Explicit

*Smutty stuff in here* This is just about me and my most recent dating and sexual experiences. Honestly, it's a lot of failed relationships and a lot of sadness but it's my life so idk.

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28. September 4th/6th 2017

 So I went on a date last week. The first date was good, the second one… no so much.

I talked to this guy for three weeks via Snapchat messaging, then we video chatted for a few days. He opened up to me and told me he was on house arrest for just a bunch of stupid shit and I was dumb enough to believe him.

I saw a post on Snapchat that said ‘47% of people google someone before the first date, the other 53% are liars’, so I was like, why not? And I googled him.

Well it turns out that he was arrested for hiding under cars and grabbing women’s feet.

I

Was

Mortified

But you know what? I was like, he was so nice when we video chatted that I believed he had changed.

I was so fucking wrong.

I video chatted again with him that night and I asked him about it and he started crying and I genuinely believed that he was a different person from last year, so the next day I went over to his house.

His mom was there and we started out by playing chess in the kitchen where his mom was ten feet away and it was so fucking weird.

Then we moved to another room and started watching tv and proceeded to make out, it wasn’t the best and I wasn’t into it, but I was too awkward to stop it.

At some point he convicted me to give him a hand job and then tried to make me blow him but I was like, ‘I don’t give blowjobs on the first date’ and he was like, ‘give me a vision of the future,’ and I told him no and then he kept asking and asking and at that point I should’ve left but I didn’t and so I ended up going down on him.

I was very upfront with him about the fact that I might possibly have chlamydia (idk if I’ve written about that, but basically I had sex with a random guy back in like July and it was horrible and awkward and yeah, he ended up messaging me a week later saying, “I have chlamydia’ and I got checked like three days ago and I should find out in the next week or so if I have it or not), and he was like, “I bet your clean,” and I was like, “You don’t know that,” and then I still went down on him because he was begging me.

Thankfully there was a sound like his mother was going to walk into the room so we stopped before he came which I was very happy about.

I went home around 11pm and planned on never seeing him again.

But, nevertheless, I went back to his house two days later.

This time, his mother wasn’t home.

I don’t really want to talk about this date too much because just thinking about it both pisses me off and makes me want to cry, but long story short, he molested me.

If you ever get a weird vibe from a person, so feel like someone doesn’t respect you, don’t meet up with them, and don’t continue to talk to them.

Most men will respect you when you say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ but some men will climb on top of you and ‘tit fuck’ you anyways even when you’re not at all giving your consent.

It wasn’t like I was screaming or crying or fighting him or anything like that, but I just laid there in shock as this guy didn’t listen to me, even though I’d been telling him no from the beginning.

What bothers me the most wasn’t the fact that I was ‘tit fucked’ against my will, it was the fact that he heard my ‘no’ and took it as a ‘yes’ and didn’t stop when I told him to stop.

I act like it doesn’t bother me, but it really does. I told my friends about it and one of them said, “you should’ve listened to me” because she kept telling me not to go to his house, and I hate to admit it, but she was right, I should’ve listened to her.

When it happened, one thing kept running through my mind.

“Stan wouldn’t’ve done this.”

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