Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.


185. Chapter One Hundred and Fifty Part 1

The next morning found me in my room with a bag of ice pressed against my backside. Apparently there are some aches magic can’t heal, which made me seriously reconsider some of what I had planned to let Twilight do to me. The door was closed and I could only count the moments until someone decided to just open it without knocking.

It would be better if Flo was currently on speaking terms with me, but apparently she was still a little upset about the whole murder thing, for whatever fucking reason. You’d think an aeons old being would be over temper tantrums, but the fact that she just hit me for that proves otherwise.

Sure enough, the third person that knocked waited about fifteen seconds before trying the door handle. It didn’t work, so it lit up with a telltale aura of magic and clicked open. I wasn’t facing the door, so I had no idea who it was until Watcher cleared his throat and stepped in, then closed the door behind him.

“So I’m sure you’re wondering why I decided to come in,” he said.

“Because you’re my vassal and it’s your job to make sure I’m safe, so you have no compunctions about violating my privacy if you have reason to believe I might be in danger?”

“Yes, actually.” He stepped in closer to get a better look at my… problem area. “Was Twilight a little rough last night?”

“We invited a third party who decided not to be gentle. It wasn’t bad at the time, but…”

“But you’re finding rough anal isn’t always the best the morning after.”

“Bingo. Though it also wasn’t all that great during, no offense to the third party.”

“Not all mares… or females can get into it. It’s much better for stallions.” Despite the pain, I slowly turned my head to look at him. “...From what I’ve been told.”

“That’s a mental image I didn’t need,” I sighed, turning back to face the wall. “Is there something you needed, or did you just want to make sure I was alright?”

“We’re on the way to mainland Equestria now. Gourd and Silver Quill planned a trade route that should net a profit. It’ll take a little while longer to get to Canterlot, but Flo said we have time to spare. Spike got a letter from the princess about an hour ago and knocked on your door, but didn’t get a response.”

“Yeah, walking hurts and I didn’t feel like waking Doppel up, so I just ignored him until he stopped knocking.”

“Well, I’m not going to be your maid for the day, but I did happen to bring the letter.” His horn lit up and it appeared next to him. He floated it over.

“Does it count as bringing it with you if you had to use magic to make it appear?” I asked. That made him roll his eyes, so I took the letter and popped it open.

‘My dearest Navarone, today I learned that sometimes, listening to the advice of your friends is the best thing you can do. One person can never have all the answers, so it’s always good to listen to whatever wisdom your friends can provide. You never know what kind of situations you can prevent or improve by learning from others! Love, your student, Celestia.’

“Write a letter telling her to go fuck herself,” I said, tossing the thing aside.

“As much as I’ve always wanted to tell the princess to do something physically impossible to herself, I think I’ll pass,” he replied. Then he used magic to float the letter over to himself and read it. “On second thought, I think I’ll go find Spike.”

“Tch. Tell him to come here and bring paper and something to write with. I’ll just send her an actual response. And include a postscript telling her to go fuck herself.”

“You’re truly an exemplary example for us all, Lady Navarone.”

“Eat a dick.”

“I’m going to choose to take that order figuratively instead of literally.” He quickly left before I could decide whether or not I should specify what I meant. Thankfully, he pulled the door closed so no one could just look in and see me wearing nothing but an ice pack against my ass.

About a minute later, Spike timidly opened the door. His breath caught when he saw me, but that didn’t stop him from coming all the way in and then closing the door behind him. “Watcher said you were… aching,” he said.

“I bet he didn’t specify where,” I sarcastically replied.

“He didn’t.” He moved closer and poked one of my cheeks, making me hiss. “Wow. Was Twilight a little rough last night?”

“Dude, she’s like your m… sister, apparently.”

Like my sister. Not actually my sister. I don’t get weirded out by the thought of you two doing things.”

“Well, whatever. It wasn’t Twilight, not that it matters.”

“Oh.” He poked me again. “Was it Watcher?”

“I’m not into old people, Spike.”

Another poke. “Gourd?”

“No, but he’s my vassal now and I have considered it…”

One more poke, this one closer to the problem area. “Doppel?”

“Spike, I swear to god, if you keep fucking poking me, I’m going to go get a strap-on from Pinkie and show you what it’s like!”

He fell silent. After a few seconds, I looked back and saw that his ear things were twitching like crazy. His talon had been inching toward me again, but it froze in place when I said that. My eyes met his and I lifted an eyebrow. He slowly pulled his claws back.

“Uh huh.”

That made his ear spines fall. “Watcher said you uh… needed my help.”

“I need you to write and send a letter to a fat-bottomed mare for me.”

“What should I say to Mrs. Cup Cake?” he asked, holding up some parchment.

“Spike, don’t be a piece of shit. I’m too butthurt for that today.”

“Hah, I get it.” My gaze beat into him. “B-because… butthurt? And… piece of…” He cleared his throat and readied the pen and parchment. “What should I tell the princess?”

“You better use my exact words for this, Spike.”

“Of course!”

“Dear Sunass, first of all, go fuck yourself.” I paused to let him get all that down. “Second, we accomplished our task of freeing the first fire. In doing so, we met yet another previously unknown native race. This time, it was a lizard-like carnivorous race that call themselves kobolds. Since you’re super racist, I didn’t figure you would be interested in uplifting a race of carnivores, so we’re already on the way home.”

Once Spike got to that point, he looked up, a somewhat concerned expression on his face. “Are you sure you should be sending this to Princess Celestia?”

“Tch, no. She’s gonna be pissed. But that’s all part of the fun.”

“She… she knows my claw-writing, Nav.”

“Yeah, and she also knows you wouldn’t say any of this to her yourself, so don’t worry about it. Now, let’s continue.” He sighed and lowered his pen back to the parchment. “As it turns out, one of the water elementals happened to know the fire elemental, and is apparently insanely in love with him. Because she’s a completely normal woman, she decided the best way to show this love was to kidnap him and hope Stockholm Syndrome kicked in. It didn’t, so now we can’t really leave them together. The fire elemental and the air elemental need a place to stay for a little while, away from the insane water. You mind if they spend some time in Canterlot? I promise to tickle your ears just right if you let them.”

Spike cleared his throat at that part and looked up again. “Twilight is like my sister, Nav. Celestia is like my mom.”

“Well, you’re okay with me fucking someone that’s like your sister. I didn’t figure you’d much mind me fucking someone like your mom.” He snorted out some steam. “Ugh, fine. Take out the part about me tickling her ears.” His eyes stared me down for another few seconds before he bent back down to write. “We should be back in a few weeks, so you’ll have time to decide and fireproof a part of the palace. He’s promised to behave, if it’s worth anything.”

“I’m not sure if that’s worth anything at all,” Spike muttered.

“If you want, you can teleport in and talk to them personally. Just let me know beforehand so I can make sure to be in as compromising a position as possible.” Spike sighed again. “Lustfully yours, Nav.” He face-clawed. “PS: Seriously though, go fuck yourself.”

He finished with a flourish and thrust the letter at me. I took a second to read it over before passing it back. It went on its way with a flash. “You have problems, Nav.”

“That was just punishment for poking my ass.” He crossed his arms. “Mostly.” That made him roll his eyes. “I don’t need your judgment.”

“Fine. Whatever. So why are you in here with an ice pack? Can’t Twilight just heal you?”

“Apparently there are some things magic can’t heal. And Flo is upset because she likes being difficult and using immature methods of punishment instead of airing her differences in a way that’s actually productive.”

“...Silent treatment?”

“Silent treatment.”

He sighed and shook his head, then took a step closer and very gently put a claw on my back. “Ease down, Nav.” I did so, letting him carefully press me fully against the bed. Once I was all the way down, he pulled his claws away and breathed fire onto them to heat them up. “I’ll try to be as gentle as I can.”

“Thank you, Spike,” I sighed as he began kneading my back with his warm claws.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I actually really like massaging you,” he said. It felt too good to talk, so I left him try to explain how there was a right way to take that. “I tried it with Doppel once and her body was too hard and unpliable. Gilda won’t even let me try. Pinkie was too giggly and I couldn’t be gentle enough for Fluttershy. I refused to try it on Rarity and none of the others were interested. You’re tough enough that I can’t accidentally hurt you, but your body is soft enough that I can actually do some good.”

Which he was most certainly doing. Stress has interesting ways of destroying the human body and there’s only so much you can do to unfuck it once it’s been ravaged. His claws were doing a pretty good job of it, though.

“You should make another bet with Gilda,” I quietly said.

He didn’t reply at first. It seemed he had to fully concentrate on a knot in one of my shoulders. After he smoothed it out, he said, “Maybe I will. After what… what happened to her, I bet she needs it.”

“Just be wary, now. She has a fire elemental in her. There’s no telling what that might do to her mentality. If she starts acting strange, let me know.”

“You don’t think he’d hurt her, do you?”

“I doubt it. Just… watch her.”

He fell silent until he got to my wings. One of his talons traced up the demon wing and he asked, “How does this one feel?”

“It doesn’t have the same nerve clusters as the feathery one, so it doesn’t feel nearly as good.”

“Huh. I wonder why. Do you want me to…?”

“Not this time. I’m not in the mood.”

“You got it.” He bypassed the wings and moved to my lower back.

As he worked, my mind wandered. And as it wandered, it kept going back to him. Spike was… is my friend. There were times it felt like I… took that for granted, so to say. And worse, times when I didn’t really consider what he wanted or thought.

“Are you happy, Spike?” I asked.

“Yeah. Like I said, I enjoy massaging you.”

“In general. Are you happy here on this ship? It’s very different from your old life.”

“It’s not always different. I mean, Twilight’s still here. And the princess still writes. I feel like I’m doing good here, too. Like I’m really helping you. Everything Twilight had me do was something she could have just done with magic. But you actually need me, not just anyone.”

“Not everything I’ve done was good, Spike.” His claws paused for a moment. “Not everything I’ve done was right.” He continued, slower. “What I did yesterday was wrong, Spike. It was murder. Did you realize that?”

“I did,” he quietly replied.

“I should not have killed that mage. I should not have killed that person.”

His talons slowly pulled away from my back. “Do you regret it?”

“I am not a good person, Spike. I’m not a saint, I’m not always right. I am human. Killing that man was wrong.” One of his claws pressed against my thigh. “But I would kill him again in a heartbeat.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because everyone has choices to make in life, Spike. That man hurt someone loyal to me, so I killed him. I would have done it for any person on this crew. But that doesn’t change what it was, and it was murder. He was defenseless. He was begging for his life. And I killed him anyway. And I don’t regret it one little bit. You have every right to make a choice because of what I did. Law, or righteousness. Revenge, or forgiveness. The pony code, or the dragon code.”

The talons on my thigh moved lower, to one of my feet, and he started rubbing that. “You told me back in Africa that I should… balance the pony lifestyle with my inner dragon nature. That there were bonuses to both.”

“I did. If you want to go back to serving Twilight instead of me—”

“There aren’t.”

I did not have a reply to that. He breathed flame onto his claws again before continuing with my other foot. Once it was finished, he set it down and knelt down next to the bed. One claw went to my back again, though not to massage it. It was the first time his warm, dry touch ever brought menace instead of comfort. Even his reptilian eyes seemed to take on a darker hue as they gazed down at me.

“Ponies aren’t like us, Nav. Watcher and his soldiers are close, but even they’re different. You and I… understand the world differently. I see that now. We are right. And so are they. I can’t force myself to look at things their way any more than I could force them to look at them our way. I’ve been fighting with that in my mind ever since… Egypt, at least. Maybe longer. But yesterday finally gave me the words to use to explain it, if that makes sense. Predators and prey are different. What you did was not wrong to us. Kat would agree. So would the naga. I know Gilda would. What you did was wrong to the ponies. Zecora disagreed. All the girls would call it wrong. Watcher looked concerned. I think the water elementals are also upset. We’re different, and that’s not bad.”

I do not like where this is going, not one bit. “It may be true that things are split along a racial line, so to say, but there’s one thing wrong with what you said, Spike. I think what I did was wrong. I don’t regret it, but it was still wrong.”

Because apparently being weird and invasive was the today’s thing, he moved his other claw to my face and stuck a talon in my mouth to pull my lips back. “One, two, three, four sharp teeth. Looks like eight tearing teeth. The rest are grinders.” He let my mouth go and shrugged. “I suppose there’s always middle ground, a place for the… meat and plant eaters. Is there a word for that?”


“Oh. Well, that’s one of the reasons I’m happy to follow you, Nav. You have the instincts of a predator but you can see things from the perspective of prey. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re fast, you’re strong, you have your own code, you’re kind when you need to be and merciless when you don’t, you’re charming, you’re… It feels like there’s so much more I could say. But I don’t need to.” He stood again and took his claw off my back. “You said I had a choice to make about what you did. Well, I made my choice a long time ago and I’m sticking to it. If there’s anything you need, just let me know.”

With that, he finally let himself out, closing the door behind him.

I lost track of the amount of time I spent, just thinking and wondering how big of a mistake I made. Or if what happened was the result of one long line of mistakes after another.

Finally, I rolled over onto my side and saw my water elemental next to my bed.

“Flo, what have I done?”

“You have shown Spike the path his nature always yearned. You pulled him away from the path of peace and guided him down the first few steps of the path of the sword.” The hand on my arm grew in size and she absorbed into my skin. I felt her cool water flow through my body until it got to the place that was aching. She soothed the burn and then pulled herself out. “Your irresponsibility, your dark choices, have driven Spike to lose what he was. To become another soldier. That is one of the consequences for your actions.”

“...Can it be undone?”

She pulled the hand away and turned to the side. Her color went a few shades bluer before she said, “The world turns, Navarone. I can no more change who Spike is than stop the world in its tracks. You are the one who changes others, Nav. That is not the place of a water elemental. We try to guide, but we so very often fail.” She turned back to me. “We cannot change those who do not want to change. You said you wanted to change. You said you were trying to change. You acted like you were changing. And yet you murdered that kobold. You murdered him and even now do not regret it.”

I sighed and readjusted my wings so I could lay on my back. “That kobold was evil, Flo. If changing means I can’t make people like him pay for his crimes, why would I want to change? And don’t tell me prison is better, because I think we both know that’s a lie.”

“Did he really pay for his crimes, Nav? Or did he pay for the crimes of Blaze? How sure are you that he wasn’t a host? You didn’t give him a chance to speak or to explain himself, so you don’t know. You may have consigned an innocent to the flames.”

...Was he a host?”

“I don’t know. He is dead, so I cannot ask him. You didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself, Nav. If you had done so, by the time he was finished, Gilda would have climbed out. Celestia could have uplifted their tribe and let them rejoin the world. Now, they hate and fear outsiders and will likely only close themselves off even more.”

“Isn’t that better for you guys?” I asked. “They can return back to your service instead of getting swallowed up in the world.”

She quickly went several shades of red. “We want what is best for them, Navarone. Being locked away alone on an island will only drive them slowly to extinction. Being connected to the world is important. And our time as figures of leadership are over. We have decided that it is our job now to guide, not to lead. We understand now that we were never meant to last this long, and that the world has turned so far beyond us that guiding is all we can do. And it is my goal to guide you to goodness. You are not making it easy.”

“Hey, I already admitted that I shouldn’t have killed that kobold.”

“And yet you did it anyway. And you would do it again. You feel absolutely no regret.”

“Would it matter if I did?”

“It makes all the difference. Regret teaches a lesson. Regret changes the way we behave in the future. What Zecora said yesterday was true, Navarone. Violence begets violence. Your actions have shown Spike what it means to act as a predator. Because of your violent deeds, he will go and commit more. Spike’s violence will, in turn, make Discord stronger, as all violence does. Your role as the leader of this ship should be to inspire peace and unity in the world, not fill it with strife and violence. Law, not righteousness. Forgiveness, not revenge. Pony ways, not draconian ways. There is, perhaps, a time and a place for violence, but only after all peaceful means have been exhausted.”

I finally sat up and held out a hand. She grasped it with one of her own. “Stop me next time, Flo. I am giving you permission to physically stop me the next time I’m about to do something like that. Assuming, of course, you honestly think nonviolence would be the better path and it wouldn’t put me or my crew at risk. Show me the better way.”

“So be it.” Her hand engulfed mine and her body moved down it and then down my arm to encase all of me except for my head.

“...Are you gonna be my clothes today, Flo?”

“That was not my plan, but it will be an interesting change of pace. I had nothing important planned anyway.”

“Cool. Do you promise to keep me decent?”

“Of course. But tantalizingly so.”

“Even better. When someone’s actually looking, make it even more tantalizing. If they watch for longer than a few seconds, you should make it noticeable that you’re watching back.”

“...I love that idea. Why haven’t we done this before?”

“Because until just recently, I hated the idea of having a female body, I guess.”

“Oh yeah. So what’s on the agenda for today?”

We sat there in silence for a few seconds while I thought of anything that needed to be done. There really wasn’t that much, all things told. “I need to talk to Twilight about Kat and I should probably talk to Blaze to make sure he’s doing alright. And checking in on Gilda would be nice.”

“We should start with her.”

“That works for me.” I slowly stood, letting my body get a feeling for how Flo molded around it. She followed me perfectly, so I grabbed the ice pack that was melting into my bed and walked out.

I was not expecting to immediately run into Pinkie and Rarity in the halls, but I’m never allowed to have nice things, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. Pinkie immediately hugged me because that’s just what she does and Rarity looked me up and down. “That’s a very interesting outfit,” Rarity said.

Because I’m nice, I hugged Pinkie back. “And it’s very comfortable,” I replied. “Form-fitting but not tight, it emphasizes my lovely lady lumps, and it can stare at you while you stare at it.”

“And it’s tickly!” Pinkie said. She tried to pull away, but Flo grabbed her and began actually tickling her.

“It seems that elementals have a few upsides after all,” Rarity said with a hint of a grin. “Twilight’s description of having one inside of her was not overly appealing to me, personally.”

“Trust me, they’re extremely appealing when they’re all up inside of you,” I said, grinning. “Just ask Rainbow Dash.”

“I should have known that’s exactly where your filthy mind would go,” she sighed while shaking her head. “Once again, I am not particularly interested in having… relations with a female, elemental or not. And truth be told, I don’t even like the thought of having another female living in my mind. There’s barely enough room in here for all my genius and sensibility, let alone that of another perfectly reasonable mare. I understand how you are comfortable with it, but I struggle to see how Twilight survives.”

“Rarity, you’re getting awfully close to belly rub territory.” Flo finally stopped tickling Pinkie and seemed poised to grab her next victim.

She ‘hmphed’ at me. “The day I call you Lady Navarone is the day decorum dies. I weep for the world, when those with manners as appalling as yours are elevated to the highest rungs of society.”

“You’re just jealous,” I said, reaching over to tousle her hair. She slapped my hand away with a hoof before I could get near her and I sighed. “It’s your own fault, really. I did ask you to marry me once, you know.”

She blushed bright red and Pinkie gasped. “You two were gonna get married?!”

“She was joking!” Rarity hissed, glaring at me.

“I thought I sounded very serious, actually,” I said with a smirk. “You just never loved me like Pinkie does, so you couldn’t see the offer for what it was.”

“Well you’re not gonna marry Pinkie now,” Rarity said while slamming a foot on the floor. “Canterlot can find a way to survive you as a noble, but you and Pinkie both would tear it apart.”

I sighed, placed the ice bag inside a pocket that Flo made for me, and took one of Pinkie’s hooves in my hands. “I’m afraid our love is forbidden!”

She sighed dramatically and lifted her other front hoof up to her forehead. “Rarity just doesn’t understand!”

My clothes giggled and said, “I think she’s jealous. She lost her chance with Nav, so now she doesn’t want Pinkie to be happy.”

A sly smile came to Pinkie’s face and she used her spare hoof to drag Rarity slightly closer. “I know how to share, silly! That way, we can all be happy!”

Rarity cleared her throat and jerked her hoof away from Pinkie’s grasp. “Equestria banned polygamous marriages a few hundred years ago, and I’m afraid I am not interested in being a mistress or letting my... wife have a mistress. So I’m afraid I must learn to be content in my loveless life.”

“Or we could set you up with a stallion,” my clothes said.

Rarity’s ears twitched and a small blush reappeared on her face. “I admit that it has been some time since I last dated. In fact, I believe you remember it, Nav.”

Pinkie gasped again, pulling the hoof away from my hand to lift it to her mouth. “You two went on a date?!”

“Sorta, but not really,” I said with a shrug. “It was an accidental double date back when I still had a penis, except she was dating some clingy and immature guy and I was pretending to date Dash.”

“...You made Dashie pretend to be straight?” Pinkie asked, eyes aglow with wonder.

“It was her idea, actually.”

“And they made an adorable couple,” Rarity said. “To the point where I’ve actually considered trying to set you two up now that you’re both female. I think it would be a wonderful mix!”

“I don’t think Dash is looking for romance,” I said. “And I know I’m not, at the moment.”

Your hand is already taken, from what I’ve heard,” Rarity said. “Which is the main reason I have not made the attempt. One does not need to look for romance to find it, after all.”

My clothes giggled and asked, “And how’s that working out for you?”

That made Rarity’s blush much more noticeable and probably also changed it from embarrassment to anger. “I fail to see how that’s any business of yours, missy. I could find a date whenever I want!”

The look that came over Pinkie’s face made me think everyone was about to regret what Rarity just said. “Can we do a bet?!” she squeaked, her voice going so high-pitched from excitement that she was barely intelligible.

“I’m not interested,” I immediately replied.

That made her mane partially deflate, so Rarity sighed and asked, “What’s the bet, Pinkie?”

“It’s less fun without Nav… But it’s a bet to see who can get a date with a stallion the fastest!”

“Doesn’t that take the honesty and earnesty out of it?” Rarity asked.


She rolled her eyes. “What do I get if I win, then?”

“I dunno,” Pinkie said with a shrug.

“And what do you get if you win?” Rarity asked.

“A date with a stallion!”

“...You’re bad at bets,” Rarity slowly said.

“So are we on or what?” Pinkie asked, completely disregarding Rarity’s clear lack of interest.

“Well, I suppose it would be an interesting diversion from an otherwise relatively boring time on the ship. Perhaps toying with stallions will be fun. Very well then, Pinkie.”

Pinkie’s eyes turned predatory and she quickly looked both ways down the hall. A crew mare was mopping down one side, but the other side was clear. She immediately shot down the empty side, toward the staircase leading up.

“You get back here!” Rarity shouted, then jumped to follow her. There’s no part of that I wanted to be involved in, so I continued deeper into the ship. The mare doing her chores stepped out of the way as I passed and I went right to the kitchen. The breakfast rush was over and the place was empty, so I tossed the ice pack into the sink and then went to find my griffin.

She was actually in her room, probably the first time I had ever seen her in there. It was decorated with things from a few of her kills while on the ship and a few baubles she picked up here and there in our travels. Gilda was lying on her bed, staring at the new talon that had grown after she cut off the old one, slowly opening and closing it.

“How you feeling?” I asked. As soon as I spoke, she flinched and her head jerked my way.

“I’m fine. You need something?”

I eased in and closed the door behind me. “You can drop the tough girl act if you want. You just went through some really traumatizing stuff, if you remember much of it. If you’re actually fine or just want to pretend that you are, that’s alright, but I am absolutely okay with never talking about anything you tell me.”

“...I still don’t remember how they got me. But I remember hanging above the heat. And then I remember falling. And then it’s just pain. I woke up back on the ship.”

“And Blaze?”

She lifted the talon that was cut off and it burst into flames. “I think I’ll keep him.” The flame doused and she grinned. “For now. He likes Pinkie way too much, but she can be fun sometimes. I don’t think he likes you.”

“He’ll learn to live with that. Maybe if you ask real nice, I’ll let you punish me in all kinds of fun ways.”

“Nah. You don’t fight back and that takes most of the fun out of it. Once Pinkie realized that’s what she was supposed to do, she became much more fun. Spike’s much better, though.”

Shit, I keep losing fuck buddies. “Alright, whatevs. We probably got a few weeks of light duty, so try to take it easy. Elementals are good, but your anatomy was new to him and there’s no guarantee Blaze got all the bits and pieces in the right area, so to say.”

“Tch. If I take it easy, I’ll never know if everything’s working right. If I don’t push my body as hard as I can, I’ll never know if it’s as good as it’s supposed to be.”

“...That’s a very good point. Just don’t do anything like that when you’re alone, at least not until you know you’re absolutely fine.”

“Sure, I guess. Are you using Rainbow Dash for anything today?”

“Nah. Not using Spike, either.”

“Cool.” She finally hopped off the bed. “You wanna join me and Dashie in the air?”

I spread my wings. “I’m slower now than I was before. This demon wing fucked up my wind resistances.”

“Sucks to be you.” I shook my head and we both left her room. She went looking for the prismatic lesbian while I went to seek the most purple member of my crew. Thankfully, the first place I looked was her room, which is also where I happened to find her.

Her door was closed, but it lit up with a purple aura and opened a few seconds after I knocked. As soon as it opened, she grabbed one of my hands with magic and gently tugged on it, so I entered and beheld her on the bed, an ice pack between her back legs. She was writing more notes about happened last night, from the look of it.

“I don’t know how you’re walking,” she said as the door closed behind me. “Although I also don’t know why you invited a gay stallion to bed with two mares.”

“I didn’t, actually. He asked if he could join us and I figured you wouldn’t mind another subject.”

She softly snorted and moved the notes to her dresser. “So what did you need?”

“I spoke with Kat last night. Apparently she really wants to make me hers.” Twilight’s ears dropped. “I was wondering if you’d like to train her.”

And her ears went right back up. “Absolutely not!”

“Oh. Are you being racist again?”

“Nav, this is the same person that raped you. A lot, apparently. And she wants to make you hers. Let’s skip the whole thing about how your vassal apparently wants to own you and go into what exactly she means by ‘make you hers’. Does she want to marry you? Does she want to make you a sex slave? Does she want to just dominate you wholly? Did you even ask?”

“...I did not.”

Twilight sighed and ran a hoof down her face. “Nav, you need to start thinking about the relationships you have. Like it or not, you can’t be everything everyone wants from you. Someone will always be disappointed. That’s just how life is. And I hate to say it, but your vassal’s desire to own you is fairly far down the list of opportunities you should explore. I believe there are far more appealing options available to you, especially given your history with Kat.”

“Well I mean, what am I supposed to tell her? You can’t just turn your desires off.”

“Every single one of us has desires, Nav. Most of us don’t choose to tell others our deepest, darkest ones. What Kat told you is something that she should have kept to herself until she knew whether or not that is a feeling you reciprocated. It is one thing to have feelings for another. It’s a very different thing to want to make them yours, whatever that even means. She scares me, Nav, and I hope she at least makes you wary. I know you trust her enough to make her a vassal, but after the things she has done, there are many of us that think you made a mistake.”

“What about that time you tricked me into your BDSM dungeon and then pretended to lock me in?”

“I was almost positive you would either be interested or open to the idea. After your history with Kat, she should have known full well how interested you would be in her owning you. As a matter of fact, we skipped this earlier, but let’s go back to it. How does she, as your vassal, really think it would even be appropriate to ask you that? Legally speaking, she’s as close to a slave as it’s possible to be in Equestria. You don’t have to pay her, but you can give her whatever order you want and she’s obligated to follow them. She’s magically connected to you in a few ways. You essentially own her, in fact.”

“...Are you saying I should dominate her instead, then?”

“No! I’m saying you should have nothing to do with her sexually at all! Any relationship that might form would be incredibly unhealthy. It would be like you as a knight with magical oaths trying to have a relationship to Celestia or Luna. They could force you to do whatever you want and you would have no choice but to obey. In comparison, what the two of us have can be stopped at any moment, should either partner want it. Her desires are unhealthy and unsafe. What she wants to do to you is not good for either of you. My advice is to tell her to stop thinking about it and to never ask you that again.”

I sighed and looked around the room for a moment. She hadn’t really cleaned up and the door had been closed for most of the time, so the sex funk was still in the room. One or two toys dotted the floor here and there and it was pretty obvious that something sordid had happened recently. Finally, my eyes found hers again. “Hiding your desires can make you act in weird and unhealthy ways, Twilight. You should know that firsthand.”

“And indulging in weird and unhealthy desires is no better. We are two perfectly consenting adults who do things safely and carefully. Whatever limitation you give, I follow. Tell me honestly, do you think Kat would be safe or careful? Do you think she would follow limitations or restrictions? Or do you think she would want you to do whatever she wanted, regardless of how you felt? Because remember, she wants to own you. That means you follow her commands, regardless of what they are. You are a person, Nav. You have feelings and those feelings matter. You can’t only think of what others want. You always have to consider what you want and how you feel. Kat wants to own you. Do you want her to own you?”

“...Not particularly, no. And I don’t honestly think she’d be all that careful when we’d be in bed. She likes sharing her claws.”

“Somehow, I’m not surprised. Our time together has taught me a lot about sexuality and the differences between true abuse and carefully planned pain. From what little I’ve gleaned, she doesn’t particularly care about the differences. That might have changed, but I’ve found that reverting back to old habits is very easy when no one is helping you avoid it. Letting her ‘own’ you or even dominate you would be giving her the chance to fall back to her old ways. And worse, make you regress or have a traumatic flashback to when she was originally torturing you. You’ve come a long way, Nav. You shouldn’t risk letting anything make you go back.”

“I’ve changed so much that I don’t even recognize myself anymore, Twilight. I don’t know what to think about what I’ve become.”

“It’s been for the better, mostly. You’re usually nicer, you’re more social, you’ve become a leader. You’ve definitely taken a few knocks, but you’re adjusting and I can honestly say I’m happy to see that you’ve come so far. I hope I get to see you continue improving for a long time.”

“Twilight, I’m gonna boop you on the nose.” She grinned widely as I reached over and booped her. After I pulled my finger back, she used magic to float me over and used a hoof to boop me back. “Do you want Flo to unfuck your ass?”

Her eyes went blank for a moment before she blinked. “Wait, what? How can you… huh?”

“Unfuck as in make it stop aching, not unfuck as in… I dunno, actually. Flo, do you mind…?”

“With my sister’s permission,” my clothes said.

Twilight’s eyes went blue and I fell onto the floor, since Twilight had still been holding me with magic. As I stood back up, Aqua said, “Pain is a reminder that choices have consequences. Twilight chose to let that stallion wear you both out. It is only fair that she ride out the ache that comes from his admittedly impressive stamina.”

“Aqua, remember when I told you to stop being a bitch?” I asked. Twilight’s eyes rolled. “This is one of those times where you could not be one. You’re incapable of feeling pain so you can’t really sympathize. All this is doing is making Twilight unnecessarily suffer.”

She sighed and said, “Very well then. Sister, if you support your host’s anti-consequence views, feel free to heal Twilight. But if you believe that actions should have reactions, let her keep her ache as a reminder that not all carnal relations are wise.”

With that, Twilight’s eyes went back to their normal shade and Flo immediately shot a few watery tentacles down to molest her (or heal her, whichever). The poor mare sighed in relief as the ache subsided, then shivered as her horn lit up and pulled the ice pack off. “Thank you, Flo. I don’t know why Aqua couldn’t just do that. I guess it just requires a full elemental.”

Or your elemental just happens to be a bitch. “I am pleased to assist, Twilight,” my clothes replied. “It should be the goal of all water elementals to reduce the amount of suffering in the world.” Oh, burn!

“Aqua also never acted like clothes for me,” Twilight said, hopping off the bed and poking me in the belly. “Is that comfortable?”

“Yes, actually,” I said. “It’s like a cool hug that you feel across your entire body all the time. I bet it would be great in the heat.”

She shivered in delight. “Ooh, I bet it would be amazing when I’m in heat…”

“That’s not what I meant, but I’m not surprised that your slutty pony mind went straight there. I doubt Aqua loves you enough to help sate your urges, but water elementals can do some very interesting things with their bodies to make you feel very good.”

“She said she doesn’t sate them because she loves me.”

“Then your elemental is sadistic and defective. I think we should make her wear lingerie until she learns her lesson.”

“She disagrees. She also implied that the only reason you’re wearing Flo like that is so you can tease stallions by having her show off as much of your body as possible without letting them see too much.”

“She’s welcome to her own opinions, even if they’re wrong.”

Her head tilted for a moment and then she grinned. “She wants me to turn you into a pony and make Spike rub your belly.”

“I’m glad we already decided not to listen to her, then. That sounds like a terrible and unfun idea.” Twilight’s horn lit up and I found myself ponified. Flo decided she had somewhere else to be and slid out the door.

“Let’s go find our favorite dragon,” Twilight said with a creepy grin.

“Can we not and say we didn’t?” I asked. Her horn lit up again and I got picked up by magic. “What if I promise to rub your belly extra soft?”

“I think it’s only fair to return the favor, silly. You’ve given me so many so selflessly and yet you don’t even know how nice they are!”

“I do, actually. Celestia did it to me once.”

“Oh. Well that changes everything!”


“Psh, no.” She opened the door and started trotting out, dragging me along behind her.

“Does it have to be Spike, at least?”

“Yes. He mentioned once how much you like his massages, so I think he’s perfect for the job!” She carried me down to Spike’s room. His door was open and he was speaking to two of the soldiers. “Spike, I need your help with something,” she said, stopping in the doorway and leaving me where I wouldn’t be visible.

“What do you need?” he asked.

“I need you to rub a belly for me.”

That caused a short pause. He eventually replied, “Okay, I guess.”

Twilight smiled and nodded once, then stepped the rest of the way in and floated me to the bed, so I was lying on my back. “There we are. Rub her belly, please.”

“Should we go?” one of the soldiers asked.

“I think we should go,” the other guy said. Twilight’s horn lit up brighter and the door closed, trapping us all in. “On second thought, maybe we should stay and watch.”

“So who is this mare?” Spike asked. “And why am I rubbing her belly?”

“That’s Nav. Aqua thinks she should be rewarded for all the nice tummy rubs she gives me.”

“And I told her that Aqua is crazy,” I replied. One of Spike’s claws slowly started moving toward my belly. “...What are you doing, Spike?” It stopped right on top of my warm, fuzzy stomach. His eyes met mine. “Who are you going to trust? Me, or a crazy elemental? Come on, Spike.”

A feral grin split his face and his claw connected. I sighed in disgust before the feelings of pleasure overtook me. After all my time as a female, I learned how to just lie back and let pleasure overwhelm me with little to no resistance, so I didn’t bother fighting back against Twilight’s magic or Spike’s warm claw. I let him ravage my poor belly in front of all of them, whimpering in delight and moaning like the little slut I am.

It felt dirty and humiliating, yet oh-so good. I had a feeling that it gave Twilight all kinds of naughty ideas and as I thought about what she might do in the future, I felt myself becoming very unfortunately aroused.

Once Spike realized that, he stopped. “Um. I haven’t given that many belly rubs, but… Uh, is that supposed to happen?” The way I had been placed on the bed, it was pretty obvious that I was most definitely enjoying my treatment.

“...I got next go,” one of the guards said.

“Buck that. He has two claws; he can rub both our bellies!” the other one said.

“B-but you’re stallions!” Spike hastily replied.

“So? Don’t be sexist. You didn’t seem to mind cuddling back in Antarctica!”

Twilight lifted me off the bed and floated me closer to the door. Both guards immediately hopped up onto the bed and presented their tummies.

“Just close your eyes and pretend,” the other guard said.


“Don’t be discriminatory, Spike,” Twilight said.

“We don’t have all day!” one of the stallions on the bed said.

“Wouldn’t you do anything for your brothers in hooves?” the other asked.

“We aren’t asking for much.”

“We just want to relax. Looks like it did wonders for our lady.”

“Stop fighting it, silly.”

“Just rub our tummies! We won’t make it weird, promise.”

Spike bit his lower lip for a moment before sighing and hanging his head. “Ugh, fine.” The guards grinned and hoof-bumped each other. Twilight nodded and finally opened the door so she could drag me back to her room.

Her room isn’t too far from Spike’s, so she quickly had me on her bed. “You enjoyed that a lot more than I thought you would,” she casually said, looking me over. “In fact, I’d say you enjoyed it more than you should have.”

“You have only yourself to blame,” I replied, making no attempt to cover myself.

“True. Do you know if we’re going to be near a stallion-majority city on the way back to Canterlot?”

“I have no clue.”

She rubbed her chin with a hoof for a moment before shrugging and turning me back. “I’ll ask Gourd. I believe it might be time for some field experience for our books. That is, if you’re still willing.”

“I am, as long as we’re very clear beforehand about what my limits are. Now, I don’t suppose you’d be willing to finish what you started?”

“Nope.” Her horn lit up brighter and I suddenly found myself on my own bed. Flo immediately slid in through the window and enveloped my body once again.

“I don’t suppose you’d be willing to finish what Twilight started?” I hopefully asked.

“Nope.” I sighed. “I prefer leaving you as a desperate, sopping wet mess. I think it’s funny and cute.”

“Then it’s a good thing I have toys that don’t hate me as much as you do.” I hopped off the bed and grabbed one from its hiding spot. As soon as I tried applying it, I realized Flo was still covering me. Just as I had that thought, I realized the toy wasn’t doing its job. I looked down and found water covering me and refusing to budge. “Why.”

“Because Twilight’s your dom, silly. If she gives you permission to have release, you may. Otherwise, I think you can manage without.”

“You monster!”

“Just think of it as facilitating the relationship you’ve chosen with Twiley. Maybe I should speak to her about orgasm denial. I know that Moonbeam seems to love it.”

“Don’t you dare.” She giggled darkly and I had a feeling that the next time I did something to upset her, I would very dearly regret it. “Besides, I haven’t chosen any kind of relationship with Twilight. What we have happens solely in the bedroom. We have relations. We do not have a relationship.”

“Call it what you like. I think it’s amusing. Not quite as amusing as accidentally dating the same stallion twice, but still very amusing.”

I sighed dramatically and hid the toy again. “Of all the things you choose to protect me from, why a sex toy? Do you know how many times I’ve been stabbed?”

“Better late than never. Now, shall we continue with your itinerary?”

Being a human in an elemental’s world fucking sucks. That just made her giggle again, of course.

I needed to talk to Kat, but I didn’t really want to anymore. That left talking to Blaze, so I finally left my room again and began walking up to the deck. Since life occasionally decides to be fair, I made it out with no interruptions. My eyes took in the sights fairly quickly. Taya was talking to the female guard unicorn that wasn’t Sentinel, Ames was getting his shit kicked in by Blaze in a practice bout, one of the crew unicorns was using Spider as a mobile thread dispenser to repair some damaged rigging, Pinkie was hugging a very disturbed looking male crew unicorn, Rarity was talking to a very nervous looking male guard, Silver Quill and Fluttershy were playing with a few birds, Zecora was standing at the tip of the ship and just watching the horizon, and a water elemental was talking to no one. After taking a moment to look closer at the water elemental, I realized she was probably actually talking to Aerie.

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