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*Smutty stuff in here* This is just about me and my most recent dating and sexual experiences.

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25. Love

(NO FUCKING IDEA WHEN I STARTED WRITING THIS BUT OH WELL)

So idk who the hell even gets this far in this diary and is reading these because no one likes or favorites or comments but it’s whatever.

So, after that happened I don’t really remember what’s been going on since, other than this:

I’ve fallen in love with him.

He can be stupid and annoying, but I’m the happiest I am when I’m with him.

I want to tell him, I really do, but I’m afraid to.

I always look for a reason to not tell him, like once (probably three weeks ago) Stan picked me up from my dad’s house (which was an hour away) and him and I went to his house so we could sleep since it was night time, but his bed was covered in random crap since he lives in the spare bedroom at his parent’s house and everything from storage was on his bed, so we went to my house.

We were being all cute and cuddly and ‘I love you’ ‘I love you’ ‘I love you’ kept passing through my mind, but I didn’t say it because what if he tried to leave after I told him? His bed was covered in shit so he wouldn’t’ve had a place to sleep.

Some other times I’ve wanted to tell him was when I was staying at his house, but I didn’t want to have to take an uber home if he rejected me, because if he didn’t say it back, I’d be broken.

The fear of rejection is what’s been stopping me from saying it, as is the fear of him thinking I’m moving too fast by being in love less than four months into our relationship, even though I feel in love with him before three.

I wanted to tell him on our three-month anniversary, maybe over dinner or something, but we ended up double-dating with his parents and going to a Mexican place for dinner.

Don’t get me wrong, it was a great time and I’m so happy with the fact that his parents really like me (his step dad has said things like, ‘You should come to Fargo with us the next time we go,’ and ‘I hope you stick around, I like you’) (and his mom has talked about how Stan has had some psycho/bat shit girlfriends in front of me but said positive things about me).

 

 

I really wish I would’ve finished this once I started it, but things have changed now.

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