Me and My Mental Health Story

Hi... I'm Chloe, I'm 18 years old and I'm from the UK

I used to love playing football and multiple sports. I say used too... When I was 13 or 14, everything changed for me, but life went on as normal. Well from the outside it would have seemed normal, but for me, it was far from it.

Mental Health is something that is extremely stigmatised in the UK and across the world. This is my ongoing battle with mental health and what my experience of being in the UK mental health system is like. Everyone's experiences are different... but here's my story.

**TRIGGER WARNING**

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3. Me and My First (and Fourth) Suicide Attempt

20th August 2015. GCSE results day. Aged 16.  Having already been so stressed about my results for the previous week, I had been self harming quite a lot. I met up with friends and went to school to collect our results. My anxiety was sky high and nobody really noticed. I opened my results and to say the least I was disappointed. The two subjects I wanted to do well in I didn't do too good in. I stayed at school for a few hours with a teacher keeping an eye on me because they knew how I would have reacted. Easy to say a few walls got punched and I was a lot more than just upset.

Once I left the school, I went for a walk to the other side of town. It was a more of a spur of the moment thing. It wasn't planned, I hadn't thought about it, it just kinda happened. At about 17.50 I stepped out. Just stepped out into the road hoping that the cars were going fast enough. I got hit. I can't remember the details, all I know is that I got knocked out for between 5 and 10 minutes. When the ambulance came I convinced them it was an accident, I couldn't admit to myself of what I had just done. I was taken to A&E and was only there for about 4 hours. I had no serious injuries and I hadn't told them that I had got knocked out, I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. In hindsight, I wish I had told them that it was an attempt, but at the time I was in too much denial to even consider it. But little did I know, this would be the first in a long string of attempts.  

 

I decided not to post about the others because nothing ever really came of them - except that they had failed. This one was slightly different. I can't remember all the details of what happened but I ended up in A&E. I had been storing up painkillers for a few days and had about four boxes each with sixteen 500mg painkillers in. I can't remember how many I specifically took - I think that it was between 20 and 30 at around 3am. As with all of my OD's, I passed out and fell asleep hoping I wouldn't wake up, but, as usual, I did. 

However, I was still feeling pretty shit and ill afterwards, unlike the others. I emailed my tutor explaining what had happened and she called me, telling me that she would have to tell my parents and told me to go to A&E. I was reluctant to go. 

I went anyways and explained what had happened without mentioning that it was a suicide attempt. I got seen quickly and had to have an ECG (electrocardiogram) test, blood pressure test, blood sugar levels and have some blood taken. My bloods came back clear but they wanted to keep me in A&E for observation until a bed on a ward became available. 
I was in A&E for around six hours before one did become available and was moved at around five pm. One of the doctors came and asked me if some questions about alcohol and drug intake, then asked if I would like to speak to a member of the mental health team, to which I refused (bad idea, they told CAMHS anyway). So I was on the ward for about forty-five minutes before they let me go after making sure all my obs were normal. They then discharged me as I had an appointment with my psychiatrist on the Monday.

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