The event changed everything, but a story can’t have a central theme unless there are walls to support it, roads that take you there and on, because I can’t just give you a fact and you understand it fully until I explain it. So here it is; I love Harry Styles, but the roads that I take you on to understand may not be one’s that you really want to travel, so heed the signs on the barren roadsides, and understand. I’ll tell you about the days, thirty before and thirty after, encompassing Harry’s attempted suicide.


15. 20 days before


"your birthday is in twenty one days!" Harry announces, and im actually glad he has said somethng because my birthday is the last thing on my mind; i have orgotten ALL about it.

'it is,' i agree.

"dont you want a party?"

"i dont think so..."

i look up from the breakfast im making for us two.

"i think you need one, you look really stressed,Lou. We can have it here, if you want. Make it a small ordeal."

"okay, alright,' I agree, secretly thinking ahead of harry would deal with everything. "i'll tell Niall to bring the drinks."

Harry grins, a smile that transforms him into a happier person, and i think that hhis cheeks are recovering their flush of pink, almost as if the red from his wound is being transferred there.

His cheek are no longer alarming in their prominence.


"ill invite everyone," he declares, and i know he has already changed his mind about it being a small affair.


So Harry begins the plans, and though i try to tell him its too ealy, he waves me off and insist that 'you dont plan a wedding in a month' , so i suppose my party will have the extravagance of a full blown wedding party, though i'm not  sure how our apartment is going to contain evryone until he tells me hat the party is now moved to a hotel


"but hazza, aren't we going overboard?"

"No," he says,smiling "you're turning 24! That's an important number... to me."

"it is?"


his eyes shadow over slighty, and my chest clenches in a dark remembrance of his expression on The Day, how scared and tired and absoulutely done he looked with life.

But i dont know if his death was what he wanted from the razor, and i dontknow what he's thinking now until he says, "its been 5 years since we met."


I wish I knew the significance that the number held for him, but i don't feel quite up to asking, so i instead moe into the living room to play video games.



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