Winter Reading List (Closed)

Where I read stories for you and leave a small review for you to read. Submit your TBR list! // Jan. 28th, 2017 - Closed, but finishing up the list. //

5Likes
20Comments
1396Views
AA

4. The Cold Skinned and the Warm Hearted by Aphlenchan

 

12/19/16

2nd Review

 

 

 

Title: The Cold Skinned and the Warm Hearted 

Author: Aphlenchan

Date Published: Oct. 16 2016

Last Updated: Oct. 16 2016

Rated: Yellow

Genre: Fanfiction (Twilight)

Chapters: 4

Approx: 10 minutes

Status: In Progress

Blurb: This is a twilight spin off. I have put a lot of effort In this story. the main characters name is Sky Gray. she is different from the rest. she is part wolf part vampire. she has all vampire powers, can change into a wolf and is the only one who knows the truth about Renessamee. many people will be added to the story as it progresses. i hope you like it!

Suggested By: Striped Sweaters Forever

 

 

At First Glance: The cover is about the only thing that looks interesting. The only thing the blurb does is tell you everything about the main character. Which is a big no-no considering that should be done throughout the story so you can learn more about her as the story goes along. 

 

Chapter One: Already just by looking at it we have some editing that needs to be done. There's too much spacing and words off centered.

After reading it through I could see clear grammatical errors and no description. About ninety percent of the chapter is dialogue. The characters created don't have any depth except having short fuses on every emotion. The author has a tendency to switch point of views frequently as well.

 

Chapter Two: I'm not very fond of the author's writing. I'd say the story is somewhat interesting but I'd be lying. Within two chapters the only progress that's made is her leaving area. There's no character information, or description of the areas. She's also introduced new characters that all could be the same person. 

 

Chapter Three: At least this chapter had only one point of view. But the only thing in it was dialogue with ten percent character monologue. All her characters act as though they're ten years old with temperaments of toddlers. Not to mention as a fellow Twilight reader, I know for a fact she's misspelled a character's name and completely changed character personalities. Not to mention she's broken a crucial rule in the werewolf's history.

I was curious too as to why she had 1D and 5sos in the tags but after she revealed more new characters, I'm beginning to see why.

 

Chapter Four: The author it seems is also bad at math. After seeing the new characters she claims she thought she'd never see the seven boys again. Yet, after naming them off it counts up to eight. 

After reading it all I can at least say they attempted to give some description of their surroundings. Which proves that the author is learning as a writer. But her main character is the cliche type where every male character seems to have a crush on her.

Really it's a stable for any fanfiction. But as a fellow fanfiction writer, I believe a good story is the kind where you take the original characters or people they're based from and just place them in new situations.

 

Overall: I'm not a fan of this story. The author has room to improve and the story lacks any depth to it.

 

Recommendations: The author should watch the word usage, many times they use the wrong variation for the word needed. I also noticed the word 'comma' written in moments when it doesn't make sense. Take that in with childish characters and no description, the read is pretty infuriating. Maybe if some editing and more planning was put into it, it'd be a better story.

 

To Read Or Not To Read: In the end I think that the story in it's current state, is a 'Not to read' in my book. 

 

Next Up: such is the fate of heroes by i c t e r i n e

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...