Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.


142. Chapter One Hundred and Seventeen—Another Gala Down

The next day, that same maid as before walked in while Flo was painting a masterpiece. As it turned out, Luna did end up supporting the arts a lot when she was trying to rebuild her image, so there were a few art stores open at night that were happy to sell me some basic stuff. Flo was painting The Persistence of Memory when the maid walked in.

“Princess Celestia wants to… to… My word, what is that?”

“Human art,” Flo said without turning. “What do you think, as a pony?”

“It’s… weird. And I don’t mean to offend, but it’s disturbing. What kind of mind could… create something like that?” I could field that question, so Flo gave me the reins.

“Shortly before this artwork was originally created, mankind went through the worst war it had ever experienced. Tens of thousands would die in less than a day. When it was over, the world was left reeling. The written word became nonsensical. Art became surreal. It can be summed up in a few simple thoughts. Before that war, man thought of man as civilized. All our inventions, all our science, all our art… And then we killed each other on the grandest scale imaginable. The reality of our humanity came crashing down on us. Nothing made sense anymore. Civilization seemed like a farce. So it was reflected in our art. That is the kind of mind that creates something like this. One that was lost in irreality.”

“Dear sweet Celestia,” she whispered, turning away.

“Ah yes, Celestia,” I said, finally turning to her. “Did she have a message for me?”

“She… she wants to… see you. In the breakfast room. E-excuse me…” The poor maid left without another word.

“Are you at a good stopping point?” I asked Flo.

“I can copy the entire painting from memory. We’ve been at this for an hour and we’re halfway done. Even if I wasn’t at a good stopping point, would it really matter?”

“Yeah, if we wanted to spite Celestia a little more.”

“Which we don’t. Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”

She put the paintbrush down on the easel and stood, walking to the bathroom. “You know I can do this myself, right?” I asked.

“Of course you can. But sometimes it’s nice to play.”

“Fine. But only because seeing my female body fills me with horrible feelings of revulsion.”

“You need to work on your self-esteem.”

“And you need to work on minding your own business.” She rolled my eyes and continued doing whatever she felt like to get ready. Thankfully, I didn’t have to bitch slap her for trying to put on makeup or perfume. Though that might have been because I didn’t have any makeup to put on.

When we got back into my room, she relinquished control of my body. It’s probable that she knew I would find a way to punish her if she made me go to Celestia in a skirt. I might be willing to do some role play with Celestia involving stuff like that, but I wasn’t going to show it off to the palace.

So I dressed simply and quickly, because I was actually starting to feel somewhat hungry. As tempting as it was to bring Taya to make Celestia suffer, I figured that wouldn’t be very nice to either of them. I would still rag on Celestia for it, but I left without knocking on my daughter’s door. She was probably still asleep anyway.

Down the memorized path I went, ignoring the servants that were just as content to ignore me. As I walked, I imagined possible conversation chains that I might soon have, even though I knew that was unhealthy and unproductive. Still, it kept my mind occupied and off the fact that I was walking strangely.

Surprisingly, the door to Celestia’s dining hall was already open, so I just let myself in. I was going to let myself in anyway, but I felt less like a dick for doing so. “Ah, so the human deigns to join me today,” she said with her normal smile.

“Blame fatherly duties for missing you yesterday,” I said, sitting down in one of the seats next to her.

“Oh, so you missed me?”

“Sure, if you want to think that.” Her horn lit up and the door to the hall closed. “Oh, you want privacy? Are we gonna be doing something naughty?”

“Not here, no. I would like to eat first. Though it might not be wise for you to…”

“And why is that?” I asked, grabbing something from the table.

“Because I would certainly hate to test your lack of needing to go to the bathroom.”

“That won’t be necessary at all,” I said, starting to eat.

“Oh? If I remember correctly, you owe me a dare…” she coyly said, grabbing an apple to munch on.

“That ol’ thing? I completed it last night.”

Her magic slipped and the apple hit the table. “What?”

“Your dare never specified who. So I went to one of my crew members. He put it where the sun doesn’t shine and if I ever do that again, it’ll be too soon.”

She sighed and asked, “Must you steal every shred of sunlight in this world from me?”

“You reap what you sow,” I replied with a shrug, continuing to eat.

“Well… how was it, at least?”

“Uncomfortable. Annoying. I was farting cum the entire flight back to the palace.” She sprayed apple all over the table before she could stop herself. “Like I said, it’s not something I want to repeat.”

“It’s-it’s an… an acquired taste,” she said between pounding on her chest to try to expel the rest of the apple.

“As always, if something takes effort to enjoy, it’s probably not worth it. I have a perfectly good fun hole and plenty of people willing to play with it. Why go through the trouble of getting used to something else?”

“Novelty. And sometimes the feeling of doing something so wrong is so right.”

“Weird. Well, I won’t be doing it again any time soon.”

“You’re no fun.”

“You’ll get to see just how much fun I am tomorrow at the Gala,” I said with a smirk. She pursed her lips and went back to eating. “Oh come on. Don’t tell me you’re already regretting it.”

“It wasn’t a deal I wanted to make in the first place. I also didn’t want to go on a public date, but we’re stuck with it. Just remember to check on Cadance some time tomorrow night to make sure she’s doing her part.”

“Of course. I’ll slap her ass and see if she jumps more than usual. That just means I’ll have to take a break from you…”

“I’m sure that won’t be hard. Now, the maid I sent to find you has informed me that you are mentally disturbed. Would you care to explain that?”

“Not really.”

“Ah, right, forgive me. Explain that.”

Fuck. “I’m letting Flo paint some human art. It’s going pretty well, too. We have about half of one painting done. I suppose I’ll take it by some art place when it’s finished or something.”

“I would like to see it, first.”

“Are you going to burn it, too?”

“Now, now. You know I never burned any of your books, Nav. I keep them in my hidden collection. The same would be true of any art you’re making that might not be good for my little ponies.”

“You do realize how condescending you sound right now, right?”

“Several thousand years of taking care of them all does that, I suppose.”

“It also makes them damn near incapable of solving problems without you. There was a time when I thought Twilight and her friends were literally retarded, but then I realized that’s just how almost all ponies are, because they’re so used to someone else cleaning up any messes.”

“...True, in some ways. But would you rather them go down your path, to war and violence?”

“I admit to not knowing much history, but how have the griffins fared? The changelings? Other herbivorous races? I doubt war would come so quickly as that. Maybe, in time. But it seems most of the races alive today lack the burning ambition that most violence requires.”

“You are not going to ruin my breakfast,” she said, using magic to force a large slice of cake into my mouth before I could say something else. “You need more skin on your bones, anyway.” I did a decent imitation of Taya on her. “What? You’d look cute with more curves!”

“You just want an excuse to be fat,” I muttered, looking back to the table and trying to swallow her diabetes bread.

“I never heard you complain before!”

“Hey, more cushion for the pushin’ is good up to a point, but I don’t exactly have a dick to shove in you anymore. My time back on the farm told me that you’re heavy for a horse your size.”

“Oh?” she seductively whispered, her eyes going doey. “And what are you gonna do about it?”

Thankfully, I knew where she was going with that. “I guess I’ll have to take you out back and ride you until you drop.” She shivered in delight at the thought. “Oh, you seem excited. Hm, it sure is a shame I don’t have a saddle… I guess I’ll have to ride you bareback again. I’ll be sure to bring some reins and a riding crop, though. I wouldn’t want to let you… disobey.” It’s sad to say, but the blush that slowly covered her while I was talking really was cute. She definitely saw my dirty grin, but didn’t comment on it before her horn lit up and I was suddenly sitting on my bed. “Well, that was rude.”

“And strange,” Flo said. “But it gives me more time to work on the painting, I suppose.”

Personally, I was okay with that. However, it seemed Celestia had different ideas. Just as I was going to tell Flo to take over, I found myself teleported yet again, and this time I fell flat on my ass since there wasn’t a chair under me. When I had a chance to actually look around, I saw that Celestia and I were in a very large open field that looked like it might well be part of the ‘wastes’ between the east and west coasts.

“Uh…” Before I could ask, a pair of reins and a riding crop appeared before me. “What…?” Celestia kneeled down next to me and opened her mouth wide. “Oh boy, we’re actually doing this…” Since I had no clue where we were and she was doing the silent treatment/dumb animal thing, I took a moment to untangle the reins and then inserted the bit into her mouth. She silently bit down, grinning. I just shrugged, grabbed the crop, and straddled her back, hoping that riding without balls wasn’t too painful.

As soon as I was settled, she burst off at a gallop. That wasn’t supposed to happen at all, so I pulled the reins back, careful not to jerk them, until she slowed down. Then I gently prodded her sides with my feet, motioning her forward at a slower pace.

It had been a long damn time since I rode a horse like Celestia wanted me to, and I had never done it extensively. It was mostly a novelty thing back then. It had presumably been a long damn time since Celestia got ridden, so at least I wasn’t alone in my rustiness.

Every time she started trying to be naughty or too flighty, I would give her a hard tap with the crop. Her wings flinched each time and she quickly went back to behaving. We had a fairly good system going after about ten minutes, with her appropriately obeying her human master.

Until she spread her wings and jumped into the air, making me grip on tight in surprise and fear until I remembered that I had wings too. Even then, that was not what I wanted her to do. But since she had done it anyway and I had no clue where I was—meaning she could leave my ass behind in an instant—I decided to play along.

Riding her in the air was an entirely different experience. There was no pain from her bare hooves pounding onto the ground and the motions her body made under me were completely different. It actually felt… disturbingly good, feeling her move under me like she was doing. It was at least enough to make me feel slightly better after my pussy got horribly abused when we were on the ground.

When Celestia found a calm river fed into by a short waterfall, she started circling, looking for a decent spot to land. The area she found was actually very pretty, but I’m pretty sure she chose it more for the calm water than anything else. Either way, she landed in a large field covered in flowers next to the river, then trotted up to it.

As soon as we got to the edge, I patted her side and slid off. “Open,” I said, reaching for the bridle. Her mouth opened and I pulled the device off of her. She turned down to the water and I gently patted her neck, looking around more, as she drank. The water was fairly clear, so I wasn’t too worried about her getting sick. Mind, I wouldn’t want to drink it or even swim in it, but she was definitely welcome to. “This really is a nice spot,” I quietly said, looking back toward the field.

She didn’t answer with words. Instead, her muzzle pulled up to touch my hand, where I had been petting her neck. It looked like she was smiling, but with my hand in the way, it was hard to tell. That was easily fixed by rubbing her cheek instead, proving that she was. Then she pulled her head away again and put it over my shoulder. The intent was obvious, so I hugged her.

“Guess it’s a good thing the Gala’s coming up,” I said when I let her go. “Everyone expects their princess is getting ready, I suppose. And if not, well, fuck them. Let’s go for a walk.” That we did, walking side by side into the large flowery field. As we walked in silence, my mind got to thinking. Unfortunately, those thoughts turned dark very quickly. “You know, this field is really nice… but even now, I can’t help but wonder. What used to be here? Are we walking on the ruins of a human city?”

She didn’t answer, as expected. However, she did move a little closer to me, which I suppose is all I could really ask for.

“That thought should be sad, I suppose,” I continued. “Today’s society is built on the graves of millions of my people. There are none left. I’m some mutant clone. Athena sold her humanity for knowledge. Arachne lost humanity to hubris. I should be sad about that. But I can’t feel anything…”

Her ears began twitching and she moved closer again. I stopped and looked down, unable to think about anything other than what could be under us. What monstrous tomb or ghostly entities awaited underground, just waiting for the chance to come out? In the end, I just sighed and sat down on a patch of grass. After a moment of thought and checking for ants, I went from sitting to lying. Celestia joined me, gently putting her head on my stomach.

“It’s odd, I suppose. As much as I should be sad or angry, I can’t really feel much about… being stuck as a girl, either. I suppose a sense of loss or regret, but really, it’s just par for course, now. I got fucked in every other aspect of life, after all. Why not force me to get fucked just to have sex, too?” As much as she might have been dying to say something to that, she held her tongue. I had a make or break question for her, though. “How long can you really expect to survive after you truly stop feeling anything?”

Surprisingly, she managed to not answer with words. Instead, she chose actions, though those actions weren’t really in keeping with an animal: She sat up and kissed me.

When she decided she was finished and pulled away, I sighed and said, “Well, that fills me with a feeling somewhere, but I don’t think it’s the one you wanted. Sure is a shame I’m a good person that wouldn’t take advantage of a mindless animal…”

She finally chuckled and her horn lit up. “Good thing I’m not so mindless,” she whispered, starting to pull my pants down. As soon as they were around my knees, she stopped. “You’re bleeding!”

“I’m what?” I asked, sitting up and looking down. Sure enough, I was bleeding. Her horn lit up brighter, but I quickly sighed, “Don’t bother.”

“What? You’re hurt!”

“No, I’m not… Human women go through something called menstruation where… Well, you don’t want to know the details, but it results in a bleeding vagina. It’s unfortunately completely natural. Now that I think about it, it’s that time of month again. No wonder I was feeling so fucking melancholy.”


“Fucking nasty, I know.”

“That wasn’t how I was going to put it, but… yes. How long does it last?”

“A week.”

“A week?! How will we—Hm. And you’re sure you don’t want to keep trying anal?”

“Hey, I can still use a strapon. There’s nothing wrong with you, after all. I’ll just have to keep something on it so blood doesn’t get everywhere.”

“Hm.” Her horn lit up and my pants slid back up. “You know, I could also turn you into a mare. If you’re like this now, you might well be in heat as a pony…”

“That’s something to consider later, I guess. I hate being a mare, but it wouldn’t be completely horrible as long as it didn’t last too long.”

“You can be a mare and I can be a human… I bet I could ride you, too!”

“I doubt it. I’m taller than most ponies, and I can barely ride them. You’re taller than I am as a human, so there’s no way you’d be able to ride one. Unless we swapped bodies, I guess. But I don’t want to be ridden and I really don’t want your body.”

“That’s a shame…”

“Hey, I can still ride you like this. I would just want to wear some kind of pad. And it’ll definitely hurt worse.”

Worse? Does riding hurt?”

“Oh god yes. Not when you’re flying, but on the dirt? Jesus. Every step jolts my body. It’s even worse, since there’s no saddle or anything to use as padding. And it’s been so long since I really did it and I was never an expert at it anyway, so it really, really messes with me.”

“Then why didn’t you stop me?”

“Just because it hurts doesn’t mean it’s not fun. And you seemed to be enjoying yourself, so I figured it didn’t matter that much.”

She sighed, easing her head back down on my stomach. I shrugged and laid back down onto the grass, one of my hands going up to her head and scratching at her ears. It’s amazing how quiet it was in that field. The only noise that reached us was from the gentle trickle of the water.

That was a nice day…

As much as Celestia and Cadance both tried, I absolutely refused to wear a dress to the Gala. Celestia’s magic was strong, but invisibility is hard, so she couldn’t keep me invisible the entire time. She told me the spell would only last about an hour. Apparently she couldn’t use ‘real magic’ to make me invisible because she would have to constantly be concentrating, which would be hard with me doing illicit things to her while also trying to talk to ponies at the Gala.

Celestia and I started the night in a small room outside of the large room where Celestia usually stands during the Gala. “Any last thoughts?” I asked, checking on the toys I had in my pockets.

“I made this deal with you, but don’t think I won’t get you back if you get us caught. And if you thought your reputation was bad now… Well, if you get discovered, don’t expect to find any special somepony in the next two hundred or so years that isn’t me.”

“And yet, I don’t feel any concern about that,” I quietly said, popping my knuckles one last time before we were on. The smile she gave me for that let me know that she got the message.

“I made sure to add a grandfather clock to the other end of the hall from where we’ll be standing. Keep an eye on it. The Gala starts at six, which is in five minutes. You may begin then. Finish whatever you’re doing in forty-five minutes. The spell should last slightly less than fifteen minutes longer, but I want a margin of error.”

“I’ll give you ten,” I said, crossing my arms. “The deal was ‘during the Gala’. You’re lucky I’m not making Twilight and Cadance cast spells on me, too. I can clean up any mess you make, but the smell is on you. As is my smell, for that matter. It drove Spike rapey, so I hope you didn’t invite any predators.”

“I didn’t, this year. Kat and Spider will probably be attending, but I don’t think they will bother you.”

“Ah, want some of the attention off of you. Smart. Doppel? Jak?”

“If your maid attends, it will be in her own form. I don’t know a Jak.”

“He’s my blacksmith, a minotaur.”

“You… have a minotaur? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t realize that would be a problem.”

“...He’s on your crew, so it shouldn’t be a problem. But it’s discourteous to have an event like this and not invite any visiting minotaurs.”

“Dude’s probably back on the ship now anyway. Got a message a few hours ago that it’s done. It’s not too late to send someone for him?”

“No, I’m sure he knows. If he wants to come, he’ll come. Anyway…” She took a deep breath, her horn lighting up. “It’s time. Do you have everything on you that you want?”

I grabbed my crotch to check, then shook my head. “I’m afraid not.”

She snorted, rolling her eyes. The light from her horn shot at me and I disappeared. “Grab onto my tail. I don’t know how experienced you are, but it’s hard to walk when you can’t see your own legs.”

“I’m fairly experienced,” I said, walking over to her and wrapping one hand around her tail. “But I won’t say no to a chance to walk close to your ass.”

“As least I know you like what you see,” she said, her voice sounding rather resigned. “Let’s get this over with.”

“That’s the spirit,” I said right before she opened the door. Together, we walked to what was surely going to be the best night ever.

We got into the large room with about fifteen seconds to spare. That gave me a small moment to scan the crowd, all of whom looked up at Celestia when we entered. As usual, the vast majority of them were ponies. The only exceptions I saw were Kat and Spider, who were next to one of the back walls. A small gulf surrounded them and all the ponies around them kept casting furtive glances their way.

I also saw Fancy Pants in the crowd, so I knew he and his wife were probably there. Fleur would probably be staying away from Celestia, though, so I doubt I’d see much of her. Even if I did, hopefully she was taking my threat to mind.

But all thoughts of sizing up the crowd disappeared when Celestia began talking, since that was my cue to get to work.

About fifty-three minutes later, I was happily walking back. The halls were mostly clear since the Gala was going on, and I was still invisible, so I was able to easily get to my room. The few ponies that were in the halls looked up as I silently passed, sniffing quietly at the air and looking around. None really stopped to question it, though, so there weren’t any problems.

I made sure that Taya knew she wasn’t allowed in my room during the Gala, so I didn’t have to worry about her seeing the door invisibly open and then close, or wonder why I suddenly appeared out of thin air, wearing a wet double-headed strapon and covered in sweet smelling fluids. All of it and the other toys went with me into the shower. I didn’t even bother taking my clothes off when I got under the water.

Cleaning up was simple, thankfully. I got all the sex toys cleaned as well as I could without boiling them, got myself as physically clean as possible, then got out. It felt good to be cleanish again, after walking back as wet as I was. It was also nice to finally get a chance to get myself off, even though I was currently disgustingly bleeding.

When I got done with all that, I got dressed again, put my sword and dragon armor on (so I couldn’t get stabbed in the back again, though I didn’t use the helmet), threw a dark cloak over my shoulders to hide the tightness of the armor, and went back to the Gala. Little had changed since I left, though Celestia now seemed at least slightly more able to hold a conversation, despite the toys I left behind.

To remind her that I was still there, I revved the controls, making her flinch slightly and look around. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to enjoy the moment, because I was immediately swarmed by nobles, each one with ‘Luna’ on their lips. I crossed my arms and just waited, looking around at the ones in front of me in silence.

After a few minutes, they all petered out. “You, talk,” I said, nodding at one of them.

“Is… Are the rumors true?” the nobleman asked.

“Rumors are rarely true. But please, indulge me. What rumors?”

“That you… killed Princess Luna?”

“Absolutely not. She broke the law and will be punished by the law, not by me. However, she disappeared. If she makes any attempts to find me and break the law again, I will defend myself. It will not end well for her. That’s all I have to say about that.” I nodded to the mare next to him.

“What… what was it like? When she… did what she did?”

“Imagine… crumpling a piece of paper into a ball.” The mare blinked. “You have total control over that paper. You can make it into something beautiful if you want.” I reached a hand out and softly caressed her face, making her flinch. “Write a poem on it. Fold it into any shape…”

Both of my hands went to her cheeks, making her breath catch. “Um…”

I continued, my hands pressing tighter against her. “But instead, you ruin it. Make it something ugly.” My hands slowly left her face and returned to my sides. “The paper knows you’re the artist, the writer, its master. It wants to be molded into something beautiful. But instead, it’s destroyed.” She looked away. “Ruined. Tortured with knowing its master betrayed it…” A tear fell from her face. “But it’s not over, no. Paper that’s written on can be cleaned with special inks. Paper that’s been folded can be unfolded. Paper that’s crumpled…”


“Paper that’s crumpled can never be smooth again.” She squeezed her eyes shut and looked down. “That is what being raped is like. Ruined forever, no matter how clean you might look from a distance. Any other questions?” The nobles very quickly cleared away from me. When I looked to make sure they were all gone, I found Kat and Spider standing behind me. “Enjoying the party?” I quietly asked.

“That was… an apt description,” Kat said, looking away. “One maybe even these spoiled ponies can understand.”

“You can never truly understand what you haven’t been through,” I said, walking over to her.

“They are luckier than the three of us, then,” she said. “Each crumpled and shattered...”

“That’s far too much of that,” I said. “Again, are you enjoying the party?”

“No. I spent too many years of my life with these formal sessions as my hunting grounds. There’s little enjoyment to be found here.”

“Nothing’s stopping you from leaving, you know.”

“It pays to acclimate the elite to your presence in a new place. Especially when you have someone like Spider with you. Though I have had a few propositions to join some ponies in small sitting rooms. Alone.”

“It’s a party,” I said with a shrug. “Enjoy yourself.”

“...Perhaps I will do that. Later. For now, I suppose we should part ways. I doubt the princess would be pleased if we monopolize each other’s time.”

“She can suck a fat one, but you’re right. I’ll see you later, Kat.”

“Until then, Nav.” She gathered up her pet and they wandered off, leaving a wake of whispers behind them.

My next and only other target for that night was Cadance, to make sure she was upholding her dare. I also wanted to see her in her natural element, to see if she was being a good politician or whatever it was she did. I had seen her at the previous Gala, but that one kind of went to shit.

I started wandering around the main areas of the palace, looking for her. Thankfully, most of the nobles seemed to have gotten the message that I wasn’t to be bothered. Several of the stallions flinched as I passed when they smelled my pheromones, but thankfully, none commented.

All of the Wonderbolts were out in the patio area, talking with each other and some nobles. I made sure to sneak out before any of them saw me, because I really didn’t feel like explaining what happened to me again. I also didn’t want to risk any of them wanting to fuck, given my bleeding vag status.

Fleur was surrounded by a string of noblemares, each in some fancy and over-the-top anime-esque dress. Thank god, she was facing the other way when I found her. Not so thankfully, as soon as some of the mares in her group noticed me, I was immediately pointed out. By that point, I was already disappearing around the corner.

Ducking into a very convenient side room is all that saved me from getting captured by their group to talk about anime. The door was closed before they could round the corner to catch me, meaning they all ran past. When I heard the last one pass, I breathed a sigh of relief.

That’s when I realized I wasn’t alone, a stifled moan catching me off guard. I turned around to find Cadance rocking from foot to foot. “Ah, there you are,” I said, smiling. She was alone in the room, so I figured I was about to have some fun.

“N-Nav?” she whispered, finally opening her eyes. It was then that I realized she hadn’t even noticed me walking in.

“Sure is,” I said, nodding. “You don’t look so hot,” I said, my smiling deepening.

“I’m… trying that e-edging thing. It’s hard!”

“As hard as Shiny’s big, long cock?” I asked, slowly walking up to her. She flinched at that thought, one of her hooves half-reaching to an area that would give her relief. “Just think of him finding you now. Finding his naughty wife like this, publicly teasing herself. Oh, I bet he would mount you in an instant and just take you then and there…”

She moaned quietly, humping slightly. “I-I n-need to g-g-go!” She started walking past me to the door, but stopped when I put my hand on her back.

“Hm. I bet he would punish you first, you dirty girl. Since you like exhibitionism so much, I bet he would spank you in front of all the ponies. Punish you like you deserve. Maybe he’d even take you in front of them.”

“N-Nav, please!”

“Please what?” I asked, taking the last step up to her and hopping onto her back. I leaned up next to her ears and whispered, “Please keep tormenting you?”


“Please keep teasing you!”

“Ugh, no!”

“Please keep reminding you that the dare was meant to be public?”

Her horn lit up and threw me off and thankfully into a chair instead of a wall. “This is bucking hard!” she yelled, rounding on me. “Let’s see you do this!”

“But that’s not my dare,” I said, leaning back into the chair. “If it’s too hard, turn it down. But the dare is supposed to take place at the Gala. We’re in a side room, not at the Gala.”

She grit her teeth and narrowed her eyes. “You are awful.”

“Ain’t I just?” I replied with a cheeky grin. That grin disappeared when she shoved her ass in my face. “Uh…”

“Turn it down,” she commanded.

“I’m… not really sure that’s something I should be doing,” I said, looking around her ass to her face.

“If you can tease me, you can turn it down. Consider that… punishment for bothering me in the first place.”

“I’d really rather not…”

“I will not hesitate to sit on you, Navarone,” she answered.

I just rolled my eyes and reached up her dress to turn the dial on her toy down. She sighed in relief as I pulled my hand back. “There, happy? God, I need to wash my hands…”

“Let’s go back to the party, Nav,” she happily said, stepping away from me.

“I think I’ll pass,” I answered as I got to my feet. “There’s nothing else at the Gala I really need to do, aside from occasionally tweak some toys on Celestia.”

“Too bad. Everypony knows we’re friends, so you’re free to escort me back. That way, nopony will suspect anything like they might if they thought I had been alone. All you have to do is come back with me. Then you’re free to leave.”

“You are so demanding,” I sighed, shaking my head in rueful remorse.

“You just earned yourself a dance,” Cadance said, using magic to pull me along behind her.

“Oh come on!”

“Don’t make me drag you to Celestia’s room,” she warned. “I bet she still has some dresses there.” I didn’t reply to that, because I knew she wasn’t bluffing. “That’s what I thought. I hope you remember your dances!”

Flo, why do you keep letting these things happen?

“Because watching you suffer is so much fun,” she replied with a giggle.

You’re going to be such a handful when you get free.

“Oh, you know you love it,” she said. “Just be happy I’m not forcing you to reply to Cadance.”


Unfortunately, I quickly discovered that Fleur’s posse hadn’t gone too far in their search for me, so Cadance and I bumped into them on the way back to the Gala. As soon as the mares realized I wasn’t running, they surrounded both of us, Fleur at the head.

“Hello, Princess,” Fleur casually said, barely bending her knees.

“Hello to you, Fleur,” Cadance happily answered, a small smile coming to her face. “Have you been enjoying the Gala?”

“Indeed I have, Princess. In fact, we were just looking for you. And your human friend, of course.” As if bored, I pulled out a knife and started using it to pick at my teeth. Fleur’s eyes twitched, but she didn’t relent. “I have an invitation for the both of you.”

Before Cadance could answer, I pulled the knife away and said, “I believe we’ve spoken about this before. My answer hasn’t changed.”

“Oh? You know, Equestria’s foal services might not appreciate the answer you gave me…”

“Ugh, Nav, what did you do?” Cadance asked.

“I vehemently declined her invitation with the warning that she was not to solicit me with any more.”

“That’s a mild way of putting it,” Fleur said. “Do you want to hear the exact wording, Princess?”

“I lived with Navarone for a few months. I imagine I know the gist of what he said.”

“What she said, you mean,” Fleur said with a small titter.

“...Yeah. Nav’s answer won’t change, but I would be delighted to attend one of your parties, assuming I’ll still be in town.”

“I’m afraid it won’t be the same, without its guest of honor… It’s a party about famous human customs, you see.” I rolled my eyes.

“Human customs?” Cadance asked. “Nav, why don’t you want to go?”

“Because they weren’t famous. They were infamous. I didn’t take part in any of the ‘customs’ she was talking about. I didn’t like any of the customs she was talking about. Most people didn’t, actually. They’re a niche interest centered around the nerds and losers. I’d rather not see how the ponies are portraying it, thank you.” That got a lot of whispers from the ponies around me, but Fleur was just smirking.

“Oh?” she asked. “You wouldn’t want to make sure we’re doing things correctly? That we don’t fall down the path of those… nerds or losers?”

I shrugged. “Not my problem. I’ll be leaving in less than two weeks anyway. You guys can do whatever the hell you want, as long as it doesn’t involve me.”

“Well, I think it sounds like an interesting experience,” Cadance said. “I’ll be sure to come, if I’m still in town.”

“Small victories, I suppose,” Fleur said with a sickly sweet smile. Somehow, I had a feeling things weren’t over between the two of us. “I won’t keep you any longer, Princess. I’ll be sure to send the details later.”

“Until then, Fleur,” Cadance said, bending her head slightly. The mares parted before us as we continued walking. I put my knife away with a comforting click. When we were a few halls away, Cadance snorted and quietly said, “I detest that mare.”

“Then why go to her party?”

“I said I’d go if I was still in town. I’ll make sure to leave the day before, if I’m not gone sooner. Did you know she doesn’t even love her husband?”

“...You don’t say.”

“She sleeps around at every chance she gets. At the Gala last year, she had sex with Celestia! You probably didn’t hear about that, though, since you were bedridden at the time.”

“Yeah… Just do what I do, then.”

“Purposefully antagonize her? No thank you. It’s better to just pretend to be polite.”

“And then talk about her behind her back?”

“Of course. We’re mares, Nav. That’s what we do.”

“You’re a mare. I’m a woman. Sort of. Speaking of that, why do you even want to dance with me?”

“Because it’s hard to dance with somepony shorter than you, if you’re not the lead. It’s rare that Shining Armor and I get to dance. He wouldn’t mind this, though, since we’re just friends. And it’ll help distract me from… what’s in me.”

“Fair enough, I guess. Just don’t tell Shiny so he doesn’t get jealous.”

“I doubt he would. After all, we’re just friends.”

“Yeah, but people in relationships have a weird thing about jealousy. How would you feel if he started dancing with Captain Midnight?”

Her magical grip on my hand tightened slightly before she shrugged. “Fair enough, I suppose. Though I don’t think Captain Midnight is actually one of his friends. She doesn’t really seem to like anypony, actually.”

“She’s been through some shit,” I said with a shrug. “And damn, how far away from the dance floor were we?”

“I made sure to go the roundabout way back, to minimize our time on the actual Gala floor. I know how you feel about those ponies, after all.”

“Just remember your dare.”

“Yes, yes, I know. I’ll get back to it after our dance. You’re free to stay around with me after that, if you want.”

“No thank you. I’ll probably just head to the gardens or something to rest. I could always use more time away from everything.”

“That’s… tempting. It’s a shame I took this stupid dare. Remind me never to play that game with you again.”

“No promises.”

We finally got to the end of a hall and in front of a fairly unassuming door. “This should lead right to the main dancing area,” she said, putting her hoof to the handle. "Are you ready?”

“I doubt you’ll twerk or grind on me, so sure.”

“...Do I even want to know?” she sighed.

“Nope. Shall we?” She pushed the door open and dragged me out onto the dance floor, where all the couples were in the middle of a dance. We joined them fairly easily, though it took us both a moment to find a rhythm. Me, because it had been a while. Her, because she wasn’t used to dancing with a biped. We got into it quickly, though.

While we were dancing, my eyes found Octavia in the band playing music. We shared a secret smile, though I knew she wouldn’t get the chance to talk during the Gala. After all, she was booked to play music and would probably be busy all night.

I shared four or so songs with Cadance, mostly to be nice. It was also funny watching her face twitch slightly as she had to oddly position her body to make up for the height difference. That wasn’t usually a problem, but with what she was currently wearing, it made things awkward. That also reminded me to tweak Celestia’s controls, though she wasn’t on the dance floor with us.

When Cadance got suitably bored of it, or correctly sensed that I was bored of it, she finally pulled me off the floor, leading me over to a table. “You know, when you get like this, you really are fun,” she quietly said. “Now that Kumani… left, are you looking for somepony else?”

“I… may have eyes on someone,” I said. “But it’ll have to wait until after I’m done with the journey I’m on.”

“Why? I imagine I know exactly who you’re looking at, and I don’t see a reason to wait.”

“Because I’m a horny, horny bastard. I can’t ask this person to come with me and I won’t be able to stop myself from having sex for however long it’ll take for me to get back.”

“That is a sad, sad fact. But it is a fact. Still, I very much suggest you tell this pony. It’s always for the best to have your options open on the very low chance he or she doesn’t feel the same. And in case the worst happens, at least your feelings will finally be on the table.”

“I’ll think about it. No promises. Now, you need anything else before I bail?”

“What’s that armor made of?” she asked. “It feels strangely cool against my fur.”

“Dragon scales. We got them off of one that was already dead, so don’t worry.”

“That… doesn’t really make me feel better.”

“Can’t win ‘em all,” I said with a shrug. “See you later, lovebutt.” She snorted and shook her head, walking away. I started going the other way, but Fancy Pants was standing behind me. “What’s with people waiting behind me?” I asked. “That’s kinda creepy.”

“I apologize for any ‘creepiness’,” he said. “I didn’t want to interrupt, though I was about to try to get your attention. Did your voice change?”

“Let’s go for a walk,” I said, moving past him, toward the doors leading to the gardens. He fell in step next to me without another word, knowing I wanted privacy. The few nobles that hadn’t gotten word yet that asking me questions was a bad idea quickly changed their minds about trying when they saw me walking with Fancy. I had no idea what made him so influential, but it was really useful at times.

Soon enough, we were outside and headed to the beautiful palace gardens. “I believe we’re as alone as we’re going to get,” Fancy said after about a minute of walking in silence.

“Yeah… Did your wife tell you what happened?” I asked.

“She said she ran into you a few days ago,” he said. “I took it from her tone that it was an unpleasant meeting.”

“That’s a word for it. I do apologize, but she managed to trigger my apparently infamous human temper. I’m hoping that’ll be the end of it, since she was trying to invite me to an anime party.”

“Ah, yes. That. I will attempt to stop her from bothering you again, though I imagine a hint of your vaunted anger would be more than enough to discourage her.”

“It didn’t. She asked me again at the party, interrupting my talk with Cadance.”

“I see. I shall definitely have a discussion with her about leaving you alone. I know you value your privacy. Perhaps it shall work.”

“Hopefully. Now, about my voice. I don’t want the news about this spread too quickly, though I know it’ll spread. Basically, I got cursed and now I’m a female.”

“...I see. And it is unfixable?”

“So far, it seems like I’m stuck.”

“I suppose that explains your scent, too. I was wondering what that was. You’re handling it well, I assume?”

“As well as can be expected. I only tried to kill myself about five times because of it. I’d say that’s a pretty good number.”

“Uh… huh. Are you in heat at the moment?”

“It’s only similar in that it happens once a month. Humans have something… different. You really don’t want to know. But when it’s over, I’ll be willing to help you get revenge on your wife, if you want.”

“I’m afraid not. A few months ago, maybe. But now… Do you know what a beard is?”

“Facial hair, not that I’ll be growing one any time soon. Why?”

“Ah. Well, it’s nothing you need to worry about. So, do you happen to know where Princess Luna is?”

“No. Celestia refuses to tell me.”

“At least somepony knows where she is. From everything I heard, she vanished. There were many rumors that she went after you. But if Celestia knows, I can only assume the worst.”

“Oh, she’s definitely still alive,” I told him.

“No, no.” He looked up, toward the sky. My eyes joined his and I realized he was looking at the moon. “I can only assume she was imprisoned again. Though after your disappearance, there were many that said she killed you. Thankfully, the griffins cleared up that little rumor for us. Everypony was panicking, with you disappearing right after Luna’s confession.”

“I could have planned things better, I suppose. But the confusion helped me disappear, in some ways. It’s definitely nice to be home again, even though it’ll only be for such a short while.”

“Coming home always is nice, yes. Though I, and many others, can’t help but wonder where exactly it was you went. And, of course, where you’ll be going next.”

“First, Stalliongrad. Then the new Crystal Empire, with Cadance and Shiny. Then, Gryphus. Then the land south of Equestria, where nothing that enters ever returns. That’s where we found Spider. Then we came back to Equestria for a short time to pick up some supplies and some miners, then we went as far south as it’s possible to go. Finally, here we are.”

“And what, might I ask, was the goal of these trips?”

“You might ask, but I’m afraid I can’t answer. If Celestia hasn’t released the news yet, there’s probably a very good reason. I can only say that trouble is brewing. Big trouble. There’s a reason the elements of harmony went with me.”

“...I see. I offer you my horn, if you’d have it.”

“I’m afraid not. Our ship is fairly full and I wouldn’t take you away from your life here. You’ve earned your retirement.”

“But I’d rather have one last grand mission before I retire.” That’s what every old warrior says before dying on a mission. “A final chance to make a difference. I may be getting up there in age, but I’m not so old that I can’t be of use.”

“Oh, I know. The war games taught me that. But there’s limited space and you’re needed here. There might come a time when things start getting… chaotic. If that happens, you need to be here to keep the nobles in line. If you want your glorious mission, ask Celestia about Antarctica. She might be planning on sending a cleanup team down there. I don’t know if she’s taken care of it yet or not.”

“I… suppose I can do that. Though truly, I’d rather fight by your side than hold down the fort or… clean up.”

“By that, I mean deal with some remaining undead.”


“Yep. I’ve had a busy few months. Ran into all kinds of ghosts and zombies. The southern part of the world is covered in them. Celestia’s supposed to send someone to clean it out.”

“Then I shall certainly talk to her about it. Getting away from Canterlot for some time would be nice.”

“Be careful what you wish for. I imagine you’d quickly start wishing for some of the comforts you had here that you definitely won’t have in the field. Good food, a nice bed, someone to share it with, nice music, books… Equestria doesn’t have too many comforts, but I would be loath to leave them behind if I didn’t have to.”

“True. And that reminds me of something. You are a scholar, are you not?”

“Not really. I’m more of a warrior than anything else. I have read a ton of books, though. Why?”

“Have you heard of the books from another world? They seem like something that would greatly interest you.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard of them. Your wife mentioned you read them. You’re a fan?”

“That is a word for it. I’ve read many of them. They don’t seem to interest most ponies, however. Have you read any of them?”

“I wrote them. Or rather, translated them.”

“...I thought as much. You mentioned other books in the forewords of some of the ones that were printed. Books that didn’t end up largely printed. What happened to those, such that they didn’t get printed?”

“Celestia banned them. All books and art I bring from my world have to go through her to be allowed to be published en masse. She can nix any of them if she wants.”

“That is… sad. I don’t suppose you have the originals of those she decided to ban?”

“Nope. She kept them for her personal library. Most of the best works are there, of course.”

“Of course. What causes them to be banned?”

“Making monarchies look bad; explaining gravity and how the planet revolves around the sun naturally, meaning she doesn’t control it; books full of violence; her being in a bad mood; and a few other things that she doesn’t tell me about.”

“I could get you in touch with a few private collectors that would be quite pleased to own copies of those forbidden texts, Nav. Many would put a large price tag on them.”

“That is definitely something I’ll keep in mind, the next time I have access to Celestia’s room and she won’t be there for a while. I wouldn’t mind having a few extra copies of some of those books around. Just know that I’ll probably be slowing down on the books, since I’ve started trying my hand at art.”

“...Do you have anything painted yet?”

“Yeah. The first piece was anonymously donated to the art museum here in town after Celestia deemed it acceptable. Depending on how it’s received, I’ll start trying to sell them after this one. It only takes a few hours to copy each painting, whereas it can take days to transcribe a book.”

“That is… astounding. How do you do it?”

“Technology. I have copies of all human books on a device in my room. I have a… robot of sorts in my head that helps me write and paint flawlessly. It’s hard to explain and it’s not important. It just means that I’ll be able to get some easy money from art.”

“Not that you really need much more, if what I’ve heard is true.”

“Yeah, I don’t. But keeping an airship flying can be expensive. So is raising a daughter.”

“Something I never had the honor of knowing. Are you going to have any private showings for your art? Or allow anypony to proofread your writing before you send it to the princess?”

“I wasn’t planning on it. If you’d like to do me a favor, though, I’ll be willing to let you get the first look at the paintings, aside from Celestia.”

“I would be honored. What favor do you need of me?”

“Sell it for me. Museums, private collectors, rich friends, whatever. Keep a twenty percent seller’s fee and just put the rest in the bank for me. That way, no one has to know I’m the artist.”

“And my wife and I have the connections to make sure the art moves quickly. Very well. When should I expect the first piece?”

“Dunno. I’ll have them dropped off as I finish them. Since I don’t have much to do over the nights, I might be able to get some to you tomorrow. Maybe.”

“I certainly look forward to it, then. Your books are interesting enough. I can only imagine what your art might look like. If you don’t mind, there are a few parties here tonight that might be interested in obtaining them. Would you like me to speak with them now?”

“Go for it. I certainly wouldn’t want to keep you to myself all night. Unless you want me to, though you already said you weren’t interested in that.”

“Between you and me, I would much rather be in bed right now than here. And I would much rather be speaking with you than dealing with some of those rich old nobles inside.”

“Amen to that. I’ll be staying out here all night or heading back to my room.”

“It’s tempting to do the same, but somepony has to keep my wife in check. We will have to get together again before you leave, Lady Navarone.”

“Yeah, don’t… don’t call me that, please.”

“Noted. Goodbye for now, then.”

“See you, Fancy.” He nodded one last time and veered off to head back to the palace. I continued deeper into the gardens. When I got as deep into the place as I figured I could get, and where I almost definitely knew I wouldn’t get found, I pulled my cloak off and then unbuckled my chestplate. Soon enough, my upper body was bare, allowing the warm summer night air to gently caress me. If I hadn’t been vag bleeding, I would have pulled off the lower part as well.

As it was, I set the cloak down as a blanket of sorts and lied down on the ground, enjoying the serenity of the Canterlot gardens after the bullshit of the Gala. It was, as always, a nice night; Celestia wouldn’t ever let it rain on her perfect party, after all. The only problem is that the small clearing I found was eerily silent. With all the pets Celestia had, I was expecting more ambient noise. Still, silence was better than being surrounded by the little bastards, so I wasn’t complaining.

That was the first hint I had that I wasn’t the only predator that stalked the night.

My eyes closed and I cast my mind out, just thinking. Some thoughts were about what Fancy said, some were about what Cadance said, and some were about my possible future. Flo was strangely absent, so I figured she was going to let me make any decisions on my own.

Decisions that would have to wait, given the furry mass that pressed against my chest. I immediately pushed it away and tried to back off before I realized it was a bat pony. “Jesus, Blossom! You scared the hell out of me.”

“You’re hurt,” she said, her nose flinching. “I smell your blood. What happened? Was it that stallion?”

“...Just how long have you been following me?”

“A few minutes. I was nearby when you stepped outside. Then I smelled your blood. Do I need to bring you a medic?”

“I’m fine, but thanks for the concern.”

“You’re bleeding. That isn’t fine, Navarone.”

“Your nose must be really sensitive. And why did you put your head on my chest?”

“To make sure you were still breathing. Now, who hurt you?”

“Ugh. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to explain, but this is a human thing. Our females… bleed for a week once every month.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It would if I explained the biology behind it, but it’s really nasty. So just don’t worry about it.”

“...Very well, though it seems unnatural.”

“It does to me, too. Anyway, how’s your night been?”

“Miserable. I hate the Gala and I hate nobles. But as the most senior officer present in Canterlot, I have to be on the palace grounds anyway.”

“Well, get used to that. I have a feeling you’ll be the most senior officer for a long time, assuming you stay in the guard.”

“Tch, don’t remind me.” She lifted her head and looked into the trees around us. “Navarone is fine. Return to your posts.”

The only signs of movement I caught were shifting masses of darkness, but that was enough to tell me there were other night guards up there. “Did you really pull people off their stations to check on me?”

“I said we would watch your back, and I meant it. And this way we can talk without having to worry about being overheard. Though I would rather see the wound first, so I know you aren’t trying to protect someone. And so I can get a taste, if you don’t mind.”

“Uhhhhh… You sure about that?”

“Fresh blood is always much tastier than that from bags. And I was on my way to get something to eat when I found you, which is why I was able to smell you so well. I can’t help that I’m hungry, and I know you’re willing to help.”

“Alright, I guess.” I pulled my legs up and started removing my greaves. The boots were already on the ground next to me, so soon I was completely naked before her.

“...Really?” she asked, looking down at my vagina.

“Hey, you asked to see it,” I said. “What did you think I meant when I said only our females bled like that?”

“That’s… a fair point.” Her eyes continued staring down, but a red tinge started entering her sclera.

“Well, now you’ve seen it.” I started reaching for my greaves, but one of her hooves stopped me. “Blossom…?”

The red tinge around her eyes started becoming deeper and deeper and she smiled, her fangs very noticeable. It seemed that the gums were retracting or something, because they looked larger and scarier than usual, though her tongue moving across her lips took my eyes away from them. “Time to feast,” she hissed, her head shooting down toward my lower half.

I flinched aside and put a hand on her head to stop her. “Woah now.” She pulled her head back up, glaring at me with raw hate. “I’m perfectly willing to do this if you aren’t in full bloodlust mode. But I don’t know if you want me or… or just…” Her eyes started glowing and I felt myself getting lost in them, my words slurring. “B-Blossom…”

“Open your legs,” my mistress lovingly ordered.

The roaring in my ears was cut off by Flo’s calm voice. “Awaken, Navarone.” I blinked and came awake to find that Blossom was still staring, waiting for me to break.

Jesus, she’s strong.

“Yes, she is,” Flo said. “I can keep your mind free from her, though.”

...Don’t. I’m going to ride this train as far as I can. If she starts hurting me, then help me resist. But until then…

“This is a horrible idea,” Flo sighed. “But very well.”

“Open. Your. Legs,” Blossom ordered again, her eyes flashing. Flo released my mind and I fell to Blossom’s mental assault.

(Sexy times ahead. ctrl+f “Sex is over” to skip [I wouldn’t blame you])

My legs slowly moved aside, as though my body was still trying to fight her. Perhaps it sensed that a stronger predator was near or maybe my mind was just so cloudy that it was hard to move. Either way, Blossom quickly obtained access to my sensitive love canal.

Sensing my submissiveness, she lost any sense of urgency she might have had. Her head moved in slowly and she loudly inhaled, taking in the scent of the blood. Her tongue lolled out as she took in the apparently sweet scent. Then, faster than my eyes could see, both of her hooves shot in and grabbed my legs, forcing them wider apart. Her mouth opened wide, revealing her fangs, and her head shot in…

...Only to stop right before biting down. As much as I thought I should have been scared, I knew my mistress wouldn’t hurt me if I obeyed. Sure enough, her tongue carefully licked the inside of my right thigh, getting the few droplets of blood that had gotten there while she waited for my acquiescence. She giggled huskily at the taste and moved to my left thigh, her tongue moving closer and closer to the source of her desire.

“Beg for it,” she whispered, kissing my clit but not going any lower.

“Mistress, please!” I said, looking down at her. “Use me to sate your hunger!”

That was apparently all she needed, though I’m surprised she was able to wait that long. Either way, her tongue instantly went on the attack, slurping at my wet pussy like a dog drinking water. It helped that to her, she was drinking her life-giving fluid. We both moaned, her at the taste and me at the sensation of her tongue filling me.

“So sweet…” she muttered around licks, doing her best to lap up every drop of both blood and sex juices. Each thrust of her tongue made me moan and shake, as she brought me pleasure and eased the cramps within me.

And I wasn’t the only one feeling better and better about what she was doing. The increased blood flow and contractions in my uterus gave her much more of a snack, which in turn made her work harder for more. She was in some kind of strong bloodlust, and seemed almost animalistic. But she was taking care with her fangs and every twitch of her tongue sent me to higher plateaus of pleasure, so I didn’t care.

Much too soon, though, I felt myself reaching my real peak. She either used her vampire powers to hijack my tolerance or menstruating made me more sensitive, but Blossom made me cum much faster than I ever had. Just three minutes after she started devouring my pussy, I came and shot more blood out at her.

My loving mistress swallowed every drop that came out and then pulled away, licking her lips and snout of all the glistening amber fluids that covered her. “You taste so good, my succulent morsel,” she whispered, her head going back in for more.

I noticed something then and fought back against her control to ask a question. “M-mistress, can I n-not please y-you?”

She sat back up and chuckled. “Do not worry about me, pet,” she said, carefully caressing my thigh with a hoof. “I can’t feel horny. Your blood is all I need.” Can’t… what? That’s all I could think before her eyes flashed again and she said, “Don’t fight back again.”

“Never, mistress,” I unwittingly whispered, my eyes blanking for a few seconds before focusing back in. When they did, I almost wish they hadn’t.

Blossom’s appearance changed. Normally, she’s a cute little bat pony with sexy fangs. At the moment, she was taking on a much more bestial appearance. Her snout elongated and more fangs started jutting out of her mouth, though none of them were as long and sharp as the two primary fangs. Her tongue also got much longer, thicker, and pointier. And her eyes finally went completely red as she became totally consumed by the bloodlust.

All of those changes were enough to show me how much of a monster she actually became. Though I have to say, she was still at least slightly cute. “You’re beautiful, mistress,” my body quietly said, one of my hands carefully caressing her furry face.

“And you’re delicious,” she hissed, her head moving back down to my snatch for more. With her tongue’s change, it seemed to have gained a lot more strength and dexterity. She actually shoved it inside me, making me moan and flinch in shock. Since I was still sensitive and her tongue was doing seemingly everything right in its search for more blood, I quickly came again, giving her just a little more of what she wanted.

Unfortunately for both of us, ‘just a little’ of what she wanted wasn’t anywhere like enough for her addled mind. “I need more!” she growled when she pulled her tongue out with a disgusting schlicking sound. “Bleed for me, toy!”

“I l-live to s-serve,” I stuttered, barely able to speak from the afterglow. As much as I wanted to help her, though, I couldn’t. It seemed that cumming like that seriously slowed down the flow of blood. It also killed all the pain from PMSing, but I couldn’t really concentrate on that anyway.

After another minute of trying fruitlessly to get what she wanted, she snorted and grabbed my legs. “I know where I can get more,” she whispered, dragging me down. Soon, she was right next to my head. Both of her eyes flashed again and I moved my head back, giving her access to my throat. Before I could even brace myself, she sank her fangs into my carotid and then started sucking.

It didn’t take her long before she took so much that I just passed out.

(“Sex is over”)

When I finally came to, it was to something soft rubbing against my side, tickling me. I tried to pull away from it, but I could barely move. As soon as I tried, I immediately felt a burst of pain in my head, making me groan. “By the night, you’re awake!” Blossom yelled, pushing herself away from me.

“My head,” I whispered, struggling to lift a hand to block out any possible light. “What kinda party did we have?”

“Don’t move,” she quickly said, grabbing my hand and pushing it back down. “You’re… probably suffering from blood loss.”

“It’s just my period, Blossom. I’ll lose a little blood, but not enough to actually hurt me.”

“I lost control,” she whispered, looking away.

“Oh right, I remember now… That was a lot of fun. We’ll have to get together again before this week is over.”

“Are you joking? I’m a monster! I almost killed you!”

I sighed and said, “Come closer, Blossom.”

“What if I… lose myself?”

“You won’t. Please, talking isn’t easy. Come closer.” She slowly did so, holding a hoof to her nose so she couldn’t smell me. “Closer…” She moved even closer, though she started looking nervous. When she was close enough, I pounced, hugging her and making her actually squeak. “Relax,” I whispered, carefully petting her back.

“You don’t need to be moving,” she said, not making any attempt to push me away. “You… you need to be r-resting…”

“You are absolutely not a monster,” I calmly said.


“You lost control when smelling new prey. You were hungry and I seemed vulnerable. It’s perfectly normal for you to want to take advantage of that. And I most definitely enjoyed it.”

“I… don’t remember any of it. I remember finding you here and then suddenly I was drinking from your throat…”

“Your eyes went red and your face changed a little, then you started trying to eat me out. You didn’t seem like you were all there, and I didn’t want you to do something you didn’t really want to do, so I tried to stop you. But then you did something to my mind and that’s when I lost myself.”

“Why… don’t you hate me?”

“You did what you did on accident, while Luna did what she did on purpose. Also, you’re really adorable.” She finally pushed me away, glaring at me. “What?”

“I am not adorable. I am a fearsome member of the night guard and a monster on top of it!”

“As any parent knows, every time you deny being adorable makes you even more adorable. Next I’ll start pinching your cheeks.”

She rolled her eyes. “You obviously aren’t as upset about this as you should be.”

“There’s nothing to be upset about. We’ve all lost control at least once.”

“But I almost killed you!”

“And I almost killed someone the last time I lost control. Shit happens. You didn’t kill me and you learned from it. Thus, there’s nothing to be upset about.”

“Then why do I still feel bad?”

“Because you need some time to think about it.”

“I don’t think time will help. I’ll still be just as much of a monster tomorrow as I was today.”

“Well, it won’t hurt. And I can’t stand up anyway, so you might as well chill here in case someone comes by.” I patted the grass next to me. “When was the last time you just watched the stars with a friend?”

“I… have a job to do…”

“Your troops will cover for you. If Celestia bitches, just blame me. I know you’re stressed. You need some time off.”

“I really shouldn’t...”

There we go. I patted the ground next to me again. She sighed and plopped down on it, making sure not to touch me. When she was situated, I grabbed the cloak from where it got tossed aside and threw it over the two of us, though I don’t think it covered all of either of us. “There.”

After a few seconds, she said, “This feels weird.”

“It’s only weird if you make it weird. And I won’t tell anyone, so feel free to actually relax.”

She fell silent for about fifteen minutes, when she finally said, “I’m sorry, Nav.”

“For losing control?”

“Not just that. Leading you on. When you left, I… mentioned something about a coming home gift, implying it would be sex.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t mind having sex.”

“I would. I’m a vampony. That technically means I’m dead. I have no blood flow, which means I can’t get horny. Thus, I have no interest in sex. I implied we would do something, but I never would have.”

“Then why say it?”

“...I don’t know. Heat of the moment? The feeling of acceptance? Wanting to taste you again?”

“You wouldn’t have to promise to sleep with me to do that, Blossom. I let changelings feed on me whenever they need it. Why would you be different?”

“Because I drink blood?”

“And they eat emotions. Each is dangerous to lose, when you lose too much. But you’re careful, so I don’t mind. Well, until now. I’m going to need to drink a lot of fluids and eat a lot to make this up. But I still don’t mind doing it, because you needed it.”

“I don’t understand that. Why would you risk yourself like that for me?”

“Well, if one of your troops needed something that you could give them, wouldn’t you give it to them?”

“I would, but you barely knew me when you found out my secret. And then, you were all too happy to help.”

“Maybe I’m secretly a nice person. Just don’t tell anyone, or they might get the wrong ideas.”

“You are very weird, Navarone.”

“I’ve been told that.” She didn’t reply to that, so we were silent for nearly a minute before I sighed. “I really am going to need some water, though. I can barely move and my entire body feels dry. You mind helping me get dressed and back to the party?”

“I doubt you can walk. How about I just bring you some water, and then help you get to your room?”

“That also works. Though I don’t mind spending more time out here, if you want. I just need some water, first.”

She snorted and pushed the cloak away. “I’ll be back soon, Navarone.” She opened her wings and flew off into the night.

After a minute, I sighed and said, “If I knew she couldn’t feel horny, I wouldn’t have bothered hitting on her. That takes all the fun out of it. And I guess that also explains why she was so hard to get.”

“Or maybe she just isn’t interested in you,” Flo said.

“Oh come on. I’m the hero. What sexy girl isn’t interested in me?”


“Those hips are overrated.”

“Pinkie, though she wouldn’t mind sleeping with you.”

“That’s all I really want.”


“That stuck up cunt? No complaints.”


“Married, so she doesn’t count.”

“It’s hard to come up with examples if you keep shooting them all down. What about the mares under your command on the ship?”

“I wouldn’t even if they were interested. Abusing authority and all that.”

“That didn’t bother you before, when you were a knight.”

“It started bothering me as soon as I realized they might look at it like that. But that’s enough about mares.”

“Oh? Would you prefer stallions?”

“Don’t even go there. Though I might pay Big Mac a visit just to tease him. After all the times he’s caught me, surely he’s wondering by now.”

“You’re sadistic.”

“Ain’t I just? Now, I don’t suppose you can help fix this blood loss problem up, can you?”

“I can’t, for two reasons. One, I can’t work with nothing. Once you get that water, I can start helping. Two, you did this to yourself. Despite knowing it was a bad idea, you let this happen.”

“And yet, the only complaint I have is that I don’t remember any of it.”


“Yeah, but you love me anyway.”

She snorted right as a heavy waterskin hit me on the chest, dropped by a descending bat pony. “Drink up, Navarone,” Blossom said, landing next to me.

“Speaking of that, how are you feeling?” I asked as I pulled the stopper off the flask.

“Unpleasantly full,” she answered. “Your blood is really thick. I drank way too much of it.”

“Hope you enjoyed it,” I said. “I put a lot of work into making it.”

“Very funny,” she dryly replied, though she didn’t sound very amused. “Now drink up. I want to get you to your room so I can go back to my duty.”

“Sure you don’t just want to get me on a bed? Grass is nice, but—”

“Please stop,” she sighed, facehooving. “You already know this isn’t going to happen again, not unless I really lose control. Why keep trying?”

“Because your reactions are funny.” I set the now-empty waterskin down and carefully sat up.

“I’ll have to remember that and stop reacting,” she said, shaking her head. “Are you ready to head back?”

“I need to get dressed first,” I said as I reached for my greaves. “Unless you want me to go back completely naked and leaking blood.”

“...How did you wear pants without any problems?”

“I put some pads in them so blood doesn’t leak out. It’s nasty, but it’s better than being stuck in a bathtub for a week out of every month.”

“I can’t believe human bodies do that. Why? Do other humans find it attractive?”

“Hell no. Most guys find it hella nasty, me included. I can explain it on the way, if you want, but it’s kinda nasty.”

“I think I’d be happier not knowing.”


I had all my lower armor on, so she tossed me the cuirass from where it had been knocked aside. “All of your armor is so much more complicated than ours.”

“And a lot more protective. My arms and legs are actually guarded. That’s probably why it’s more complicated.”

“Our armor is supposed to be the best, but I wouldn’t be surprised if yours is stronger. And it felt lighter, too.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. This stuff is made from dragon scales. I haven’t had to test it out yet, though. I hope I never have to, but I know better.”

“You should come spar with us some day. My troops could use the practice against bipeds and you could probably use the practice in general. Maybe it’ll distract you from all that blood.”

“Or I might distract the guards. I’m apparently putting off some pheromones that get noticeable the more time I spend in one place. If a stallion came by, he might try something.”

“It’s not like you wouldn’t enjoy it. You ready to go now or what?”

“Hey, I’m not a complete slut. I like sex, but I wouldn’t put out at the drop of a hat. Especially not when I’m like this. But yeah, I’m ready. Hopefully I can stand.”

She snorted as I carefully got to my feet. “I wish I had the skills to knock someone on their back after sex before I got turned. Rising through the ranks might have been easier.”

“...That’s not really a thing here, is it?” I asked.

“That depends entirely upon who you ask. Can you walk?”

I took a few shuddering steps and then nodded. “Yeah. I could probably make it back by myself, but if someone waylaid me, I might be in trouble.”

“I doubt anyone wants to attack you, but I’ll walk you to your room, just in case. We all remember last year’s party, after all.”

“Awesome. And this way we can use each other as an excuse. You, for skipping work. Me, for skipping boring conversations. Everybody wins.”

“At least I’m not the only one that shares a dim view of the worth of nobles and their words.”

“There are a few here that are alright, but not many. And when you grow up in a world that doesn’t have them, it’s easy to see why they’re useless and annoying. I figure that view would be harder to sustain if you grew up here.”

“It is. I didn’t start realizing it until I had to protect them often. Entitled pigs. Most of the stallions tried flirting with me.”

“...So did I.”

“You flirt with everyone, and you were about equal in terms of rank. You also didn’t expect me to reciprocate because of your rank. I nearly had to tear Blueblood a new breathing hole when he wouldn’t leave me alone, once.”

“You should have. It would have saved me some trouble.”

“I’d prefer not to lose my position, thank you. It’s a shame my guards weren’t on duty at the front door last year. He would have had a harder time getting to you, given he had an arrest warrant on him.”

“For being a prick?”

“For abandoning his duties. It probably would have been a light sentence, but it would have given us time to learn he meant you harm.”

“Shame. But I’m still alive, so I guess it’s not too bad.”

“Even if you were bedridden for a month. Also, you’re walking very slow.”

“I happen to be missing a lot of blood. The only way to really speed it up to would for me to ride you, and I don’t think that’s gonna happen.”

“...Is your window unlocked?”

“Are you really in that much of a hurry to get rid of me?”

“I’m in that much of a hurry to get you to a bed. If this is as fast as you can walk, you need to be resting.”

“...So you want me to mount you?”

“Don’t make me kick you.”

“Hey, you’re the one saying you want me to ride you!”

“I’m gonna kick you if you keep up.”

“Fine, fine. You’re no fun sometimes.”

She rolled her eyes and kneeled. “Just get on. And watch the wings.”

“You’re lucky I’m so short,” I said as I carefully sat on her back.

“Short compared to who? You’re taller than all the ponies I’ve ever seen, aside from Celestia.”

“Short compared to most other humans. Good thing I’m wearing armor. This would be a lot more uncomfortable otherwise…”

“Stop complaining,” she said, spreading her wings. “And we’re never going to mention this again.”

“Why do so many ponies dislike the idea of being ridden? Hell, Celestia loves it.”

“I do not need to hear about your illicit relations with the princess.”

“I don’t mean sex, though she likes that too. I meant actually riding her, like this. She loves that shit.”

“I don’t need or want to hear about that, either. It’s demeaning and I don’t like it. Now where’s your room?”

I shrugged and started directing her to it. With as many times as I ended up flying there, I made sure to keep the window either unlocked or open every time I left. Since she was very obviously not interested in talking or me being on her, I decided to hold my tongue once she got headed in the right direction. Soon enough, we were both in my room.

“Thanks for the ride,” I sighed, practically falling into the bed.

“Given it’s my fault you’re like this, it’s only fair I help. Expect a blinding headache tomorrow. I’ll have someone come by with food and more water. That’ll help abate it.”

“Works for me. Sorry about—”

“You paint?” she suddenly asked, seeing some of the art supplies I still had lying around.

“Sort of. It’s more that I copy pictures from my world. I’ve been working on books for a few years now. You remember the Art of War?”

“I do. And The Prince. I knew you wrote, but I didn’t know you painted. Have you completed anything?”

“Yeah. Donated it to the museum here in town. One of my friends volunteered to sell them for me today, so I might start getting money for them instead.”

“...Don’t you already have enough money? Why not keep donating them?”

“Do you know what a charity is?”

“A kindness done by one person to another.”

I slowly nodded. “In my world, we have organizations called charities that donate money and services to those in need. They could be hurt, homeless, suffering from any kind of catastrophe, or anything like that. The charity collects money and doles it out to those that need it. I was thinking about founding one here, if I could get the money together for it.”

“That is… a nice thought, but shouldn’t the communities take care of their own?”

“They should, but that isn’t always possible. Look at my crew. Each of them was horribly displaced from their community. If I hadn’t helped them keep their boat, they would have had to provide for themselves and their children while dealing with the trauma of being slaves for so long. They’d have nothing and have to start from nothing. Instead, with some charity, they managed to get an airship and start a business.”

“Isn’t that a rare case, though?”

“Rare or not, isn’t it the responsibility of those that have to give to those that don’t?”

“...Maybe. Good luck convincing those nobles. I have to get back to my duty.”

She started walking to the window again, but I hastily said, “Why were you asking about painting, anyway?”

“You just don’t strike me as an artist,” she said with a shrug. “I’ll be sure to send someone by with food. Hopefully it’ll be someone you won’t flirt with.”

“Make it a beautiful mare. No way I’d ever flirt with one of those.” She just rolled her eyes and jumped out the window. “So what kind of painting do you think she’d like?” I asked Flo as I started removing armor.

“I think she might be fairly upset if you gave her a painting.”

“Yeah, but you know she wanted one. It was kinda obvious. After how pissed she was after… that, I suppose it’s the least we can do.”

“That was your fault, not mine.”

“Hey, you let me do it. I don’t see what’s so wrong about a quick painting. You know she has a cute smile.”

“And you know she doesn’t want to sleep with you.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t do something nice. She has very few friends and I don’t think any of them know about her condition.”

“Ugh, fine. But I get to pick what I paint.”

“Alright. You know chicks better than I do. Just nothing that might piss her off, please.”

“Of course. She already almost killed you once. No reason to let it happen again. Either way, it’ll have to wait until after you get better. Once you eat, I’ll probably put your body to sleep so it can heal.”

“Works for me.”

Before I could annoy her even more, Cadance appeared in the middle of my room with a loud pop. A large pitcher of water and some plates full of food appeared with her, held up by her blue aura. “A guard asked me to stop by,” she said with a bright grin. “She said you were feeling under the weather.”

“Yeah, it was kinda sudden. I don’t know why she’d ask you to do it, though.”

Her smile deepened. “She said you wanted a beautiful mare you wouldn’t flirt with.”

“Well, she got half of them right,” I said with a shrug.

“Do you want this water in you or on you?”

“In, preferably. If you want to throw it on me, let me get a t-shirt first.”

“Just for that, I’m going to feed you.”

“Ugh. What is it with women and punishing me by feeding me?”

She used magic to gently push me back on the bed and walk over. “You’re just so fun to tease,” she said before bringing some food down for me. “Now open wide for the train!”

What did I ever do to deserve this?

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