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Where I read stories for you and leave a small review for you to read. Submit your TBR list! // Jan. 28th, 2017 - Closed, but finishing up the list. //

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6. Sapphire by Pianist1303

 

A/N: This is a story I was also curious about!

12/26/16

4th Review

 

 

Title: Sapphire

Author: Pianist1303

Date Published: Oct. 27th 2016

Last Updated: Oct. 27th 2016 *I swear I am not doing this on purpose.*

Rated: Green

Genre: Fantasy

Chapters: 3

Approx: 12 minutes

Status: In Progress

Blurb: Serena Williams has always had something unusual about her, and she is determined to learn more about it. One day, her parents die a tragic death while secretively speaking about a gift that she has.

Suggested By: Striped Sweaters Forever

 

 

At First Glance: It seems like a decent story. It gives off a middle school vibe. The children's stories that you'd read that'd make you want to be a detective one day. (We all had one, admit it.) The cover's tiara makes me think it might be a secret princess story though.

 

Chapter One - Ruby Red: The child-like story might not be too far off. Though death becoming the main character's parents is rare in children's stories, it's not uncommon. 

After giving a brief background story and the appearance of our MC, we delve right into the story. I'm not fond of the fact the author has chosen to write the MC's appearance in one sentence. Not only is it grammatically infuriating, but it's also poor writing. There are a few other grammatical mess ups but none as horrid as that.

The character is soon found in an impossible scenario, doing impossible acts with a new character. Hence, why I think the children's story theory isn't far off.

 

Chapter Two - Sapphire Blue: There's some brief description of surroundings in this chapter. Thankfully not all in one sentence. But it's mostly dialogue and nothing eventful happens after they escape the first building. 

Honestly though, it isn't horrible to read. Aside from the storyline seeming childish, it does slightly have an intrigue about it. I actually think my niece would get into this.

 

Chapter Three - Desert Quartz: Okay, not at all the events I anticipated happening. The first half of this chapter is certainly plausible and I could envision everything described. But then the author kept time jumping and getting the MC in situations that would end in her blacking out. 

Not only was it annoying but then the character is thrown in a room with no memory and a magical wall that'll lead to the desert. It's as if the author just gave up the original plot and chose a different one because of lack of inspiration.

 

Overall: I think the first two and a half chapters are a good read. It's certainly an interesting story that is well suited for a young audience. But it's quite clear why the author has been neglecting updates. 

It's one thing to add fantasy to a story. It is another to pull ridiculous stunts out of thin air and try to pass it off as such.

 

Recommendations: If I were to suggest anything it would be that the author watches comma usage. Sentence lengths are another as I stated in the first chapter. 

As for story line, to not go so far out of the box when delving into a new style. It's simpler to take your time and think things through before posting without thought progression.

 

To Read Or Not To Read: In all? It's a hard choice. I think if you don't mind a children's story to give it a read. Otherwise? Just pass it along. The story isn't nearly as great a read as I've read before.

 

Next Up: Hoist the Colours by Lady Christmas Panda

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