It had been clear to me from a very early age that I was never really good with men. I had a bleeding heart personality, and I seemed to only take interests in people that I wanted to help. Any person with a bleeding heart like mine will tell you it is one of the hardest things that you will ever have to go through. Not only do I let people push me around, I also constantly battle with my anxiety and depression. This is the story about when my life started to downfall in one of the worst ways you can imagine.


1. A little bit about me

I was 16 when I met the guy that would put me through a year of hell on earth. Jay. He was bad, and different, but he showed me a side of him that not a lot of people got to see, and at the time I think that I was just tired of being lonely.

I had just lost someone in my family that I was close to, and I was still devastated. He knew that, and boy did he use my unstableness against me.

I remember the first time I seen him, I thought that he must have been the most gorgeous human being that I had ever seen. He made me feel safe, and cared about greatly. These bright green eyes that had hints of hazel in them. I used to get lost in them for hours. His body was something like a Greek God, like an artist had cut his body in perfection. It's not hard to say that he was easily my first love. I fell so hard, and fast him, and he knew that.

I battle with depression, and anxiety. If you have either of these disorders, or even both you know the hell that it can cause you. Depression makes you not care about the things that you should, and anxiety causes you to worry about the things that you shouldn't. It's like a constant battle going on inside your head.

Throwing a guy into the mix of all that little own one who was as scummy as Jay was one of the worst decisions that I had ever made in my entire life. There are people out there who wouldn't take anything that they did back, they say that they learned from it, their mistakes. Granted I did learn a lot from Jay, but the knowledge was not in any way shape or form worth the hurt, and pain that I had gone through.

Writing is something that I have turned to for a very long time to help me cope with my depression. It relieves me, takes me to a place where I am in charge. I was hoping that by writing my story, it could help me cope with what happened a little better. This is my story.  

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