Criminal Minds: The Darkness

Doctor Spencer Reid is dealing with personal problems along with the absence of Morgan and Hotchner. Reid subjects himself into a world he himself should know will be hard to get out of. As he starts to become the type of mind he and the team arrests he learns that there's no turning back and cleaning himself from this.

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2. One Strike

The car ride home was silent so i decided to call Garcia. I can't erase the images of earlier with Audrey out of my head. It rung for a few seconds before she picked up.

"Oh thank God! Reid we've been trying to get a hold of you all day. Are you okay? Where have you been?" she sounded panicked and worried.

"I'm fine but would it be okay if i stayed the night at your house?"

"Sure! I mean whatever you need as long as it helps."

"Thanks Garcia I'll be there in a bit." i stated.

"You're not going to stop home and get clothes?"

"No I'm just going to stay the night on the couch."

"oh, okay." she replied.

I hung up the phone and kept driving.

"Would you like me to go first Dr. Reid?" she asked.

"No I'll try first." I slowly took the knife from her.

"Just relax and let it happen smoothly." she reassured me.

I held her right arm which seemed to be the more healed up one then slowly slides the knife's blade against her skin. It wasn't deep because i couldn't do that to her it was just like a paper cut. However this paper cut made my heart pound in my chest and my adrenaline circuit. This small paper cut made my temperature rise from a rush of anxiety but the good kind. The kind you get when you do something you are afraid of.

I was biting my lip not because i was nervous or upset but because i knew this could become a habit and in this moment i was terrified of my own mind.

A car horn honked at me as i blinked my eyes. I swerved slightly out of my lane then back in it. No, i haven't really had as vivid flashbacks or recalls like that since Tobias. My hands are twitching and shaking but that's okay. Though i know this isn't a good sign. When i got to Garcia's house she hugged me and found a pillow and a blanket for me to use on the couch.

"Are you sure there's nothing I could do to cheer you up? I could make you a cup of hot chocolate or I can put on a movie for us to watch..." she went on.

"I'm okay. Trust me, I'm alright. You go get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning." 

"Okay but Reid? If there's something bothering you the team is always there to help. I kinda tracked your phone but won't tell them anything about were you were tonight. Just know we are here for you." then she left to go into her room.

What have I done?

"Dr. Reid you seem to surprise me. To take a chance so quickly it surprised me so I'll do you a favor." Her arm was bleeding from multiple cuts. She took out a marker and wrote a number on the inner sleeve of my shirt. "If you ever need help dealing with this just call or text me. I don't normally do personal favors so think of this as a gift." she tossed my shirt at me and put back on hers.

I took off my shirt and put her number into my phone then put my shirt back in. I just starred at my phone for a long time. After a while of laying on the couch debating on whether i should text her my eyes grew dreary and closed themselves.

I woke up at three in the morning tired and worn out. Walking into the kitchen for something to drink I heard my phone ring. I rushed to it and it was a text for Morgan.

"Hey pretty boy what's going on with you? I got a text from Penelope saying she was worried about you."

"Garcia is just overreacting." I replied.

"Reid I'm serious what's wrong? I can tell you're upset about something. You're not that hard to read kid." his text was faster than i expected it to be.

After reading that i turned off my phone and left. I can't bring my team into this nor can i bring them down with me. Shutting the door behind me I ran out onto the sidewalk. For once i don't think I'll be able to understand how to deal with a problem like this because instead of a criminal it's myself. Walking at night isn't smart either. It would seem I'm continuously making the wrong choices. 

Though i know putting myself down is self defeating. It's cold outside and my mind's going somewhere I shouldn't follow. All I can think about is earlier. The redness of her arm and her touching my mistakes on the waist. I feel confused and usually it's never been this bad. I recall all the cases and one person's now in my mind. It's funny i don't remember his name and i have an photo identical memory. He came to me for help and it was such a long time ago.

It was back when Gideon was still here. He came to me about the prostitute case. He was a sophomore and he had that good part of him that didn't want to hurt people. I wish I could remember his name. I saved him from suicide and at the moment I wonder if he kept to being self restrained. Perhaps i could see him. I'd have to find him but I'll ask Garcia about that tomorrow. I suppose i remember this now because I'm starting to understand it better. 

"I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind."

I sighed. Now in this moment i know what's it's like to be terrified of your own mind. It's like it's been one strike to myself thinking this way. Just...one...strike.

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