The Dairy of A Vampire

This is the Dairy of a 15-year-old vampire named Vladimira. She lives with her human family and she hates that she can't get the right food. She has never tasted human blood before and her mother and father are pushing her ever closer to trying some of them. But, of course, they don't know that she is a vampire.

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70. Entry 70; Sun Mar 12, 2017

I am going to try to write. I am going to try to be happy but everywhere I go sadness creeps in and takes it away. Now Wolfe is truly gone. Never coming back type of gone. And somehow way down in me, I feel that it is my fault she left. I know that it is not but I feel like I am the reason she will never be back. I feel like because of me because of something that I had done she will never come back. She told me before she left thought that she will be back. Next year in fact but somehow in my heart, I don't think that she will be back. Some part of me wants to yell and scream and act like a child that didn't get want it wants but I know that I can not. If I do that then people will know how I feel and that I can not have. I have no clue what school is going to be like with her really gone. Not coming back. Never going to come back here and never going to see me ever again. I want to point this out that I am crying right now. All this week has been a nonstop flow of tears that stream down my face onto my chest getting my shirt wet and making my eyes look puffy. I want this to stop but I know that if I do that I will not be strong. I want to be as strong as those people who deal with this thing ever day. I have never met them but I want to be as strong as they are. 

My mother asked me who I will be hanging out with now that Wolfe is gone. She asked me if I had any other friends that she would be seeing a lot more of. She asked me who would replace my Wolfie. Not using those words no but what she said hurt just about as much as her asking me that question. I answered her with no one. And then I went to my room. Wolfe is truly gone now and I want her back. But I have to keep telling myself that she wasn't happy here and I am not happy here as well. Then again I haven't been very happy since she left school. I knew that the day would come when she went back to Texas but I hoped to whatever god that ever hears me out that it would happen next year. She told me that she would be moving last year and my mind thought oh please let that be next year. Next year came around and I was still thinking oh god let it be next year she moves. Had she stayed this year and next year came around I would have been thinking those same words. But as all, as she is happy I am happy. Or I should be but it hurts too much to feel like happiness. And I know what this feeling is. It is sadness mixed with angry, being hurt, and everything bad. But we all most move on and that is what I am trying to do in my own way. It is hard as all hell but I am trying my hardest to do just that.

And I am aware that we have this thing called a cell phone or a computer but I don't want it that way. I want to be able to see and talk and feel her sitting next to me, and all of those things about human interaction with one another. But I can't The moment I saw that her mother posted they saw their first Whataburger I almost really cried. We talked back and forth last night and I sent her the last few entries and she said she was sorry. It was at that moment when I just started to cry because it wasn't her fault that she left. It feels like it was all my fault but I know that it could not have been my fault. I asked her last night if she was saying goodbye to me and she said she was not but then why did it feel like she was saying goodbye then? There is no sure thing as a goodbye. Only see you again soon but she will not see me again. I will not see her again. Ever night since she left school I have cried myself to sleep. It seems that I am going to be doing so tonight as well. I should get going before I get the keyboard wet with my tears. 

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