They Said There'll be Snow at Christmas

Tom used to love Christmas but the thought of a Christmas without his loved ones has made him bitter to everything about the season.

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4. December 2 years ago (continued)


 

 

"Oh Tom I'm so sorry" Cathy said  

"Its OK," I replied, "we'll get another" 

I reached into my pocket and pulled the package out. I'd wanted to save it for Christmas Day but for some reason I wanted to give it to her now. 

"Here, " I said, "I know it's early but I can't wait to see your face" 

"Wh.... What is it?" 

"Open it and see" I said 

"Tom..." She said hesitantly, "lets wait till Christmas" 

"No, now" I said 

She opened the paper and picked the ring out. It shone in the lights. The look on her face wasn't what I expected. It was sort of sad, not happy as I'd thought. 

"Oh Tom" she said shaking her head, "this isn't right" 

"Don't you like it?" I asked puzzled 

"It's lovely," she said 

"So what's wrong?" 

"Oh Tom," she said looking me in the eye, "I didn't want to tell you now, but..." 

"But what?" 

"Well I've met someone else" she said 

"Who?" 

"Oh someone from college when I was out with Maddie" 

"So … what about … me ?" 

She shrugged 

"I was going to tell you after Christmas," she said, "I'm sorry but I think I'm in love with him" 

"So all those evenings with Maddie?" 

She nodded 

"Yes I was with him" 

I felt tears prick the backs of my eyes. This couldn't be happening right now. I felt despair hit me for the first time in over a year. The sense of helplessness that made me shake slightly. Being alone again in the world.  

"I'm sorry Tom. You are such a good person. I might be making the biggest mistake of my life, but I like this person . I don't want to hurt you but …" 

"Just go, please" I said. I was in danger of breaking up and I didn't want her to see me like that. 

"I hope we can stay friends?" She said as she picked her bag and coat up. 

She made to come and kiss my cheek. I pulled back feeling anger and revulsion at her.  

I heard the door go behind her and sank onto my knees in front of the tree. 

Was I somehow flawed. Why did the important people in my life leave me? Am I so repulsive to the world that they will do anything to get away from me? At that moment in time I wanted to be dead. I had nothing for me, no future, a past that was tattered with disappointment. Hot tears seared my cheeks on the way down as I struggled to comprehend life. I hated myself. I shook as the tears came harder.  

I picked up the wings and held them. My dad's angel now broken. A metaphor for my life. At that moment in time I wanted Christmas to be over. I sat for ages wishing Cathy would come back, wishing everything was back to normal. As the night passed and the daylight came through the window I realised she had gone forever.  Christmas was cancelled.

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