The Impossible Choice

I've never been one for writing poems or stories about romance or heartbreak but lately I've been facing some of my own relationship problems; I've grown to care for two men, both of whom are best friends and both have admitted their love for me. If I choose one, I will hurt the other but if I choose neither, I only hurt myself. Should I choose to be happy with one or choose to be miserable at the expense of their happiness and my peace of mind? I'm left with an impossible choice.

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1. The Impossible Choice

I look into your eyes, knowing.
You lie beside me, holding my gaze with your own.
"You're eyes..." you whisper,
"What about my eyes?" I ask, knowing.
"They're indescribable" you answer.

A teacher once told me I have eyes full of wonder.
We lie in silence and I look at you with an overflowing sense of wonder and pride and love,
A look so strong, it can bring life and light out of a seemingly impossible darkness.

You were falling further than you ever have before,
And with one look, I brought you back to life, knowing.

I look deep into your eyes and kiss you hard,
Like it's the last time I will ever kiss you again.
I let you fall in love with me, knowing that this is the last night we will spend together.

Because I love you. But I also love him.

How do I choose?
I love you.
How do I choose?
I love him.
How do I choose?

You walked with him through childhood and stand beside him in battle.
He professed his love for me to the world, unashamed and unafraid.
You watched as he offered me his heart and I refused to take it.
Silently you watched him pursue me,
Quietly wanting me for yourself.
Then you fell.
You fell further than ever before and in your moment of vulnerability, 
I saw you. I caught you as you fell and I looked into your soul and I saved you. 
Suddenly with one kiss, you were mine.
But I was not yours.
I was not his. But I was not yours.

You kissed me in the shadows and he was unknowing.
But how do you hide a fire in a forrest?

He offered me his heart one last time.
I held your heart behind my back.
I refused his love like all the times before, but this time was different.
He looked at me with a sense of wonder.
A look that sparked a light inside my darkness.
This time as I left, I took his heart with me.

Suddenly I loved him.
But I love you.

How do I choose?

I look into your eyes and kiss you hard like it's the last time.
I memorize your smile, your strength, the way you look at me.
I pull you close and your breath shallows, your blood boils so hot I feel your heart beating through your chest.

And I think, maybe we can be happy together.
Maybe we could have been.

You and him stand in front of me, side by side,
Each holding one half of my heart in your hands.
Who do I choose? Who do I hurt? How do I decide?

I take my heart and sew the halves back together.

I kiss you both goodbye.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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