Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.


137. Chapter One Hundred and Thirteen—Good to be Back

As soon as I closed my eyes, I felt myself get pulled into another hug, this one watery. I hugged Flo back, just as happy to have her with me as she presumably was to have me not dead. “Miss me much?” I asked.

“That should be my question to you,” she said, sliding back so I was laying down comfortably on her. “I was there the entire time. Seeing everything, but not being able to help… Much, at least.”

“Hey, you pulled your weight,” I said, nodding. “Stopped me from killing myself once, I think. And you stopped whatever that scientist bastard was doing.”

“That nearly killed me,” she sighed, hugging me tighter. “But I survived. And better yet, Ice was able to help me repurpose the inert machines. I’m stronger now in your body than ever.”

“Oh God, now you can abuse me even more!”

She touched me in my no-no place and said, “You know you like it, my adorable little human.”

“Hey, if you start pulling that ‘my little whatever’ crap that Celestia does, I’m going to turn into a total slut just to spite you. Every port we stop in, I’ll find a new species.”

“What’s bad is that I know you’re serious. I think we’ve been over this, but sex by itself isn’t unhealthy. But doing that to yourself is just bad. Still, now that Kumani is gone, you’ll have to find some way to not be so pent up. Though you should know that I’ll be next on the list of elementals you’re freeing.”

“Who ever said that? There’s still the ones underwater, not to mention the other one under land. We could get you last. It would serve you right, for abusing me like you do.”

“I already discussed it with Ice, who talked it over with the others through Aqua. It will take some time to free the ones in the water. Since you’ll be in Equestria anyway, we all decided it would be best if the girls get a chance to spend some time at home. At the very least, it’ll give them a chance to say goodbye. When all the others are free, they’ll meet you on the eastern side of Equestria and the ship can bring them to me. And don’t even try to deny that you need a break after that, too.”

“You’re right, I can’t deny that. I shouldn’t even be alive after that. Spending a week or two doing nothing will be very nice.”

“It might be longer than that. But now that you’re awake, Ice can do a final checkup and then go join the others.”

“And I have to deal with everyone fawning over me like I was a baby. Again.”

“Maybe you should stop getting into situations where you end up helpless, then. They all know you’re tough, but after seeing someone carrying you back when you’re covered in injuries, they’ll start to think you’re fragile. Especially when they remember that you’re technically a woman now. Like it or not, most guys have an innate desire to protect girls.”

“Unfortunately. It just means I’ll have to smack some bitches around. Get back on my feet quickly, or whatever. And I definitely need to make sure Spike remembers I’m a guy and not a girl. Several parts of his story were worrying.”

“And how do you propose to do that?” she asked. “Or better yet, why do you propose to do that? Until such time as a cure can be found, you’re a girl. Isn’t it better to just accept it instead of fighting it?”

“No, no it’s not. We’ve had this conversation before, I believe. And the why is relatively simple. Spike’s still young. You saw how he reacted after fucking Gilda. I don’t want him to get it in his mind that fucking me might be better since I’m a good friend. That would end up rather awkwardly if he realizes he can’t do the whole friends with benefits thing, not that I’d really want to fuck him anyway. I knew him when he was just a kid, after all, and that would seem really, really fucked up. So I need to make sure he remembers that I’m a guy.”

“So once again, how do you propose to do this?”

“Well, first thing’s first, I need to spank him for reading my journals. He didn’t seem to like Gilda being dominating, so hopefully he won’t like it when I do it.”

“That seems like the opposite of a good idea,” Flo said, distaste evident in her voice.

“It also reminds him that lying to me doesn’t work and reading my journals is a bad fucking idea. I can’t just let him get away with it. After that, I don’t really know what else I can do. I’m already going to be fucking mares. I can’t really stop wearing girly clothing, since the panties are the only underwear I have and most of what I wear chafes if I don’t have those on. My boobs aren’t too big, but I need at least some support for them, too. So I’m open to suggestions.”

“You could cut your hair, though that might not be the best idea, given your plantlike status. Exercising wouldn’t work, since I don’t think you can really grow buff. Getting into another relationship might work, but there’s really not any girls on board that would be good for you.”

“Are you saying that as a mom or as a form of advice?”

“...Either way, the point is true. Despite what you promised Taya, Fluttershy would be a poor decision. She would love you, yes, but she would stifle you. Try to change you. You would come to despise her. And of course, the guards and the crew are off limits. Applejack doesn’t like you. I don’t think I need to explain the other mares. There’s Kat and Gilda, but I think you’d have problems handling Gilda in the long run, and I think Spider is there to stay with Kat.”

“So relationships are out, not that I really mind. What else is there?”

“Keep trying to get him laid?”

“Sounds fun to me. Bet we can find a sleazy bar or nightclub when we drop the miners off. Maybe I can bring some of the others, too. Lord knows I’m feeling pent up after so long.”

“Just remember that before you do any of that, you need to spend a lot of time with Taya. I can give you all the bliss you need, now that multiple orgasms won’t be as problematic, so there’s no excuse for you to neglect her anymore. Especially after what you both just went through.”

“That was certainly one of my plans. I’m definitely going to have some explaining to do. How much do you think I should tell them?”

“Nothing. Save it for Celestia. Ice was horrified when I showed him some of what occurred. I don’t think most of the ponies could handle it.”

“I’ll tell Taya some. Not much, but some. She wouldn’t let me get away with saying nothing, after all. But yes, I definitely need to tell Celestia to drop the sun on that place.”

“Are you sure that’s wise? If you do end up bringing more humans back, they might be able to glean some important information from that place.”

“If they could fucking survive. You saw how effective my enchanted blade was down there. No information is worth the losses they’d take, both to their sanity and their numbers. It’s better to just destroy that place and forget it ever existed.”

“You know, it’s possible that an elemental could explore it safely.”

“Maybe. But I’m not gonna let you risk it. We can send Brook, since no one likes her anyway.”

“That’s actually somewhat touching.”

“Does that mean you’ll go back to touching me?”

“So much for the moment… That would be a bad idea. Remember, you’re in a bed with Taya and Spike. Do you really want to get off with both of them there? Because Spike’s already poking you with a sleep boner. If he smells you getting off, bad things might happen.”

“...Well, it would be fun in the short term. But getting fucked in front of Taya would be awkward, especially when I have to kick Spike’s ass afterwards. Anyway, I guess we can hold off the destruction of that place for now. But I’m still going to tell Celestia what happened with it so she knows not to send anyone down there.”

“Of course. She’ll need to make sure Crabapple doesn’t sell the location to anyone else, after all.”

Things fell silent, after that. I guess neither of us could really think of anything more that absolutely needed to be said. The obvious elephant was still in the room, but I think by that point, we both knew how reluctant I would be to ever really discuss what happened. All I really needed was time. She knew me well enough by that point to realize it.

So we just laid together in silence, watching the passing clouds of the glade.

The next morning, I woke up to both of my arms feeling very asleep. A pony was curled up around one, holding it very tightly. On the other side, a dragon was holding me, not giving my arm any room to move. As tempting as it was to slowly pull myself free and see if I could get them to cuddle together without me, I had a feeling it would be a bad idea.

Since Taya was looking far too cute to disturb, I started flinching the arm closer to Spike instead. Both of his arms were wrapped around my body, holding onto me, so any movements would definitely be noticeable. After about fifteen seconds, he started making some noises. Figuring I was on the right track, I started moving faster.

Half a minute later, he moaned and jerked, waking up. When he flinched, I felt something push into my leg and that’s when I realized I had been rubbing his… dragon pride. Him jerking was him… humping.

Once I figured out what I had been doing, I immediately stopped. He groaned and whispered, “Keep going…”

My face slowly turned to meet his, disbelief in my eyes. His eyes were closed and that’s when I figured he was probably still asleep. Either way, I was done playing that game, and ripped my arm up and away, carefully bludgeoning him off the bed. It felt awkward as fuck with my arm completely asleep, but he fell off just the same.

Once he hit the floor, he shot upright, looking around. “W-what?” he coughed, turning to me. “Oh, Nav! I was just dreaming about you,” he said with a pleased smile.

“Spike, you were just humping me,” I slowly answered, trying and probably failing to hide my disgust.


“You were rubbing your dick against my hand and moaning,” I answered, shaking my arm and hoping it would wake up.

“Oh. Was that bothering you?”

I gave him my best ‘nigga you serious’ look and slowly said, “...Yes?”

“Um. Sorry, then. Do you uh… do you want breakfast?”

“I’ll get up when Taya wakes up. I can eat then. It’ll be good to get on my feet again, that’s for sure. Until then, go get some fresh air. Looks like you need it.”

“You… sure you don’t want me to stick around? You could tell me about what happened.”

“Nah. Doesn’t look like you’ve been out much. Like I said, get some fresh air. Maybe let them know I’m still alive. Just tell them not to bother me.”

“Alright, I guess.” He slowly stood, his dick already sheathed again, thankfully. “Just call me if you need me.”

If you’re going to be on deck, how the hell are you gonna hear me? “Sure, whatever.” He lingered a few more seconds before sighing and walking to the door. Thankfully, he let himself out and pulled the door shut.

As soon as he was out, I let myself ease back down and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath and slowly letting it out. Taya was still asleep and I knew she needed her rest, so I’d definitely let her have it. Honestly, I was in no hurry to get out of bed anyway. It was warm, my body was tired and in pain, Taya was looking really adorable, and I think Flo was probably dosing me with some kind of lazy mind drug.

She denies and resents my claim, for what it’s worth.

Unfortunately, I have terrible ‘friends.’ My eyes were closed and I was trying my best to drift back off when I heard my door very quietly ease open. Since I knew there wouldn’t be anything threatening, I decided to just stay as I was. After a few seconds of not hearing anything walking, I opened my eyes slightly, then jumped back at the massive amount of pink right in my face.

“Morning!” Pinkie whispered as loudly as she could without waking up Taya.

I looked down at her legs to see how she got up to me without making noise. All four of her legs were floating off the ground and that’s when I realized she was probably riding Aerie. “Not even going to give me a good morning kiss?” I whispered back, looking up to Pinkie’s face.

“You haven’t brushed your teeth in over a week!”

“And I haven’t been kissed in over a month,” I answered with a smirk, hoping I’d make her go away.

It didn’t work. She just sighed and whispered, “The things I do for friends…” before leaning in and very gently pressing her lips to mine. Sadly, that was some of the only friendly contact I had in a while, so I felt myself trying to lean into it. Pinkie saw that and backed off as I tried to push in, making sure the kiss stayed pure and light.

After a few seconds of cat and mouse, I quietly groaned and leaned back so I wouldn’t disturb Taya too much. “Don’t make me beg,” I whispered.

“Oh Nav,” she happily said, shaking her head slightly and smiling. “We’d make you scream. But not with Taya right there, silly! So can we hear your story? Can we, please?”

“Maybe later,” I said. “But Taya… And besides, we still need breakfast.”

“Does she need a good morning kiss, too?” Pinkie asked, looking down upon the somehow still sleeping Taya, smiling more gently.

“She’s been worried sick,” I quietly replied, half-reaching for her with my moveable arm before stopping. “Let her sleep. Tell the others not to bother me until we’re up. And no kissing her, at least not on the lips.”

“Well technically, she’s legal…” Ugh. The one thing I don’t like about Equestria’s laws.

“Out, Pinkie.”

“Aww… Well, that just gives me more time to make you a super-special breakfast!” She giggled and Aerie started flying out, though Pinkie’s tail was flapping a lot more than it should have been. Of course, I made sure to get a nice view.

And then that was that. She made sure we weren’t bothered again, which meant Taya could actually sleep in. Since I’m a bad person that can’t enjoy the little things in life, I had Flo put me back under so I could play with some dreams. It seemed Dash was still asleep, so I made sure to turn her innocent dreams of joining the Wonderbolts into a massive orgy, though sadly I left before I could get involved.

It took Taya’s lazy ass nearly an hour to wake up. My body probably needed the rest, since I had been up by magic for so long and because of all the damage I had taken, but I really wanted to talk with Watcher and learn where we were and what we were doing. Well, more specifically than ‘on the way to Equestria for some R&R.’

When she did wake up, she began hugging me around my body instead of just my arm. “Daddy?” she whispered.

At that point, Flo had already woken me up again, so I was alert and whatever. “Yes, dear?” I quietly asked, hugging her back with the arm that wasn’t asleep.

“I missed you so much!” she practically wailed, holding me even tighter.

Oh boy, didn’t see this one coming. “I missed you too, Taya,” I softly replied, rubbing at her back again. “So, so much…”

“What… what happened?” she asked, looking up at me.

“While you were dealing with undead up above, I had my own undead infestation down below. Oh, and remind me to punch Watcher. The dead do not haunt minds. They most definitely haunt places, and that bunker was hellishly haunted.”

“So… what actually happened? You were hurt…”

“I’ll tell you later, Taya. I promise. But I feel like I haven’t eaten in weeks and I definitely need a shower.”

“No, no… Spike made sure you stayed clean. He said he had practice, from the monkey place…”

“How nice of him,” I sarcastically said, wondering what he did to me when I was either out of it or fawning over him because of Ava. “The point remains that I need food. I also need to get checked up by Ice, Zecora, and maybe Athena. I need to tell someone what happened, get some of this off my chest… But can you wait a few hours?”

“...Okay, daddy. But you’re going to tell me!”

“Yes, I am. Now, can you let me up? I think it’s about time I got on my feet.”

She hugged tighter for a second or two before relaxing and moving, hopping down off the bed. I slowly sat up, testing my body to see how it would react. It seemed to be going good, so I started stretching my cramped body. The arm she was hugging felt like pins and needles since it was just waking up again, but otherwise, it felt great to be moving. Once I stretched properly, I started doing my normal routine of popping stuff.

“Daddy, that habit is nasty,” Taya said as I cracked my knuckles.

“Yeah, it sure is,” I replied, nodding and continuing to pop stuff. “But it’s sadly necessary. When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.” She rolled her eyes, but didn’t reply as I stood, finally letting the blanket fall off me. As I expected, there were a few bandages around my body, arms, and legs. I had no clue why, given that I could be healed by magic, but whatever. Aside from those, I was completely nude. “Tch. No wonder Spike was holding me like that.”

“Well, he was really worried about you,” Taya said with a shrug. “Is it bad that a friend wants you to feel comfortable?”

“Eh. If I had a hot female friend, I’d probably be copping a few feels, too,” I sighed, walking over to my drawers.

“I don’t think he would do that. You’re still… technically a boy, right?”

“True enough.” I pulled open one of the drawers and pulled something out. “What do you think?” I asked, holding up the panties. “I’m feeling… pink today.”

She looked at the pink, lacy panties somewhat dubiously before turning her unimpressed eyes back to me. “Daddy, are you sure you’re still a guy?”

“Hey, I have the ghost of a married Russian woman in my head and I almost got turned into a sex slave for an undead priest. Excuse me for letting that warp some of my perceptions of what’s normal.” I snorted as I started putting the panties on, pulling them up my legs until they were snug around my body. “Besides, it’s not like anyone’s going to be seeing them.”

She just rolled her eyes as I opened another drawer. I started pulling out pants, but then remembered the bandages around my legs. Wearing pants wouldn’t work well with the bandages, so I pulled out one of the ruffled white skirts and put that on instead. “Really, daddy? Really?”

“Hey, how do you expect me to get pants on around these bandages?”

“You have shorts!”

“...Oh yeah. Well, the skirt’s already on, now.” I shrugged and pulled out one of my old shirts, modified to fit me. But once again, I remembered the bandages, so I sighed and put that one away, pulling out one of the blouses Rarity made. It was looser, after all. I set it aside and slipped on an annoying bra. They were uncomfortable and annoying as hell, but it was better than getting an aching back from lugging around some useless mounds of flesh. When I had that on, I slipped on the blouse and turned back to Taya, who was face-hooving and shaking her head. “What?”

“Until you start dressing like daddy again, I’m going to start calling you mommy,” she said.

“Hey, I have a good reason for putting all of this on! The skirt and blouse, for the bandages. The bra for my back. The panties so no one peeks up my skirt. And it’s all suprisingly comfortable, save for the bra, so don’t knock it ‘til you try it.”

“Mommy, are you asking me to play dress-up with you?”

“If you keep giving me lip, yes. I will march you right down to Rarity and have her design matching outfits for us. Don’t think I won’t! And don’t think I forgot that you asked to start sleeping in here with me. That sounds like a perfect time for a slumber party, where I can teach you all about makeup and we can talk about boys. So keep calling me mommy, go ahead. But don’t be upset when I start acting like mommy instead of daddy.”

She grit her teeth and forced out, “Fine, daddy. That’s a very pretty skirt you’re wearing.”

“Why thank you, Taya. Now, shall we go get breakfast?”

Her eyes rolled, but she nodded. “I’m hungry anyway. And where’s Spike?”

“He was being weird, so I told him to fuck off. After a few days of being in here, it sounded like he needed some fresh air.” I walked over to the door and let myself out, finally getting outside of my room. And of course, I immediately bumped into Spike, who had apparently been standing on the other side of my door. “Dude, what the fuck? I said get fresh air, not stand outside my door!”

“Well… how would I know if you were calling if I was on deck?” he asked.

“Did you seriously wait out here for over an hour?” I sighed, massaging my temple.

“I got a quick breakfast,” he muttered, looking away.

“Well, go get some fresh fucking air. By which I mean go to the deck.” He sighed and nodded. “Come on, Taya.” I pushed past Spike and started walking further in, to the kitchen.

Before the two of us got very far away, Spike said, “That’s a pretty outfit, Nav.”

I ignored that, as well as his subsequent sigh of defeat.

It wasn’t until I got to the kitchen that I remembered Pinkie’s threat of a ‘special’ breakfast. Before I could tell Taya that I wasn’t hungry anymore, the door burst open and a pair of pink legs dragged me in. “You’re finally awake!” Pinkie happily shouted, hugging me. Taya was allowed to more freely walk in, at least.

Normally, there isn’t any kind of table or anything in the kitchen, since that would get in the way of everything, but Pinkie made an exception. As soon as she had me inside, she pushed me into a chair and Aerie or Pinkie’s special magic pushed the chair in. Taya took up residence on the other side, since both of us were beyond the point of trying to question Pinkie.

“So what’s on the menu today?” I sighed, watching Pinkie move about the kitchen.

“Well, I know you don’t like too many sweets and you made Taya pretend to hate them, too—”

“Did not!” Taya quickly shot back.

Pinkie reached her hoof up and tousled Taya’s mane, giggling. “Keep telling yourself that, Taya,” she said, then turned back to the kitchen. “So I made you waffles, and some of my own special syrup mix!”

“Isn’t your syrup mostly sugar?” I asked.

“Well, usually… But you’ll be fine!” She pulled two large plates out of one of the cabinets and set them before us. Then she grabbed a waffle iron right as it started going off, popping it open and removing two very large Belgian waffles. She used a spatula to flip one to my plate and the other to Taya’s, then put a very large pitcher of syrup on the table in front of us. “Now eat up!”

Taya lifted the pitcher with magic while I reached to one of the drawers behind me and pulled out a fork. When I turned back, both waffles were covered in butter and syrup, ready to be devoured. “Normally I don’t much care for stuff like this,” I said, poking at the food with the fork before looking up to Pinkie and smiling. “But today, I think I’m in the mood for something… sweet.” I winked and my eyes began to move down her body, toward her flank.

She giggled and said, “Then eat your breakfast. You can have dessert later…”

“As sweet as this is, why would you want dessert?” Taya asked.

“Because I want to feel really, really full,” I said, looking back to Pinkie’s eyes.

“Don’t you worry about that, Navi!” Pinkie happily said, her smile widening. “Mistress Pinkie will take care of all your needs.”

“Can’t wait,” I whispered, starting to eat. After a few bites, I realized Pinkie was staring at me. “What did I tell you about watching me eat?”

“That it’s creepy and I shouldn’t do it?”

“So why are you watching me eat?”

She was silent for a few seconds before slamming forward and hugging me, knocking me out of the chair and onto the floor. “You were dead!” she cried.

None of the wounds behind the bandages had been hurting up until then, but that seemed to wake them up and make them start aching. Telling Pinkie that wouldn’t be a great idea, so I just hugged her, softly petting her mane with one of my hands. “I wasn’t dead,” I quietly said. “Close to it. And I prayed for it. But I survived. I’m here, Pinkie.”

“No… Aerie told me they took you!”

Alright, that’s kinda creepy. “She lied. Yes, I ran into ghosts that hated me. Yes, they tried to kill me. Yes, they did a lot of damage. And finally, one of them took over my body. But I survived, Pinkie. You know that nothing will keep me down.” Until I decide to do it myself.

She was quiet for another few seconds before whispering, “Oooh, I missed you so much!”

Before I could answer, the door to the kitchen opened and Ice slid in. “Spike said—Oh my. Uh… am I interrupting something?”

“Breakfast,” I answered, using one of my hands to push my skirt back down from where it flared up when I hit the floor. Pinkie was still wrapped around me, so I was only able to do so much, but still.

“Uh huh. Do you usually eat breakfast on the floor and with a mare wrapped around you?”

“Depends on who you ask,” I replied with a shrug. “According to the Canterlot newspapers, I’m always covered in mares. However, I don’t tend to eat breakfast like that. Pinkie just decided today would be an exception. I don’t approve.”

“Then you shouldn’t be so cute,” Pinkie said, licking at my ear.

“Sorry, I can’t help that,” I replied, rolling over so she wasn’t on top of me. Before letting go, I kissed her on the forehead and whispered, “I missed you, too,” into her ear. When I finally let her go to stand, her normal smile was back and she was hopping up. “So what did you want?” I asked Ice, sitting back down so I could hopefully enjoy what was left of breakfast.

“I assume Flo told you about our… discovery?” he asked.

“She did.”

“What discovery?” Taya asked, suddenly interested since it probably involved my health.

“I’ll tell you later,” I said. “Go on, Ice.”

“I need to check you out again,” he said.

“You check me out every time you see me,” I said, smiling. “I feel you undressing me with your eyes.” A few seconds of silence later, I actually turned to look at him to see what his problem was. Once again, I found out that elementals can most definitely blush. “Dude, what the fuck?”

“N-no!” Ugh.

“...So you need to evaluate my medical condition,” I slowly said, trying to get him past the awkward moment.

“Er, yes… That. Say, I have a question for Flo. Ask her if it’s… if it’s possible for someone to have two elementals…”

“She said no,” I immediately answered. “Now, if you would?”

“...Oh. Okay, I guess.” I turned back to my breakfast as he flowed into me, sinking into my pores. It was a strange feeling, but I had been there and done that enough times for it not to bother me too much. After about a minute of being inside me, he oozed back out. “Everything checks out,” he said.

“Good. Pinkie, you got any more of these kickass waffles? Flo usually needs plenty of materials to fix me up, and she’s had to do a lot of fixing.”

“That’s not necessary,” Ice hastily said. “Now that you’re conscious, the damage can probably be healed by magic.”

“Oh. Pinkie, you got any more of those kickass waffles? They taste awesome and I’m still hungry.”

She giggled and snatched up my plate. “Coming right up, Navi!”

“...Navi?” Ice said. “That’s a nice nickname…”

“That you aren’t allowed to use,” I said, leaning back in the chair.


“But then, neither is Pinkie. She just does it anyway,” I said with a shrug. “So I’m good and healed. Flo told me you’d be leaving after you checked me over.”

“Do you not want me to go?” he asked. “I’m sure I can work something out—”

“No, don’t let me keep you,” I hastily said. “Your sisters need you, I’m sure. We’re still over an ocean, right? I’m sure you can get down from here.”

“Well, I don’t need to leave right away…”

“The sooner you get to your sisters, the sooner you guys can bust out those underwater. Sooner that happens, the sooner we can get Flo out. And I’m quite in a hurry to see Flo again. You do want to see us reunited, don’t you?”

“Ah… yes. Yes, of course. It’s just… Well, I’ve never been alone down there. In the ocean. The big, big ocean…”

“You’re a big boy. I’m sure you can handle yourself,” I said. “See you in a few weeks.”

“Are you sure I can’t… get a host first? I wouldn’t feel as alone if I could talk to someone.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. But not Spike.”

“...Why not? Isn’t he really close to you?”

Dammit Ice, stop being creepy. “He fucked Brook up when she turned him into a host. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Oh!” He immediately surged toward me and wrapped me in a warm, watery hug. “Thanks for looking after me, Nav…” I didn’t reply, though Taya was staring at him rather strangely. He noticed that and looked down to her, still hugging me. “Say, would you like to be a host, Taya?”

I looked over to her, narrowed my eyes, and shook my head slightly. She quickly said, “No thank you. Daddy told me about it and I… I’m not ready for that.”

“Aww… Are you sure? It’s really fun!”

“She’s quite sure,” I said as Pinkie put the plate back in front of me, once again covered in a waffle. “Thank you, Pinks.” I thrust my arms out of Ice’s body and started pouring more syrup down. “You’ll have to find someone else.”

“Okay, I guess. I can do that…” He didn’t go anywhere, though, just stood there hugging me.

After a few bites, I sighed and regretfully asked, “Is there anything else you need?”

“Well… If you get hugged, aren’t you supposed to hug back?”

Pinkie leapt forward and hugged the guy. He wasn’t expecting it, so she seeped through his body and ended up hugging me through him. “Yay, a two-fer!” she happily said after pulling her muzzle out of Ice. Then she shoved her face back in and started blowing bubbles, making him actually giggle. I continued ignoring them, just eating.

When I finished and neither had let go—in fact, they started talking about something that I wasn’t paying attention to—I sighed, wondering where I had gone wrong in life.

“Daddy, you know they won’t let go until you do it, right?” Taya asked, just looking at me.

“I know, dear,” I sighed. “But if you give a mouse a cookie…”

“Oooh, we’re getting cookies?” Pinkie excitedly asked.

“But I can’t eat…” Ice said.

“Little help here, Taya?” I asked, smiling at her. That smile disappeared when she hopped down, walked over, and started hugging me as well. “Et tu, dear?”

“You know you like it, daddy,” she happily said, snuggling against me.

“Pinkie, I need you to help me with something,” I said.

“What with?” she asked.

“First, a hug in payment.” I turned as much as I could and hugged her, petting her mane a little.. “Alright, now I need you to tickle Taya for me.”

“Okay!” Pinkie released me and turned to Taya, a sharky grin upon her face.

“What? No!” Taya had time to shout before Pinkie’s hooves were against Taya’s sides, tickling her as best a pony could. Despite repeated tickling wars with me, Taya wasn’t very resistant to tickles, so she quickly fell against Pinkie’s ministrations, leaving her on the floor with Pinkie continuing to torture her.

Ice was still hugging me, of course, so I finally hugged him. “There, you got hugged back,” I said. “Now let me go. We’ve been over how I feel about hugs before.”

“...I thought you said you liked them.”

“When I want them.”

“But… that doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’m a woman now, Ice. I don’t have to make sense. In fact, it would be against my gender’s code to make sense. I’m sorry, but that’s how it is.”

“Isn’t that… sexist?” he asked.

“Nah, I can’t be sexist, I’m a woman. Only men can be sexist. So stop oppressing me, you cis-gendered agent of the patriarchy.”

“I-I don’t know what that means!”

“No one does. Back in my day, people got upset because there was nothing to be offended about, so they started inventing things to get pissed about. Not important. What is important is that you stop hugging me now.” I let him go to show him how it’s done. He sighed and released me. “There. Now, you need to get going.”

“Alright, I guess… But I still don’t understand why you don’t want me to hug you.”

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand,” I said, nodding.

“I hope so… I’ll try to find you before I leave, I guess.”

“That’s really not necessary,” I hastily told him.

“I know, but I don’t want you to worry. For now, I guess I can go look for a host.”.

Ugh. “Sure, whatever.” He gave me one last look before leaving. I was too busy watching Pinkie make Taya giggle, squeal, and writhe about on the floor to pay any attention to him, though. When he got out of the room, I patted Pinkie on the back. “That’ll do for now,” I told her. “You did good.”

She hopped away from Taya, beaming at me. “I got a lot of practice with Fluttershy!”

“I bet. Thanks for breakfast, too. It was definitely worth eating.”

“No problemo! It was fun to make! But uh… it was kinda hard making sure the kitchen stayed empty for this long. So you two might wanna go.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” I said, leaning down and picking Taya up. She was getting heavier and heavier, but she still wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t hold her for a few minutes, as long as I wasn’t flying. “See you later, Pinkie.”

Taya pouted as I carried her out, which was really adorable and probably had the opposite effect that she wanted. As soon as we got out, she petulantly said, “You can put me down, daddy.”

“But you look so cute!” Her eyes narrowed and she teleported to the floor. “Well fine, if you’re going to be like that. Let’s go find Zecora, shall we?” I took her silence as consent.

The halls of the ship were relatively crowded with miners, though I assumed most of them were probably on the deck, enjoying the weather and possibly the sun. There were also a few guards out and about, all of whom surreptitiously watched me with smiles. I figured they were happy to see me up and about again. Or maybe they were watching to see if I’d give them an upskirt shot.

We got to Zecora’s pad fairly quickly. Her door was surprisingly open, so we let ourselves in. She was alone, thankfully. “Got a minute?” I asked her, leaning against the doorframe.

“For you, I do,” she answered, making me flinch slightly. “Sorry, that was an accident. I trust that if you’re out of bed and without your dragon at your side, you are feeling better?”

“Your trust is well-placed. I know I got possessed, but can you give me any other details? And is Ava gone for good?”

“I know little of the dead. Possessions are… difficult. Her active presence will probably haunt you no more. But passively…” She looked me up and down, nodding. “Passively, she already seems to be influencing you. Before this trip, would you have worn that?”

“...No, I wouldn’t have. Fuck. Do you know what all problems I’ll have?”

She shook her head. “It’s impossible to say. I did not know this ‘Ava.’ It’s possible you will just become more feminine. You might take on some of her other mannerisms.”

“Is there any way to fight it?” I sighed, not wanting to turn into a religious nutjob again.

“Perhaps.” She reached over to an alchemy set and grabbed a bottle full of some orange liquid. “Drink this,” she said, passing it to me.

I shrugged and did so, forcing the horrid mixture down my throat. When I finished, I passed it back to her, coughing. “Why’s it always terrible?” I groaned.

“That’s how you know it’s working,” she said. “Come by every day for a week to get more of it. It might not remove the symptoms you already have, but it will stop new ones from appearing.”

“I’ll take it,” I replied with a nod. “Other than that, I’m good? I’m sure some of the wounds I had were probably cursed or something.”

“They were, but they were taken care of. Now that you’re awake, healing is possible. Taya could do it now, if she wanted.”

We both looked down to her, but she said, “Daddy wants an excuse to wear his skirt and panties. I wouldn’t want to take that from him.”

“Hey, looking pretty is excuse enough for me,” I said, smiling. “You don’t have to be jealous, Taya. I can beautify you if you want!”

“Ugh. Tell me that’s a symptom,” she said, looking to Zecora.

“I’m afraid we both know better,” Zecora said, giving me a very disapproving look. “But at least I know he’ll never be as pretty as I.”

I tousled her mohawk with a smile and said, “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

A voice behind me cut off whatever her response would have been. “Actually, that would be me, sir,” Watcher said, stopping in the hall outside her room. “Or is it ma’am now?”

“It’s my foot in your face if you don’t call me sir or nothing,” I answered. “Status?”

“Halfway to Equestria. Another two to three days, depending on the engine. Gourd says we got some problems from spending so long in the cold. It was never tested, so I say we did good to come out as well as we did.”

“He’ll have plenty of downtime to get his shit together when we get to Canterlot,” I said. “Zecora, do you need to do anything else to me?”

She reached over to a table and picked up a vial of some kind of clear fluid. “Drink this.”

Well, she’s sort of a doctor. I shrugged and downed it. It tasted just like water. “So what does that do?” I asked, handing the vial back.

“It hydrates you,” she said. “Your voice sounded hoarse.”

I smirked and started patting Watcher’s head. “I guess you could say I’m feeling a little—”

“If you finish that, you’ll regret it,” Watcher sighed, pulling away from my hand. “Now come on. We need to talk.”

“Yeah, we do. Thanks for the help, Zecora.”

“It was a pleasure to be of assistance,” Zecora said, bowing her head slightly. “You always bring such interesting cases my way.”

“Glad to know you care so much for my well-being. Let’s go, Taya.” Zecora smiled and happily waved as Taya and I followed Watcher.

“Taya doesn’t have to be there,” Watcher said.

“I’m aware,” I replied. “But she’s not going anywhere.” In fact, she got closer to me when I said that, brushing against my leg. She was warm and fuzzy, so that didn’t bother me any. We got to Watcher’s pad quickly enough, since it was just a few doors down. When we did and when I thought about it being his pad, I thought of something. “You have any family, Watcher?”

“What?” he asked, taking his normal position at his desk.

“You know, kids? Grandkids? Anything like that?”

“If I had any family, I wouldn’t be on this ship. Where did that come from?”

“My mind makes weird connections,” I said with a shrug. “Anyway, what’s our status?”

“We accomplished our primary and secondary missions down south,” he said. “We got both elementals and successfully protected most of the miners. We had a serious problem with undead.”

“Yeah, Spike gave me the very long and mostly unwanted story last night. Troop morale?”

“High. We had to retreat, but we’re experienced. Nothing could survive against that and we were just happy to get out of there. The miners are another story, but they aren’t our problem. Having you up and about will put everyone’s mind at ease.”

“Good. You got a list of shit I need to leave out of my lockbox? Aside from the book, that is.”

“You said your laptop is a repository of information. Is there anything we could use?”

“The laptop is staying in the box. I’d rather it be destroyed than fall into anyone else’s hands, hooves, claws, or talons. There are schematics for country-destroying bombs on that thing. Not that you could build them with your tech level anyway, but it’s better not to have a goal to work toward.”

“Fair enough. What about your magic artifacts? If you died, someone else could use your ring.”

“Eeeeh… I really don’t want to risk losing that, or having anyone steal it…”

“It’s up to you. But that book must stay out of the chest. This is the second time we needed it but couldn’t access it. Twilight has it right now.”

“I’ll get it from her later, then. As scary as Athena is, I’ll need to talk to her soon.”

“Scary, sir? I’ll grant creepy, but why is she scary?”

“You didn’t have to go through her maze of death. And when you look at her, you see a bird-like human. When I look at her, I see a horrifying perversion of a normal human. Also, I’m pretty sure she’s completely insane. Every time I go in there, I keep thinking she’ll get annoyed at a question and just remove the oxygen around my head or something.”

“She’s just lonely,” Watcher replied with a shrug. “But fair enough. Some of those undead we dealt with were certainly creepy, as a pony used to normal ponies. Now, about Spike…” He stopped, seemingly uncertain how to go on.

“What about him?” I asked. “He seems to have a crush on someone, but it’s not distracting him from doing his duty.”

“Right. Someone,” he said, making air quotes (which is weird as fuck to watch when hooves are involved). He rolled his eyes and continued, “I meant more along the lines of his performance. He did a good job against the undead, but he needs to work on his discipline. I understand that there’s only so much a nondragon can teach a dragon about things of that nature, so I want to send him to Reginald when we get to Equestria.”

“I’ll talk to them about it,” I said. “But I won’t make Spike go if he doesn’t want to and I can’t make Reginald take him if he doesn’t want to. He definitely does need to learn some discipline, though. I’m actually worried about going around him during my period. Er, heat. Whatever the fuck you call it. Definitely gotta get him to stop using that sword, though. He has claws, now.”

“Swords have advantages and disadvantages. Learning to use a weapon requires more than just learning the art of that weapon. It also requires discipline, exercise, and other things. However, it is true that he needs to learn more with his own claws. Now that Kumani is gone, the only training partners he could really use are you and the naga.”

“Hey, Spike’s getting to be as strong or stronger than I am. He’d be better off with Jak or the naga. Anyway, that’s him. What can you tell me about the two elementals we bailed out?”

“Absolutely nothing. We kept them frozen until we got a few hundred miles north of Antarctica, then just dumped them both over the side. Ice melted them while they were in the water, then spoke to them himself. The way I figure, those two aren’t really important at the moment. No hosts, no power, late to the party, and we didn’t need to do any convincing since the numbers are already against them.”

“Good enough for me. Ice is looking for a host now. With luck, no one will agree to it and he’ll leave and be completely gone. He was interesting at first, but he’s gotten annoying.”

“He also saved your life,” Watcher said. “But yes, he seems very fascinated with making friends. And he’s also interested in you.”

“That’s the part that’s annoying. Anything else that I need to know?”

“The princess will want to know you’re alive and active. She was wanting to teleport down as soon as we got far enough north, but I suppose she doesn’t have to now. You should use Spike to send her a mesage.”

“I can add that to the massive list of shit I need to do, then. Man, getting lost underground in a place full of ghosts that want to kill or rape you is really inconvenient.”

Taya pressed up harder against my leg when I said that and Watcher pursed his lips. “Imagine how we feel,” he said. “Celestia would have been extremely upset if I had returned without even a corpse to show. This expedition might well have fallen apart without you to lead. I can keep Gourd’s crew and my troops together, but not the others.”

“Eh, you’d manage,” I replied with a shrug.

“I wouldn’t,” Taya quietly said. Great, something else I need to deal with. That’ll take more care, though.

“We would help you,” Watcher just as quietly answered. That’s a plus, I suppose.

“So, anything else?” I asked, hoping he’d just let me leave.

He looked down at my crotch and said, “That is sheer enough that I can see you’re wearing something pink underneath. You might want to—” I reached up my skirt with both hands and pulled the panties down and then off, thanking myself that I didn’t bother putting on shoes. Instead of expressing his disappointment with me in words, he very slowly facehoofed. “Never. Do that. Again,” he sighed after about fifteen seconds of silence.

“...Fair enough. I’m blaming the ghost for that one.”

“You have things to do,” Watcher said. “Go do them.”

“Yeah, that’s… that’s a good idea.” I wadded the panties up and walked out. When we got a few steps down the hall to my open room, I tossed them in.

Taya said, “Daddy, you have a problem.”

“I know, dear. I know. If you were Twilight, where would you be?”

“Studying Athena’s realm.”

“Then let’s go—” Before I could get any farther, someone hug tackled me from behind and then was immediately forced away from me and into the wall by Taya’s magic.

“Lemme go!” Dash shouted, struggling to get to me.

“Not until you learn not to tackle everyone!” Taya answered, using magic to pick me up off the floor and set me on my feet.

“Well maybe Nav should learn not to abandon us!”

“Given the choice,” I said, popping my neck, “I wouldn’t have. I went through fucking hell.”

“And you’re gonna tell me all about it!” Dash said, glaring at me. “You can’t get outta this one!”

“You’d be surprised at what I can and cannot do, my little Dashie,” I said, booping her on the nose. She nipped at me, just barely missing. “Now now, there’s no need for that,” I said, pulling my hand back. “I’m planning on telling some people some of what happened.”

“Oh no, you’re gonna tell me all of it!” Dash angrily said.

“Me too!” Taya added.

“We’ll see,” I said. “Either way, it’ll only be after I talk to Athena and then send Celestia a letter. So just chill.” I leaned in and hugged Dash, making sure my breasticles were pressed against her, then whispered, “And if you wanted a hug, all you had to do was beg.” Then I nibbled her ear slightly, making her gasp. When I pulled away from the hug, I started walking off. “Taya, you can drop her.”

Dash slid to the floor and Taya started following me to Twilight’s room, leaving Dash behind. Thankfully, she learned her lesson or had shaky legs, so she didn’t follow me. Since the ship wasn’t exactly very large, I made it to Twilight’s room quickly enough. Sure enough, Athena’s book was on a small pedestal in the middle of the room.

“Taya, wait here,” I said. “I shouldn’t be but a moment, and if anyone comes looking, you can tell them where I am.”

“...Alright, daddy,” she said.

“And if you see Spike walk by, hold him here. I still need to send a sexy letter.”

She gave me the flattest stare possible as I turned to the book. I walked over and opened it, almost wishing the tentacles reaching out would ravish me instead of just dragging me in. After all, it had been a while since I got laid…

Soon enough, I was in Athena’s realm, looking around at mounds and mounds of books and also Twilight’s ass as she bent over to study a rune carved into one of the shelves. Since I really wanted to get in and out of there quickly (if you know what I mean), I turned around and hopped over the rail down to the lower level, then used my wings to glide down.

Athena met me before I landed, looking up at me creepily as I did so. It wasn’t until I landed that I realized she had been staring up my skirt. “I see your new body is treating you well,” she said, reaching a hand out and rubbing at the ruffly skirt.

“I see you quite like my new body,” I shot back, shuddering slightly at her closeness. “Or do you stare at everyone’s privates?”

“If you are in such a hurry to show everything off, you should not complain when someone gazes upon it.”

“Who was complaining?” I asked, shrugging. “I like people looking, after all. It’s… flattering.”

Before I could even flinch, she was behind me, running her gloved hand over one of my wings and correcting feathers. “I will keep that in mind. Why are you here?”

“To ask a question, of course,” I answered, trying to hide my revulsion at her touch. “Did you kill that ghost in me?”

“The dead cannot be killed. They can be suppressed and ignored, fought and banished, but never killed. I know the method of banishment, but I know not if we were successful. Time will tell. Take the medicine Zecora gives you and come to me if there are any more problems.” She stopped molesting my wing and reappeared in front of me, leaning in very closely. “And Navarone?”

“...Yes?” I asked, surreptitiously leaning away from her.

“Don’t let Twilight in my world alone again. She is annoying.” With that, she waved her hand slightly and I appeared right behind Twilight, presumably so I could remove her from the premises. Since Athena could pop my head like a grape without even thinking about it, I decided helping her with her Twilight problem would be a wise idea.

So I reached out to Twilight’s flanks and grabbed her cutie marks, pulling her back into me. It just wasn’t the same without a dick to press against her, but it still felt nice. Especially when she jumped and her tail flinched, going up my skirt and pushing against me nicely. “Time to go, Twilight,” I happily said.

As soon as she heard my voice, she sighed and relaxed, hanging her head. “I thought you were… Never mind.” Her head turned my way and she smiled. “You’re finally awake!” And then she looked down, to where I was still holding her ass. “...So are you going to let me go?”

“You’re nice and squishy and it feels nice in my hands. Why would I want to let go?”

She pulled her tail free and slapped me with it, stepping away from me. “So why is it time to go?”

“Don’t you want to hear what happened?” I asked. “I’m only gonna tell the story once, and that once is coming soon.”

Her eyes opened wide and she nodded. “Everypo—one wanted to know!”

“Everyone?” I asked, smiling.

“Yes. Everyone. Now let’s go!” She happily hopped over to the book, using magic to drag me along behind her. When we got there, she looked back and the smile instantly disappeared. “Uh, Nav… Are you wearing… anything under that skirt?”

“Nope.” I reached up to the book and opened it, dragging us both through. Taya was sitting there, minding her own business, when Twilight and I stepped out of the book. I picked the book up and said, “Well, time to find Spike. Just got to send a quick letter, then I can finally get this demon off my chest.”

“...You ran into demons?” Twilight asked.

“Figure of speech,” I said, tousling her hair. “But yes. Sort of. You got any paper I can use?”

“Of course,” she said, using magic to hand me some paper and a pen. “I should probably also send the princess a letter. With everything that’s been happening, I haven’t even remembered to tell her you found another one of the elements.”

“I did what now?” I asked, using the pedestal the book had been on to write out a quick letter.

“You had the element of honesty in one of your pockets,” Twilight said. “Don’t you remember?”

“...No. What else did I have?”

“A broken flashlight, a weird metal collar around your neck, a letter in a language no one could read, even with a translation spell, and your weapons. Strange that you wouldn’t remember finding the element…”

“Did I have a rosary?” At her look of confusion, I added, “A cross?” Another blank look. “A… a necklace with beads and a shape like this.” I made a cross with my fingers.

“No, nothing like that,” she said, shaking her head. “The only necklace you had was the element.”

“...Weird. And you said the flashlight was broken?”

She nodded. “Completely shattered. I did a test on it to see what might have caused it. Whatever happened, it broke in the initial fall, or shortly after it. So I suppose it’s a good thing wherever you were was lit up.” What in the world?

“Right. What about the letter?”

“Well, we sent it to Princess Celestia to see if she could decipher it. If Aqua and Ice couldn’t do it, I figured nothing we could do would work. I’m sure she’ll let you see it when we get to Canterlot.”

“Yeah, probably. Well, my letter’s finished. You ready?”

She blinked in surprise, looking at the paper I was now holding. “I… how did you write while we were talking?”

“I’m good at multitasking, I guess. Now hurry up.” She rolled her eyes and started writing, which gave me a chance to look over my own letter.

‘Dear princess sweetcheeks, long time no see. Heard we’re coming by for a visit, so I got a quick question for you: You want me to make you my personal pretty pony pet again? Pick one: Yes, maybe. Love, your master.’

“Ready,” Twilight said, making me look up. She was using magic to place a pen aside and roll up her scroll that was probably full of ass-kissing, like usual.

Since I was going to try to pawn her off on someone else, I rolled mine up as well. “Great. You feel like carrying mine and yours to Spike, then? I’m feeling kinda tired all of a sudden, so I should probably get back to my room.”

“Oh, of course. Do you know where he is?”

“I told him to go up to the deck. It looked like he needed some air. And can you talk to him? He’s being weird again and I don’t really know what to do with him.”

“I noticed it too… I’ll speak to him, I guess. But don’t you start telling your story without me!”

Dammit. “Then talk to him later. I want to get this damn story told. And don’t invite anyone else. I don’t want many people to know about this.”

“...Alright. I know it’s probably painful for you, and I know you don’t like talking about yourself in the first place. I’ll see you in a few minutes, Nav.”

“And definitely don’t tell Spike. I don’t need him all over me, awkwardly trying to comfort me.” Then again, I don’t need anyone doing that.

“I just said I wouldn’t tell anypo—one. Now go on back to your room. You do look kinda pale.” That’s because I’m white, you racist bitch.

“See you in a few, then,” I said, stepping out of her room. She and Taya both followed me, since my room was closer to the exit to the deck than hers. Dash was, of course, sitting right in front of my room, glaring at me as I approached.

As soon as Taya and I entered, Dash followed us in and kicked the door shut. “So get talkin’,” she demanded. Then her eyes saw the lacy pink panties on my floor and she started blushing.

“See something you like?” I sensuously asked, running one of my fingers down her back.

“N-no!” she stammered, looking away.

“I’ll remember you like pink and lacy things,” I sweetly said, tossing Athena’s book onto my dresser and sitting on my bed. When she looked up at me with a scandalized expression, I opened my legs so she could get a good view and then made a show of crossing them, making it look like an accident. Her mouth dropped, of course, and I giggled. “Having a little trouble there, Dashie?” I asked.

Her ears flicked back and she started trying to look anywhere but me. Taya came to her rescue, sadly, and jumped up on my lap. “Daddy, stop teasing her,” she said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, dear,” I said, petting her. “I’m not doing a thing.”

“T-t-then start talking!” Dash said, regaining some of her bravado.

“Not quite yet,” I told her. “We still have one more guest joining us for my impromptu show. And Taya, not on the lap, please. I actually am feeling somewhat tired.” She sighed and moved over onto the bed as I pulled my legs up and onto it, then scootched back so I could sit with my back against the wall and my legs up. That let me get a good view of everyone and allowed me to pull a blanket up.

“Comfortable?” Taya asked. I patted the spot next to me and she hopped into it, happy to be close.

“I am now,” I said, putting my arm over her shoulder and pulling her close. She’s warm and comfortable to have nearby, so that was actually true.

“You want me on the other side?” Dash asked, smirking.

“Depends. Are you a loving daughter that wants to see me get better?” I asked.

“Well, I’m a loving daughter to someone… Though I haven’t seen either of my parents in a while.”

“You should do that when we get back. But there’s not enough room up here, so nah. Besides, I thought you liked being on the floor.”

She opened her mouth to angrily retort, but my door opened and Twilight walked in. “Oh, Rainbow Dash. Nav, I thought you said…?”

“She already had permission,” I told her, shrugging. “Close the door and let’s get started…”

I couldn’t and didn’t tell them everything, of course. There are, after all, some things that pony ears were just not meant to hear. That wouldn’t stop me from telling Celestia, but that would have to wait.

Of course, after I described the first vision, Dash and Twilight were both practically in my lap for trying to hug me. Taya had to summon me a magazine to slap them with every time they tried getting touchy-feely on me. Now, I know mares are extremely emotional and like to comfort or whatever, but hugs wouldn’t make me feel better.

Either way, it was a very riveting tale that none of the three of them probably should have heard. For better or worse, though, Taya didn’t seem to much care about Ava and Artyom’s fate and Dash wasn’t that into the girly romance stuff. Twilight was more interested in why they were trying to escape to the suicidally cold place. It’s good, because that was what I expected to be one of the most traumatic parts of what I told them.

When I finally finished my little story, Twilight immediately said, “Aqua says you didn’t tell the whole story.”

“You can tell Aqua that I know what she does to you at night when you’re sleeping, and if she wants it to stay quiet, she’ll learn to mind her place,” I replied with a smirk.

“...What?” Twilight slowly asked, her eyes going unfocused. “Aqua, what do you do to me at night?”

After a few seconds, I said, “Yeah, she would say that. Of course she doesn’t want you to know.”

“So what didn’t you tell us, mommy?” Taya asked, pulling slightly on my skirt with her magic. Twilight and Dash smirked.

“Maybe I missed the part where I get you fitted for silk panties,” I answered. Taya’s ears flicked back and she looked away. “Now girls, I’m tired,” I said. “I think we’re still south of the equator and I was kept awake for far too long on magic. You mind letting me get some rest?”

“I’m not gonna leave you alone,” Dash quickly said. “Not after that!”

“What, scared?” I asked. Her eyes narrowed and I knew I scored a hit. “I’ll be fine. I’m just tired and could really use some peace and quiet. It’s still early, but for my first day back, it’s been interesting.”

“You’re sure you’re alright?” Twilight asked.

“I probably never will be,” I answered with a shrug. “But you know I’m different, Twilight. I don’t deal with my problems like a pony would.”

“Yeah, you don’t deal with your problems!” Dash said, jumping to her hooves and glaring at me.

“No, I deal with them like a human,” I lied. “We’re different. Very different. And it’s time for one of those differences. So please, out you all go.”

Before I could stop them, both Twilight and Rainbow Dash both stepped up to the bed and hugged me, adding their warmth to Taya’s. It felt strangely nice, so I didn’t mind returning the hugs.

After a few seconds, they both pulled away, though Twilight actually backed off first. “You’re gonna tell us the full story later, though,” Dash told me.

“We’ll see,” was my answer for that. There were several details I left out that wouldn’t have ended well, like the butcher and almost being raped.

“I can always just get Aqua to tell me,” Twilight said with a smile.

“I’m pretty sure Aqua agrees with Flo that there are some things that are better left unsaid,” I replied. “Now out, please.” They sighed and said some pointless farewells before walking out, leaving me with Taya. I put my hand on her and said, “You too, dear.”

“What? I’m staying right here, daddy!”

“Taya, I’m going to touch myself in ways that you aren’t allowed to see. So please, find something else to do for a few hours. I’m pent up and I need release, alright?”

“...Oh.” She sighed and hopped off the bed. “I’ll see you later, daddy.”

“I love you, dear,” I said as she walked out. She didn’t reply, just closed the door. “Am I a bad person for lying?” I asked, sliding forward onto the bed so I was laying down.

“You’re a bad person for a number of other reasons,” Flo said. “So you might as well add lying to the list.”

“I’m glad to know you’re so supportive of me,” I sighed, resting my eyes.

When a gentle knocking came at my door about half an hour later, I figured it was Spike coming to try to comfort me or some bullshit after hearing from Twilight what happened. As tempting as it was to tell whoever was there to fuck off, I instead chose to stay silent, hoping he or she would either think I was asleep or catch the hint.

The door gently opening taught me the error in that line of thought. Since I’m bad at learning from my mistakes, I kept my eyes closed and made sure my breathing was even and slow, so whoever it was would think I was asleep. When I didn’t hear any walking, but the door closed back, I assumed they left.

Once again, I was proven wrong. The sound of breathing right in front of my face made sure I realized that. I opened my eyes to reveal Pinkie floating above me. “That’s really creepy,” I quietly said. She silently fell to the bed, standing so that I was between her hooves. “...Pinkie?”

“Do you want to have sex?” she asked.

“Do you even need to ask?”

“Well, you were saying all those innuendos in the kitchen, but then there was that one time when you were using those and you didn’t want to have sex and then I felt bad and you were upset and… Well, Aerie says it’s much better to just ask.”

“She’s right. And I do. Is she going to be joining us?”

Pinkie’s lusty smile made me shiver under the blankets. “Oh no, I have you allll to myself…”

(Sex is coming. Ctrl+f “sex is over” to skip)


Before I could say anything, she kicked the blankets aside and kissed me, almost instantly worming her deliciously sweet tongue into my mouth. While she kissed me, her hindlegs began pulling down my skirt, forcing it down between my legs. One of her forelegs started pulling my shirt up until she realized it was a button-down.

She gave up on that and pulled away, still smiling. “I want that off,” she quietly said, sliding down so she could continue removing my skirt. I immediately started undoing buttons, though she distracted me by kissing my right ankle once she got the skirt off. That was confusing, until her kisses started trailing up. Ankle, several on my shin, a few on my knee, and then she started working up to my inner thigh, each kiss leaving an electrifying tingle on my poor leg.

By the time I got the shirt off, she was teasing my honeypot, kissing and licking all around it but refusing to actually touch it. Her playful eyes peered up when I unbuttoned the bra and peeled it back, cursing myself for having to wear it and cursing her for not giving me what my body was now craving.

When she saw that my chest was now bare, she pulled herself up, rubbing her fur delightfully against my bare skin and putting her face right in front of me. Before I could tell her to get back to my cunt, she took one of my nipples in her mouth. Her tongue traced around it, making my breath hitch in surprise.

I reached my hand down to rub at one of her ears, but she pushed it away with a hoof, looking up at me with her hungry eyes as she continued to do gentle circles around my nipple with her tongue. That look told me she was taking control of this one, for better or worse.

After she made sure I understood where we were at, her foreleg moved to my other nipple. Not the actual hoof, but the fur. She used that to caress me, making the sensitive bud point straight up and making me bite my lip to try to stifle any sounds.

One of her back legs started doing the same thing to my wet clam, though it made sure to rub just the fur over it, leaving me with no actual stimulation. I groaned in response, struggling to move myself down to feel her truly pressed against me. Her leg pulled back every time I tried, though that didn’t stop me. What did stop me was the feeling of her blunt teeth pushing against my nipple, the pressure increasing slightly every time I tried to resist.

After a few attempts, I just gave up, whimpering slightly at the growing need I felt in me. Of course, that made her giggle and push up slightly with her back leg, making me arch my back slightly at the increased stimulation.

With her tongue around my nipple and the soft teasing she was doing down low, I was already starting to pant. It had been so long since I felt anything like it, but all I knew at the moment was that I needed her to do more.

I opened my mouth to tell her, but before a word could leave my lips, she quickly pulled up and kissed me, grinding her wet slit onto my stomach. I moaned into her mouth, trying to tell her, but she giggled in response and pulled back just enough to get at my ear. “I want to hear you beg,” she softly whispered.

“Please…” I weakly answered, moving one of my hands down to try to give myself some manner of relief.

She saw that and grabbed it, pulling it up to her face and sucking slightly on the fingers. “Please what?” she asked, looking me in the eyes.

Why do they always make me spell it out? “Please fuck me…”

She let my hand go and quickly kissed me on the nose before sliding back down my body. Despite myself, I cried out when she finally took my clit into her mouth, treating it like she had my nipple. When she heard that, she gave it a very hard suck, making my back arch back even more. She pulled away from my little nub and gave my clam a lick from the bottom all the way up to the top, ending with the clit again.

My hands gripped at the bedsheets as she did that several times, making me grind my crotch against her. It felt amazing and she definitely knew how to treat a girl, but she was still teasing me, refusing to get inside me.

Well, it worked once… “Inside!” I begged.

“Because you asked so nicely,” she said, using her front legs to reach under me and grab my ass, pulling me into her face so I couldn’t get away. When her tongue finally pierced my folds, I didn’t want to get away from her. As pent up as I had been and as badly as she had been teasing me, I instantly came, releasing a small amount of fluids into her awaiting mouth. She pulled away, licking her lips. “So soon?” she teased, smirking. “My my, we’ll have to keep practicing…”

“So… nice,” I panted, trying to ride the waves of pleasure tearing through me as long as possible. With her so suddenly pulling back like that, it was hard. The afterglow left me smiling, though. “So what’s next, mistress?” I asked, rubbing at one of my nipples.

Her playful smile turned more into a smirk as she pulled a strap-on out of nowhere. “I’m gonna take you for a ride!” she replied.

“Will you be gentle?” I asked, eyeing the large stallion toy with some amount of concern.

She leaned in close for another small kiss before moving back next to my ear again. “No.”

My smile very quickly matched her own.

(“sex is over”)

Nearly an hour later, Pinkie and I lay on the bed, trying and failing to catch our breaths. One thing I quickly learned from her is that multiple orgasms are absolutely amazing. Being a girl still sucked, but at least the sex wasn’t horrible. “I think… I think Zecora might say something… about too much exertion,” I panted.

“Well… we can invite her next time… She can watch and… make sure you don’t do too much…”

“I think she’s taken,” I sighed, putting one of my arms around Pinkie and pulling her close to my naked body. We were both covered in sweat, though it was more visible on me.

“We can invite Watcher, too,” she said, smiling her cute little smile.

“...Nah.” I kissed her on the nose. She lifted her head, trying to make it a more personal kiss, but I pulled back. “This was fun,” I said.

“We can always go again,” she whispered, her fluffy tail moving to a place that felt quite good.

“No, no,” I said, letting her go and rolling onto my back. “Too tired…” She sighed and hugged me tighter, not answering.

So we were like that when Spike walked in about a minute later, holding a plate of some kind of food. That plate immediately fell to the floor when he caught sight of us. My legs were open and facing the door, the toys we used were scattered about the room, Pinkie was still winking and rather visible, and the smell in the room could only be described as musky.

Needless to say, it was obvious we had sex.

Pinkie and I both looked up when the door opened, so we got to see the look on Spike’s face very quickly change from one of joy to one of abject horror, followed by the food tray hitting the floor. By the time the clatter from that ceased, Pinkie had the blankets over the two of us.

“So uh… what do you need?” I slowly asked, not really sure how to handle it. I mean, Spike had seen me naked plenty of times, but I don’t think he had ever walked in on me like that.

“You… Pinkie… Did… did you…?”

“Yep,” I answered, nodding. His ear spines shot down. “Several times. So what do you need?”

His mouth moved a few times, but nothing came out. When it finally looked like he was going to have some kind of success, my pretty little maid pushed past him. “Master! You’re finally awake!” She jumped over to my bed and hugged me through the blanket.

I smiled and rubbed her head, hugging her back. “Sure am, Doppel. Sorry I didn’t invite you, but Pinkie didn’t give me much of a choice.”

“Oh, it’s okay. There’s always next time! Hey Spike, you just gonna stand there?” The growing redness on his face made it seem that he really didn’t know how to take what he was seeing. The growing redness between his legs meant a certain part of him did. “Uh… Spike?” She pointed down at it.

His head slowly moved down to look at where she pointed. As soon as he realized he was getting hard, his face turned much more red and his head jerked back up. Both of his claws moved forward to cover himself and he turned away, trying to hide it. “IHAVETOGO!” With that, he dashed off toward his room.

“What has gotten into him recently?” I quietly asked.

“He’s a teenager,” Pinkie answered with a shrug. “And you can definitely smell what we did. Given his dragon nose… Well, you’re lucky he didn’t just come in here and ravage you himself!”

“...Why me?” I asked, almost dreading the answer.

“Because he likes you, duh!” Doppel answered. “You’re his best friend. I can always taste the happiness when he’s around you. So he’d want to ravage you so you can both be happy!”

“Weird. Well, let me up, Doppel. Someone has to clean up the mess he left.” Thankfully, he didn’t bring soup, but I still couldn’t just leave it in front of the door.

“I’ll get it, master!” she happily said, using her wings to buzz off me. “That’s my job, after all. And besides,” she said, looking over her shoulder and smirking. “I can tell you need the rest.”

“Thanks, then,” I said, leaning back. After so long of not being able to use her because of Kumani, I had forgotten what it was like to have a maid. To put it short: It was nice. Especially when she decided to flick her tail out of the way when she bent over to pick up Spike’s mess.

Yep, I thought to myself as I pulled Pinkie in close under the blankets, both of us molesting Doppel with our eyes. It’s good to be back.

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