The Only Constant is Change

It's Haruhi, Kaoru, and Hikaru's final year at Ouran. Dynamics are changing and evolving... What will happen to the Host Club Members?

Author's Note: This story takes place about 8 months after the events in A Faire Shot at Mythology. It can be read as a stand alone, but it references events and items from that piece as well. If you are reading my work for the 1st time, I would humbly suggest reading my other stories The Game and A Faire Shot at Mythology before reading this to completely understand some of the relationship dynamics that I use. I promise that if you like this style of writing you will like those too. =)

http://archiveofourown.org/works/681492/chapters/1250078

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3. Introspection

Kyouya stared out the window of the plane as it started its final approach into Paris. He had held Haruhi’s hand through most of the flight but had said little, preferring to idly listen to her and Hikaru’s conversation while his mind was occupied with deeper thoughts. This morning was the first time in a relationship where I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me. Having Haruhi question my love and call me on my jealousy hurt more than I could ever have imagined. Am I turning into my father? Have I really gotten so used to the idea of manipulating people to get what I want that I don’t even think twice that the object of my desire might have a different plan? I do know I don’t want to ever be like him. He may be the patriarch and a successful businessman, but I don’t think he has ever really felt joy. Satisfaction at a business conquest, maybe… but a pure moment of happiness that has nothing to do with getting what you want but giving someone else their heart’s desire, I sincerely doubt it. Once upon a time, I would have believed that it was always better to get what I wanted, the consequences of the actions that brought about the result be damned. When I met Haruhi that slowly started to change, I saw her getting genuine satisfaction from helping others without expectation of a reward, even as situations were thrust upon her that she didn’t like. The ironic thing is, without even trying she gained something that so many others would kill for – the honest friendship and love of the heirs of several prominent families. All of the Hosts would fight, bleed, go bankrupt, or die for her if they had to, because we know she will do the same for us without even thinking twice. She is so fierce it lets us be vulnerable. She hasn’t had to deal with all the “trappings” of wealth, so she calls it as she sees it without playing the political or social games. She just loves unconditionally, even when it’s unconventional.

Without thinking, Kyouya tightened his grip on Haruhi’s hand. Sensing, he was sorting through something in his head and didn’t really want conversation, Haruhi just squeezed back, leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, before turning back to her conversation with Hikaru.

Unconventional. It’s a word that I seem to be thinking about more and more. My relationship with Haruhi is unconventional since she is also dating Hikaru. So is her relationship with Kaoru, and gods know Hikaru’s relationship with his brother is really unconventional. Even Haruhi’s relationship with Tamaki is unconventional in that when they broke up, they actually became closer than when they were dating. I think the closest thing to a conventional relationship she has is with Mori and Honey as her martial arts instructors, but even that is up for debate because the minute they leave the practice area, all bets are off and the teasing that they do to each other is not in any way a teacher/student dynamic. It shouldn’t surprise me on her choice for a law degree and her future clientele – it’s completely unconventional and yet so perfectly right for her. I just want to be there next to her to watch it happen. I want to do everything in my power to make it happen for her. Kaoru told me this morning that I already have everything I could want, I just need to acknowledge that I want it and be willing to let it into my life regardless of the way it appears to others. He is right. I acknowledge that I am deeply, completely, and thoroughly in love, lust, and fascination with Haruhi Fujioka. I want her in my life in any way I can – even when she is telling me things I don’t want to hear. I acknowledge that I have a true friendship in Tamaki Suoh. It may have started as a requirement from my father to ingratiate myself with the Suoh heir, but his incredibly open heart and honest ability to see the beautiful in everyone he meets, laid the foundation for who I want to be, even though I was far too wrapped up in myself to see it. He listened to me and was there for me without question whenever I needed it. In turn, I was willing to listen when he needed to talk about his frustration with his grandmother and to gently curb his wilder impulses before things got out of hand. That’s what real friends do. I acknowledge that with Mori and Honey, their dedication to each other and the way they support each other unconsciously is something that I would really love to learn. They are the perfect yin and yang to each other. Bright and Bubbly. Cool and Calm. Without one, the other is lost. I acknowledge that Kaoru is not dismissible. He has a different perspective on life and he loves as fiercely as Haruhi. I would really like to become his friend. No it’s more than that. I really want to be able to treat him like a brother. Maybe not the same type of brother relationship he has with Hikaru, and definitely not the cool relationship I have with my own brothers, but a relationship like I see regular children have when I walk in the park with Haruhi. They laugh and play together. They squabble, fight, and in 15 minutes are back to sharing an ice-cream. I know my father would completely scoff at the idea, but I would really like a younger brother.By thinking of Kaoru first, Kyouya’s thought naturally lead into thinking about Hikaru.

Hikaru. Gods. Now there is someone that I try my best to not think about other than in the abstract. Why do I fight it? I acknowledge that I am attracted to Hikaru. I am not in love with him the same way that I am with Haruhi, but I can see myself getting there if I am willing to take the risk. I want the three of us to share a bed, maybe even share our lives sometime in the future. I want to be accepted completely for who I am even if it is only by a few people. Because, I acknowledge, there are only a few people that I truly respect enough to let myself be vulnerable and that’s ok. I acknowledge that I am worthy of the love and acceptance of my friends not because I am an Ootori, but because to them I am simply Kyouya.

A warmth spread throughout Kyouya’s body and before he knew it he was smiling. He felt lighter in an odd way and for the first time he truly understood what Kaoru had been telling him earlier. He wanted to laugh to the sky, be silly, be playful, be mischievous, to be everything that he had been so long denied to him under the restriction of “good breeding and proper behavior”.

Haruhi saw the smile grow across Kyouya’s face and permitted herself a small smile, while inwardly dancing in joy. I am not sure what exactly he was thinking, but whatever it was, I thank all the gods that it happened. For the 1st time since I have known him, he looks completely and genuinely happy. I know I will do everything in my power to make sure that he feels it more often. Whatever it takes, he is worth it. 

“We have landed. Are you guys going to get off the plane?” Hikaru teased as first Haruhi and then Kyouya woke from their thoughts. Adopting a tour guide tone he added. “Welcome to Paris - The City of Lust and Love. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

“Oh, I fully intend to do so.” Wrapping one arm around Haruhi’s waist and draping the other across Hikaru’s shoulders, Kyouya walked toward the plane’s staircase. The tone of his voice was something that Hikaru had never heard before and it caused a tightening in his stomach.

Something just changed in the Shadow King. Haruhi said she thought the next two weeks would be interesting. I didn’t really believe her until now. Whatever it is, I think it is going to shake up the way the relationship between the three of us works. Am I ready for that? Hell yes.

   
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