How i feel.


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6. numb

As usual,

I sit alone in a corner with no one to

share my thoughts

or dreams.

I continue to stare

At the boy I know that will never

Like me.

I causally walk by the girls bathroom,

Seeing girls with issues of

Their ass or their boobs.

I smell the expensive perfume,

And get high off of it every time.

I check out the way boys talk to themselves

as if,

Someone's listening,

Or someone's watching.

I try to remember how it felt to

Cast a smile at your best friend,

Who later trashes you in the light

Of people who will never understand.

And then,

I look at me.

The girl in the grey ripped hoodie,

Black converse,

And scruffy hair.

The girl who's "friend" is

Herself.

The girl who wears no expensive clothes

Or makeup and jewelry.

The girl who's never had a first kiss,

Or a boyfriend for that matter.

The girl who's mom?

Oh, she's nothing but cheap lowlife.

The girl who's stepfather,

Puts her in a wig and spray her body down with sensual

Perfumes.

The girl who gets violated

Every time her father gets drunk or

Gets angry at the way I look,

Or feel,

Or thinks about him.

That's who I am.

I'm not proud of it.

But, I can't change it either.

"Maybe, just maybe,

If only they knew,"

I tell myself,

"Maybe they'll take it easy."

That never came true.

I can't feel my heart beat.

I can't feel love.

I'm numb just like the girl in the mirror.

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