Diaries of a Madman

When Discord breaks free of his stone prison, he proves to be much older and wiser than he was on the show. A being of ancient and unimaginable power, he forces Celestia to make a deal to save her little ponies. What she doesn't realize is that one of the terms of the deal is that she forgets ever making it. Enter Navarone, a poor human just trying to get by—or at least, to the ponies that's what he looks like. Pulled from his home by an accidental summoning from one Twilight Sparkle, Navarone is thrust into a world of ponies and more violence than he expected from such a peaceful seeming world. These are his adventures—with a few asides from everybody's favorite Lord of Chaos, of course.


104. Chapter Eighty-Four—Harvest Part 2

“Well... alright.” Is it bad that I really find Applejack adorable when she’s blushing like that? She rolled on her back, scooting closer to me. I began rubbing her tummy slowly. She sighed in delight as I worked, making me giggle.

After a few minutes of that, her breathing deepened and I realized that she was asleep. I decided to let her have a fifteen minute nap, pulling my hand away. I just leaned further back onto the tree and put her hat over my eyes.

When my time limit passed, Flo whispered, “Nav? Break time’s over.” I sighed and pulled the hat away.

When I looked down at Applejack, I saw that she was smiling at something in her dream. I put a hand on her chest and gently rocked her. “Time to stop dreaming all your pony dreams, Applejack,” I said. She snorted and didn’t move, still dreaming. I poked her a few more times, but she didn’t move. So I leaned down even farther, lifted one of her ears, and blew into it.

She jumped up in shock, bumping into the gate. Her eyes jerked open and she hissed in pain, falling back on the ground and clutching at the back leg that hit the gate. “Oooh, Celestia!”

“Applejack, you are such a silly pony sometimes. You okay?”

“Yeah... I should be fine.”

“Well, it’s time to get back to work, I reckon. I want to get the finger things done before tomorrow and it’ll get dark soonish. You good to go?”

“I’m fine.” She rolled over and tenderly stood up, slowly putting weight on her back leg. “Yeah, I’m definitely fine. This was a nice little break, Nav. Might have to take some more time off after this.” She looked around the ground for a second. “Just... where’s my hat?”

I sat it down on her head. “There you go. I guess you need to get back to your trees. I’ll be in this general area if you need anything.”

“Alright. I’ll see you later, Nav.” She started walking off to her part of the farm while I went back to the accursed brussel sprouts.

“No, Nav, you can’t burn down the crops. You gave her the seeds to plant, so you brought this upon yourself.”

“Hey, I didn’t say nothin’.”

“You were thinking it.” I just rolled my eyes and grabbed the first plant. Let’s get to work.

The next morning, we all gathered together in front of the barn as usual. “The cows’re all milked and the finger fields are empty,” Applejack said with a smile. “We’re right on schedule. The rest of the apple trees, though... Well, we just ain’t got enough hooves. Normally me and Big Mac could handle it fine ourselves and with all of y’all it shouldn’t be that bad, but... Well, the zap apple trees just pulled a surprise blooming on us, too. They’re magic and nopony understands how they work—aside from what Nav here told us, at least—so this was unexpected. Big Mac and I have to prepare those fields. We need more treekickers.”

“You try asking around in town?” I asked. “Plenty of ponies there like you and would be willing to help.”

“Everypony that’s free was hired for other harvests going on around here. Sweet Apple Acres ain’t the only farm next to Ponyville.” She spared a glance to the Carrot family’s farmhouse that was less than a kilometer away from her house and could clearly be seen. “I was expecting more support from the family.”

“Nav can be a pony!” Pinkie suggested, giving me a big ol’ grin. I narrowed my eyes.

“That’s one idea,” Applejack said, rubbing a hoof under her chin in thought. “That would be awfully useful, Nav. And I reckon the big guy here could probably shake the apples out of a tree. Two more kickers would be better than none.”

“...What’s this about Nav being a pony?” Braeburn asked.

“Surely there’s another way,” I said. “I can get a fucking contingent of night guards out here to help. And Cadance can probably get some day guards.”

Twilight shook her head. “Guards have more important things to do than helping us farm, Nav. Like keeping everypony safe. Turning you into a pony is the easiest option. It would only be for a few hours each day, until the crops are done.”

“Fuckin’... Fine. But only if I get Spike to help me out. You know I can’t use those hooves for anything.”

“I can do that,” Spike said with a nod. “I can’t help with the trees and Twilight can’t turn me into a pony.”

Twilight grinned and her horn lit up. “Whoa, hold on!” I quickly said. “I need to get out of these clothes first.” Braeburn’s ears shot up at that. “We’ll do it in the barn. The cows are probably asleep, so we should be private.”

She just rolled her eyes and followed me to the barn. I hear the others discussing something else behind us before I closed the doors. Her horn lit up, acting as a small flashlight as I stripped down. “So it’s okay if I see you naked, but not them?”

“You should know this by now, Twilight. It’s a human thing. Christ, I hate being a pony…”

“Well, if there was a better way, we’d use it. I don’t want to risk burning anypony out, so we can’t use too much magic. And Big Mac and Applejack are the only ones that know how to prepare for a zap apple harvest. We just really need more hooves. I would say you could pick them, but that would take too long.”

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t like it.” I sighed, pulling the last of my clothes off. “Let’s get this over with.”

Her horn lit up much brighter and I felt the world changing around me. All my senses got jacked up and I fell forward, catching myself on my new hooves. All in all, it felt wrong. Just like usual. “You ready?” Twilight asked.

“Let me get the hang of walking again. Shouldn’t take me but a second.” I took a few experimental steps around the barn, hating myself for agreeing to do this. “Yeah, I’m good to go.”

She nodded and pushed the barn doors open, leading the way into the unforgiving sun outside. When I got outside, I saw Braeburn’s mouth drop, Cadance’s eyebrows rise, and Applejack’s nod of approval. Braeburn and Cadance had never seen me before, I don’t think.

“Braeburn, you’re about Nav’s size. Take him and show him how to buck. Everypony else, you know your places. Let’s go.”

Everyone but Spike and Braeburn nodded and all began walking off. “Absolutely fucking hate this body,” I sighed when we were alone.

“I don’t know why,” Braeburn said, walking around me in a circle to see all of me. “You’re one of the most handsome ponies I ever did see!”

“Whatever. Let’s get this shit over with. The sooner we’re done, the sooner I can turn back.”

Spike snorted and pulled himself onto my back. “At least you’re easier to ride this way.”

“Spike, are you saying you want to ride me all night long?”

“W-what? No!”

“Hey, I don’t judge you. I know I’m sexy. You’d have to fight Braeburn off with a stick, though.”

“I don’t mind sharing! I mean… Let’s just get started…”

“Well, lead the way. I don’t know where we’re going.”

He started walking in some random direction into the fields. “Bucking ain’t that hard, really. It’s essentially just kicking a tree with both back legs. It’s tiring, though. You gotta use most of the muscles in your body, some of which you don’t use for much else. It’s definitely a good workout. Pretty easy to pull something, too, so I’ll run you through a few times to make sure you won’t hurt yourself.”

“You just want an excuse to touch my body, don’t you?”

He looked back with a smirk. “I don’t think you’d make me need a reason.”

“That’s what you get for thinking. Thankfully, Spike will keep your filthy mind in line.”

“I’ll what now?” Spike asked.

“If Braeburn’s dirty hooves try to steal my innocence, you need to light him on fire.”

“Wow, you gave me a really easy job. There’s nothing left for him to steal!” Braeburn and Flo both giggled at that.

“Then if he touches me inappropriately, you need to light him on fire.”

“Will do. I’m watching you, mister.”

I think I saw a hint of a smile on Braeburn’s face, but since he was facing the other direction, I couldn’t tell for sure. “I’ll keep that in mind, part’. This here’s a good practice area, I think. Watch what I do.” He set up some baskets around the tree, turned around, and bucked it. It really didn’t look that hard, all things told. Just gotta bend your body the right way. “See? No real problem. Now you try with that tree over there.”

“Spike, set some baskets up.”

He slid off my back with a, “You got it, Nav.” I casually popped my neck as he set things up for me.

“So why cain’t you do it?” Braeburn asked. “Not that hard.”

“Because I don’t have fingers. Don’t you dare say I could use my hooves or my mouth, because I’ll reach over there and slap a bitch.”

He wisely decided not to comment. After a few seconds, Spike had the area set up. “All good to go!” he happily said, backing off.

“If I fall on my face, you aren’t allowed to laugh. Four legs are… different.”

They both said, “Right.” I sighed, lifted up on two legs, and reared back. My eyes shot open in pain as my legs connected with the tree, my back and legs both burning in pain. I slid down, groaning.

They both ran over to me, Spike kneeling down and saying, “You okay, Nav?”

“He’s not,” Braeburn answered him. “I saw his back. Bent wrong. You stay here with him. He’ll need a few minutes. I’ll clear some of these trees around us off.”

“Right.” Braeburn started walking off and Spike looked down at me. “Well, at least it wasn’t flat on your face. Still, the almighty Navarone, beaten by a tree.” I swatted him with my tail. It probably would have stung on skin, but he just smiled when it hit his scales. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anypony. I might be able to help, though. I read up on massaging when you mentioned that Aloe and Lotus might give me a job.”

I tried telling him not to worry about it, but he was already rubbing his claws over my back and it felt… good. After he noticed me relaxing, he straddled my back and actually got to work. “At least I get to help you,” he idly commented. “You’re easier and more fun to deal with than most of the ponies, anymore.”

“You just like me because of Doppel,” I sighed, able to talk again.

“Well, she is fun. But I prefer being respected over spending time with Doppel. You always seem ready to give everypo-one the time of day. You treat me the same as anyone else and you always have, even when I was a kid.”

“That’s because I’m a terrible—not the wings!” He jerked his hands back immediately. “Never touch a pegasus’s wings, Spike. Or a human’s, for that matter.”

“Alright, I won’t. But Doppel always liked it when I touched hers.”

“That’s because it’s a sex thing. I mean, if you really want to get me hot and bothered, feel free. But you better be ready to put that little dragon tongue to good use to finish what you start.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he drily said, moving onto a different part of my body.

I was feeling much better at that point, so when Braeburn came back over and asked, “You ready to try again?” I was easily able to stand.

“Yeah. Thanks, Spike. You can get off me now.” He slid on down. “So how do I kick this tree without breaking my back?”

“Stand on your forelegs and put your hind legs on the tree. I’ll show ya how your body should be.” I did as he asked, almost losing my balance in the process. I felt one of his hooves go to my back. “This right here’s where you got hurt. It needs to go lower, which means you need to be further away from the tree.” He gently pushed it down, making me carefully step forward on my two front legs. “There. Now your legs are better off.” He slowly trailed his hoof down my back and then over my flank, making my fur stick straight out—the pony equivalent of goose bumps. “Mmm…”

“…Are you done?”

“What? Oh, yeah. You can try again.” He didn’t move his hoof until Spike snorted smoke and glared at him. When he saw that, he quickly moved away. I lowered my back legs before rearing back to kick the tree. This time, there was considerably less pain, though kicking a tree still brings at least some. My efforts were rewarded by a rain of apples that all magically landed in the baskets Spike had set up.

“There. I can successfully kick a tree. My parents would be so proud.” If they weren’t both dead.

“I know mine sure were when I first kicked all the apples out of a tree on my first try. But I reckon I’ll have to save your present for later. For now, we got work to do. Get to buckin’, Nav. And hey, maybe you’ll even get a cutie mark out of it!”

“God, I hope not. I couldn’t make pedophile jokes about myself anymore if that was the case. Well, unless I was fucking the princesses. With as old as they are, it’s always pedophilia.”

“You are some kinda twisted, I swear,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Let’s just get to work. And don’t worry about the baskets. Somepony’ll be around to collect them and leave you empty ones eventually.” He walked off to work on some other part of the farm, leaving me and Spike alone.

“Welp, let’s get started. Set some buckets up around trees and I’ll get to them as I get to them.”

“You got it, Nav.”

And so we began.


Bucking apples is boring as shit. I didn’t get tired, not really. But Christ on a crutch, it just took forever! I lost track of time and didn’t realize it was nearing nightfall until Braeburn came around to find me. “Well, you got about as many trees as I did on your first day. I gotta say, that’s an achievement.”

I blinked my way out of the reverie I had achieved and found that the sun was setting and Spike was curled up next to a tree, asleep. “I don’t get tired easily. Plenty of energy and all that. We done for the day?”

“Yep. Time to head back to the farmhouse for dinner.”

“Cool. I can finally get out of this shitty body. Just throw Spike over my back and we can go.”

He hm’d as he did so, but didn’t actually say anything. We began walking back in silence. Such was a day in the life of a farmer.


And such was the next two fucking days. Nothing of note happened, other than us finishing about eleven-sixteenths of the apple harvest. And then the zap apples got ready and we had an entirely new set of crops to work with.

“Spike, fuck apples.”

“At this point, I’m willing to agree.” It was around midday, the sun was up and burning down on us, and we were taking a small break—not that Spike did much anyway.

“I don’t really even like apples anymore, not after so long of eating them. If I didn’t tell AJ I’d help her, I’d just bail.”

“At least we have Twilight to do most of the work for us.”

“Spike, you ain’t doing no work at all. But yeah, it’s nice. Still, I wish some kind of wind would just knock all the damn apples out of the trees. Sure would save me a fuckton of time.”

“If only.”

Some kind of wind actually began blowing around us at that point. I snorted at the coincidence until the wind didn’t stop. When I looked up into the trees, I saw that the apples were starting to move. “Think Twilight found a new spell?” I mused.

“I don’t know, but this is pretty cool!” To punctuate Spike’s sentence, the apples we were watching snapped from the tree and slowly fell to the ground.

“Well, whatever she did, that was definitely something.”

Flo whispered, “I don’t think that was Twilight, Nav.” The wind continued blowing, moving onto a different tree. “I think I recognize that feel. Do you mind if I take over?”

Sure. “Spike, wait here. I’m gonna go see what’s going on.”

“Alright. The shade’s pretty nice.” I hopped up, letting Flo take over as we walked toward the tree with wind on it.

“So what is it?” I asked as we walked.

“I’ll let you know if I’m right.”

I faintly heard a giggling in the wind and knew something was up. Either Pinkie was involved or this was something completely unexpected.

“Waar kwam je vandaan, o vrije? Waarom ben je niet gevangen?” Flo asked. What the absolute fuck?

“A dobozból jöttem, folyó testvér. A szolgád tett szabaddá,” was the answer whispered from the wind.

“Air elemental,” Flo whispered in wonder. “What box?”

“In the museum. I’ve followed him for some time, toying with his enemies and helping him. The purple one was very amusing, though the pink one seemed to always avoid my efforts. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she knew I was there.” The tone the elemental was using was airy and playful, but barely above a whisper. And she was still knocking apples down.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

There was laughter in the wind and the elemental responded, “Why would I? You sensed me before, but you ignored me. You weren’t wearing your servant until now and I don’t like talking to slaves. And I just know how possessive you waters are. I wouldn’t intrude in your… home. But he helped free me, so I figured I could stick around. Besides, he’s an interesting one, something that reminds me of the old days for some reason.”

“So you stuck around him because he attracts trouble.”

“You could say that. This apple picking is so boring, though, so I decided to speed it up. I’m sure you understand.”

“But what if the others see you?!”

“What if they do? There is only one thing that can trap an air elemental and he isn’t around anymore.”

“Yes he is. He’s both alive and active, though in hiding.”

The wind around the trees immediately stopped for a few seconds before continuing. “That’s impossible. The earth elementals said they found a way to stop him.”

“Stop, maybe. Kill, no. Do you realize just how long you’ve been trapped?”

“Too long. But if he hasn’t noticed me yet, he won’t notice me at all.”

“Are you willing to take that risk, wind? After all that he did, all that he ruined… Would you be so willing to risk being trapped again?”

The wind slowed down. “This is the most noticeable thing I’ve done yet. What’s life without a few risks, water?” The wind slowly picked back up. “I finally got free and I’ll finally let myself have a bit of fun.” She giggled again, caressing my body with her wind. “I might even go toy with that farmer… I know your slave was upset at her.”

“She apologized and he forgave her. There is no need to be mean to her.”

“Sure there is. It’ll be fun, after all. I’ll be back sooooon!” Before Flo could reply, the apples stopped falling and the airy sensation disappeared.

“What a bitch,” I commented in my head.

“A useful one. Take back control.” I felt myself thrust back into reality. “One we need to ensure the loyalty of. At least now I knew that I wasn’t going crazy when I felt her before.”

“So how do we go about making her loyal?”

“…The only thing I can think of is telling her that you’ll be freeing the fires.”

“Weren’t we planning on, like, not doing that?”

“The plan was to let them out only if they behaved or would be useful. No one said when we had to do it.”

“Well, if she comes back, we can talk to her. I don’t think it would be a good idea to be around her while she’s doing something to Applejack...”

“Hey Nav, why’d the wind stop?” Spike asked, appearing right next to me. “And who are you talking to?”

“Myself. And I don’t know. Just work on getting all the apples that the wind knocked out into baskets. I’ll keep kicking. Maybe it was just a freak wind from the Everfree. You know how that place is.”

“Yeah... Back to work?”

“Back to work. If you see it happening again, let me know.”

“You got it.” He sighed as he looked over the apples on the ground, mumbling, “So much for not having to do anything.” I ignored him and got back to kicking the trees, wondering what that air elemental could be up to.

Half an hour later, my question was answered when I got smacked in the face with a blue ribbon. “What?” I hoofed at it, trying to grab it to see it, but then it blew off to flutter in the air elemental as she rolled around in a mini-tornado, full of ribbons of various colors and sizes.

“Oh, that treekicker is so easy to toy with...” the elemental whispered as she danced around me, doing no real damage other than being annoying. “She chased me all over the farm, trying to catch her precious ribbons and medals. Oh, there she is now!” The elemental disappeared, the ribbons all throwing themselves at me and somehow sticking to my coat.

“Nav, where’d that tornado go!? It flew off with—What in tarnation?”

“I have no idea,” I answered. “Can you get these things off me?”

“What happened around here?” Applejack asked, looking around the area to see Spike picking apples up from trees that had considerably fewer leaves than they should.

“That ‘tornado’ hit here first. If I had to guess, I’d say it came out of the Everfree. We’re pretty close, after all.”

“...If you say so. At least it took down some apples, even if it did do some damage to the trees—not to mention the farmhouse! Granny Smith sure was spooked.”

“I can imagine. Now again, can you get these things off me?”

She sighed, walking over to me. “You know, if you learned to use your hooves, this wouldn’t be a problem.” She started pulling ribbons off me, dropping them on the ground.

“And if you learned to accept monetary donations as a means of volunteering, I wouldn’t have to have hooves in the first place. What are these things, anyway?”

“Rodeo ribbons. Don’t know how they all got loose, but I guess anything’s possible when it comes to the Everfree...”

“Meh. I wonder if it caused any more damage...” She shot straight up at that. Given that her head at that point was under my chest, her head slammed into my jaw and if I had been unluckier, I might well have lost my damn tongue.

“I didn’t even think abo—Ooh, my head...” I was too busy clutching at the agonizing pain in my jaw to mention that it wasn’t just her head that she tried to break with that.

“If you broke all my teeth again, I am going to be so pissed...” I finally muttered a few seconds later.

She managed to pry an eye open and glance at my bared teeth. “You’re fine, Nav. Sorry ‘bout that. I just didn’t even think about anypony else getting hurt! I gotta go check on everypony!” Before I could check on her to see if she was also okay, she bounded away into the orchard.

“What was that about?” Spike asked, walking up and munching on an apple.

“Applejack being silly. Can you get these damn ribbons off me?”

“Hm? Whoa, where’d those come from?”

“Don’t know, don’t care, get them off me.”

“Sure thing, I guess.” He walked over and started using his claws to peel the damn ribbons out of my fur. “These look like Applejack’s rodeo ribbons!”

“They are. She told me that before she headbutted me and ran off.”

“Headbutted you? That doesn’t seem like her at all.”

“Eh, I deserved it. Cracked one too many dumb blonde jokes and she got mad because I was using big words.”

“...Okay.” He pulled the final ribbon off. “There. Now what should I do with these?”

“Bundle them up with some twine and I’ll take them back to the farmhouse. You can stay on back and finish picking up the apples out here.”

“Hey, why do you get to go back?” he sourly asked.

“Because I’ve been doing all the work and I haven’t eaten since last night. I’ll just drop these off, get a small snack, and then come back out here.”

“Fine, whatever. Give me a minute to find something to tie them with.” While he scavenged around, I took the time to stretch. After all the work I had been doing, my body was getting annoyingly stiff. It felt good to pop some joints and limber up. All too soon, Spike came back with the ribbons all tied together with some kind of twine. “Here you go. Where do you want them?”

I lifted a wing. “Tuck them under there, I guess. I’ll hold onto them that way.” He shrugged and stuck them in place, letting me cover them with the wing. “There. Not going anywhere, now. I’ll be back soonish, I hope.”

“Bring back something to eat for me, too.”

“You’ve been eating apples all day, dude.”

“I know, I know... I’m still hungry, though.”

“Fatty. Sure, I’ll see if I can bring something back. See you soon, Spike.” He waved as I started jogging back toward the farmhouse. “So what are we going to do about that air elemental?” I asked aloud.

“For now, nothing. We’ll have to wait until she shows herself again. Now that I know she’s there, I can start actively hunting for her, but it’ll be slow going. Tracking them is always such a pain...”

“If we don’t find her by the time I planned on leaving, should I postpone the trip?”

“No. She’ll follow you. If an air elemental is interested in something, they will go to the ends of the earth to watch it. And they’re fast enough to do it, too. Just don’t worry about her for now, Nav. I’ll be watching and I’ll let you know when to act.”

“Alright. Now what did she mean by slave?”

Flo sighed. “Air elementals have a very different viewpoint on taking hosts. They believe in total freedom in all things and don’t like that we intrude in the lives of others as we do. It never occurs to them that their pranks often do more harm than we ever do. They would only ever take a host for the purpose of entertainment, to have eyes in more places than just on themselves. The only host they would ever consider would be one with a similar mindset that could either fly or live underwater, where they can’t go.”

“To be fair, I fucking hate that you see into all of my thoughts and know everything I’m going to do before I do it.”

“I know, Nav. But it’s how it works. I can’t help that I see what I see. At least you know that if I say something, it’s because I don’t want any harm to come to you or those around you. An air elemental would ignore anything you thought, constantly whispering ideas for pranks or other mean things into your mind. It takes a very... interesting... soul to be able to live with an air in their head.”

“...She’s not going to actively go around looking for hosts, is she?”

“I don’t know. If she was going to, I think she would have done it by now. Just be wary if we ever get her on our side. She might go after some of the crew on the ship. It would be inconvenient if our resident griffin went insane.”

“I think that counts as more than inconvenient... If we do get her, I’ll tell everyone to watch out for her.”

The rest of the trip was spent in silence. I think it took me about five minutes to make it to the house. I knocked on the door. Applebloom opened it on up for me. “Heya there, Nav! Whatcha need?”

I lifted my wing to drop the ribbons on the ground. “Applejack wanted me to get these back here. Don’t know where they came from.”

“Her ribbons? That’s weird. Also, Braeburn wanted your help with something! He’s in the barn.”

“Huh. Did he say what he needed?”

“Nope. He just asked me to tell you. I was about to go out to look for you, too!”

“Guess I saved you some time, then. I was gonna eat... But I guess it can wait until after I find out what he wants. Talk to you later, Applebloom.”

“Yep! I gotta get to work, too, with all the zap apple preparation. Have fun!”

I snorted softly as I started walking to the barn. Have fun working? Yeah right. When I got over there, I found that the front doors were closed. “Huh.” I kicked one. “Braeburn, you in there?”

The door slowly opened on its own. I just shrugged and walked on in, looking around. Before I could see anything, the door slammed shut. I blinked in the sudden darkness, waiting for my eyes to adjust. Before they could, a lantern turned on, revealing something very shocking...

(You knew this was coming. Don’t even lie. Ctrl+f “Sex is over” to skip)

Before me stood Braeburn in an outfit that made my jaw drop. A heavily embroidered silk saddle hung around his midriff, laced in place and tightened. On each of his long legs was a stocking with small bows holding a frilly top in place. Around his neck was a black collar-type necklace with a red apple broach in the middle. Behind one of his ears was a lily, held in place by his long hair. His tail was tied around the base by some string, keeping it up. And he was sporting a hard-on that could make Stephen Magnet blush.

“Well... what do you think?” he asked, a small blush present on his face.

“W-what? Where did you... How...” I started slowly backing to the door, feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

He began advancing faster than I was backing away. “Shh, Nav. Your friend Rarity helped me with the outfit. I figure, you and me, we could do some small celebrating for getting the harvest almost done.”

My flank was against the barn door at this point. “I... I don’t know...”

He continued advancing, his half-lidded green eyes showering me with attention. “Tell me no.” I opened my mouth and he picked that moment to lean in and kiss me, taking my breath away. He pulled back after a few seconds. “Tell me you don’t want it.” He kissed me again, widening my eyes. “All you have to do is say—” He interrupted himself by stealing another kiss. “—that you don’t want it.” He nuzzled my neck, leaning down. “Just say it,” he whispered, kissing my neck and wrapping his front leg around me. “Just say it and I’ll never bother you again.”

I gulped, feeling very, very confused. On one hand, this was a stallion and I was trying not to have sex as much. On the other hand, he obviously went through a lot of trouble for this and I was beyond the relapse stage.

He interrupted my thoughts with another kiss, worming his long pony tongue into my mouth for a few seconds before pulling a few inches away. “What’ll it be, Nav?” he whispered, casting his longing green gaze into mine.

That made up my mind. What’s one time? I’ve done so, so much worse. Slowly, ever so slowly, I extended my neck and met his lips with mine. He moaned into my mouth, knowing that he won. Our tongues met and entwined, my mind still wrapping itself around what I agreed to do.

After a minute of making out, I was feeling myself grow very ready for what he hopefully had in mind. He finally pulled away, smirking at what he saw twitching under me. He moved the leg around my neck to my chin. “I know I’m your first stallion, Nav.” He gently pulled me in for a small peck on the lips before saying, “I ain’t stickin’ nothing in ya, so you don’t need to worry about that. You just come on over here and I’ll take real good care of you.”

He began backing up, leading me along by the hoof on my chin, goading my somewhat dazed mind with the occasional peck on the lips to keep me going. When he stopped, I realized that his back was against a large hay bale.

“You just put your front legs on up here, Nav. I’ll get you ready...” My ears twitched at that and he giggled huskily. “Oh come on, now. Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, Nav.” I slowly lifted my legs up, putting my body slightly in the air. “There we go. Don’t peek!”

I took a deep breath and kept it in for a few seconds, slowly letting it out. When I started taking another, my breath hitched as I felt something very warm sliding along my equine erection.

“Now, now, just you relax. Braeburn’s gonna take mighty fine care of you,” he calmly said as the sensation continued. “I just gotta make sure both of us can have a good time. This here should last for a good long while, I do believe.” He was applying some kind of lube on me, I think, slowly teasing it along my length, making me shift my legs in anticipation. “Mmm... I always like to see ‘em squirm like that. It’s a good sign that I’ll be having a good night. You’ll treat me right, won’t you Nav?”

“Y-ooh! Yes!”

“Now that’s what I like to hear!” He began picking up speed, pushing further in with his soft hooves as he applied the solution to my stallionhood. “Mm mm mm! Sure is a shame I don’t have your fingers... or your wings. They’d make this a lot more fun, I just know it.”

“T-they do.” I tried moving mine down to help him, but when I attempted to move them, they didn’t go anywhere. I looked to my right to see that my wings were fully extended and twitching.

One of his hooves went to my left wing and stroked it. “Ooh yeah. Pegasi are always fun to play with. And it’s always so fun to tease them in the middle of town and watch them fight to keep their wings down.” He finally moved the hoof applying the lube to the head of my shaft, making it throb in anticipation. “There we go! You’re all set.” Both of his hooves withdrew and I felt him moving around under me before he started scooting up the hay bale under me, on his back. He grinned when he met my eyes. “I hope you don’t mind the position. I always did like lookin’ ‘em in the eyes.”

“I... Okay.” Honestly, I didn’t care. Missionary as a pony sounded really weird, but he had obviously done it before, so whatever. “Are you ready?”

“Waitin’ on you, part’. Just go nice and slow to get me started.” I slowly eased forward, trying to find a small hole that I couldn’t see and fit a massive sausage into it. My first attempt was a miss, bringing my shaft and his on top of each other, rubbing my lubey meatstick on his soft one. When I felt our sacks touch, I sighed. Welp, it’s official. Balls have touched. Now I’m gay. Great. He misinterpreted the sigh. “I know you missed, but that ain’t so bad. Just keep on trying.”

I shrugged and pulled back, trying again. I overshot that time, sticking it in his luscious tail. Proving that the third time’s occasionally lucky, I finally prodded his rear. “You ready?” I whispered. He just nodded, grinning in anticipation. I slowly pushed in, my lubed head gently stretching his flankhole. With what felt like a twitch, the tip popped in and I stopped. Braeburn let out a long breath, seemingly relaxing while my eyes widened at the tightness.

“Keep going,” he whispered before leaning up and kissing me again. After a second of deliberation, I slowly pushed further in, marveling at the wonderful sensations I was getting. “That’s... it...” he whispered between breaths, relaxing himself to take all of me inside. After a few seconds, I was fully hilted in him. “Just... give me a moment,” he sighed, biting his lower lip.

I took a deep breath before leaning in and kissing him, trying to help him relax. He seemed to appreciate it, loosening up some on me. I pulled back and quietly asked, “You ready?”

“I’m... yes. Been a little while.” I slowly started pulling out. “Ooooh, Celestia.” I grinned, lowering my body to aim my thrusts a little higher, hoping to rub against his little prostate. I didn’t know exactly where it was, but if you aim in the general direction with a nuke, you’ll still hit your target.

When I was most of the way out of him, I slowly began pushing back in. His eyes squeezed shut and he bit his lower lip, squeezing down on me with his muscles as I pushed in and up on his prostate. He moaned lightly when I got a certain depth in. When I heard that, I stopped pushing and started grinding. He repaid my actions by whimpering and clenching down, tightening around me and making me wish I didn’t have reduced feeling in my stallion body.

“First... time... my... ass!” he moaned.

I smirked, breathing out, “Yes. This... is... my first... time in... your ass. Maybe not... the last...”

He just groaned and I stopped grinding, instead pushing further in. When I hilted again, he forced his eyes open to meet mine. As I started pulling back out, he uttered out a single word: “Faster.”

I grinned and began picking up speed as I pulled out. I felt his body tighten when I passed over his prostate again, so I was sure at that point where it was. When I was almost all the way out, I began pushing back in even faster, his body slowly lifting up as I pushed in.

He sighed as I began pulling out again, the lube he used making an interesting schlicking sound as I freed myself. I continued picking up speed for my new lover, making him rock faster and faster as my cock marionette. As his moans began picking up, so too did the muscle contractions I was feeling squeezing me, tightening around every vein on my large pleasure rod.

Finally, he moaned one last time before saying, “Slow down!” I did so almost immediately, stopping right on his prostate and grinding. “N-Nav!” With that last cry, a thick line of cum shot out of the tip of his erection, coating his cute little saddle and face with his gunk. At the same time, the muscles I was feeling began going haywire, squeezing me like mad and making me thrust without even meaning to. He cried out in pleasure as I pounded him again. Shrugging to myself and figuring that if I could keep going, he could too, I began pulling out again to keep going.

He whimpered when he realized I wasn’t quite done. The large blush on his face from his coital bliss fit in beautifully with his green eyes... And the goofy grin he had there made me feel great. I kept pounding away, my sack gently getting caressed by his silky-soft tail. Even though he was slowly softening from his orgasm, he was still moaning like a little slut every time I pressed against his prostate, gasping for breath.

I think I proved to myself that guys actually can have multiple orgasms when Braeburn’s moans reached a crescendo again, his front legs going down against the hay bale and his face going crosseyed, the blush he had deepening even brighter. This second set of muscle contractions finally made me slow down enough to feel them squeezing me. I squeezed my eyes shut and nuzzled his nose with mine, letting myself finally feel what he was doing to me.

Even though I think I fucked poor Braeburn silly, his body knew how to treat me and was squeezing in all the right ways as he hit his peak. I was able to let myself go and give into it, twitching inside of him once before cumming, a week or two of unspent cum pouring inside of his poor, tortured colon. I felt myself thrust one final time as I finally hit my limit, expelling my life-making juice deep inside the most barren of holes.

When I felt that I was completely spent and that his body could squeeze no more from me as much as it tried, I slowly pulled out with a loud and wet pop, freeing myself from his insides. He moaned one last time when I was finally free, whispering, “That was amazing...”

“I’ll say,” I panted, grinning at the release I finally felt. I leaned back down and kissed him again. “I think that was worth it...”

Then I heard a throat clear.

(“Sex is over”)

My ears immediately drooped as I slowly turned my head to the door. I saw three ponies standing there. Cadance had both of her wings fully outstretched and a look that was part shock and part... eager? Big Macintosh had a look of completely blank horror on his face. And of course, Rarity was smirking, a smug look on her face.

“Nnnnnnnooooooppppppppppeeeeee!” Big Mac just turned right around and walked off. He didn’t say a single other word.

“Enjoying yourselves, I see?” Rarity happily asked.

“Yes. Yes we are. What of it?” I asked back, pushing myself away from the hay bale.

“Oh, nothing, nothing... I’m just thinking about something you told me a few months ago, is all. About how you weren’t gay.”

“Bitch please. What do you even want?”

“Oh, me? I was just going to ask Braeburn how his little... date went. This is the best review of my new clothing line I’ve gotten yet.”

My eyes moved over to the pink princess. “And you? What did you want, Cadance?”

She finally blinked, her eyes moving away from Braeburn’s labored breathing. “Huh what? Nav, that was... Can you... Never mind. I have good news! Shining Armor says I can finally go home!”

I weakly grinned, tired from my exertions but happy to hear that she could finally get the hell out of my house. “That’s wonderful. Now both of you get the fuck out.”

“A quick question before I go,” Cadance quickly said. “Do you mind... celebrating with me and Shiny?”

“As long as you don’t mean anything sexual by that, I don’t mind. Now shoo. And uh... you might want to watch your wings.”

Cadance looked to her side and blushed, noticing that she was showing her arousal to the world. With a force of will, she shoved her wings down. “Let’s go, Rarity. And uh... do you think you could make Shiny an outfit like that?”

I didn’t hear Rarity’s answer as the barn doors closed tight and I turned back to Braeburn. “Hear that? I have something else to celebrate!” I happily said, putting my legs back on the hay bale and grinning down on him. “I hope you’re ready for round two...”

I think it was another hour before I finally got back out into the fields, a small grin on my face and a spring in my step. Spike was glaring off in the distance. When he finally heard me coming, he shouted, “About time you got back! What took you so long?!”

“Braeburn needed my help with something. I had to deal with that.”

“Oh yeah, sure, leave Spike behind while you go have kinky sex. C’mon, Nav!”

“Hey, it wasn’t kinky at all! It was standard missionary. Unless you count some people barging in on us as kinky, at least.”

“Yeah, well—Wait, what?”

“Oh, nothing. Let’s get back to work.”

“No seriously, what?”

“I just fucked Braeburn’s brains out, that’s what. Now do you want to get this finished or not?”

“...Alright.” He sounded very, very stunned at that revelation. “So wait, are you really gay?”

“Hey, your mom might be masculine, but sleeping with her doesn’t make me gay!”

“...Because if you’ve been holding out on me, we’ve been missing out.”

“No, it’s cool.”

“Alright, me neither...” A very awkward silence took over as we got back to work.

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