Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.


156. Chapter One Hundred and Thirty

By the time I finished telling Chrysalis all that had transpired since last we met, it was nearing night. The only reason I knew that is because she had the only clock in the hive in her room; it’s pretty hard to tell time in a cave.

“It’s definitely been an experience,” I said. “Not one I’m eager to repeat.”

“I can certainly imagine why. Being a queen is a stressful thing, especially to have it cast upon you so suddenly. I think I would quite like to meet this Brook, too.”

“Unfortunately, she’s currently too useful to murder. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be anything left for you to meet.”

“Oh, I’m well aware. I just want to ask her why she thought to make herself a goddess instead of a queen.”

Flo hijacked my mouth. “I can actually answer that. Or at least, I can make a speculation. We were created by humans, but we were never meant to be permanent fixtures. We weren’t meant to lead, we were meant to guide. That is why we cannot do any of what I once considered our miracles without payment; our creators didn’t want the sapient life that flocked to us to rely totally on us. I believe the goal was to wean them away from human influences, which might also be why the dream machine shut off. If we act as gods and goddesses rather than direct leaders, we can try to guide our subjects while still granting them autonomy.”

“...There is merit in that,” Chrysalis said with a nod. “Though I don’t understand fully why your goal was to guide and not lead. It seems foolish.”

“Humanity died off,” Flo replied. “They didn’t want to guide anyone down a path that they knew led to failure. Especially if great strife and conflict would result from it, leading to a resurgence of Discord’s power.”

“I see. So you believe he grows stronger the more fighting there is in the world?”

“Absolutely,” I said, though I think Flo would have said the same. “Judging by some of the history we’ve found, every time he makes a grand reappearance, it’s due to some great act of violence or something like that. Though it’s unclear if he’s the cause of the strife and just revels in it or if the conflict is what gives him the power. Given his nature and age, I’d say he’s some kind of spirit. Given the name he gave himself and the role he takes, I’d say his power waxes and wanes with the rise and fall of discord in the world. When there’s peace, the dude’s weak. When there’s war and everyone’s fighting everyone else, he’s strong.”

“So when I attacked Canterlot…?”

“We don’t know when he got free,” I said. “I know his prison was in Canterlot, though. So for all we know, it might have been your fault. But it could have just as easily been something else. I know I’m hardly blameless. Maybe he felt one of his old enemies around and about and broke out to investigate. Maybe it’s just my mind or my species that’s discordant enough to give him power. Hell, if we’re going to list all the maybes, maybe he brought me here as some kind of cruel joke and is just playing around with everyone.”

“...Discord is a master puppeteer.”

“Exactly. I wouldn’t be too surprised if he delivered the catalyst for your invasion, trying to get more power by making you attack the ponies. There’s also the rebellion in Egypt and a bunch of other stuff that’s happened that caused violence. Shit’s been mad cray, yo. So no, I don’t blame you for him escaping. And I don’t think Celestia does, either.”

“The thought hardly worried me. Now, I grow hungry. And you likely need to speak with Watcher. Return to the palace as soon as you are finished.”

“I could feed you.”

“I know. But I also have things to take care of. I am a queen, after all. You can satisfy my needs later.”

“...Alright, I guess. And I assume you don’t want Taya coming back with me?”

“We are going to be flying around the hive quite a lot in the coming days. Having to bring drones to ferry her about would be annoying and inefficient. If you believe she would be of use, I will deal with her. Otherwise, I’d prefer that she help the miners.”

“Okay. Where’s the mining guild or whatever? I assume Watcher is still there.”

“I suggest standing.” I did so without a word, knowing better than to question something with magic. Sure enough, she teleported me out without another word. I appeared right in front of a bat pony that proceeded to bump into me before he could stop himself.

“I know you guys like bumping and grinding, but not on my virginal body, please,” I said, tousling his hair.

“Didn’t see you there, sir,” the guard said, lowering his head and backing away. “Are you looking for Watcher?”

“Yeah. Is this the miner place?” I hadn’t really had a chance to look around yet, so I finally looked away from the guard. We were in front of a short and relatively narrow protrusion sticking out of the ground. The guard had just been walking out of a doorway, and I could see a spiral staircase leading down behind him. Oddly enough, the place was on the ground floor of the hive, and yet it had an entire block to itself.

“Yes sir, this is it. Not much to look at from the outside, but the place is a damn maze on the inside. Very intricate and kinda impressive. Whatever else you can say about the changelings, they can definitely make and stick to a plan.”

“I gotta ask, what is it about my swears that made you guys start using them? I’ve heard Watcher and Gilda both using fuck, and now you’re using damn. What’s up with that?”

“We don’t really have many words that fit, and you use yours so often with such enthusiasm that we just kinda pick them up, I guess.”

“Fucking weird. Whatever, bitch. Where’s Watcher?”

“Back on the ship.”

“God dammit.”

“None of us know the first thing about mining, so we all figured we’d just get in the way. There are enough changelings to have the entire tunnel dug out in days anyway. I’m just the go-between for Watcher and the miners. Though we probably could have just used one of the smarter changelings for that, too. Or a dumber one, with notes.”

“What about Taya? Is she also up there?”

“As far as I know.”

“Good. Unfortunately, Chrysalis is addicted to my hot bod, so she wants me to stay in the caverns tonight.”

“In the caverns… or in her cavern?”

“Alright, maybe it’s not so unfortunate. Do we have an ETA on the dig?”

“Anywhere between three and seven days. The tunnel is perfectly sealed up, but the changelings aren’t certain if the cavern we’re looking for also collapsed. If it did, or if parts of it came down, that’ll be the seven days. They should be able to have the tunnel cleared in three, assuming nothing goes wrong.”

“Which is something you always gotta assume,” I sighed.

“We’ve noticed the same thing, sir. Do you have any messages? Or do you want Watcher to send guards? I think Spike and the cat both wanted to come down to make sure you’d be alright.”

“I don’t need guards. I’m going to be with Chrysalis almost the entire time I’m here, and she’s kinda evil. I don’t want guards having to listen to the conversations that are going to inevitably pop up between us. I definitely don’t want Spike to hear it. Just do me a favor and bring my sword down some time tomorrow. Doubt I’ll need it, but just in case. Oh, and have Taya prepare a few sets of clothes for me and bring those as well.”

“Yes sir. Need anything else?”

“Is Watcher just going to keep the ship up there? Or is it going back to Appaloosa?”

“Pretty sure he’s going to keep it here, in case we’re needed or something happens. He mentioned something about giant ants? I don’t know. I’m pretty happy to be stationed down here, at least. I hate being in the wastes. But it’s nice and cool underground.”

“And plenty of changelings probably willing to fuck you for the slightest chance at some fresh love or lust.”

He smiled widely. “I wasn’t going to mention it, but yes.”

I smiled right back. “Just remember that a good chunk of them are probably actually dudes. They can change their gender at will.”

His smile dipped. “They… can?”

“Oh yeah. I still remember the first time Doppel turned into a dude when I was balls deep in her ass. I didn’t realize what that floppy thing was until it was leaking cum all over both of us.”


“Have fun!”

“I hate you so much sometimes, sir,” he sighed, shaking his head.

I turned and started walking off. “Watch out for trannies,” I called over my shoulder as I left. He didn’t reply.

Chrysalis probably wasn’t expecting me back all too soon, so I decided to take a look around the hive, maybe see what changes had been made. And it was also kinda nice to be away from her for a little while, because she always smells funny. I think changelings don’t know how to shower properly since they can’t really smell anything.

There were more changelings out than usual, and almost all of them were flying. Since it was getting late, I figured most of them were probably heading home or something. After about a minute of watching them in the skylanes above me, I started to notice a pattern. All the changelings flying in one direction stayed around a certain height. That way, there would be no worry of collisions. The same pattern existed in the intersections, meaning they didn’t have to worry too much about stopping, aside from having to ‘change lanes’ when they turned.

After I figured out that pattern, I realized it was pretty unnecessary with such a big, empty headspace above them. Why confine yourself to lanes when you could go directly where you wanted without much need for traffic? It would be more chaotic, but also more efficient, and Chrysalis seemed to be all about efficiency.

It was about then that I saw a group of changelings in armor flying well overhead, in the upper area. That led me to figure they probably used that space for military and emergency purposes. We used the upper space when Chrysalis took me on the patrol to the ant tunnel and it got a lot of use when the ants attacked, so that was definitely it.

That mystery presumably solved, I went back to wandering aimlessly.

Not seeing any signs in front of the buildings was somewhat disconcerting, but since most changelings didn’t know how to read, it wasn’t all that surprising. But you’d think they could at least put up pictures showing what was inside. Then again, if changelings can follow pheromone scents and know someone’s profession based on that, they didn’t really need signs to tell them what was inside certain buildings. And given the lack of visitors, putting up signs was a waste of time and resources.

Before I could ruminate more on the differences in culture, something tapped twice on my butt. I turned around and, as I expected, a changeling was standing there, staring at me with a creepy, unblinking gaze. “You are Navarone,” it said.

“Yes, I am. Did you need something, or did you just want to cop a feel?”

“We require assistance and one of the mages assigned to our expedition group thinks you can help.”

“I’m not here for an expedition.”

“We do not believe it will take long. The location is very nearby and all we need is for you to deliver something.”

“Nah, no one ever needs something that simple. Not from me. What’s the catch?”

“All those that attempted to explore the location to which you need to make a delivery were paralyzed and put to sleep. We removed them with magic and when they got a certain distance away, they woke up with temporary amnesia. Attempts to move the item into the area via magic failed. We believe you are better suited to this task.”

“Why? Does this stuff only affect changelings?”

“The location is a resource-heavy copse of mushrooms that we’ve ignored until now, due to not needing the minerals within. Due to recent events, we have discovered a use and need for them. We believe the mushrooms are passively releasing some manner of airborne toxin that incapacitates their victims. From the reports we have, you are immune to plant and animal toxins. If this proves false, we will pull you away with magic and find another way to obtain what we need.”

“Alright, yeah. That actually does sound pretty easy.” Though I already had a feeling it was just going to go wrong or get overly complicated. “What do you need me to deliver?”

“An enchanted item that will bathe the location in flames.” And there’s the complication. “We believe this will kill most of the mushrooms and burn away the toxins from the air.”

“If you couldn’t move the item into the area with magic, are you sure a magical item will work?”

“No. But from experimentation, it will not explode in the area prematurely. If it fails, we’ll have you deliver a toxin of our own to kill off the mushrooms. We can wait for the poisons to dissipate naturally, then.”

It sounds easy. Flo?

“You might as well. Even if it’s some manner of animal releasing the toxins, it should be relatively harmless to you. If nothing else, I can assist and ensure nothing goes wrong.”

The fellow took my internal conversation as hesitation, and added, “You will be compensated, if required. We would not seek to waste your time without something gained.”

“I’ll help. You guys got a long rope or something I could tie around myself in case I get into the mushrooms and then the poison takes effect?”

“Yes. Come with me.” As we started walking, the thought finally occurred that he might be trying to lead me away to hurt me or something, but I pushed that away. I was in the hive and Flo usually had pretty good sense motive checks, so I wasn’t too worried.

I did notice something while he was talking, though. “You have a good vocabulary. I figured changeling schools wouldn’t focus too much on that.”

“I attended a university in Equestria. Most sapients and upper sentients do.”

“Sapient’s another name for Intelligentsia?”

“It’s the name used by the sentients. And the sapients that don’t think too highly of themselves, not that there are many of them.”

“Huh. I didn’t really figure there was much class rivalry here.”

“I imagine you wouldn’t.”

From an outsider looking in, it’s not that obvious. And if all I see is what Chrysalis shows me… “Now that the food supply is relatively stable, hopefully the different classes will slowly stop existing.” He didn’t reply. “You don’t think so?”

“I do not.”


“A large, expendable source of labor that doesn’t know how to say no is extremely valuable. And worse, it would be against the interest of the sapients to mold the three together, because they would lose their status as special and valuable.”

Oh, so that’s the score. “And you don’t think Chrysalis would step in?”

“I do not.”

I probably wouldn’t have too much faith in her either, actually. “You don’t think she has your best interests at heart?”

“I think she has what she thinks are the best interests for the species as a whole at heart. That might not necessarily coincide with what I think are our best interests. It’s an unpleasant dichotomy at times.”

“Yeah, I know all about that. It’s hard, being a human in a pony’s world.” He didn’t reply.

We were still in the city, but we were getting near its outskirts, where I could actually see the ceiling of the cavern. The buildings around us were still squat, plain, and ugly, but that’s true for pretty much all of the hive. Eventually, he turned down an alleyway that sloped down. When we turned the corner around the building, I found that it was a ramp leading deeper into the cavern. The building continued down with us, with the occasional door leading inside. Soon, the muted sounds from the hive were replaced by the dull echoes of our footsteps.

“Do you miss Equestria?” I finally asked.

“No. It’s too loud, in every sense of the word. There are too many… sensations. The colors are too vibrant. The ponies touch too much. The lights are too bright and the sky is too open. And the noise is… awing. Those of us who spend too long there come back changed… if they come back at all.”

“Well, at least there are some that still want to come back. Seems like a lot of the ones I meet on the outside are all too happy to stay there.”

“Selfishness is not generally a trait the hive fosters. Unless you’re a sapient and you are allowed nearly anything you desire.” It’s funny how it’s almost always those on the bottom that hate the class system.

The dude really didn’t seem to want to talk, so I finally left him alone. It was nice having an opinion to listen to that wasn’t Chrysalis’s or Doppel’s, though.

After about five minutes of walking down, we came upon a door carved away from the building. We went through it and followed a short tunnel that opened up into a decently sized cavern. A small group of changelings was right on the other side of the tunnel and a large copse of mushrooms so tall they looked like trees grew on the far side. There’s no telling how old they were or what kind they were, but I could tell that several of them were different colors.

“So he agreed?” one of the changelings asked.

“I did,” I replied. “I’m supposed to take a magic bomb into the mushrooms?”

“Correct.” The changeling’s horn lit up and a small wooden orb floated from a pillow up to me. “When you get to the center, twist the top, place it on the ground, and leave. It should explode half an hour after you place it.”

“That’s not gonna damage the resources you guys need, will it?”

“No, the copper will be fine.”

“Alright, cool. Do you have a rope or something?”

He nodded and turned to a group of drones. “Outfit him with a rope.” They leaped to obey, quickly grabbing a rope and looping it around me a few times before tying it. The thing was long enough that they should easily be able to pull me from one side of the cavern to the other without any difficulties. “Are you prepared?”

“Just one more thing. There aren’t any animals in there I should worry about, right? I mean, I figure there shouldn’t be, but…”

He shook his head. “As far as our magic scans have shown, there is only fungi living within the copse. But animals should ignore you anyway, correct?”

“Yeah, probably. But when you’ve been attacked by demonic undead that want to steal your soul, you stop worrying about things that should be and concern yourself more with avoiding things that might be.”

“True, I suppose. But we believe it to be clear. If you’d like, you may carry a drone and use it as bait or a distraction.”

“...I’ll be fine.” Honestly, I shouldn’t have been surprised that he’d offer. I decided to just start walking toward the shrooms. Feeling the rope trail behind me was a little weird, but whatever.

Soon enough, I got to a flag set up in the dirt. I assumed that was the closest you could get without being affected by the sleep stuff. That didn’t worry me too much, so I just kept going.

When I got to the base of the first mushroom, I very strongly considered twisting the cap on the thing and throwing it inside, so I didn’t have to worry about running into anything. But I didn’t know its radius or if it absolutely had to be in the center, so I sighed and kept going.

The mushroom forest got pretty thick fairly quickly, so it wasn’t too long before I had to start pushing between the stalks to get through. They were soft and mushy, so it wasn’t too annoying, but there’s no way the changelings would have been able to see me from outside. I decided that getting out as quickly as possible after setting the timer would be a good idea, in case something went wrong.

Finally, I saw a bioluminescent mushroom in front of me, unlike any of the others. When I pushed past it, I found myself in a small glade, surrounded by them, including a fairy circle of much smaller mushrooms in the middle. Those usually denote central areas of the infestation, so I figured that was as good a place as any.

Before I could set up the bomb, I heard a small giggle. “Aww shit,” I sighed, my wings and shoulders sagging.

“Welcome to the deep, tree sister,” something whispered. I almost set the timer then and there so I could book it, but I’m an idiot.

When I didn’t respond, a shape started rising out of the circle. The thing’s ‘hair’ was a mushroom top, making it look like she was wearing a funny hat. Her face was vaguely humanoid, though her eyes had no pupils and her mouth didn’t open when she spoke. She had some kind of bumps on her chest that could be seen as breasts and her back had leaf-like wings jutting out. Her arms ended in finger-like protrusions, though they only had one joint each. Her legs weren’t jointed at all, though she didn’t have any trouble bending them. And they ended in hooves instead of feet, because why not, right?

Before I could come up with some kind of response in my head other than ‘what the fuck are you?’, she lunged forward and hugged me warmly, letting me feel how strangely squishy her body was. “Ahh, you smell of warmth and sunlight, dearest sister.”

Since I didn’t know what to do or what this thing was capable of, I decided to humor it and gently hug her back. Flo, what the absolute fuck is this thing?

“I have no idea. Just play along, see what you can learn. If she becomes hostile, her body is squishy enough that you can kick her in half, drop the bomb, and run.”

Joy of joys.

A few seconds after the hug got awkward, the abomination pulled away. “What brings you to my darkness, sister? Is your grove blighted? Do you need me to whisper to the fungi?”

“I am merely visiting, sister. But I’m afraid I have a portent most dire. There are those that seek to intrude upon your beautiful copse and destroy it.”

“Is that what those silly parasites are doing?” she mused, staring down the path from which I came. “I was merely putting them to sleep. Perhaps I should start killing them instead. They would make such wonderful fertilizer!”

“I spoke to them as I came here. They seem mainly interested in a few minerals in the area. Do you think you could bargain with them, perhaps? Allow them to take what they need and leave you be? I’m afraid there are a good bit more of them than there are you, and I would hate to see a sister be harmed.”

“...Perhaps. Or perhaps it’s time for me to wander the lands again. I’ve been asleep for so long and I’m sure it’s changed. I’d certainly hate to see my beautiful grove go to waste, though…”

“You know the cycle of life and death better than any, my dear,” I said. “Nothing is permanent and if they do harm your copse, more will grow in time. Besides, half the fun is planting your grove anew so you can watch and shape its course.”

“There is wisdom in your words.” She chuckled. “Oh, you tree sisters are always so wise… Would you care to travel with me? It has been so long since I felt the warm sunlight.”

“I’m afraid not. I have more of your sisters to meet in the dark. I would happily show you to the surface, though I’m afraid I should warn you that we’re in a desert.”

“I can travel at night and rest in the day, finding moisture as I need it. Come, dear sister. Let us depart. Perhaps the parasites will leave my home be. Perhaps they won’t. I will find a new place to call home. Maybe near a lake.” She put one of her ‘arms’ around my shoulders and waved the other in front of us. The mushrooms obediently bent aside and she pulled me on through. Thankfully, she didn’t question the rope.

“There are some of the locals outside,” I cautioned. “They will not seek to harm you as long as you leave them be.”

“And I have no desire to hurt them. As you said, dear sister, I know the cycle of life and death better than any. I do not break it unless something seeks to harm my home.”

I really didn’t know what else I could say and still keep up the charade, so I decided that silence was the best solution and just kept my mouth shut. We were coming up to the end of the grove anyway, so it didn’t matter. When the last few mushrooms bent out of the way for us, we were fully clear. It was at that point that I noticed that every one of her footsteps left a few small mushrooms behind, as though she made them grow just by being there.

The changelings didn’t know what to make of us at all, and were just staring in silence as we approached. Before they could say anything to aggro the bitch, I said, “I’m going to show her to the surface. Wait here.” I tossed the explosive ball to the mage before one of them could ask if I set it up and we kept walking. Surprisingly, none of them said a word. One of the drones was even nice enough to untie the rope from around me as we walked.

“Such strange looking creatures,” the mushroom lady said when we started going up the ramp. She finally let me go, at least. “It’s strange, what time has done to the animal kingdom. I can’t wait to see what else awaits me!”

Shit’s definitely hella weird, I’ll grant you that. “There are all kinds of wonderful new species out there, but many of them have been the same for some time. There are also all kinds of new dangerous species. I hope you’ll take care in your travels. It’s a big world out there, and not nearly enough of it is friendly.”

“I’ll be perfectly fine. My cycle of death is tied with your cycle of life. Should something strike me down, I’ll arise, just the same as you.”

If only. “It’s still such an inconvenience. And there are considerably worse fates than being struck down. There are many mages that might want to study you and lock you away.”

She chuckled once more. “Dearest sister, you forget our abilities! I would wipe her mind and make her such a loyal servant… It’s been quite some time since I had caretakers for my home. I hardly get any visitors. It makes me feel unappreciated, at times.”

“Well, you and your grove are both beautiful, sister,” I said. “I’m glad to have found you in the darkness.”

“And I’m glad to have been found by such a pretty tree sister. I would love to gaze upon your home as well, but I fear I might bring corruption to it. Though the season of decay is now upon us, so I hold enough sway to keep my stalks at bay.”

“I am between homes, as it happens. I decided to travel some time and distance before I strike the earth again. The sights you can see are amazing, should you give it time.”

“And I can’t wait to see them again.” We got to the top of the ramp, so I stopped and looked up.

“There’s a hole somewhere in the ceiling that leads up and out. Do you need assistance to the surface?”

She shook her head. “It hasn’t been that long since last I flew.” She looked to the side, at the building we were next to, and ran one of her hands over its smooth surface. “It’s strange that creatures willing to carve homes out of stone rather than tear down trees would be so willing to harm a beautiful copse.”

“Their priorities are quite different from ours. There’s no telling how their strange minds work.”

“True.” She turned back to me and pulled me in for a hug. I matched it, of course. She really did feel kinda neat. Once again, she waited until it felt kinda awkward to let go. “I wish you well in your travels, tree sister.”

“And I wish you luck in yours, sister of the deep.”

She smiled and spread her wings. Strangely enough—as if there wasn’t already enough strange shit about her—the wings didn’t even move as she started flying. She left some kind of dust in the air after her, and I decided it was best to not breathe in it.

When she was most of the way to the top of the cavern, I said, “Flo, what the absolute fuck was that thing?”

“I still have no idea.”

“Welp, that’s probably gonna be the weirdest thing I’m gonna find for a while.” I started walking back down the ramp.

“I wouldn’t jinx it.”

“Nah, you know I like playing it rough and wild. Think I should let the changelings blow up her mushrooms, or try to get them to work around it?”

“Assuming the spores are gone, I’d at least ask if they can work around it. They actually are beautiful, and the area can be used as some manner of park or something. But if the spores are still there, destroying it might be the only option.”

“That works for me. Hopefully she didn’t have time to set them to kill,” I said. “Maybe we can send that mage first.”

“As much as I’d appreciate the irony, that’s probably not a good idea. Perhaps they can do a remote test.”

“Eh.” I kept on walking. “So do you think I’m a bad person?”

“A bad person would have vaporized that mushroom lady.”

“I meant, like, in general. Am I generally a bad person?”

“Oh. Kinda. Bad is a strong word, though. Disinterested is closer. I wouldn’t call you good, but I definitely wouldn’t call you bad.”

“Alright, cool.” We walked the rest of the way in silence.

When I got to where I wanted to go, the changelings were still standing around, unsure of what to do. “What was that thing?” one of them asked.

“I have no fucking clue,” I said. “But I think it was generating the poison. You can probably get what you need now.”

“Excellent. And even better, we can preserve the mushrooms. Queen Chrysalis wanted them saved, if possible.”

“She knew about this?” I asked.

“Indeed she did, though she didn’t know we were having difficulties. I suppose including that walking mushroom in our report might be wise. Would you mind waiting until we test it? If the spores are still lingering, we might have to destroy the grove anyway. We desperately need the minerals within.”

“As long as you do it quickly. I need to get back to the palace soon.”

He nodded and turned to a random drone. “Go to the mushrooms and then come back.” It immediately started walking and didn’t even look at the flag when it got to it. It successfully made it to the grove and back. “Good. We’ll start preparing the dig site immediately.” He turned back to me. “Thank you for the assistance, Navarone.”

“Happy to help. I’m heading back to the palace, I guess.”

“Do you need a guide? The path is fairly straightforward, but for one that doesn’t know our city, getting lost is possible.”

“The palace is pretty noticeable. I’ll just fly.”

“Very well. It has been a pleasure working with you.”

Man, you didn’t do shit. “If you say so.” He blinked, shrugged, and started giving orders to the drones while I left. I was fairly used to the walk at that point, so it passed quickly enough. Soon, I was back in the open, where I could fly to the palace in peace. Since I didn’t really want to get into any more adventures, I decided to do just that.

Of course, when I got there, I had no fucking clue where to go. Thankfully, I have a guardian Flo, so she pointed out the right window and I let myself in, then walked to Chrysalis’s personal bed chamber. As tempting as it was to strip down and drape myself invitingly over her bed, I figured it probably wasn’t too great of an idea. Instead, I just chilled on the chair she stole from Canterlot and waited.

It didn’t take too long for her to return. “I somewhat expected you to be stripped down and draped invitingly over the bed,” she commented as she walked in.

“I thought about it, but I figured you’d want to unwrap me yourself. Or just cuddle, if you’re gonna be a tease.”

“Now, now, if I was going to tease you, I’d get off myself, then bring you to the edge and stop. A few times, maybe. And if you were a really good little filly, I might get you off before we went to bed. Or I might just cuddle up so close that you can’t help yourself.”

“Well, I would offer to throw you on the bed and ravish you right proper, but I’m afraid I lack the equipment at the moment.”

“And I would offer to use my ovipositor to teach you a lesson about anal, but the opiates can last for a day and they’re mildly addictive. But I happen to be a changeling, so silly matters like gender and sexuality mean very little.”

Flo decided to whisper a very important point to me, one that I’m glad she thought of. “Before we start, I have to know… You can get pregnant from anything. Can you get anything pregnant?”

“That’s what magic is for. Before, I wanted you to father a brood. Now, I know you have no desire to become pregnant… Or do you?”

“I most definitely do not. I don’t want or need any damn parasites growing in me, leeching off my life force.”

“...If that’s truly how you view children, I pity you.”

“That’s how babies are. Remember, I’m a mammal. You’re some kind of weird bug thing. So while you get to lay nice eggs, I have to deal with a live birth, something growing inside of me and using my energy and my food to survive and grow. I don’t want any part of that.”

“Well, I suppose you have no fear of it. It would be hard for a one of a kind species to find itself pregnant. At least, without my assistance.”

“And of that, I’m extremely grateful. Now then, shall we commence?”

She smiled and slowly morphed into a diamond dog. “How about some roleplay? You can be Navarone and I can be a miner taking revenge…”

“As long as you don’t do anything permanent, I’m fine with that. Though—” She cut me off by grabbing my arm and physically tossing me onto the bed.

Some things are not worth remembering.

I woke up the next day feeling very sore and full of regret. Flo, why does roleplay always involve either me getting raped or me raping Sweetie Belle?

“Because you’re very bad at saying no to people. But hey, at least you technically enjoyed it. Or at least, a part of you did.”

I thought you were supposed to support me through traumatic experiences!

“I know your every thought as you’re having them. If any part of that last night had been traumatic, I would have pulled you from consciousness and put a stop to it. You’re just being melodramatic. I think you might finally understand what it means to be a woman.”

Fuck you too, Flo. She just giggled at me.

Thankfully, Chrysalis turned back after she was done, so instead of being held by a bestial dog person, I was being cuddled by a horrifying bug abomination. After a moment of wondering why I always ended up waking up first, I decided it wasn’t worth figuring out and just relaxed, letting my body get some much needed rest.

When she finally woke up, she made sure to let me know by gently nibbling at my ear. I wasn’t quite sure she was doing that on purpose, though, so I waited to see if she would do something else. After a few seconds of that, I felt her pull back and then she started kissing the back of my neck. My wings twitched in response and my back unconsciously arched away from her, giving her better access.

She took advantage of it and continued kissing down, stopping at the base of my wings to play with that sensitive spot. When they both fully extended and were twitching uncontrollably, she moved on, kissing my lower back. I wanted to tell her to go even lower, but I knew that’s just what she wanted.

Finally, she used magic to carefully lift me up and place me on my back, and used one hoof to gently knead at my lower belly while the other caressed a wing. “Good morning, Nav,” she barely breathed out.

“It would be a better one if you went all the way,” I just as quietly replied.

She grinned and rolled off of me, then pointed down at something I’m fairly certain a female shouldn’t have. “I’ll eat my breakfast if you eat yours,” she said.

[Sex incumming. ctrl+f “Sex is over” to skip]

I licked my lips and looked it over. “It’s been a while since I actually tasted one of those. As long as you’re gentle and let me go at my own pace, I’ll try.”

“Then don’t make me wait.”

I wrapped one of my hands around the tip and slowly drew it down, caressing her length and making a bead of pre leak out. She was obviously ready, so I lowered my head over it and carefully kissed the top, letting the fluid press against my lips.

I was expecting it to be salty, but licking it off proved that it was slightly sweet. The love she was consuming probably had something to do with that.

“Need me to lend you a hoof?” she sarcastically asked.

“If you were extremely confident the second time you sucked a dick, congratulations, you’re a massive slut. We can either do this my way or no kind of way.”

“Tch. Amateur.” I stuck my tongue out at her. She rolled her eyes, so I used that tongue to lick the tip. “You should know how to give a perfect one. You used to have one of your own, so you know what to do and what not to do. I don’t see what the issue is.”

“The issue is that I have a gag reflex and you didn’t exactly make this thing easy to swallow.”

“You’re just being melodramatic.” She shrunk the hunk of meat for me, though. Sometimes, having a changeling as a lover is amazing. Other times, it’s horrific.

Since it was at a more manageable size, I finally let the tip slip inside my mouth and ran my tongue around it once. She shifted slightly, pushing it a little further in. The actual dick didn’t really have a taste, aside from a slightly fleshy one. Since it wasn’t too bad, I tried taking in more, letting it press against the back of my throat. I didn’t have any kind of reaction, surprisingly, so I slowly sucked more in until my chin was rubbing her heavy balls.

“There’s a good mare,” Chrysalis sighed, putting a hoof on the back of my head. I’m going to pretend that Flo is helping me and that I’m not actually this good at being a slut. From the giggle in the back of my head, I figured that was probably actually true.

Since breathing is still a very important part of being alive, I slowly inhaled through my nose as I eased her futa cock out of my throat.

“Nice depth, but more tongue,” Chryssy commented. “And remember to keep sucking, too.” I gave her the bird as I slowly eased back down, trying to wrap my tongue around as much of it as possible. The most sensitive part was the head, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect the shaft.

When I got down to the base again, one of my hands played with her sack and I sucked hard as I pulled back. It made a nasty slurping sound, but she seemed to appreciate it anyway. This time, I let it flop out of my mouth for a moment to catch my breath, before wrapping my lips around the tip and giving it a nice suck, followed by circling it with my tongue. She finally moaned and humped a little, pushing more of it back in.

That was a sign to me that she was ready to start getting serious. As if, you know, my lips around her shaft wasn’t enough. Since Flo was helping with the gag reflex, I figured I could probably go a little crazy. She’d probably also help me breathe if I somehow managed to fuck that up, too.

So I just straight deep-throated her, holding it for a few seconds before easing back out, once more sucking the whole way and trying to do more than just wildly flail my tongue around. “There you go,” she whispered, finally easing back and relaxing. Since she seemed to like it, that’s what I started doing. Every time my head bobbed back down, I’d twist it slightly so my tongue could more easily focus on another part of her.

After a few seconds of that, she started to weakly hump in time with my bobs, hopefully trying not to push too far so I could still have control. I started to pick up the pace after about a minute, since I got a good rhythm and figured it out.

Thankfully for me, she wasn’t too accustomed to having a penis, so she really couldn’t last all that long, whether or not I was good at giving head. I was under no illusions that I was any good at it, but I was still kinda surprised that she only lasted about three minutes. When I felt her meat start to twitch and she began humping even more, I gave her one last stroke before slowly pulling out and using my hand to stroke it, so I could aim it away from me.

Chrysalis had other ideas. She used magic to hold me in place and then took control of my hand, using it and magic both to get herself off. I had time to see her head flaring up before I decided closing my eyes and mouth was a good idea. She moaned one last time before I felt a thick and warm string of fluid hit me right on the forehead and start to slide down immediately. Since I wasn’t exactly an amateur when it comes to a guy releasing spunk, I kept my eyes closed and waited. Sure enough, a second and then third string of cum splashed against me, one on my cheek and one across my chest.

When she was finally done, she let me go and sighed in relief, then chuckled as I sagged down a little. “Oh, you look so natural while you’re coated in my juices,” she happily said.

“Fuck you.”

“You already did. Now, I’m going to go take a shower.”

“Hey, what about me?”

“You may take one after I’m finished.”

“No, what about you eating me out? You said you would!”

“No, I said I would eat my breakfast if you ate yours. Given that you’re wearing it, it’s quite obvious you didn’t feel up to eating it. So I guess we’ll just have to wait until lunch!”

“I am going to go through every drawer in this place and wipe cum on everything I can.”

She chuckled sweetly. “If that’ll help you get off, by all means…” I wanted to retort, but her horn lit up and she disappeared.

I just sighed and sank to the bed. After a few seconds, I used the blankets to clean myself off, because it was starting to cool off and get uncomfortable.

The silence quickly got annoying, so I said, “Fuck you, Flo.”

She just laughed at me.

[“Sex is over”]

When we were ready to start the day (or at least, as ready as I could be given that I didn’t have a change of clothes), we first made our way to the throne room. It was much easier this time, because she wasn’t trying to show off. Instead of going the long way around, we flew out the opening at the end of the hall and went in the main door, since that led almost directly to the throne chamber.

“So what do you spend a normal day doing?” I asked when we got there.

“I spend the first few hours listening to reports I specified that I needed the night before, here in the throne room. Then one of my delegates gives me a list of petitioners that need to see me, to either ask for permission or to fill me in on a report I might find important. I usually spend most of the rest of the day going to them to see what they need.”

“Why go to them and not have them come to you?”

“It’s considerably more efficient for me to attend them than for them to come to me. It also allows the common changelings to see me considerably more often, so they know firsthoof that I am taking an active role in governing.”

“But couldn’t you see more petitioners in a day if they came to you instead?”

“Yes. If I had enough projects going on, I would revert to that system, unless an emergency just occurred. That is why I was so active after the ant attack the last time you were here. I believed it was important to be seen. And this method also creates somewhat of a competition for my time. Only those that truly need or deserve my attention will get it.”

“Makes sense, I guess. Now, are you always this sexy?”

“Yes.” With that answer, the doors opened and the boring work of royalty began.

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