*Smutty stuff in here* This is just about me and my most recent dating and sexual experiences. Honestly, it's a lot of failed relationships and a lot of sadness but it's my life so idk.


13. Explicit

February 27th, 2017


Okay guys, now I don’t really remember much from earlier today, but after class, one of my friends gave me a ride to Stan’s place. He wasn’t home yet, but his stepdad was.

I met Shawn who was very kind to me as I awkwardly knocked on the door and he let me inside and told me to ‘make myself at home,’ before soon leaving to go to work.

Stan told me that he was on his way and would be to the house in about ten minutes.

When Stan got there, we went to his car and picked up cigarettes from the gas station before heading back to his house.

We went into his room (which now has a door because previously it didn’t) and went and cuddled on the bed. He had put in the movie ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ and I hadn’t seen any of the previous ones, but we watched it for about 20 minutes before starting to make out for a little while.

Of course as soon as things started to get steamy, my friend texted me asking if I wanted to go and tour an apartment with her since her and I are planning on moving in together.

So, her and I went and toured a place by our college and I was back at Stan’s place within thirty minutes.

This is when shit started getting serious.

So the movie ‘The Town’ was put in and him and I started watching it before, of course, we started making out like maybe twenty minutes in.

I don’t really remember what happened next, but at some point we were both laying on our side and his hand was grabbing my ass over my clothes and then, from the back, he started rubbing me through my leggings.

He had been hinting around doing that for the past like thirty minutes, and I was pleasantly surprised when he actually did it.

After like a minute, I moved his hand to the front so it wasn’t so awkward for his arm to be positioned, and then a minute or so after that, I slipped my leggings down from where they high on my stomach and he got the hint and slipped his hand down the front of my pants.

Now, I’ll be honest here, Conner was better at doing this part than Stan was, but I was much more comfortable with Stan that I had ever been with Connor (and Connor had longer fingers).

My leggings were getting pulled down more and more until eventually I just took them off, and Stan crawled on top of me.

He started with kissing me, and then moving to my neck, before trailing down to my boobs (which were still in a bra by the way. He had tried to remove my bra earlier but I had stopped him and he thankfully didn’t try again) and pulling my boob out and sucking on my nipple for a little while.




His kisses trailed lower and lower until his face was between my legs and he started licking.

It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would, but it still felt really nice, especially when he’d lick my entrance. At times he’d both eat me out finger me, which felt fan-fucking-tastic.

Eventually he moved back to my mouth and we kissed for a while, I pulled the blanket to be covering us since I was wearing only a bra (Stan was just in his jeans since I had made him take his shirt off earlier).

I moved my hand down his chest and started undoing his belt, and for the first time I didn’t have a problem with it.

I undid the button and the zipper before pulling down his pants (at some point he took them off) and starting to stroke him for a little while (I don’t fucking know what’s happened to the blanket at this point and it’s irrelevant for majority of the rest of this) before once again sitting by his dick and leaning down to suck on it.

I ended up going back to Stan’s mouth and kissing his more furiously than I had previously done.

The thought of sex was constantly on my mind, especially because we were both practically naked since the only clothes on either of us was my bra and both of ours socks.

As we continued to kiss, our legs were tangled together, but his dick never got near my vagina because I was very cautious of it. Though, sex kept passing through my mind. There were only two things that kept me from asking him for it.

I had just started using birth control on Sunday (yesterday) and it doesn’t kick in for a month (or maybe its a week but I don't know).


I didn’t want to have sex until I was in love, like I told Stan on the second (or maybe first) date.

But let’s be real here, when you’re super fucking horny, you stop caring.

“Hey,” I said amongst the kissing.

“Yeah?” Stan asked. I was too embarrassed to say what I was thinking so I kept kissing him for a little while longer before repeating my previous statement.


“Yeah?” he asked again.

“I really want to have sex, but I don’t.” (I don’t’ really remember exactly what I said here to make it not sound super lame, but I said something along those lines). A minute or two later, I asked, “Do you?”

He nodded and let out a soft, “Yeah.”

A minute of more kissing passed and I asked him the very important question. “Do you have a condom?” He nodded. I gave myself a few seconds to let go of my worries about what was going to happen if I said the next words.  When it was gone, I said, “Go get it.”

We pulled back from kissing and I sat next to him as he made a grab for something. “I actually have one in my wallet,” he said showing it to me.

I smiled and took a deep breath before saying, “I’m a virgin.”

“I know,” he told me with a small grin as he started putting the condom on.

“I’m scared.”

He said something to reassure me, and whatever it was that he said, it worked.

He leaned over and kissed me and I said, “Don’t cum in me.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

We kissed and he leaned me down so I was on my back before he crawled on top of me again, this time positioning himself between my legs. We kept kissing as he reached down to line himself up.

“I’m scared,” I said again against his lips and he kissed me harder as he started to press in.

He went excruciatingly slow as he pushed in, and the feeling of being this close with someone was fantastic. “You can go harder,” I told him as he continued to push in.

He pulled out probably about halfway before moving his hips against me again.

At this point, my knees were against my chest and my legs over his shoulders as he pounded (gently) into me.

The feeling was unforgettable and indescribable. Yes, it was very similar to masturbating with a dildo, but knowing that someone else is inside you, and knowing you’re being as close to a person as you can be is what makes it really special.


It didn’t last long, probably not even two minutes, but they were a great two minutes.


No, I didn’t cum; I didn’t even get close. It kinda annoyed me that he didn’t offer to help me finished when he was done, but what happened is what happened and I can’t change that.

After he took off the condom and when to clean up, I put on my clothes and laid in the bed, covered by the blanket.

I grabbed my phone from where it was on the nightstand and sent my friend the following text.

‘I’m a whore.’

When Stan came back in, I told him that I felt like a whore, and he reassured me that I wasn’t one.

He proceeded to cuddle with me, his arms wrapped around me as I faced away from him, and we talked for a little while.

I told him that he wasn’t allowed to dump me now that we’ve had sex and he told me that he wasn’t planning doing that, so that made me happy knowing that he legitimately liked me (I really needed to stop doubting that fact).

We asked each other stupid questions that I don’t remember, except this one.

“What’s your sexuality?” I asked him, even though I was pretty sure that I already knew the answer.

“Oh I’m super gay,” he said sarcastically and I laughed. "Nah, I'm straight."

I told him that him and I haven’t been on a real date yet, so that should happen, and he told me that he gets paid on Friday.

“Who said you’d have to pay for the date?” I asked.

“I’m the boyfriend, of course I have to pay.”

I thought that was really sweet, but I didn’t plan on letting that be the case.


I had a good time as we cuddled and the only regret I had about what happened was that it wasn’t more romantic and I that lost my virginity to a Ben Affleck movie.


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