… know what a familiar is?”

“Something mages summon, right? Some weird dog-like thing?”

“Yeah. Think you could turn into one?”

“I saw one once…” She closed her eyes to concentrate and slowly morphed into a much darker, slightly smaller alphyn. “Hm. Why do you want a familiar?”

“I ran into one while I was out of Canterlot. His body… interested me.”

His?” she coyly asked, a smirk coming to her doggy face. “My oh my, Master, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“...If I’m going to be trapped in this forsaken body, I might as well try some different things out.”

“Well I hate to disappoint you, but the one I saw was a female. I’ve no idea what their males look like. So unless you’d like to show me…”

I sighed and held out my hand. She happily grasped it and started absorbing the memories I gave her. As she got more and more images, she changed her body to better fit Phinny. Soon, the large beast was standing before me.

“This body is… interesting,” she growled, stretching slowly to try to feel everything. “So tell me, ape, what did you want to do with this?”

“Look, you made me do that stupid roleplay thing with Sweetie Belle. Don’t make me spell it out.”

“Oh come on, that was one time!”

“Yeah, and I still feel dirty because of it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. But I want to do it my way. Let’s make things realistic…” Before I could tell her no, she grabbed me and pushed me to the bed. “Remove your clothing, ape.”

“Are we really gonna do this?” I sighed.

She held up a talon. “I will not ask again, ape.” God dammit. This is all your fault, Flo. She just laughed at me while I slowly stripped down. When I was finally fully nude, Doppel-as-Phinny stepped forward and breathed in deep right next to me. “Intoxicating,” he whispered, shivering slightly.

Before I could mention how creepy that was, he pushed me again, making me actually fall onto the bed. “...Be gentle,” I resignedly said, knowing he would likely be anything but.

“If we have to do this, I, at least, will have fun,” he replied, using his talons to spread my legs. Oh boy, here we go.

(Sex incoming. Ctrl+f “I am a functional human being.” to skip)

He snorted contemptuously at my beautiful flower. “It appears you’ve had plenty of other paramours, ape.” One of his talons eased down between my legs and slowly pulled my lips apart, revealing their pink contents and making me shiver in anticipation. “I suppose you will still be satisfactory. Though once I’ve had my fill of you, I imagine your other lovers will be disappointed.”

“I’m hearing a lot of talk, little puppy,” I said, pushing myself up a little. “If all you’re gonna do is yammer away, you might as well send that blueberry bitch back in here and let her complain.”

One of his set of talons caressed my inner thigh before lightly slashing it, drawing a few beads of blood and making me cry out in surprise. “If you open your mouth again, I’m going to find a proper use for it, ape,” he growled. I’m not the type of woman to require two black eyes, so I quickly nodded, eyes wide.

His mouth stretched into a feral grin and he pushed his head in to lap at the wound. When he tasted my blood, he shivered in what might have been delight. Since his head was already right there, he moved it closer to my most intimate of areas to take a nice big whiff.

‘You smell so sweet, my delicious little morsel,” he breathed, pushing hot air against me and making me whimper in fear mixed with pleasure. “So helpless, so weak… I do not wish to betray my mate, but it has been some time since I had release. It is fitting that one such as you should service me.”

At that point, I was actually starting to get scared. The room seemed to be getting darker and I felt my mind regressing to a fight or flight state. Before my body could make up its mind, his long, flat tongue finally slurped my folds, making me gasp in surprise.

He immediately pulled back. “Stay silent, or I’ll make you stay silent.”

I decided very quickly that I did not want to be made to stay silent. When I tilted my neck to the side, I could see his full red rocket standing proud, out of its sheath.

He took my silence the correct way, as my sign of submission, and once against sniffed heavily at my vagina. “So… perfect,” he sighed. “I believe I might just drag you back to Tartarus with me and share you with my clan.” I flinched and he chuckled before finally returning to licking at me.

With every twitch of his tongue, my legs jerked and my body shook, trying to stay silent at the waves of pleasure he was providing. His tongue was shaped perfectly to hit every nook and cranny of my body, quickly bringing me close to release despite the fear and small amount of pain I was feeling.

After about a minute of long, slow licks down all of my slit, he leaned in close and shoved his tongue inside, then started quickly slurping right at my g-spot. One of my hands pressed on his head, unconsciously trying to guide him. The other clamped over my mouth, trying and partially failing to force myself to stay silent as he made me cum.

He casually slapped the hand I put on his head away and continued violating me with his long tongue. I rode the orgasm as best I could, though there’s only so much a girl can do when her partner continuously assaults her. My legs were shaking, my toes were curling, my body was begging him to stop while my mind was begging him not to.

Finally, I couldn’t help it. “P-please!” I cried out, both my hands going to the bed to try to support me. They gripped at the blankets so tightly that my fingers turned white.

And just like that, he pulled away, leaving me a shuddering, panting mess. Since I already gave in and made a noise, I finally let out a few moans as my body went through aftershocks, waves of pleasure still occasionally overpowering me.

Instead of letting me recover, his talons roughly grabbed my hips and flipped me over. “On your knees, ape,” he growled, pulling me up to his preferred position himself. Before he could do anything, I grabbed a pillow and clutched it tight, internally begging him to be gentle despite knowing he wouldn’t. “Your body is delicious in every way, ape. Perhaps I should rethink helping you against our mistress. I imagine she would be happy to let me play with you whenever I want, however I want.”

He mounted me, putting his talons on my butt and rubbing his large dick between my cheeks. It was already wet and slimy, some kind of natural lube that his species apparently had. It slid between them easily, making me loudly gulp.

“Something wrong, ape?” he mused aloud as he prodded at the one hole I didn’t want him to touch with one of his talons. “It almost seems like you’re trying to tell me what to do. Is there some reason I shouldn’t use your body however I like?” To accentuate that, he took the talon away and gently poked my back door with his meat stick.

“P-please, not there,” I begged. I was too afraid to turn and look, but I really didn’t want that thing in my ass. “Anywhere but there, please!”

“Oh? And what do you have to trade, ape? I could take you however I want.” He pressed harder, barely poking the tip in and making my entire body tense up. He chuckled in delight.

“I… I’ll be yours, I swear! I won’t fight it, I promise! Just please, not there!”

“Hm…” He thought it over for a few seconds before easing out. “You are mine, ape,” he finally growled, suddenly hilting my pussy with his wonderfully shaped cock. I cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure as he gave himself a moment to settle. “Say it.”

“I-I-I… I’m—” He started slowly pulling out, making me gasp in pleasure.

“You’re what?” he growled, leaving just the tip in.

“I’m yo—Ah!” He hilted me again and finally started fucking me in earnest. With every deep thrust, he pulled my body back into him, pushing as far into me as he could get and making my body shake with delight. I was still sensitive from his tongue lashing, so he almost immediately brought me to orgasm again. “Oh, m-master!”

He slapped my ass, forcing a cry of pain out and leaving a bright red talon print on it, then continued fucking me. “I don’t care about your pleasures, pet,” he growled. “You’re mine to use how I want. Stay silent!”

Since he wasn’t at all interested in hearing me, I buried my head into the pillow and moaned into it, keeping my pleasure to myself. With every thrust, he brought me lower and lower into lust and spread me in a way I had never been spread before. The shape of his pride and joy was truly amazing, hitting every one of my pleasure nodes in just the right way.

In a way, I was ashamed at how easily I had given in, how easily I surrendered and let myself be his toy… But the shame brought me to new levels of pleasure. True submission, being used as an object of pleasure, being forced down and fucked and spanked and fully and thoroughly used

I came again, crying into the pillow as the pleasure overwhelmed me. My body started bucking back onto his without him pulling me as I let myself be fucked. He growled and spanked me again. “So the ape likes this, hm?” he taunted, slapping my ass a third time. He left the talon there and prodded at my other hole. “How long before you beg me to use this one how I like, too?” He chuckled and pushed the talon in all the way, making my body tense up before slowly relaxing and accepting it.

Instead of taking advantage of my meekness, he finally leaned over my body, covering my back with his warm, furry stomach. His dick finally stayed almost all the way inside as he did deep, small thrusts. He rode me like a true animal, making me his bitch. I hated myself for loving it, but love it I did, and my body responded to it. The weight of him, the smell of him, the feel of his fur against my back as he covered me fully…

I came again as his teeth gently bit down on the back of my neck. His meat throbbed in me once before I cried out in pain as it expanded, then moaned in pleasure as I felt a blast of warm liquid shooting in me. He lightly thrust again and another wad of cum dumped in me, swimming in my barren womb and warming me up. After the third shot, his teeth slowly pulled back and he lightly licked at my neck.

I finally eased my head out of the pillow, gasping for breath and trying to comprehend what just happened to me. “A… Are you d-done?” I slowly breathed out.

He growled and weakly tried tugging himself out. I gasped in pleasure, but nothing happened. We both slowly looked down. His body was knotted to mine. He grunted. “I suppose I shall keep my pet warm for now.” He grabbed me around the chest and pulled me close, his warm belly covering my sweaty back. “I grow weary, but it has been some time for me. I believe I’ll toy with you again in the morning.”

“I… I am yours, m-master,” I slowly said, my whole body shaking in the rich afterglow.

Somehow, I knew he was grinning. And somehow, I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face.

(“I am a functional human being.” No you fucking aren’t, you’re reading My Little Pony fanfiction)

When we were finally disentangled from the lewd act, we sat on her bed in silence. “Sooooo…” Doppel eventually said.

“Let’s not talk about this again,” I said.

“Well… it’s what you asked for.”

“I wasn’t anticipating awkwardly sitting there for half an hour waiting for your knot to shrink enough to pull out!”

“Think of it as a bonding experience. My penis bonded to your vagina!”

I snorted a laugh before I could stop myself, then shook my head. “I’m going to the bar. I think I need a few drinks.”

“Ooh, can I come?”

“You already did. It’s still slightly leaking.” She burst into giggles, so I said, “If you want. I doubt they’ll mind that much. Just know that we’ll be going to a bar full of off-duty guards, so don’t do anything illegal.”

“I would never!”

“Also, there might be another changeling there. So, you know, try not to get preggers or whatever.”

“Don’t you worry about me, Master! Oh, can I pick what you wear?”

“I’d prefer wearing clothes, thank you.”

She giggled airily and replied, “But just think how many stallions you could get if you let me make you cute!”

“I’m not looking to pick anyone up tonight. Besides, if the captain heard I was sleeping with her troops, she’d crucify me.” Or drink me dry. “You’re free to dress as cute as you’d like.” She instantly started smiling, so I added, “In your own body, mind. If you pick someone up, feel free to do whatever you or they want. But until then, stay as yourself.”

She sighed and nodded. “Okay, Master… Just give me a few minutes to get ready.” I shrugged and hopped up to grab my clothes from the floor. She started buzzing around her room, so I stepped out, spooked the hell out of a passing servant when he saw me naked and leaking, then went into my room to clean up.

Soon enough, Doppel and I were on our way to a fun bar, great company, and a good night.

Is this Twilight? Seems more like something Nav would say, but contextually it looks like Twilight's dialogue.

 

 

Yes, that is Twilight.

 

 

um

 

 

Nav doesn't have a penis, silly!

 

 

You could always ask Luna... I'm sure she'd love to help.

 

 

>2014

 

 

>asking worst princess for help

 

 

ISHIGGYDIGGYDOO

 

 

That's totally vegetarian, right?

 

 

Vegetarian, yes. Vegan, no.

 

 

Oh Nav you don't even know how to exercise. Jogging is hella bad for you

 

 

Good for stamina, at least.

 

 

However, it is really high impact.

 

 

probably not bad for horses. Ponies, I mean.

 

 

Pretty much

 

 

[insert Homer Simpson voice] NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD

 

 

A fucking terrifying message.

 

 

Oh, they grow up so quickly.

 

 

Awwwwww

 

 

Would you run your tongue over her folds?

 

 

Depending on the kinds of folds

 

 

Exactly what you think.

 

 

_Marked as resolved_

 

 

_Re-opened_

 

 

misclicked

 

 

That's exactly what Nav said.

 

 

You derty fillyphile.

 

 

I think you mean pedofoal.

 

 

Yes, that too.

 

 

That too.

 

 

What, does Nav have a rape fetish now?

 

 

'Oh boy' isn't always an exclamation of happiness.

 

 

Now that's just nasty.

 

 

Nav isn't exactly a very classy lady.

 

 

 

 
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