*Smutty stuff in here* This is just about me and my most recent dating and sexual experiences. Honestly, it's a lot of failed relationships and a lot of sadness but it's my life so idk.


12. My Boyfriend

‘Okay, so I'm really bad at saying things aloud so I'm writing this all out.

Stan, I like you. I really like you. I think you're cute, sweet and kinda dorky (in a good way of course).

I'm just having another crisis.

I feel like you don't like me, and if you don't, just let me know and don't lead me on. And if you don't like me, just stop right here and let me know.’

‘If you're still reading this, I'm happy about that. The thing is, you've blown me off a couple times now and it makes me kinda upset when that happens. I like spending time with you, and I hope you like spending time with me too.

It's just...I want you to kinda take charge of the relationship more. Like, I've made basically all the advances so far: I texted you to make the first move, I was the one to kiss you first, I initiated tongue, I've started a majority of the make outs, I'm the one to ask you to hang out, etc.

And if you can't tell by me writing this, I would like to be exclusive. You know, like boyfriend and girlfriend. I totally get it if you're not ready for that given your past relationships, but if you could let me know if that's the case, that'd be great.

And don't just became official with me because it's what I want, I'd want you to do it if it's what you want. If you don't want to, then that's okay, just let me know.

So I'm not really sure how to end this, but please let me know your response to this in a timely fashion so I don't have an anxiety attack as I wait for your text back.’

Now, you would think that I would text this to him.

thought I was going to text this to him.

But nope, I handed him my phone with this pulled up on notes and I sat by him as he read it.

I did get up after about thirty seconds because I felt awkward sitting there and I went and walked around his house. When he finished reading it, he walked up to me where I was standing in the kitchen holding Buddy (the cat).

Stan took Buddy from my arms and put him on the floor before standing in front of me and talking my hands.

“I like you a lot, I hope you know that.” He said and I smiled. “And I thought I already was your boyfriend.”

“It kinda involves a question being asked,” I told him and he grinned.

“Well, would you like to be my girlfriend?” he asked and I pulled him into a hug.

“I would love to.”

You’re probably thinking that I’m like making this shit up or something, but I swear to god, I’m one of the most awkward people you will ever meet, and so is Stan, so for our relationship to progress, there have to be awkward conversations, as you will see as I continue on with this update.


Back to the start of this.

So I was downtown at a random restaurant that my class was touring, and when class got out, I messaged Stan. He invited me over to his place, so when my uber arrived, I had it take me there.

I had an old man uber driver, and I told him that I normally use my uber rides as therapy sessions, and I asked him if it would be okay for me to bitch to him.

I started talking about how I really like this guy named Stan and how I needed a way to ask him to be my boyfriend without sounding needy. I read him parts of the note on my phone that I typed out last night because I couldn’t sleep (see above for the note), and the guy thought that it would be good to send it to Stan.

I was too afraid to send it to him when I would be arriving at his house in only a few minutes, so I didn’t. I was fully prepared to send it to him as I was sitting next to him watching TV (like I did when I wanted him to make a move on me).

So I got to Stan’s house and he let me in and he kissed me hello, which was really cute, and then he showed me to his room. The futon was pulled into a bed and he had a TV in there, and he put Hangover II into the Xbox and crawled into his bed. I stood awkwardly in the middle of his room until be patted the spot next to him and told me to join him.

Now, I’ve never really cuddled with someone. With Connor, it was just really awkward cuddling that I never even considered as cuddling, so when I cuddled into Stan, it was really pleasant.

Well, my hair kept getting into his face and it was just bothering both of us, but still, it was pleasant.

I should mention that with the awkward person I am, before I laid in his bed, I said, “Should I face you, face away from you? Like, how is this going to work?”

He responded with, “Well, we’re going to watch a movie so…”

I crawled into the bed and faced the TV. Stan pressed his body against mine and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close.

Every once in a while he would kiss the back of my neck or my shoulder which would make me smile even if he couldn’t see.

There was some small talk and a few kisses, but it was about thirty minutes into the movie before we started making out.

And might I just say, making out on a bed is much better than making out on a couch.

Stan’s hands kept sliding under my pants and underwear and onto my butt. I knew that eventually he was going to head for my crotch, and since I was on my period, I wasn’t going to let that happen.

I also knew that we wouldn’t be going any farther until he was my boyfriend.

So when he eventually started hinting towards my vag, I moved his hand back to my ass and he just went with it and didn’t say anything.

At many points during the make out, I thought that I heard the garage door open like four times, and I’d make Stan check every time because I was not going to let his mom or step-dad walk in on me making out with their son because that would’ve just been really fucking awkward for me, or, well, for everyone.

The third time that he went and checked, I stopped him from just going straight back to making out because I had my phone in front of me, ready to send him the text.

“Can we talk for a little bit?” I asked and Stan sat down on my bed beside me.

“Sure,” he responded.

I hesitated before I spoke. “You know how I’m a really blunt person?” I asked he nodded. “Okay, well…” There was a pause as I handed him my phone. “Read this.”

He took my phone and started reading.



When we were done hugging, he pulled back and kissed me softly. When that was done and I started heading towards his room, I said, “There’s one more thing.”


“…Never mind, I don’t want to say it, it’s embarrassing.”


“Okay, I’m on my period so just like, don’t touch that part of me.”

By this time, we had gotten to his room and he said, “That was awkward but okay.”

We continued making out for a little while longer, and it was really enjoyable.

Eventually, he got a text from his mom saying that she was headed home, so he drove me home and that was it.





When we got to my house, he came inside and we went to the basement where my room was. He met my cat (who normally hates every single guy he comes across) and Sam didn’t run away and hide. He let Stan pet him and I was so happy that my cat liked him, especially because he didn’t like Connor when he first met him.

So, I shut the basement door and I went into my room and shut that door. Stan went and laid on my bed, and I grabbed my laptop and started playing Park and Rec on Netflix.

When I got into my bed, we cuddled for a little while before making out again.

I had texted my sister earlier, letting her know that Stan was going to be coming over so she wouldn’t be surprised when she got home, and about ten minutes into our make out, I heard the garage door open.

“How do you hear that?” Stan asked and I gave him a dumbfounded look.

“How can you not?”

We started cuddling and talking again in case Libby came down because I didn’t want to have her walk into a heavy make out session because that would’ve been awkward as hell for all of us.

I started telling Stan about myself. I told him how my sister ran away over Christmas break, and how my mom is a terrible human being, and how I fucking hate this girl named Victoria.

“You hate a girl named Victoria?” he asked and I nodded. “I fucking hate a girl named Victoria. She’s my ex and is a fucking bitch.”

The topic moved on, but I remembered that part.

When I had decided Libby wasn’t going to come downstairs, I started the make out again.

It was hot and heavy and really fun, and eventually, I moved my hand down and started undoing his belt. Stan helped me because, of course, I was having trouble with it.

He pulled his pants down a little so it wouldn’t be difficult for me to jerk him off, and after a few strokes, I stopped the kissing and said, “I want to try something, okay?”


I pulled back and moved the blanket away from him, scooting down on the bed so I was sitting by his crotch.

“So, I’ve never given a blowjob before so if I do something wrong, just tell me.” He nodded. “Pinkie Promise,” I said, lifting up my pinkie and he did the same. “This is our first pinkie promise, so you better let me know.”

“Okay,” he nodded.

“And let me know before you cum."

I stroked him a few more times before leaning my head down and putting the tip in my mouth. I heard an intake of breath from Stan and I bobbed my head down as far as I could, which was maybe four inches.

Giving a blowjob is actually much more pleasant than it seems. Hearing him gasp and mumble out the occasional soft ‘fuck’ makes it even better. And hotter.

Like, it was so hot.

When I would need to catch my breath, I’d pull back and jerk him off as I watched his face. His eyebrows would crunch together and his mouth would be open and knowing that I was the reason someone was feeling this good made me even more turned on.

As I would go down and suck on each of his balls in turn, he’d gasp each time, and when I would lick up his length, he'd let out a small moan.

Every once in a while, as in he did this twice, he’d pull me back and move my hand away from his dick and kiss me.

After a few minutes, I asked, “Do you want me to go back down.”

“Only if you want to.”

“Only if you want me to,” I countered, afraid that I was doing something wrong. He gave me a quick nod and I lowered myself back down.

When he would rest his hand on the top of my head and guide me up and down, I would love the feeling of it. It’s a weird thing to try and describe, but it was just fantastic.

When I was kissing him again and my hand was stroking him, he pushed my hand away and started doing it himself.

I said something that I really regret saying in that moment.

“Cum for me.”

Yeah, that’s really not as hot as you would think it is. It’s just a really fucking lame ass thing to say, so never ever say it.

We kept kissing for another minute or so, before Stan stopped me by saying, “Hey babe, can I clean myself up?” So I went and grabbed some tissues and helped him whip it all up off his stomach (before I had started jerking him off I had pulled his shirt up so cum wouldn’t get on it).

As I was whipping it up, I was tempted to try it. I wanted to know what he tasted like, but I was too afraid to creep him out by doing that, so I didn’t.

I went and threw away the tissues in my bathroom and washing my hands before walking back into my room where Stan was just laying on my bed.

I sent Stan to go wash his hands and he did.

He and I talked for a little while longer before him and I walked upstairs and he briefly met Libby and I walked to the front porch where we said our goodbyes and he headed home.

I am ashamed to admit that as soon as he left, I went and got onto my computer, got onto Facebook and on his page and went to his friend's list and typed in the named ‘Victoria.’

Now, I know that his ex’s name is Victoria and that one of his ex’s has a corgi, and so when I saw that this Victoria had a corgi, I knew it was the right one.

I don’t know if this was just an ex-girlfriend, or if this was his ex-fiancé, but I noticed enough similarities between her and I for me to bothered by it.

We were both chubby, though I am bigger than she is. We both have long brown hair, though hers is darker than mine. We have sort of the same face shape.

The part that actually upset me about this, is that she’s cuter than I could ever be.

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