Scambled

A collection of semi-random short stories semi-related to my life. Some of it's true, some of it's not. Which is which is for you to decide ;)

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2. July Thirty First, Today

Some days, I dream that I could wish myself away. I don't know if that counts for wishing for death or not. I just would prefer not to exist for an amount of time. Does that seem like too much to ask? The world thinks that it is. I just think those are suicidal think that no one cares. I'm well aware that there are a small group of people whose hearts would pang at the news of my death, but I do feel the other those who have walked on the edge of the world of the living cite. 

It's all too much. It all hurts to much. I feel to much. And God knows I think too much. My emotions feel so intense, and I'm so anxious all the damn time.... it tears my heart to bits, and I just want some sweet relief. Self medication with my mom's wine or my dad's cigarettes could be an option, but if I am going to have to live in this body for a while, I might as well not lend it to addiction or just plain ugliness... not that it's doing particularly well in the latter department. All but my girlfriend would probably agree with that. Sorry, significant other. It's hard to get used to their pronouns sometimes. Not that I'm going to give up on trying. No, I'm not one to be judgmental of other's gender(s). Anyway, they think I'm beautiful. I guess that counts for something. I love them. 

So know I'm here, typing away at my computer and being completely anti-social and listening to the music my best friend gave me before they tried to kill myself. I miss them so much. My heart still hurts. Oh, and of course I'm crying. But I have a feeling that you suspected that. Given all the talk of not existing and all of the rambling. 

Alas, I probably won't hurt myself and once I'm in a better place, I'll look back on this mess that I've written, and all of the cringes will come. I"m just a stupid teen who hates their parents. Nothing to see here, folks. 

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