Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.

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68. Chapter Fifty-Four—Seriously, fuck Appaloosa.

When I got up the next morning, Chrysalis actually was gone. I was kind of disappointed she wasn’t going to see me off, but I understood that she needed to make sure I didn’t fuck anything up. I wrapped the sword in the silk, threw my weapons and bag on, and walked out my room. There were several guards waiting in the hall. One walked up to me, saluted, and held out a letter.

“The queen asks that you give this to Celestia,” he told me.

I took it and slid it in a pocket. “Is she expecting a response?”

“Yes. I am to wait in Appaloosa for it.”

“Cool. Let’s go.”

The trip back to Appaloosa was uneventful, thankfully. And it was also short, since we could fly. I was even more thankful of that; the sword and the silk were heavy. Right before we got to within sight of the town, the main changeling group broke off and the remaining one turned into an eagle that perched on my shoulder.

“You better not shit on me,” I said as I walked into town. He just let off a piercing screech.

I want to say there was fanfare upon me entering, but fans don’t glare at you. I figured I probably could have handled the situation in town better, all things told, but I also didn’t care because I wasn’t planning on being there long.

Flo whispered, “You should care more about the feelings of the ponies. Should you anger them too far, they might not be happy to allow you to remain.” I knew that, but she did have a point. Still, I couldn’t see a reason for ever coming back to this hodunk town, aside from when I would return to break Flo out or maybe to visit the changelings.

Anyway, word of my arrival must have spread, because I was quickly met by a running Taya and a walking group of friends. Friends that, I might add, didn’t look overly pleased to see me.

Thankfully Taya didn’t plow me into the dirt with a hug, but she did hug me. I returned it as best I could with a sword and a massive amount of silk in my hands.

“Password?” she whispered.

“Illegal,” I answered.

“Darling, what is that?” Rarity asked, looking at the wad in my hands.

“Giant cave spider silk,” I answered. “I’ll give it to you on the condition that you make me a set of clothes out of it. The rest is yours.”

Twilight’s anger disappeared momentarily. “Giant cave spider? I’ve never heard of such a thing!”

“Yeah. We found it in a petrified forest that was in one of the giant ant tunnels after they attacked the hive. That spider put up a hell of a fight, too. So did the ants, but that’s not really important. Is there a blacksmith in town? I need a sheath and my axe needs to be repaired. Oh, and Spike: I have a letter that needs to go to Celestia.”

And the anger returned. Pissing off Twilight is so easy. “And you shouldn’t do it,” Flo said. It’s probably a good thing Flo couldn’t hurt me. “I could if I wanted to.” Dammit.

Before I could get yelled at, I said, “Twilight, I already know. You don’t need to yell at me.” She opened her mouth, but I stuck a finger to her lips. “Shhh.” She glared at me and tried speaking. “Shhhh, I’m here.” I bent down and gently hugged her.

“Nav, you bet—”

“Shhhh.”

“I mean it, y—”

“Shhhhh.”

“Oooh!”

“Shhh.”

At this point the girls were just cracking up. Spike was on his back laughing. Various random unimportant ponies were looking at us in confusion.

“FINE! Hmph!” I let her go and stepped back. Not quickly enough to avoid a kick to the shin, but I probably deserved that. “Now, what was that about ants? And a spider? And a petrified forest?”

I handed the letter to Spike as she was talking. He sent it away in a flash. I turned back to her. “Exactly as I said.”

“I bet that fight was so cool!” Rainbow said, flying a bit.

“They both sucked. I got my ass stomped by a spider and had to watch too many changelings get murdered by the ants. Although I did get to ride a giant ant and use its antennas to control it.”

“Nav, that’s silly,” Twilight said. “Ants don’t work like that.”

“Tell that to them. Well, if they weren’t all dead. Chrysalis killed the queen and the others just stopped.”

“They don’t work like that either!”

None of us were paying any attention to her. I was getting more questions from the others that I was doing my best to answer. When Spike coughed an answer up, the conversation sort of lulled.

Enough for Twilight to break in, at least. As I handed the letter to the changeling and he took off, she said, “And what about that sword? Where did you get it?”

“Found it at an altar in the center of the forest. From what I can tell, it’s enchanted with some kind of cold thing.”

Twilight scoffed. “Impossible. Weapon enchanting is an art that was lost before ponies came about. There’s only one enchanted weapon in all of Equestria.”

“Make that two, because this fucker’s old. Dash, you mind testing it?”

“What?! Why me?”

“Because you’re the Dash. You’re tough and strong and all that shit. You don’t have to.”

Her eyes shifted from side to side before sighing. “Fine. But that better not ruin my chances with the Wonderbolts!”

Since Flo didn’t say anything, I figured it was okay. “Hold out your leg, then.”

Fluttershy and Rarity looked away. Pinkie somehow got a bowl of popcorn. Applejack looked concerned, but didn’t say anything. Twilight had a premature smug look on her face. Rainbow gulped and held one of her forelegs out. I lightly gripped it and carefully ran the sword across it. Dash let off a cute little squeak.

She lowered her leg and looked down on it. It was obviously cut, but there was no bleeding. “What’s—OH CELESTIA!” She began to shiver and fell to the ground, trying to curl up to preserve as much heat as possible.

“Taya, heal her!” Twilight was too shocked to do anything and Rarity was panicking. Taya’s horn lit up and Rainbow’s wound quickly closed.

Flo whispered, “She needs heat. Healing closes the wound and stops the spread, but she will still be cold for a little while.”

I grabbed the bundle of spider silk and dropped it on top of her, doing my best to wrap her up. That done, I stood up and brushed myself off. Most of the Appaloosan ponies were glaring at me, while Fluttershy was trying to get a shaking Rainbow Dash to tell her how she felt. Pinkie was distracted by her popcorn. Rarity managed to stop panicking. Twilight was examining the sword where I dropped it.

I walked over and picked it up. “Where’s the blacksmith?” I asked aloud.

“What do those runes say?” Twilight asked.

“No clue. Blacksmith?” I knew I wasn’t going to get an answer, but it was worth trying.

Flo whispered, “No it wasn’t.” Yeah well, fuck you too.

“I need to study that sword, Nav. It’s dangerous!”

“So is my axe and this crossbow, but I don’t see you studying them.”

“Neither of those are magical! There’s no telling what other effects this sword might have!”

“Fine. You can do whatever after I get a sheath for it. I don’t want what happened to poor Dash to happen to me.”

We both looked over to her to see her finally standing up on shaky legs. She was trying to get the silk off her, much to the amusement of everyone.

I turned to look at Twilight and she sighed. “Fine. You can get your stupid sheath. But I’m going with you! You’re not going to hide this sword from me!”

“Why would I do that? That’s stupid.” I turned to Taya. “Come on, we’re going to find a blacksmith.”

She trotted up to me, much closer than she usually stands. I gently stroked her back before turning back to Twilight. “Lead the way.”

“You know, if you had taken the tour you could have found it yourself.”

“Shhhhh.” She just rolled her eyes and started walking off. Taya, Spike, and I followed. When we were out of earshot of the others, I said, “Alright, you can ask your questions now.”

Finally! What happened with the giant ants? How big was the spider? What kind of venom did it use? How did the queen control her ants? What were their tunnels like?”

“One at a time, Twilight. When I left, Chrysalis didn’t know why the ants attacked, or if she did, she didn’t tell me. They came out of one tunnel and began swarming, tearing changelings to pieces. They didn’t seem to notice me at all. They were vulnerable to my crossbow and my axe. When their antennas were cut off, they went berserk. When you pulled on them, you could control them. I didn’t see the ant queen at all. I was protecting the nursery when Chrysalis killed her in some other part of the hive. Their tunnel reminded me of an intestine. It was shorter and less even than the changeling tunnels. We didn’t follow it all the way. We stopped at the petrified forest. That place was perfectly preserved. Eggs in nests, spider webs hanging around, leaves and grass set up perfectly. At the center was an altar, with this sword resting on it. Chrysalis took it with magic and as soon as I grabbed it, the spider made itself known. It was about fifteen feet tall, I’d say. Five meters. Evil fucker. Used web to fight. We managed to kill it with losses. That’s when we turned back.”

I know she wanted to ask me a question, but that’s when we got to the blacksmith and I wouldn’t have been able to hear her anyway. Taya and I entered, with Twilight and Spike waiting outside.

The blacksmith—or at least, I think it was him, it might have been an apprentice—looked up. “Oh, it’s you. We don’t serve your kind here.” I put a hand on Taya’s back before she did or said anything. I reached into my pack and pulled out a sack. He just rolled his eyes. “What kind of trash do you have to barte—”

He was cut off by the sound of clinking coins as a hundred bits hit the floor. His mouth dropped. Thankfully, none of the bits rolled too far from where they fell. “I need a sheath and I need my axe repaired.”

He slowly managed to come to his senses and looked back up to me. “I don’t care what kind of money you have. I ain’t making nothing for you.”

“Props for sticking to your guns. Taya, come. If he chooses to be narrow-minded, I shan’t disturb him any longer.”

I turned to walk out the shop. “Ain’t you forgetting something?” the blacksmith asked.

I turned my head back. “I have two more bags like that in my bag. Keep it. You’re going to need the money if you turn people away because you disagree with them.”

When we got outside, Twilight asked, “Don’t you need to leave the sword there for him to make measurements?”

“He did not desire my business. Asshole. I need to go to the general store next. Maybe I’ll have more luck there.”

“Oh come on! Can’t we just go back to where we’re staying and talk about what happened in the hive?”

“We can talk about it after I get some wire. I need to repair my crossbow.”

“Ugh. You just break everything you touch, don’t you?”

“Depends. I’ve touched you in several ways and in multiple places and you aren’t broken yet.” Flo giggled at that, for some reason.

Twilight tried to hide her blush by turning away and walking off. I just followed her. The other two passively followed us. It didn’t take us long to get to the general store. This time, I sent Twilight in with some money to buy the kind of wire I needed. Since this was a farming community, I was hoping they would have something that would work.

As it turns out, they did. Twilight came out with the wire and off we went to where we were staying. I soon found out that it was an almost identical farmhouse to the one Applejack had. It even had plenty of rooms. The only real downside was that Braeburn lived there. I was hoping that I had made myself clear, but just in case, I moved into Taya’s room. She had taken over a two bed room anyway, in anticipation of me staying with her. I dropped my bag and most of my weapons off upstairs and took the crossbow and the sword down to the kitchen, where Twilight was waiting with a lot of paper, a quill, and some ink.

I began giving her a more complete picture as I fiddled with and repaired the crossbow as best I could. When I got done with that, I moved onto the sword, doing my best to see if any kind of maintenance was required on it. When the conversation ended, Twilight said, “I don’t like it, Nav. I want to go down there and study that forest and the altar. Just think of what we could learn! That sword is enchanted. Who knows what powers the altar could have?”

“It doesn’t have any,” Flo answered.

“We tried touching it. If it has any, they aren’t immediately apparent. I doubt it does anyway. So, what can you tell me about this sword?”

“Enchanted weapons are extremely rare. We thought for the longest time that there was just one in existence. More testing will have to be done on this sword to see if it is actually enchanted or if it is just odd. The only other one we have is a spear, older even than Princess Celestia. As far as we know, it is older than the Fall, but there are almost no documents predating it. The spear was found seven hundred years ago in an archeological dig around Ponitaly.”

That’s the worst cop-out of a name I’ve ever fucking heard. “Does it have any kind of name?”

“It’s called the Spear of Destiny by some, since it doesn’t have an official name. There were no documents about it and the runes have proven to be indecipherable. They are similar to those on this, I believe… Was there any clue on the altar as to what it was called?”

“Not as far as I could see. I think the altar was dedicated to some kind of water entity.”

“What indication did you have?”

“The ground around it was lower than everything else. It looked like a pool of water should have been there. Other than that, I have no proof.”

Her horn lit up. “I’ll have you know that I learned the lie-detecting spell, Nav. What’s the truth?”

Flo?

“Do not tell her.”

“I can’t tell you. Maybe it was just a feeling. Maybe it was something I half-saw on the altar itself.”

“I can’t go off feelings! I need access to that altar… The changelings could be sitting on top of a major archaeological find! There’s no telling what other manner of artifacts could be down there.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out. Now, what is there to do in this place? Or should I just go find a cloud or something and zone out for hours?”

“Today, I’m afraid there’s not anything planned. Tomorrow, there’s supposed to be a play or song or something by Pinkie. You know how she is.”

Note to self: Find something else to do tomorrow.

Flo whispered, “You need to be there for your friend. She’s more sensitive than most of you realize.” Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt…

“That’s tomorrow, though,” I said. “What about today?”

“Well, Taya and Spike went to go help Rarity do something with that silk. Taya, to watch magic, Spike, to dote. And at the risk of sounding creepy… Nav, I’ve been dreaming about you. Can we just…” She sighed. “I know you’re promised to Luna, but…”

“Nah, I broke that off with her a few months ago.”

“YOU WHAT?! Why?”

“It’s not…” I wanted to say it wasn’t any of her business, but she was a friend. Even if Twilight was annoying at times, I still counted her as somewhat of a friend. “I don’t think I should talk about it. It wasn’t pleasant.”

“How did she take it?”

“It was hard on her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she set the dream machine up for sad dreams for a little while. Doesn’t she control that at least partially subconsciously?”

Her eyes widened. “That’s why I’ve been dreaming about you! And why the dreams were so…” She blushed. “Well, never mind. We can both ask around, see if anypony else has been dreaming about you.”

“Twilight, that sounds like a bad pickup line. You expect me to go around asking people if I’ve been in their dreams?”

“Oh. Yeah, that could be a problem. I can do all the asking.”

“When did the dreams start?”

“A few nights ago, when you were in the hives.” When I started talking to Chrysalis about what happened, probably. And when I banged her. That was a good night. For me, at least. I guess Luna wasn’t feeling the same. Guess that’s what she gets for spying on me.

“Twilight, I have to ask: Were those dreams sexual?”

“Erm… Yes…” She was blushing, scrunching down in her seat and trying to avoid looking at me.

“Well…” I was about to offer to make her dreams a reality.

Flo actually yelled at me this time: “DON’T DO IT! Don’t have sex with her again, Nav!”

I’m going to trust the voice in my head over the voice from my dick. Next time that voice better have a good reason, though. “Is there anything going on today we could do?” She looked so excited when I started talking, but seemed to sag when I didn’t mention sex. We had a semi-active sex life a few months ago. She was probably hoping to rekindle that.

“Nothing that I know of,” she answered in a morose voice. “I think Braeburn wants to talk to you.”

“I’m not certain I want to really talk with him.”

“You’re staying in his house, Nav. You can’t exactly avoid him forever.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, but I don’t have to avoid him forever. I just have to avoid him for a few days.”

“You just have to be difficult about everything, don’t you?”

“What can I say? When you’re as easy as I am, you have to be difficult.”

“What does that me—Oh, you’re nasty.”

“Yep. Suggestions?”

“Hang out with the others?”

“Sure, why not. Just gotta put this sword up first.”

And with that, we hung out for the rest of the day. It wasn’t all that great, but eh.

When we got back to the ranch, dinner was on the table. Braeburn was waiting for us with a big ol’ smile. “Well heya there, Nav! Welcome back! Sure was quiet around here withoutcha!”

“I can imagine. I’m heading on upstairs, Taya.”

“Well hold on there, part.’ Don’t you want to try my sweet applesauce?”

I did a double take on that one. Then I saw that he was pointing to a bowl of applesauce. “I’m good, thanks.”

“What about letting your tongue taste my sweet apple ring?”

If I had been drinking, I would have spit it out. I looked at him, my eyes wide. I saw that he was actually pointing at apple rings. “I think I just lost my appetite. Forever. Sorry.”

Before he could open his mouth and ruin even more food for me, I made my way to the stairs.

I was having Flo recite a book for me when Taya came up. Flo stopped her recitation with, “Taya is hiding something from you.” That’s her business. I don’t want to be oppressive. “It’s a parent’s job to be concerned. If she’s hiding something, you should ask.” Not my business.

I set the quill down and turned to face her. “Did I miss anything, aside from you?”

“You made a lot of people mad. And… I’ve been having uncomfortable dreams.”

I felt my eyes widen a bit before narrowing in disgust. Dammit, Luna! “Yes,” I said. “I have been informed of those. I am going to deal with them when we get back to Ponyville.”

“I… I don’t know if I want to go to sleep again…”

I leaned back and ran my hand through my hair, thinking. I turned back to my desk, pulled out another sheet of paper, and wrote Celestia a quick letter telling her to get Luna to stop making the dream machine thing give ponies wet dreams about me. I mentioned that Taya was afraid of sleeping. When I penned it out, I passed it to Taya. “Go give that to Spike. Tell him to send it as soon as possible.”

“Alright. And… thanks, daddy.” She left and I was alone again.

“Never ends,” I sighed.

“No, it doesn’t,” Flo answered. “And in some cases, it just gets worse.”

“I gotta ask, how did you stay sane that long?”

“Elementals can’t go insane. We can just shut down, in a way. It’s easiest for the earth elementals to do it and hardest for the air elementals. You landed in me when I was dormant. When you spoke, I awoke.”

“Sorry for disturbing your rest, then. Hope you weren’t having a wet dream.”

“I would hurt you for that, but Taya would wonder why you were flinching.” With that, Taya entered. She didn’t have a response.

“Anything going on tomorrow or the day after?” I asked.

“Nothing you’d be interested in.”

“And Pinkie’s thing?”

“Are you really planning on going to that?”

“Pinkie’s a friend and I’ve been neglecting her recently. I forgot all that she’s done for me. I may not like some of what she does, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t support her. I won’t make you go.”

“Everypo—one else is going.”

“Taya, you really should learn to speak like a pony. You probably won’t live with me all your life, and you might confuse some.”

“And what about you? Why don’t you learn to speak like it?”

“Because I have eighteen or so years of not doing it. And because I’m not a pony. And because I couldn’t care less if I confuse or piss anyone off. I have well proven myself as useful and capable. You, they might worry about. Besides, there are those that have suggested that I am not fit to father a pony because of what I am. If you start speaking proper pony, some of those doubts might go away.”

Taya’s horn lit up bright for a second before she… she turned into a little girl. A human girl. A naked human girl. “Then I won’t be a pony anymore,” she answered. She easily stood and walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me. It took me a second to notice my mouth was wide open in shock. “I’ve been… practicing,” she said. “Took me a while to learn to walk.”

“No,” I finally said. I gently pulled her away from me. “I can’t let you do this, Taya. You need to turn back.”

“And why not? You have the option of being a pony but you won’t take it! Why should you be the only one that gets to live like this?”

“Because this is how I was born! I can’t live as a pony, Taya. I feel terrible the entire time I’m in that form. It’s just wrong. And you can’t live as a human! You’ll be hard pressed to find anyone special, you could never have kids without adopting, you’ll get strange looks and intolerance, you’ll start getting periods… God, I’m not qualified to give you the period talk! You need to turn back, Taya.”

She hung her head a bit. “I just want to be closer to you…”

“Taya, you’re my daughter. The only way you can be closer to me is if I tied you to my leg. You don’t have to be a human for me to love you.”

“Then why don’t you ever let me stay with you when you have royal duties?”

“Because I don’t want you to get hurt. And because I don’t want to have to worry about making sure you stay safe. I do not live a safe life, Taya. You being around in those times when I’m fighting means I can’t concentrate on staying alive because I have to concentrate on making sure you stay alive. If you’re with my friends, I don’t have to worry as much about you. I can make sure I get home.”

“I can take care of myself…”

“That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be worried. I can take care of myself, but you’re still worried about me anyway. I do want you to be with me, but I just can’t afford the risk of taking you.”

She was silent for a moment, still looking down. It took me a moment to realize she was crying. I sighed and pulled her back up against me, plopping her down in my lap. It was kind of awkward since she was naked, but I wasn’t going to let awkwardness stop me from comforting my daughter.

I don’t know how long we were like that. Sometime later, she finally pushed away from me. “Can I… stay like this, just for tonight? So I don’t have to dream?”

“Of course. Just… put some clothes on. I have plenty in my bag, just get the clean ones.” I set her back down on the floor. “It’s a shame we aren’t back on earth,” I commented as she walked over. “When you get older, I’d probably have to keep the guys off you with a shotgun.”

“What’s a shotgun?”

“Human weapon. Good for dads.”

She pulled some clothes out of my bag and quickly put them on. They were giant on her, but she managed to get them to stay on with belts. When she turned back to me, she saw that I was back to writing. “What are you working on this time?”

“Presents for Luna.”

“Why? You don’t owe her anything.”

“I’m still her friend, Taya. Friends occasionally give each other gifts. This will be a number of plays by a famous playwright, written in her style. I found my inspiration back in the changeling tunnels, and seem to be able to remember them much better.”

“I know you’re busy, but… can you tell me a story?”

Jesus, this dream shit must have her really upset. Understandably so, though. I would be pretty upset if I had a dream about fucking my dad, or at least someone that I associated with my dad.

I patted the bed next to me. “Anything in particular?”

“A story from where you came from.”

“I can work with that…” I took a few moments to think before I realized that I had absolutely no happy stories to tell. Flo? I heard a sigh as she began to recite. I mimicked her, adding my own flair. It wasn’t an overly long story, but it was happy.

Taya seemed to enjoy it, at least. I got a few more stories to tell her. When I was finished, she was getting tired enough to probably sleep. I sent her to brush her teeth and she finally went off to bed. With a dreamy and tired, “Night, daddy,” she was out, curled up in the blanket on her bed.

I quietly walked over to my bag and ruffled through it until I found my key. “I was going to wait to mention this later, but those items are cursed,” Flo said.

I know. You don’t just find random enchanted items like this. I walked over to the door and locked it with the key.

“Just be careful. If you die, I’ll be on my own yet again…”

Your concern is touching.

“You know I care about you. I would not have offered myself if I did not.” I tossed the key at my bag, turned the lights down, and went to bed. I was sung to sleep yet again. That night, we just talked.

 

When I finally got up, Taya was gone. My clothes were on her bed, so I assumed she turned back. I stretched, feeling a few joints crack. The bed wasn’t all that comfortable, but I wasn’t expecting it to be. I casually threw the axe belt and my shoes on as I started downstairs.

Then I took it all off when I realized that I needed a shower. I poked around a bit until I found it. From what I could tell, this building was empty. I took a quick shower and went to get dressed again. Thankfully, Braeburn didn’t show up or anything.

I did, however, find him waiting in the kitchen. “Well howdy! The girls all left early today, something about a play. They said I could show you around town and bring you by when it’s time. You know, you sure do sleep heavy.”

“Yeah, I do.” An odd thought came to me, then. I’ve never been raped by a stallion. Or a guy. Maybe they’re more loving than chicks or something. Man, I think having a chick in my head is turning me gay.

“That was all you,” Flo answered with a giggle.

You know what, fuck it. “Well, lead the way,” I said with a nod to the door.

He blinked in surprise. “Really? You ain’t gonna yell at me some more? Or threaten me?”

“I didn’t yell at you at all. And I apologize for threatening you. I am very tired of ponies thinking I’m an animal, or calling me one. I know now you didn’t mean to offend.”

“And… last night?”

“They didn’t tell you? I only eat around once a week. My body is different from a pony’s, so I need less food. And I had just gotten back from being in a town full of people that are being rude to me because I’m different or because of the changelings, not sure which. I was in a bit of a testy mood.” I shrugged. “Again, I apologize. Now, did you have any plans for the day? Or are you just going to show me around?”

His grin actually made me feel a little better for some reason. “How about you tell me about some of your adventures while I show you around?”

That didn’t sound fun at all. “I suppose. I wouldn’t be surprised if I had more adventures than you have town, though. Lead the way.”

He did just that. I started with Trixie and worked my way through. We ended the tour at an outcropping of rock above the orchard. My legs were dangling down and he was sitting next to me. I was giving him the abridged versions, but even then we had to stop to get to the play in time.

“So what’s this thing even about?” I asked.

“Don’t know. No pony told me. Hope it ain’t as bad as the last little musical she had here,” he answered.

“Do I even want to know?”

“Probably not.”

I looked around the crowd. It was me, Braeburn, all the girls, Spike, and a small amount of townsfolk. “So where’s everyone else?” I asked him.

“Remember the last one I mentioned? Yeah, it was generally considered pretty bad.”

Thanks a lot, Flo. She murmured something in response.

After a few minutes of waiting, the curtains on the random outdoor stage opened, revealing Pinkie in a tasteful settler dress. Her hair was a bit more ragged than usual and the dress was stained with dirt, as were the dresses of many of those around us.

“Hello everypony, and welcome to my newest play! Or rather, Nav’s newest play… Anyway, may I present, Macbeth!”

I face palmed. How did she even get those notes? I wrote them out while I was in the changeling cave! Hell, how did she even practice?

And then my second surprise of the day: She had humans playing the parts! It took me all of two seconds to figure out they were changelings, though: All of the guys were version of me with various clothing and hairstyles and colors. All the chicks were copies of a woman I knew, presumably taken from Doppel’s memory.

The play was performed perfectly. I don’t know how. The only thing they were missing was mood lighting, and they did what they could with magic and a few pegasi for that.

Most of the audience had no idea what was going on. First, human plays are different from pony plays. Second, these people spoke in antiquated English. Third, there was a lot of fucking dying going on. Macbeth’s a violent fucking play.

When it finished, there was a smattering of applause. More because it was over than anything else, I imagine. Twilight and Rarity seemed to understand it, but they were kind of horrified at the killing.

When it was over, Braeburn turned to me. “You wrote that?”

“Um. Kind of? I’m not the original writer. I brought it over from my world to here.”

“I see.” He turned back to the stage for a minute before turning back to me. “You do realize that play didn’t make any sense, right?”

“I said the same thing to my high school teacher. She wasn’t amused.”

“I don’t reckon she would be, if all your plays are like this! How’s anypony supposed to enjoy them if they can’t understand them?”

“Humans and ponies are different. And I would expect the richer classes to enjoy this play more. I was actually planning them as a gift, and I’m not overly pleased that Pinkie let this one get out before I was ready.”

He looked around at the crowd that was wasting no time dispersing. “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about word spreading, Nav.”

“Yeah, I don’t reckon so. I’ll be right back” I hopped up on the stage to go find Pinkie to get my script back and to tell her to fucking ask first. I pushed past the curtain to find Pinkie handing a bag of heart shaped cookies to a changeling. It grabbed the bulging sack and flew away, barely able to get off the ground.

Pinkie waved for a moment before turning to me with a big smile. “What did you think?” she asked.

I held up my hands and gave a gentle golf clap. “Unexpected. You stole a gift and had it done prematurely. I’m not overly happy about that.”

“Oh p-shaw! How else was I supposed to get you to apologize and talk with Braeburn? He really likes you, you know.”

“No accounting for taste, I suppose… In what way does he like me?”

She giggled. “That’s the fun part! With you and Luna finished, you’ve been so depressed lately. And she has too, apparently, given that everypony has been dreaming about you for days. I figured I could hook you up with Braeburn!” She wasn’t one of those that I told about me and Luna being done.

“And you didn’t see any problems with this.”

“Nope! Why would I?”

“Pinkie, I’m not attracted to stallions.”

“Well, you’re not attracted to mares either. That doesn’t stop you from having a bit of fun though.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but had to close it when I realized she did kind of have a point. Hell, I’m already a horse fucker. But… I’m not a homosexual horse fucker.

I shook my head. “Sorry, Pinkie. It’s just not for me. I do appreciate you trying to look out for me, though. Especially given that little spat a few months ago.”

I felt an invisible slap across the face. “Why would you even mention that?” Flo asked.

Pinkie looked depressed for half a second before popping back up. “You never know until you try!”

“Nah. I’ve done many odd things, but I won’t be adding that. Now come, I’m sure you have some adoring fans to talk to.”

She gasped in surprise before galloping through the curtain. I smiled slightly and followed, knowing that only the girls, Spike, and maybe Braeburn were back there.

I found that I was right. Pinkie looked disappointed, but was still talking very animatedly about the play with them. Most of them didn’t know what the fuck it was about.

Twilight did and was talking to Pinkie in excited tones about motifs or something silly. The others looked like they were sidling away, trying to sneak off. I walked up to the group, picked Taya up, and walked away. I didn’t really have a plan of what to do, but I figured anything would be better than letting Taya suffer like that. Or suffering myself.

The others, perhaps emboldened by my brave deeds, tried their best to sneak off. Fluttershy was the last one left and was backing up until Twilight called out, “Don’t you agree, Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy eeped and looked back, trying not to look guilty. “Um… yes? I mean no! I mean… I don’t understand the question?”

Letting Fluttershy be our scapegoat, the rest of us made sure to get out of earshot. Twilight’s friends went one way. Braeburn, Taya, and I went another. Braeburn spoke up as we walked to some unspecified destination. “So how did you and Taya meet, Nav? She said you were her father. I don’t know much about science, but I don’t think it works like that.”

“Found her in Egypt. Brought her to Equestria.” I shrugged. “Simple as that.”

“No it isn’t,” Taya said. “You always do this! Oversimplify the good you do and embellish the bad! Why do you want everyone to think you’re such a bad person?”

“Because if they think I’m bad, they won’t be surprised when I do evil. I won’t have to see the hurt in their eyes. I won’t have to see the horror and sorrow of a good man gone bad. I’ll just see the recognition, the haunted look of someone who sees exactly what they expect. Braeburn, what else is there to do in this little town?”

He was looking at me in horror.

“What?”

Taya rolled her eyes and used her magic to trip me. “I suppose that counts.” I picked myself off the ground and continued walking.

“Nav… what is wrong with you?” Braeburn asked, fear or something else in his voice.

“A lot of things. You going to answer my question?”

“Not until you tell me what that means! What kinda pony says that about himself?”

“I ain’t a pony, Braeburn. Just because we’re both sapient doesn’t mean we’ll have the same thought process. Now, what can we do?”

“You just said something so dark and depressing… and then you immediately asked me what I want to do like there ain’t no problem in the world. That ain’t normal, part’!”

“Your definition of normal and abnormal does not apply to me, Braeburn. Again, I’m a human. You don’t know how we think versus how ponies think. Trust me when I say that I’m fine.”

“Well… why did she knock you down?”

“Because I called myself a terrible person and she doesn’t like that.”

“Is it true?” he asked. “Are you a terrible pony?”

“Yeah, I’m a terrible pony. But she doesn’t care what kind of pony I am. I don’t either.”

“Uh… are you a terrible person, then?”

Taya finally spoke up. “Of course he’s not! He’s a hero!”

“I think anti-hero might be the better term,” I corrected. “I have done good, yes. But I’ve also done evil.” I have this conversation way too many times. “It honestly doesn’t matter, Braeburn. I’ll be heading home tomorrow. I just want to have one good memory of this town before I go.”

He looked reluctant to drop it, but I guess my dull tone convinced him that it wasn’t a subject worth pursuing. That was probably a good thing for him. I’m tired of getting pity. “Well, I reckon you could tell me more of your adventures. They seem pretty interesting.”

I sighed. “Fine. Not like I have anything else to do but write. That outcropping was nice, we can go back there.”

“Sounds good to me!” He started off towards it. Taya and I followed.

“Taya, you are welcome to go with the others or continue your lessons with Twilight. I know you have to get bored hearing me tell others about what I’ve done.” Lord knows I get bored with it.

“Someone—” I ahemmed again. “Ugh! Somepony has to make sure you tell the truth.”

“What, you don’t trust me?”

“I don’t trust you to tell things as they actually happened. I think it’s more likely you’ll skim over the good and focus on the bad.”

“Just because that’s true doesn’t mean it’s bad.”

“It’s dishonest! It doesn’t paint an accurate portrayal of who you are.”

“Well, I’m also not a very honest person.” She couldn’t really deny that.

Braeburn could, though. “You don’t seem so bad to me. A bit odd, yeah. But so far you seem all talk and no bite. And I don’t think you’ve told me any lies.”

“Have I had a reason to lie to you, Braeburn?”

“Well I don’t think so. But I can’t think of a reason to lie to anypony!”

“I hope your life stays that simple, then. I hope you continue being honest. It does save a lot of trouble, sometimes.”

“What kind of things have you ever had to lie about?”

I shrugged and gave him a list. Not an overly long one, but all of them were situations wherein telling the truth would have been worse than lying.

“Well, none of those makes you a bad pon—er, person! Those are just things ya gotta do. Ain’t got no choice in the matter.”

“I never said I thought I was bad because of lying.” I waited to get tripped, but nothing came. I began looking around again, seeing the surroundings. We were in the trees, now. “I gotta say, Braeburn: For a town full of dicks, you guys did a wonderful job with these trees. I wouldn’t have imagined them being able to grow out here.”

“The townsponies ain’t so bad… You just didn’t exactly give the best impression. You sided with a monster over a pony.”

“I sided with justice. There was more to the story of that dog and the changelings than any pony knows. I did what needed to be done.”

I heard Flo say, “Who are you trying to convince of that, Navarone? You know Celestia would have been kinder to him than feeding off him for the rest of his life, while at the same time making sure he was no threat to anyone.”

“If you say so, Nav,” Braeburn said doubtfully. “The others just don’t like it. Dogs aren’t uncommon around here, though most of them are pets and can’t talk. Whatever that bug thing was… she looked like a real monster. And you sided with her over a critter that we all know for loyalty and affection. You ain’t gonna earn many fans for stuff like that.”

“I stand by it. Enough of this dark talk.” We were at the outcropping now. “Let me tell you how I helped the slaves. At least if you hide the dark spots of that, it sounds like an awesome tale.” We sat down and I told yet another story. Twilight showed up some time in the middle of the third or so and stole Taya away.

It was just me and Braeburn telling stories, then. He was telling me about himself and how the town was founded and about the buffalo. I was telling him about some of the events happening outside of Appaloosa and a bit about myself. It was a nice night, and I think back fondly on it. I was glad I decided to give him a chance.

(Sex is coming. Ctrl+f Sex is over to skip)

 

 

 

We talked on that little outcropping for several hours. I still had a little bit of alcohol left in a flask that I passed back and forth; neither of us could get drunk off that much, but at least it kept our throats wet.

“Sounds like you haven’t had that much luck with the mares, Nav,” he said when I got finished explaining what happened with Luna.

“I haven’t had much luck at all. This world… fuck it.”

“It really ain’t that bad, Nav. I mean, if you try something so many times and keep getting the same result, maybe you should try something different.”

I was silent for a while after that, thinking. I knew he was right, up to a point. A lot of my problems in life were caused by doing the same thing over and over. I could probably solve a lot of them by just going at them in a different way. It’s just… change isn’t always good. And it’s hard sometimes to try new things.

“You’re right, up to a point,” I finally said. “I can only do so much different. Some things are too deeply ingrained in me to change and some would be too much work. But… I might try some new things.” It took me a moment to realize what I implied.

He was looking at me, waiting for me to say something.

I sighed. “I’ve… I’ve never tried anything like that, Braeburn,” I said. Flo, any advice?

“This is all you,” she answered me. “From everything I can tell, he’s willing to do anything you’re comfortable with.”

I slowly nodded. “If we go slowly, I’m willing to try.” His grin split his face. Before he could say anything, I held up a hand. “But nothing is going inside me, especially without lube.”

“Well shoot, part’! That won’t be a problem at all. It’ll even make this easier. Now, just get outta that fancy getup and we can get started.”

I took a second to decide if I really wanted to do this. I was really on the edge. I was willing to try it, but at the same time I was afraid. I sagged a bit and removed my shirt, stretching my wings out wide. It felt good to air them out sometimes. Braeburn let out a low whistle and I flinched, not used to something actually liking my human body.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I’m… I’m not used to someone actually liking the way I look. Luna hated being a human and I hated being a pony. I think I’ve only had a few lovers that actually liked my body.”

He scoffed. “Don’t know why. You’re a little odd, but…” He licked his lips. “Odd ain’t always bad.” His eyes went to my pants. “Of course, you ain’t quite finished yet.” I said a quick prayer and undid my belt. I wasted no time removing my pants and kicking them aside. “Huh. I was expecting more hair.”

“That’s what the dragon said,” I commented, actually blushing for the first time in a while.

“Now, now, don’t you be thinking about her any. I’ll treat you like a right gentlecolt. You just rest your back down there on the ground and we can get started.”

I took a deep breath and gently sat down. He walked up to me before I could lay back any and brought his lips to mine. I was surprised, not expecting him to actually do anything like that. After a moment, I let him into my mouth. I felt his tongue exploring as mine receded, the fear I was still feeling making me hesitant to act.

Perhaps sensing my reluctance to act, Braeburn pulled back. “Relax, Nav. If you want me to stop anything I’m doing, just tell me.”

I let out a breath and nodded. “Okay. Okay, I’m ready.” I hope.

He nodded and put a hoof on my chest, gently pushing me back. I leaned back onto my arms, not wanting to lie on the ground for fear of hurting my wings. He grinned at my member. “See there? Looks like somepony’s happy to see me.”

Despite the awkwardness of it, my body still knew that something fun was probably about to happen. I wasn’t fully hard yet, but I was getting there.

I let out a gasp as his mouth encompassed it and he worked his tongue around it, trying to get me hard. As strange and uncomfortable as the situation was, Braeburn was doing his best to make it feel good. It didn’t take me long to harden, filling up more of his mouth and making him grunt in pleasure at the feel. He used his forelegs to push my legs out of his way, giving him better access by holding my legs open.

He pulled back so that just the head was in his mouth. His big green eyes looked up at mine as he circled the head with his tongue before bobbing back down, taking it in up to the base and wrapping his tongue around, moaning as he did so. My heart rate began to pick up as he continued pleasing me with his mouth.

I felt a hand go unbidden to his head. I threw his hat to the side and began rubbing at one of his ears, while the other hand tried to hold me off the hard ground. In response, he bobbed down again, taking all of me inside and letting the tip slide gently down his throat. I felt his tongue lick out and caress my balls, cradling them and wetting them before he pulled back up and continued playing with just the head.

I was starting to pant as he kept up the blowjob, not wanting it to end but at the same time unable to stop myself from peaking sooner than ever.

“Brae-Braeburn, I’m… I’m about to…”

His eyes locked with mine as he bobbed down again, ready to catch the seed that finally erupted into his throat. I felt his tongue reach out and cradle my balls again, trying to get as much as possible. My hand left his ear and went to the back of his head, trying to keep him down so he couldn’t pull away if he tried.

When he finally milked as much as he could from me, I felt him begin to pull away, his tongue finally releasing me. I let my hand fall away and he stepped back, grinning. “See there? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

I had finally caught my breath. “That might have been the best blowjob I’ve ever gotten,” I sighed. “You did better than a princess.”

He blushed. “Well shoot. It takes a stallion to know how to please a stallion. Now, you wanna head on back? It’s getting kinda late.”

I took a moment to think. I’ve come this far. What’s the harm in finishing it? “No. You did… this for me. The least I can do is attempt to return the favor.”

He looked shocked but pleased. “You sure, Nav? I won’t ask ya to.”

“No, I’m not sure. Just… lay down on your back. And take your vest off.”

He nodded and stripped out of the little vest he had. He tossed it aside to join his hat. He got on the ground and rolled onto his back, his hooves sticking up a bit in the air. His head tilted up to look at me. “Don’t worry too much about being careful with me,” he said. “I don’t mind it rough.”

I grimaced a bit at memories before gently caressing his sheath. He sighed in pleasure as I slowly worked his stallionhood out, rubbing my hands on it as it quickly increased in size. “Oh, why can’t ponies have hands?” he whispered.

I booped the head of his equine shaft. “Because that would look silly.” I continued rubbing him as I asked, “Two choices. Do you want me to use my mouth or my wings?”

“Why not… why not both?”

I stretched my wings out fully. “Well, I’ll give it a shot…” I took a moment to wonder what my dad would say if he saw me now before moving my face in and gently kissing the tip. Not even going to try to fit it all in... I reached my tongue out and circled the head as I brought my wings in and began caressing the shaft with them, feather-light touches making him sigh in pleasure.

My tongue continued tasting his member as I worked just the head inside of my mouth, wrapping my lips around it and flicking out against his urethra, pressing in just a little to tease before pulling back and circling some more.

One of my hands went down to his sack to gently massage his balls while my other held him in place, making sure he didn’t escape my playful tormenting. I moved my eyes away from his furry stomach to look at his face. His eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip, blushing up a storm. I giggled and he finally let out a moan. I let my eyes return to my workspace as I continued toying with him.

I pulled my mouth away from his tip with a pop. He groaned as I ran my tongue down the shaft and lifted one of my wings to circle his head while I gently sucked on his balls, my hands continuing to run along his shaft.

“N-nav…” he moaned as I continued. He was getting close. I moved my mouth back up to his tip and let my wings continue toying with his shaft. I saw one of his hooves moving up to my head. I grabbed it with one of my hands and pushed it away.

I worked his head into my mouth again and began taking more of him inside. I wouldn’t be able to deepthroat, but I could please him more by getting more inside. I grinned as I heard him moaning and I continued circling his head with my tongue, hoping to finish this quickly.

“I’m… I’m gonna…” I pulled my mouth away and let my wings pick up the pace, driving him to finish as I got away from the blast zone. I aimed him away with my hands as he messily squirted, coating the rock a few feet away with his juices. I continued rubbing him and letting my wings toy with him as he squirted a bit more out. I continued until he began to go limp, finally exhausted. “That… that was amazing,” he sighed.

I pulled my wings away. “Consider that my apology for how I treated you earlier,” I said.

“So… you’re rethinking stallions?”

“I can’t really imagine a relationship with one… but I don’t know if I would mind doing this again. Honestly, this might be a onetime thing… I like mares too much.”

He slowly nodded, rolling over so he could stand up again. “I understand, Nav. It ain’t for everypony. Still, you gave it a chance. And by Celestia, what a chance it was! I ain’t ever been treated like that before!”

I fluttered my wings. “They’re good for something, at least. So, you ready to head on back?”

He looked up at the sky to see the sun finally sinking below the horizon. “I reckon we should, but I don’t really want to. This was fun, Nav.”

“Well, if you ever come to visit Applejack and I’m in town, maybe you can convince me to make that one time thing happen again.”

He grinned. “I might just do that.”

 

 

 

 

(Sex is over)

 

 

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