Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.


121. Chapter Ninety-Nine—Take a look, it’s in a book... Part 1

You know, there are so many more ways I would have rather spent the day than getting sucked through a hellish vortex leading into a bookish sub-dimension. Fucking Kumani, messing around on the computer, practicing with my sword, teasing Fluttershy with my body… So many better things.

Instead, I was stuck with Twilight.

“W-where are we?” she breathed, slowly looking around the enclosed area. I did the same, finding mounds and mounds of large tomes all around us, some stacked high and others low. “And how could anypony do this to so many books!?” she gasped, horrified.

“Is that really your concern right now?” I asked, looking past the books and seeing more things. Where there weren’t bookcases, the walls were completely devoid of color, a scary featureless black that seemed to absorb the ambient light of the area. The lack of a roof gave us a clear view of the swirling vortex of red and green that comprised the sky. Looking at that made my head start aching, so I pulled my eyes away quickly.

“But look at them!” she said, pointing a hoof at one of the piles. “That’s terrible for them!”

Before I could slap her in the back of the head, I felt a wind picking up around us. “New patrons…” a voice whispered, carried by the wind. I fell into a combat stance quickly, flipping the knife in my grasp and looking all around for the source. “New seekers of knowledge,” it continued. “Will you find what it is you seek, or shall you end up as one of the guardians, always looking but never finding?”

“Where’s the exit?” I called, not seeing anything that might be talking.

“You will find all that you seek at the end of the road,” the voice quietly answered. “But the pursuit of knowledge isn’t always safe. Be wary.” Just like that, the wind stopped and the voice shut up.

“What… what was that?” Twilight asked, spooked.

“Something very unpleasant, probably,” I said, standing back upright.

“What did he mean by end of the road?” she asked.

“I don’t know. If I had to guess, we’re supposed to go through the archway there.” There was only a single way out of the room, unless I felt like flying over the walls.

“Then let’s go,” she said with a nod. “I’m sure we can find somepony that can tell us what’s going on!”

“If what he said is true, I don’t think there are going to be many friendly people here,” I said. “We can try talking to the first… whatever we see, but I want you to be ready to blow it up. Alright?”

“Ugh. Why is it always violence with you?”

“I go with what works,” I answered, gently tossing the dagger up and down. “I’m willing to try diplomacy. But I’m not about to get torn apart by whatever the fuck lives here because you felt too queasy to blow it to shreds on the off chance it proves hostile.”

She sighed and nodded. “Alright, Nav. I… I don’t like it, but I trust you. But if there are too many, I’ll need help.”

“I got you covered,” I said, tossing the knife again. “I’m not a good tank, but I have a rogue’s legacy.”


“It means we’ll be fine,” I answered. “But if there’s a fight and you lose sight of me, don’t panic.”

“Uh… Okay. Are you ready?”

“Sure.” I led the way to the archway, wanting to get a good look at the new hell in which we found ourselves. Right before we crossed under it, I saw the only decoration in the room: A small pocket watch inlaid into the wall above the exit. Outside our small room was a world all unto its own, completely changing from the dusty chamber we left behind.

Gone were the books and the must, the horrid sky and the darkness. The world we stepped into—or rather, appeared suddenly in—was unlike anything I had seen since.


I was suddenly standing at the head of a long table set up in the middle of a forest clearing. On the table were various food items, multiple tea things, and all manner of plates. And I could feel some extra pressure on my head, something that wasn’t there before. When I felt up there, I found exactly what I was expecting: A very large tophat.

Oh my God, I’m the Mad Hatter. Does that make Twilight…? Sure enough, a confused Twilight wearing a large, old-style white and blue dress, wandered into the clearing. Her eyes lit up when she saw me.

But before either of us could say anything, a squeaky voice yelled, “No room!” I looked toward it to see a large rabbit sitting at the table, propped up on a mound of cushions on a chair. Between us was a mouse of some kind, snoring daintily.

“Play along,” Flo whispered.

Oh thank God, you’re still there. “No room!” I shouted back, putting some anger in my voice. Twilight looked even more surprised. Before she could ruin anything, I stealthily pointed at the chair across from me, staring dead at it. “There’s no room at this table!”

“But… there’s plenty of room!” Twilight indignantly said, walking up to the chair and uncomfortably sitting on it. Thank God, she might play along. Now let’s just see if I can remember enough of my lines.

“Would you like some punch?” the large rabbit asked.

Twilight looked around the table, blinking and still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. “I uh… I don’t see any?”

“There isn’t any punch,” the rabbit dully replied.

“It wasn’t very nice to offer any, then!” Twilight answered.

“And it wasn’t very nice for you to sit here uninvited, either!” the rabbit said.

“But… there are so many empty seats!”

“You need to cut your hair,” I said, still staring at Twilight.

“W-what? But I like my hair like this!” The rabbit suddenly looked even more annoyed and the mouse kicked in its sleep, stirring slightly. My eyes narrowed and I mouthed the right word to her. It took her a second, but she eventually said, “That’s… uh, that’s… rude?”

I blinked in mock surprise. “Oh, is it now? Hm…” After pretending to consider that, I asked, “Why is a raven like a writing desk?”

“Oh, that’s easy!” she happily said, finding a problem she could think about.

“Do you mean that you can find an answer for it?” the rabbit asked.

“Of course!” she replied.

“Then you should say what you mean,” the rabbit went on.

“But… I did! Er…” She looked to me for assistance.

Shit, even was lost at that point. Lewis Carroll makes some really strange stuff. Thankfully, Flo was there to the rescue. She fed me my lines as I said them aloud: “Not the same thing at all!” I said, putting some fire to my words. “You may as well say that ‘I see what I eat’ is the same as ‘I eat what I see’!”

Then the rabbit jumped in. “You might as well say ‘I like what I get’ is the same as ‘I get what I like’!”

And then the little mouse woke up, sleepily adding, “‘I breathe when I sleep’ is the same as ‘I sleep when I breathe’...”

“It is the same with you,” I muttered, glaring at the little mouse as it curled on its cushions. Thankfully, Twilight had no idea what the fuck to say to that, so she didn’t say a word. She did, however, look confused as all fuck. Which was understandable, but at least she was playing along. But since Flo was whispering again, I pulled an exaggeratedly large watch out of my pocket and fiddled with it. “What day of the month is it?” I asked aloud.

“Uh… The seventee—” She saw my dark glare and then looked down to my hand, where I had four fingers held up. The rabbit and the mouse were both staring at her with soulless eyes, ready to do… something. “The… fourth?” she slowly said, still unsure.

“Ugh, two days wrong,” I sighed, turning to the rabbit. “I told you butter wouldn’t do it!”

“It was the best butter,” the rabbit grumbled, rolling its beady eyes.

“Yes, but some crumbs must have gotten in there,” I said. “You must have—”

“What in Celestia’s name is going on?!” Twilight finally shouted.

The rabbit and the mouse both jerked, starting at her. She gulped as two of the animals slowly stood and began changing. My knife carved through the skull of the mouse before it could turn into anything, but the rabbit turned too quickly for me to recover. The freakish monster that stood before us was a large furry beast, what looked like a bear mixed with a leopard, with a spotted grey coat, massive claws on each of its four legs, and a horrifying set of teeth.

“Beware the bandersnatch,” the voice whispered on the winds.

As soon as it regained coherence and turned to us, I shot up out of the table and grabbed the edge of it, throwing the thing up onto the monster. Twilight was having a minor freakout moment, backing away from the awful beast, her eyes widening.

Since I appeared to be the immediate threat, the thing pounced at me. As close as it was, the only thing I could even try to do was dodge, which I just barely managed. It slammed into the large-backed chair I had been on, crashing through it like it was your mother’s loose vagina.

“Stop panicking and help me!” I shouted, using my wings to propel me up and onto the monster’s back and then slamming my knife into it, trying to kill the damn thing as it thrashed around and tried to dislodge me.

“What is that thing?!” Twilight shouted back, not doing shit.

It finally got me off its back by rearing up, the same trick Celestia pulled on me once. Thankfully, I jumped off before it could land on me, leaving it mostly defenseless on its back. Not so thankfully, I lost my grip on the knife, sending it who knows where.

Twilight seemed to have finally come to her senses, shooting a ball of light at the thing, piercing its side. The beast screamed, an awful sound, as it rolled over and tried to stand.

“Keep shooting it!” I said, looking around the area for my dagger.

“I… I don’t want to kill it!” she said.

“Then it’ll kill us!” I shouted, finally seeing the sparkling red edge of that bloody naga steel. As she tried to conquer her moral dilemmas, I sprinted toward it, hoping the monster wouldn’t recover before I could get to it. Thankfully, I made it safely. And when I turned around, all that was left of the monster was a hunk of mostly destroyed meat. “...Whoa.”

Twilight was staring at it with wide eyes, her horn still slightly smoking. “I… I… I k-k-killed s-something!”

“Damn straight!” I happily said, shaking the blood off my dagger and walking over to her with a smile on my face. “Good job, Twilight.”


“No buts,” I said, kneeling down and hugging her. “You did good.”

“Oh Celestia,” she huskily whispered. “I… I’m a murderer!”

“Nope,” I said, pulling back to look her in the eye. “That was self-defense. And man, that was one hell of a defense!” She still looked rather traumatized, so I had a feeling my method wasn’t working.

“You are so bad at this,” Flo sighed. She was probably shaking her head, too.

So I sighed and put on a more somber tone. “There were two outcomes here, Twilight,” I said. “It killed us or we killed it. Personally, I think I prefer being alive. Don’t you?”


“I’d be worried if you didn’t. Now, are you fine?”

“I want to see it,” she quietly said. That was a bad idea, but I knew it would forever haunt her either way. So I stepped aside, letting her walk up to the smoking remnants.

“You like learning about other cultures, right?” I asked, moving next to her.


“Want to hear about a human custom called blooding?”

“Anything to get my mind off… that,” she said, not even looking away from the body.

“In my world, after a new hunter gets its first kill, the experienced hunter that goes with him takes some of the blood from the first kill and applies it in some way to the new hunter. Usually tasting or applying it as war paint on the face. It’s a way of signifying how the first kill never truly leaves you, no matter how many others you rack up in your time. It’s a sign of responsibility, in a way. You are responsible for taking their lives. It’s a burden you bear until the ends of your days.”

“I… I just want to forget…”

“You never will,” I sighed, turning away from the body. “Let’s go, Twilight. I bet the exit is this way.”

I began walking, not waiting for her to follow. She joined me after a second or two anyway, her halting steps soon matching mine.

“What was this place, anyway?” she asked when we got in front of the archway leading out. “You seemed like you knew…”

“A scene from a book,” I answered, taking the large hat from my head. With a shrug, I tossed it aside. “I… think I know what’s going on. If we had played along, we could have gotten out of this place with no bloodshed. But since you didn’t…”

“The inhabitants turned on us!” she said, pleased to have something to think about. “But why did it pick a book from your world? I’ve never heard of anything like this!”

“I don’t know,” I answered, looking up to the top of the gate leading out. “But do you see this inscription here?” I asked, pointing at the one present there. She studied it as I continued, “There was one before we stepped into this one, a watch.” The one on this gate was another gate.

“...And you had a watch before I broke character!” she said.

“Yeah. But don’t feel too bad. The only reason I was able to keep going was because Flo was helping me. You ready for the next one?”


“Too bad,” I said, pushing the gate open. In a flash, we were back in the dark area full of books with the freaky sky and black walls. But now we were somewhere new, away from that small room in which we started.

This new area had a much better view of the area around us, too. We were at the top of a tall staircase with no walls around us, meaning we could see a long way. The view was… not promising. It showed room after room after room, each connected by the arches. Some of those rooms seemed to have some kind of occupants, but it was hard to tell because the light wasn’t all that great. Many of the rooms also seemed to have all kinds of other items in them, not counting the occupants. The stairs we were on led down to a large chamber, where a few of the occupants resided.

“I don’t like this,” I said, gripping my dagger tighter.

“What’s this?” Twilight asked, looking at a pedestal behind us that I somehow missed. On it was a book.

“...Alice in Wonderland,” I said, running my hand over the cover gently. When nothing happened, I picked it up and thumbed through it. Nothing happened. The text within was perfectly legible. “I guess we get to keep the books we defeat,” I said, setting it back down on the pedestal.

“You don’t want it?” she asked.

“Nah. I already rewrote it. Now, do you want to go wreck some shit?” I asked, looking back down the stairs. “Bet you fifty bits that those things are hostile.”

“No deal. But… just in case, what do you think we should do?”

“Hm…” I took a few seconds to study the area. No cover, but plenty of maneuvering room. Those things are just wandering around the area, looking at the piles of books. Can’t tell much about them since it’s too dark. “Can you cast that invisibility spell on me?” I asked. “I can go do some scouting and you can follow me down in two minutes. That way, if they do end up being hostile, I’ll be in the perfect spot to strike.”

“I can do that. But without me there to maintain it, the spell will wear off as soon as you touch somepony else.”

“Noted. Cast it and give me two minutes.” Her horn lit up and a thin light shot at me. I could see the same aura around myself before I disappeared from view entirely. “See you soon,” I whispered, starting to carefully walk down the long staircase.

“Be careful,” she said. I held up a fist in a gesture of solidarity that I immediately realized she would never see.

I don’t suggest trying to walk up or down stairs when you can’t see your legs. Thankfully, Flo was able to take them over and control them perfectly, successfully getting me to the bottom. And when I got there, I quickly realized I didn’t want to be there. The inhabitants of the realm were emaciated, hairless, and made up of different races. The three immediately before me were an earth pony, a griffin, and a minotaur. There was absolutely no life in their eyes. The only good thing about them is that the griffin’s wings looked really funny without any feathers.

I was getting into some manner of position when all three of them instantly turned their heads toward the staircase, where Twilight was making herself known. The minotaur roared and began charging, setting his horns to gore her if he could get close enough.

Of course, I didn’t let him, grabbing one of his horns with one of my hands to sling myself around onto his back, where I slit his throat with casual ease. He ran on a few more steps before the bloodloss caught up to him and he collapsed to the ground, deader than he was before.

That didn’t stop either of the others, of course, so I almost immediately felt a griffon pounce on my back. Since the dude was just skin and hollow bones, he did very little to knock me off-center, but his talons hurt like hell. I used the hand not holding the knife to grab him around the neck, ripping him from my back and slamming him onto the ground in front of me, then twisting and kneeling, my knee on his chest and the knife to his throat.

Thankfully, Twilight was holding the earth pony with her magic, though he was struggling heavily in her grip. “Are… are they going to talk?” Twilight asked, her wide eyes staring at the struggling griffin under me.

“I don’t think so,” I said. “I think their minds checked out long, long ago. All that’s left is a husk…”

Her ears dropped as she considered that. “W-what about us?” she asked. “Will… Will we be like them?”

I pretended to consider that for a few seconds before grabbing both sides of the griffin’s head and twisting sharply, breaking its bony neck. “No,” I answered, standing. “Because we’re going to beat this place.” I walked over to the struggling pony and stared it in its soulless eyes. “I give you my word that neither of us will end up like this.” One way or another. To punctuate that point, I drove my knife into its chest, piercing its heart. After a few seconds, the monster stopped struggling. And horrifyingly enough, I saw that my knife was covered in… ink when I pulled it out.

“...Okay. We can do this,” she said, letting the dead thing fall. “We can… we can do this…”

“Damn right,” I said, shaking the filth off my dagger yet again. As I did, I started walking around the room, looking for anything of interest. Aside from the books, there were a number of strange statues and tables covered in papers with illegible text, vials of strange substances, and more recent-looking books. “Can you tell if any of this stuff is magic?” I asked.

“I… think I know that spell,” she said, walking up to one of the tables. Her horn lit up and one of the vials started to glow. “That’s some kind of potion made with magic,” she said. “But I have no clue what it does.”

“And we’re not going to find out,” I said. “Let’s check the other tables.” We walked around the room, looking for anything of use. I found a very ratty bag half-covered by some of the ancient tomes. We started loading all of the magic items in there, skipping the potions. Into it went scrolls, gems, and a single book. Since we didn’t know what any of them did, I just used my dagger to push them into the bag so neither of us had to touch them.

“So what are we even going to do with these?” she asked as we searched the last table.

“Look over them when we get back, I guess,” I said. “It’s not like they’re going to be any use here. You can take them back with you and do magic to them, or whatever.”

“Ooh! I’ve never gotten to experiment on unknown magical items before!”

“Well, wait until we’re out of here first. Now… which way do you think we should go?” I asked. There were three doors leading away from our courtyard. Each had a symbol above the archway.

“Hmm…” She started walking around, studying each one. Finally she pointed to the one on the left and said, “If we’re going through any, it should be that one.”

“Why?” I asked, looking above the archway she pointed at. On it was a quill between a set of mismatched eyes.

“Look at the ground,” she said. “The voice said that what we sought was at the end of the road. The floor leading up to that one looks more like a road than the others.”

“...You’re right. But hey, I have wings and you can make wings. Want to just fly over the walls and skip possibly getting killed by guardians?”

“Definitely,” she said with a nod. “Just check to see if you can fly over them first. I don’t want to spend that much magic uselessly.”

“Easy enough.” I set the bag and knife down, then jumped into the air, flying to the wall. As soon as I passed over it, I came hurtling down from the other side of the room, a searing pain on my wings. I hit the ground with a painful thump and a string of unpleasant curses.

Of course, Twilight was immediately at my side. “Nav! Are you okay?”

“Oh God… My wings,” I groaned, clutching at them. She flinched when she saw them and pulled my hand back.

“You… Your feathers are gone,” she said. I forced my hand away from her hoof and felt one of the wings, realizing that yes, it was now just as barren as…

My eyes went unbidden to the dead griffin, suddenly realizing why it didn’t have any feathers. “I can still walk,” I grunted, forcing myself up. “I won’t let useless chicken-wings stop me.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, nodding. “So flying isn’t possible… I guess that means we walk.”

“Yeah. Let’s get started.” Together, we walked up to the imposing archway. “What do you think?” I asked when we stood before it.

“Well… The things in the other one only started attacking when we… I deviated from the script. So if you know the story, try to help me keep up. I’ll help you if it’s one that I know.”

“Easy enough. You ready?”

“Just… one question, first. How is a raven like a writing desk?” she asked.

“My dear, I haven’t the slightest,” I airily answered.

“...That’s a terrible book,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah. On three?”

“One,” she said.

“Two,” I said.

“Three,” we said together, stepping through the next door.

The first thing that came to my mind when I viewed the next place was chaos. Bodies of changelings were thrown about so casually that I thought this was an alternate history book where Canterlot fell to the changelings. But as I continued to look around, I saw a pink haired white horse with Twilight at her side, each wielding what looked like glowing artifacts of power. In front of them was a wounded chimera, one that I had seen a statue of many times.

“You should all be thanking me,” he said, laughing as he slowly pushed himself away from the two ponies in front of him. “All I ever gave you was fun!”

“For what, Discord?” the white horse—what I came to realize was Celestia—growled. “For murdering the alicorn race? For perverting Moonbeam? For depriving Luna of her parents? For taking the only hope I had of a future and dashing it to the ground? Why would we ever thank you?!”

“Her name is Chrysalis,” he said, his horrid yellow eyes looking to me. “And you asked for it, didn’t you? You accepted that deal, fair and square.”

“You cheated me!” I shouted, hoping it was the right thing to say. Don’t want to fuck with Discord and Celestia, no sir.

“You wanted children!” he said. “So I gave you more children than you could ever want. And it seems they love their mother enough to turn on their father…”

“I wanted children, not… monstrosities!” I said.

“Enough!” Celestia broke in. “We’re not here for that. We’re here for vengeance!”

“You should be careful what you wish for,” the chimera said, smiling slightly. “But you’re wrong, Celestia. I didn’t take your future from you. I gave you the best future you could have asked for. A shepherd’s future, guiding your new family down the road to enlightenment. The alicorns were stagnant! Frozen in time! They thought themselves so superior that nothing would ever change them. No race can survive like that. So I… brought them down a peg or three.”

“You tore them in three parts and just laughed as the entire civilization collapsed!”

“Well, no one ever said I was nice!” he said, giggling.

“And soon, you will be no more,” Celestia growled, her eyes glowing. “Luna, ready yourself!”

“...Uh, ready?” Twilight said, looking at one of the artifacts on her neck.

Thankfully, Twilight didn’t have to know what to do for the magic to actually work, so a rainbow beam shot toward Discord and… completely missed. He just vanished, then suddenly reappeared right in front of Celestia, his talons around her throat. Twilight yelped in fear and rushed to try to help, but Discord’s lion paw thing grabbed her by her hair and held her up, though he was still staring at Celestia.

“Do you truly think I would let myself lose?” he growled. “Do you know how long I’ve been alive, how long I’ve been in power? Do you know who gave you those artifacts? I created those elements and I placed them in that hidden bolthole. I lose when I say I lose!” He casually tossed Celestia back and gently set Twilight down. “You will never beat me, Celestia. Because I lose on my own terms. You will be their shepherd, like it or not. You will guide them and train them to be not better than other races, but friends with them. Because should any large conflict arise, I will break free from my temporary home. And when I do… I’ll be most disappointed in you, Celestia.”

“I’m not beholden to you!” she croaked, sitting up from her spot on the ground.

“Do you want to become like the others of your kind? Destroyed, driven mad, split, or cursed as a changeling? You will either live, or you will become like them. Because unless you give me your answer, those trinkets around your neck might as well be tinfoil for all the good they’ll do you.”

“You’re a monster!” Twilight hissed.

“I am a god!” he shouted, glaring at her with fire in his eyes. “Do you want a taste of eternity, child? To see what I’ve seen, to do what I’ve done? You would be as empty as I, were the circumstances different. Empty and searching for any scraps of joy to fill your heart, anything to break up the monotony.” He shifted his gaze back to Celestia. “Answer me.”

“I despise you,” she hissed, raw pain and hate in her voice.

“Good answer,” he said with a grin. “Give me your best shot.” Celestia stood with a grim look on her face, marching to stand next to Twilight. Discord turned to me with a smile on his face. “I will see you in a few millenia, my new servant…”

God that is creepy. As though sensing my thoughts, he lifted his arms and started laughing to the sky, howling his amusement for all to hear as Celestia and Twilight finally silenced him, turning him to stone.

“It’s… done,” Celestia sighed.

“...Now what?” Twilight asked.

“We go and rebuild,” she said. “Come.” She began walking off toward a familiar gate. Twilight and I immediately joined her, seeing the way out.

Soon, we were through another portal… and immediately beset upon by more of the abominations. The two of them looked more worn and damaged, each bearing some signs of injury. One was a pegasus and the other was some kind of biped, but I couldn’t tell just what it was. They were both dark brown and completely missing any kind of fur, as though they had been burned.

Of course, I was too busy defending myself against an immediate threat to do much of anything else than just look at them. The biped came bearing down on me, swinging both arms to slap my head on the ears. I ducked under that and tackled it, forcing it back. Sadly, even after its rot, whatever it was had more strength and mass than I did, so it didn’t go far. When it recovered and before I could stab it, both of its hands clenched up and slammed onto my back, hurting enough to force me to release it and nearly hit the ground.

And then it shot back against the wall so hard that I could hear something within it break. “You alright?” Twilight asked, panting.

“Yeah,” I groaned, pushing myself up. Nothing feels broken. But fuck did that thing have some strength. “You?” I asked.

“Just… peachy,” she said, her voice slightly strained. I looked her way to see her holding up a struggling pegasus. “Can you… help me?” she asked.

I finally stood again, grabbing the dagger from where it had fallen, and walked over to the pegasus. It glared at me with hollow eyes, each seeming sunken in and very dry. No remorse, no fear. The dagger plunged into its chest, destroying its heart. But since that’s a fairly inefficient way to kill something, it struggled a few more seconds before ceasing and then falling to the floor, allowing the dagger to pull free.

“Let’s look around,” I said, not commenting on her inability to kill an actual pony.

“Nav… What was that book we were in?”

“A history book,” I answered, walking over to the gate from which we entered, where a pedestal stood with a large tome upon it. “The Founding of Equestria.

“I… I’ve never heard any of that…”

“I knew bits and pieces,” I said, grabbing the book and sliding it into the pack. “Celestia has censored history a lot. This seems like a more accurate version of things that happened. We can read through it later. But for now, let’s look around.”


The room we found ourselves in was much smaller than the previous one, with doors on all four sides. More of the large, ancient books lied in piles against the walls, annoying obstructions blocking some movement. There was only a single table alongside one of the walls, covered in an odd assortment of items. According to Twilight’s spell, none of it was magical.

As I took another look around the room, I saw something mostly hidden by one of the piles of books, something that made me smile. “Well looky here,” I said, pulling the sheath out from under the books.

...With it came a skeletal arm of something with fingers and a completely rusted blade still jammed inside the scabbard. With Twilight’s help, I was able to pull that free and use it for the naga dagger. It was a very poor fit, but better than carrying it around the whole time.

“Are you ready to move on?” Twilight asked, looking at the floor to determine where we had to go.

“Yep. Looks like the road heads that way,” I said, nodding to where it looked like the road led.

“Shall we, then?” she asked. I started walking that way and she joined me. We stopped at the entrance. On it was a quill and a sword held by a human hand. “What do you think?” she asked.

“No clue. But let’s both be ready to face anything when we get out of this book. There’s no telling what might be on the other side, and running into those abominations here was almost bad.”

“Agreed. Three?”

“Three,” I said with a nod as we both stepped in.

What struck me first is how… grey everything looked. The countryside we were in was vast, open, and very green while the large body of water behind us was lively and active, but the sky above us was just dull and dreary. That was my first hint that we were in Britain. The second was that I was surrounded by other humans, aside from a purple horse that stood next to a man wearing nothing but furs. He was so filthy that I could practically see the lines of stench emanating from him.

Between me and him was a tall figure wearing some form of scale mail, a shield and spear in his hands. In fact, everyone there except for Twilight and the dude in fur had a shield and spear. Many of us also had swords, axes, clubs, or various other weapons.

“He’s coming for me, Arthur,” the fur guy said. “Nothing can stop him, not even all your arms and armor.”

“Derfel and I will not fail you, Merlin. That monster can try to break past us, but he’ll never succeed!”

“He will. Nimue has foreseen it. I’m the last, Arthur. Magic is nearly dead in this world, aside from his.”

“Surely there’s something we can do!” Arthur shouted.

“Buy as much time for me as you can,” Merlin calmly said. “I have a few tricks left up my sleeve. And this weapon will aid you greatly in the coming battle,” he said, holding both hands together, balled into fists, before slowly pulling them apart. As he did, a sword materialized between his fingers, a sword I knew very well. “I present Excalibur.”

...Flo, how did you wind up with that sword?

“It was a gift,” she answered. “Now listen.”

“A sword, Merlin?” Arthur sighed. “This is only good should our shield wall break. Against those barbarians, we shall hold firm!”

“They’ll be as an endless wave. The wall will break. I must have time if my last work is to be completed.”

“What are you planning?” Arthur asked.

“...Avalon,” Merlin quietly answered. “Nimue, come. We have preparations to make.”

Twilight was silent until I glared at her and she jolted. “Oh! Uh, yes, Master Merlin!” That seemed to be good enough, as the two of them turned their backs on us, walking back a few paces.

“We have things to do ourselves, Derfel,” Arthur said, turning to me. “Sagramore! Galahad!” Two men from the group behind us jogged up to us. “We have to buy time. Sagramore, send scouts out. I want to know Mordred is coming before he gets here.”

“Yes, Arthur,” the very large fellow said.

“Galahad, I want your men preparing for a siege. This land isn’t very defensible, but by the spirits, we’ll take what we can get. If you can, dig trenches. Layer the bottom with broken weapons.”

“Aye, Sir Arthur,” the ruggedly handsome fellow answered.

“Derfel, I want you in the center, ready to pull back to assist Merlin if he needs anything. I know your blood sings for battle, but of all of us here, you’re the one most familiar with their magic. We’re here for Merlin, not glory.”

“Of course, my friend,” I replied.

“Then I’ll leave you up to your own devices,” he said. “May your gods be with you.”

Galahad and Sagramore both clamped down on either of my shoulders in a symbol of solidarity before walking off. I turned and started walking to the guys who were spending the most time staring at me, assuming they were mine. “What’s the word, warlord?” one of the guys asked when I got close enough.

“We’re guarding the center,” I said. “Arthur wants me close to the druids in case they need assistance.”

“Honor is honor,” someone else said. “And the center is always the most heated!”

“We’re here for Merlin, not honor,” I answered. The fellow that spoke up spit on the ground in disgust, sneering. Oh man, oh man… This is starting to worry me.

“Relax,” Flo whispered. “You’re a warrior and a leader. Just play it carefully. That’s all we can do.”

If I get a line wrong…

“You won’t,” she said.

“No disrespecting the old magic,” I darkly intoned. “You know what Merlin is capable of.”

“He was gone for two years and then came back, demanding we sacrifice everything for this!”

“In the most glorious last stand you could ever ask for!” I shouted. “Standing with Arthur against Mordred, our sworn enemy. And you would complain? What better death could you ever desire?” He went silent, looking away. “You trust in Arthur, don’t you?”

The guy scowled. “I trust in you, warlord. Arthur… I worry about him.”

“Well, I trust in Arthur,” I answered. “And he trusts in Merlin. Neither of them would just throw us away, at least not without a chance of more glory and honor than anything else could give us.”

“Then die we shall,” he sighed.

Someone else answered, “Not die, no. We fight!”

“For glory!” the men shouted. “For honor! For Arthur, for Derfel!” Even though none of this was real, it brought a smile on my face to hear my troops cheering my fake name.

That smile was instantly wiped off my face as the scene suddenly… shifted. I was now standing side-to-side with the men I had been talking to, my shield held in front of the man to my left and my spear aiming forward. The man on the right had his shield in front of me. Together, we formed a wall of shields twenty men wide, with an extra man behind each of us ready to take advantage of any impaled enemies. There were other groups of us to our right and left, but since we were all so bunched up, I couldn’t tell how many other groups there were.

Before us was a horde, stretching as far as my eyes could see. Our backs were nearly to the ocean, with the baying horde charging across a massive field. I could barely see a single man on a large horse near the back of the group, spurring them forward.

The sky, before a dead grey, was now swirling in two places. One of the vortexes was centered somewhere behind us, presumably on Merlin. It looked clockwise, but it was hard to tell. The other was centered on the man with the horse, spinning counter-clockwise. There was a small humming in the air, wind gently blowing the heat of our closeness away. Aside from that and whispered prayers in my group, I could hear nothing else.

It seemed like time skipped again, because suddenly the enemy was surging into trenches, clogging them almost immediately with their numbers, and trampling over the dead and injured trapped within the holes. They clashed against my shield wall with a sudden roar and clap of sound, tearing my mind from any manner of concentration.

Suddenly, my entire world became the men immediately around me. The one my shield was protecting, the one that was protecting me, the man in front of me, and the man behind me. It was just a maelstrom of death, blood, and screams.

As it turned out, my spear did nothing other than line someone up to be murdered by the man behind me. I could try to move it to do more damage, but truly, it was all I could do to stand in place, holding back the tide of humanity that was constantly threatening to break me.

I have no clue if time skipped again or if the confusion and horror of the battle was so much that it warped my sense of time, but suddenly I was being dragged backwards. “DERFEL! MERLIN NEEDS YOU!” Galahad shouted over the din. “HURRY!”

I nodded and started to go, but stopped when I saw something truly amazing: Arthur dueling the man from the horse. The runes on Arthur’s sword were glowing a bright blue with every swing, countering the blows from the fiery red blade Mordred was wielding. They shared blow after blow, each being blocked by the other, fire and ice flying from their blades every time they pressed together.

However, it seemed that despite all of Arthur’s experience and prowess, he was being pushed back. Even though I absolutely knew I had to get to Twilight and Merlin, I couldn’t pull myself away from watching that fight, that truly epic dance of man and steel.

But it all went to horror before my eyes as Mordred suddenly kicked Arthur back, then lifted a gloved hand. From that hand shot an arrow from each finger. One missed. Two glanced off his armor. But two found weak spots, forcing their way into Arthur’s body. Mordred’s face gained a vicious smile as Arthur gasped, speckles of blood falling from his lips.

Despite everything, I found myself sprinting toward them, hoping I wouldn’t be too late. Mordred was slowly advancing, not even keeping his guard up, knowing he won. He didn’t see me until it was too late, my spear slamming into his body before he realized I was coming. The man’s eyes went wide as my sword came in to finish the job, slicing off the fucker’s head.

Instead of a death sentence, as I had expected, some force of pure darkness shot out of his body, writhing about. “Der-Derfel,” Arthur gasped. “M-Merlin!”

“Not without you,” I answered, dropping my sword and grabbing the once and future king. Ignoring his protests and his extremely heavy weight, I carried him toward where Merlin was shouting incantations to the sky, each one an explosion of magic.

When I got close enough for Twilight to notice me, she dropped what she was doing and sprinted my way. “N-Nav, what’s going on?” she whispered, her eyes wide and haunted. “This place is terrifying! The screams… Oh Celestia, the screams!”

“It’s almost over,” I answered, setting Arthur down next to her. “What has Merlin told you?”

“I… I don’t know! Nothing he said made sense! I have no clue what kind of magic he’s doing!”

“God… Help him!” I said, pointing to Arthur as I started running toward Merlin. “Mordred’s dead!” I shouted between Merlin’s words.

“Then the true threat is revealed!” he answered. “Chaos has come to claim us all, boy. Where is Arthur?”

“Right here, lying broken behind you,” I angrily answered. “Mordred injured him.”

“...Derfel, do you trust me?” he asked, finally turning to face me. In his eyes, I saw an old man. Wizened, broken and battered, but still fighting, still defiant. And almost completely terrified.

“Yes, Merlin,” I answered, nodding.

“Take Arthur’s sword. Take Excalibur. Survive this fight. Then cast the blade into the sea. The lady of the lake will need it for a new champion that will continue the fight against chaos.”

“What of you?” I asked, not caring if it was part of the script. “What of Arthur?”

“Chaos will not have me,” he answered, pulling a dagger from the folds of his furs. “I will ensure that. But Arthur and Nimue will escape. To what ends… I don’t know. May your god be with you, Derfel.”

“And may the gods be with you,” I slowly answered.

“Nimue!” he shouted. Twilight jerked up, away from trying to ease Arthur’s pain. “It is time. To the portal!” he shouted, throwing his arms wide. The gate that we both had to use suddenly appeared before him.

Without even taking a second to think about it, Twilight and I both sprinted to it, diving through before we ruined the script. Perhaps proving that there was, in fact, someone looking out for me, the room we both flew into was empty, so it wasn’t a problem that we hit the floor painfully and didn’t move an inch for several seconds, aside from panting.

“What… what was that?” Twilight breathed, utterly and totally confused.

“I… don’t know,” I answered, not panting but thoroughly confused.

Flo whispered, “There may be more to old legends than we thought, Nav. See what the book on the pedestal says.”

I slowly pushed myself up, walking toward the book. Sadly, it seemed that nothing I had with me came through, so I lost the very well-made leather armor, the good shield, the sword, and the spear.

On the pedestal next to the door was a leather-bound book with no inscriptions. When I opened it, I found that all the words were in some extremely old alphabet that I couldn’t read.

You can’t,” Flo said. “But a spell could help you. This book could give us a key to fighting Discord.”

“This bag is almost full,” I said, closing the book. “Is it worth taking?”

“Absolutely. We might be able to find another bag in the other rooms we pass. But I don’t think another copy of this book exists anywhere.” I shrugged and carefully pushed it into the already bulging ancient bag.

“Did you say something?” Twilight asked, finally pushing herself to her hooves.

“Nah. Let’s look around, see what we can find.”

“Are… Were all human battles like that?” she asked me.

“No, of course not. I mean, they’re all terrible, sure. But that was centuries before I was born. And that was just one small part of the world. Things have changed a lot since then and vary from place to place. That was nothing compared to World War Two. But that’s not really important.”

“...Right.” She slowly turned her head, looking around the room. “I don’t see any tables this time.”

“But…” I said, walking over to one of the piles of books, where it seemed like something was partially obscured. After casually tossing them aside, I found something that made me seriously question my sanity.

“A chest?” Twilight asked, walking up next to me.

“Think it might be trapped?” I asked, wondering just what the fuck a chest was doing here.

“Hm. Let’s stand over here,” she said, pulling me back with her magic. When we were standing against the far wall, her aura surrounded the chest and it slowly creaked open.

Nothing happened.

“Guess not,” I said, walking back over to it. Inside was a sack of silver coins of indeterminate age and make, a few books that none of us could make heads or tails of, vials of dried ink, a few quills that broke at our touch, and a single shabby dagger that I didn’t even bother with.

“Why is this even here?” Twilight mused.

“With this many books and with books from my time, this world is old,” I said. “This chest has probably been here for thousands of years, likely brought by a scholar that wanted to study in this world. But it was a hindrance, so he left it behind.” Or he died. “There’s no telling what culture this thing is from, or what year.”

“That… makes sense. So now what?”

“We move on,” I said, grateful that she didn’t bother asking what happened to the chest’s original owner. “There’s no telling how many more books we have to travel through and we don’t know how much time is passing outside for all the time we spend in here.”

“Then shall we?” she asked, walking up to the next door the road led to.

“Sure,” I answered, joining her. Together, we walked through the archway that had nothing but a heart at the top.

The setting of the new world hit me like a hammer. I went from fully clothed to almost completely naked, only a pair of very short shorts covering me. Twilight stood next to me with a long, brown trenchcoat. In front of us was a large red door with a neon sign displaying “Whinny Cocktail Lounge.” Around us was a seedy back alley, probably chosen to hide the club.

“Well alright then,” I said, clapping my hands together. “Let’s find the gate immediately and get out of here, shall we?”

Before Twilight could answer, the sound of breaking glass rang through the alley. We turned that way and saw a multitude of street rats staring at us silently, daring us to deviate from the possible script.

Twilight gulped and said, “A-Are you sure about this, Snow?” she asked, jerking her head slightly toward the door with some uncertainty on her face. God fucking dammit.

“Absolutely,” I sighed, face-palming. This is going to end so poorly.

Flo giggled and said, “What Kumani doesn’t know…”

“Let’s just go,” I growled, pushing the red doors open. Twilight followed behind me into what appeared to be a very extravagant BDSM club. I could hear grunts, groans, and moans from all around us, but the very nice front room was empty but for a single stallion.

When he saw us walk in, he smiled, showing off a set of pointed fangs. Oh my God, it’s a vampire. Fucking really? “Ah, Snow,” he quietly intoned, slowly stepping forward. “It is good to see you and your slave took my invitation.”

Oh God, my what? “I uh… I could hardly refuse,” I answered, hoping I didn’t fuck up. “When do we start?”

“First, payment must be discussed,” he said, finally reaching us. He began to circle, eyeing Twilight appreciatively. “I believe I can waive the usual fee… should you give me some time with your pet.”

“She is not yours to toy with!” I growled. Twilight breathed a sigh of relief before looking up at me and jerking her head. “But… uh… We could… share her?”

The vampire was at her throat in an instant, sniffing it gently and then licking her tenderly before backing off. “I accept. I trust you know the rules?”

“Of course,” I placidly answered, having absolutely no clue what they were. From the look on his face, the slowly growing sense of irritation, I knew I fucked up. “But why don’t you remind me?”

“Simple,” he answered, starting to walk toward a staircase. “You are the master. He is the slave. And if your slave does not obey, you mete out punishments.” One of the words that guy said slipped right past me.

“Simple,” I sighed, following the fellow. Twilight silently dogged my footsteps. Up we went, further into the club.

Thankfully, he chose a room close to the entrance of the building, so we didn’t have to hear the disquieting sounds all around us. Since the room he chose happened to be sound-proof, it got very quiet very quickly.

“You know why we’re here,” Twilight suddenly said, shedding her coat and stepping forward.

“Oh, I know,” the vampire said. “And you’ll get it. After I take my… price. After all, it would hardly do for you to blow your cover. And if you aren’t walking funny when you leave this building, nopony would ever believe you came here for anything but the information.”

Twilight muttered, “Horsefeathers,” before looking away with a blush.

“Such a beautiful mouth, sullied by such foul language,” the vampire whispered, stepping closer with a bright grin. He pulled a blushing Twilight into a kiss before releasing her and saying, “Let’s use it for something better, shall we?” He backed off and looked up to me. “Don’t be shy, Snow. Shining Armor here is just waiting for your delicate touch.”

As soon as he said that, I blinked a few times, completely lost. My eyes slowly moved to Twilight, who was blushing up a complete fucking storm. Then they slowly went back to the vampire. He was just grinning, but it was slowly becoming more irritated.

So I casually strode across the room… and stabbed that fucker through the eye.

“We’re done here,” I calmly said, pulling my knife out of him. He flopped to the ground, but didn’t stay down for long. I felt a pair of fangs sinking into my heel as I was walking away, tripping me.

Kicking backwards with my other leg did little other than increase my pain, so I’m glad Twilight didn’t fucking panic this time, instead using her magic to pull the fucker away from me. He was struggling like a mofo in her grip, though, actually making her strain to hold him. “Get… up!” she shouted.

Of course, I wasted no time complying, even though my right leg was currently in a fuckton of pain. I also snatched my knife up and hobbled forward to continue stabbing the bastard.

None of them seemed to do anything until Flo whispered, “The heart, Nav! He’s a vampire.”

Oh yeah. Duh. With that new goal in mind, I sent his dark and edgy soul back to hell where it belonged. Thankfully, there was almost no blood involved in killing him, since technically he was already dead and didn’t have a pulse.

“Well that was fun,” I said, my arms going limp as Twilight dropped the corpse to the floor. “Now how did you know what to do, again?” I asked, turning to her. She looked away and stammered some excuse that I couldn’t understand at all. “No really. How?”

“Cadance… used to write… stories,” she said. “And well… she needed somepony to proof them… But his name wasn’t Shining Armor, then, I swear!”

“Uh huh.” At her blush, I very strongly suspected it was, but I didn’t call her on it. “Well, let’s—” A massive blow against the door of the room drew both of our attention that way. “Isn’t this room soundproofed?” I asked.

Another loud blow cut off whatever Twilight was going to answer. A sound from behind me made me look back, finding that the gate appeared on the wall.

“Time to go!” I shouted as the door burst open. I didn’t even turn to face it, just sprinting as quickly as my fucked leg could take me to the door. Something crashed into my back as both Twilight and I reached the exit, making me stumble and fall into a bundle of cloth that immediately started screeching.

The heads of the other two abominations shot our way as whatever it was I landed on shot upright, dragging me with it. The cloaked being held me at arm’s length by my throat, but then I realized it wasn’t an arm as much as it was just pure cloth. The only face it had was some cloth situated in a facade of a scowling face, but it was still somehow emanating an awful screech.

And then something began circling my legs. I looked down with panic in my eyes and found that the cloth from the monster was slowly wrapping me up, traveling up my body. Before my arms could react, the main body of it split, shooting toward me. Some reflex of mine shot my arms up, grabbing the two halves in an attempt to stop them from getting my body.

It didn’t work, since it just enveloped my arms instead, still traveling inexorably onward. Despite my struggles, it still managed to sneak up both legs and both arms, reaching my torso. And I could already feel my strength sapping in my limbs, submitting to this thing’s will…

Until it suddenly stopped, its shriek cutting off suddenly. My body was instantly awash with heat as the cloth burned away in a flash, leaving me to fall to the floor panting. I was completely unable to move, my arms and legs all completely asleep.

“Nav!” Twilight shouted, kneeling down to look at my face. “Please tell me you’re okay!”

“Thank you,” I whispered, struggling to rise. “I can’t move my arms or legs.”

She looked at them, her ears dropping. “Oh Celestia,” she whispered, her eyes going wide. “Your… your skin isn’t supposed to be that color.”

Where my arms and legs were usually a straight darker tan, they were currently mostly grey and mottled, looking completely lifeless. “Shiiiit…” I sighed, looking at my arms. Since there didn’t seem to be anything else to do, I rolled over onto my back and forced myself to a sitting position so I could see my legs. “Shiiiiiiiit…” My left leg was as bad as my arms. But my right leg was partially black around the area the vampire had bit me. “Can you heal this?” I asked.

“I can… try,” she said, lighting up her horn and leaning in. I felt the waves of healing flow through me and thankfully, the blackness around the wound faded away. But the other colors remained. “How do you feel?” she asked.

“Better than I was,” I answered. “Just… give me a few. Walk around, see what’s here. I don’t think I’m going anywhere.”

“...If you need me, just yell,” she said, giving me a long look before walking to one of the tables in the room.

“Flo?” I quietly asked.

“Working,” she tersely answered. “I can fix this, but it’s going to be a while before you regain full control. Walking should be easy, but there’s going to be some lag, slow response time. You should be fine in an hour.”

“...But do we have an hour?” I asked, not expecting an answer. I wasn’t disappointed.

Twilight joined me a few minutes later, a few more jewels and a small box with her. “How are you feeling?” she asked, sitting next to me and laying all the items down.

“Right now, fine,” I said. “Flo’s working on me, says she can get me up to full speed in an hour. I’ll be weaker until then, but I should be able to walk soon.”

“That’s… good. What was that?” she asked.

I couldn’t answer her, but something else could. “Not all librarians want patrons,” a voice whispered. “And all libraries have guardians. Expect surprises…”

“Fucking… great,” I sighed, my shoulders slumping.

“That… certainly doesn’t sound promising,” Twilight said.

“Yeah. How long have we even been in here?” I asked.

“With all these new worlds we’ve been entering, it’s hard to tell,” she said. “But I’d guess at least two hours.”

“...How long do you think it’ll take for the ship to send a rescue team?” I asked.

Her eyes went wide as she realized that what I said was probable. “Oh Celestia… My friends would demand to come! They can’t be here!”

“And Watcher wouldn’t even think about letting them,” I replied. “But I don’t want to risk anyone. We’ll push on as soon as I can walk. Just… be ready to do more of the work. I’ll do my best, but… God, that was close.”

“Of course, Nav. Just… play along next time. I know it didn’t sound the best, but I wouldn’t have minded. I mean, it would hardly be the first time we explored… that hole.”

“Yes, but I’m also in a relationship with an extremely jealous dragon.”

“Well, I’m sorry for considering our lives more important than your relationship! I’m sure she’d understand, if she ever even found out.”

“...I’d certainly hope so,” I sighed, trying to lean back and use my arms to catch myself, only to remember that my arms weren’t working. So instead I kept falling until some magic caught me. Then a purple pony situated herself under me, allowing me to use her as a pillow of sorts. “Thanks.”

“Least I can do,”she said. “But I do want to know why you’re with Kumani. What do you see in her?”

“It’s… nice to have someone that actually cares about me,” I said. “Luna… Well, I’m sure you know by now what happened there. But she kept pressuring me into things I didn’t want and took advantage of me more than once. Despite her heat and very jealous nature, Kumani is controlling herself. Sure, she’s extremely lusty and suspicious, but she’s keeping the worst of it in check. She actually cares enough to hold herself back, unlike Luna. And besides, she’s a fucking beast in bed.”

“And it was actually starting to sound sweet for a second,” she said with a giggle. Then she put on a more serious tone. “If you’re happy, you’re happy. I can’t fault that. I just… It doesn’t seem like you would be the… Ooh… the weaker partner in a relationship.”

“Just because I dommed for you don’t mean I like that,” I said. “I’ve gotten to the point where I usually prefer being on the bottom. Well, figuratively. Sexy or not, she’s heavy enough that she could hurt me if she was actually on top. But that’s not really important.”


“But since we’re going to be here for a little while anyway…” I said, since I knew she was interested. She definitely didn’t stop me as I went into some details, that’s for sure. By the time I could move my arms and legs well enough again, she was breathing heavily. “...and that’s when I discovered yet another use for tooth floss.”

“T-t-that was… interesting,” she said. I could hear her tail wagging from behind me and I really wished I could see the blush on her face. “But um… I think…”

“Yeah, I can move,” I said, slowly pushing myself off her, using my arms. They were still sluggish, but mobile. My legs were responding as well, allowing me to stand. “Feels good,” I sighed, stretching. Excellent job, Flo.

Twilight stood as well, keeping her tail firmly against her backside. “So should we… go?” she asked, making a pointed effort not to look at me.

“Let me walk around, get some blood flowing in my legs. Wherever we might end up, I want to be able to move.”

“...Yeah. So have you seen any pattern?” she asked as I started walking.

“It’s either been humans or ponies,” I answered. “And they’ve been alternating. So if that continues, the next one will be human. I swear to God, if we end up in some fanfic, I’m killing everything in sight.” For some reason, Flo giggled at that.

“Hopefully we won’t,” Twilight said, giving the pedestal with the heart-shaped book a quick glance. “I’d like something that’s actually useful, like more history about the princesses or your people.”

“Speaking of that,” I said, stopping a second to pop my legs, “have you noticed a thread? Namely, Discord?”

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