Criminal Minds: The Darkness

Doctor Spencer Reid is dealing with personal problems along with the absence of Morgan and Hotchner. Reid subjects himself into a world he himself should know will be hard to get out of. As he starts to become the type of mind he and the team arrests he learns that there's no turning back and cleaning himself from this.

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1. Down Hill Spiral

The alarm clock began to ring for work. I groaned as I slowly sat up to check my phone. Morgan hasn't returned my calls. It's understandable though. I truly love my job but today I don't feel like working but people need our help so I shouldn't miss even a day. Slowly getting up I grabbed a pair of clothes and went to take a shower.

When I was in the shower the scars on my waist burned as the water hit against my skin. I winced slightly. Once done with the shower I got out to examine them in the mirror. Their still red but not a bright red nor bloody like they were last night when I made them. I started to clean them with peroxide to disinfect and put Vaseline on top then bandaged them since I hadn't thought of doing that last night. It's bad but not deep.

I can almost her my mother say "Spencer what have you done?" that it almost echos inside my head. It's ironic really, first i thought i might have turned out schizophrenic then lately i figure my memory will fade eventually but right now presently I've scarred myself. As a profiler I know self destructive behavior isn't okay. We study people like that but for some reason last night made me feel better. I know how things could get worse after all I had done deluded and that didn't turn out well either. I breathed in.

I quickly got dressed slipping on my white button down and black pants with converse. On my way out i grabbed my work case then left. When i arrived at work Rossi greeted me but I really don't have much to say. First Morgans gone now Hotch is too so I'm dealing with it in my own way.

"Hey Reid are you okay?" JJ asked.

"Yeah I just didn't get much sleep last night." I rubbed my eyes to make it more believable.

"As long as your okay." She said. "Everyone needs to get to the conference room we have a new case."

A new case without two people who were important to the team. We all sat down as Garcia presented the new case. I didn't pay much attention though because all I can think about it the sharp edge of the knife. Everyone's been a little off lately so my not paying attention shouldn't make everyone else worry too much. It's just the way the edge was sharp as my thumb slid slightly across it. I looked down at my left thumb which had a cut in it then swallowed.

I got up and picked up my stuff. "I uh think I'll meet you guys on the plane there's something I have to do real quick."

"You sure you're okay?" Dr. Lewis asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. See you there." I rushed out.

My head hurts. I busted into the bathroom and checked on my wounds. Their starting to bleed again. Tracing my finger on the reopened cut i breathed in slowly. What's happening to me? I like the sight of it in a way because it's reassuring. It reassures me that my pain is real. There's so many theories running through my mind. I have one theory i need to test to see if it's true.

I texted Garcia: "Tell the team I'm sorry because i can't make it. Somethings come up." then i turned off my phone.

I looked up a place, a club nearby and found one. I called them myself and told them it needs to be private. They asked why and I said I'm a FBI agent then they got quiet and understood. I drove there nervously. I'm hoping I'm wrong about this theory. Profiling myself isn't the best thing nor is it the brightest but it's all I've got at the moment.

When i arrived I was given a mask as the back entrance that would cover my face so I'd be anonymous. "It's procedure" one of the workers said. I could tell by their voice they were unsure of me. That's okay because at the moment so am i.

When i got in looking around i saw what i knew would already be inside. Weapons, mechanisms, and a various of deviants. If they knew who i was i would be in trouble so i guess the blank white mask which covers everything but my eyes is a smart thing. Honestly I'm worried. This is the most worried I've been in a while. Have i gone too far this time? Have i worried myself to the point where I'm placing myself in a situation that could end up terribly for myself?

A girl who was probably twenty three from height and weight wore black shorts a little above the knees, black combat boots, and a big over sized dark green long sleeves shirt with no mask on approached me. looking at her legs and hands they were bruised. She had dark red hair tied behind her and when she saw me she smiled.

I can tell by her having her arms crossed behind her arms she isn't the type of girl who'd be in a place like this. How she's backed away from me and protecting herself by hiding her arms and trying to make herself appear more smaller means she isn't a confrontational type or perhaps she's lacking confidence. Profiling someone all the time becomes a habit even out of work.

"My name's Audrey I'll be your private partner for your little trip." Her voice was soft but the way she phrased her sentence was the opposite. it wasn't innocent.

She led me into a room in the back and locked the door behind her. I stood there watching. It's like i expect this to go horribly wrong or that my first theory is wrong.

"Relax, I'm not going to kill a FED." she tried to reassure me but there was a coldness in her voice that i isn't unrecognizable.

"You know i work for the FBI?" i asked.

"Well of course i do. Not many people would accept an offer like this. Everyone would be too unsure or afraid they'd get put in jail."

"Then why'd you accept it? Wouldn't you be afraid of that outcome?"

"Two reasons lovely, one is because no big top cop or fed would do this without a reason and secondly I'm the curious type so fear isn't exactly my weak point. So tell me Dr. Reid what did you come here for?" she smirked.

"You looked to see who i was?"

"Enough of your questions answer mine." she pulled out a pair of leather gloves from her pocket and slowly put them on.

"I profile people like you for a living. I began self injurious behavior and I wanted to know if it's possible that i will begin to enjoy it or if I'm over thinking my situation. I know how this works."

She sighed. "Obviously you don't understand it because you've only met people who got arrested who are like us. You don't truly understand everything about pain and sex Dr. Reid. At this point you coming here was probably a wasted effort." She paused. "Your textbooks and profiling wouldn't help you at all in my world."

"Maybe so but it's worth proving me wrong." I don't know why i said it but it came out of my mouth.

"Alright then I'll prove you wrong. You don't fit in here you are probably just depressed Dr. Reid."

"I wouldn't suggest using the term depression so lightly like that. You see depression stems from numerous things such as trauma, grief, or out of the blue and I've already acknowledged in the past that i may have been depressed for instance the loss of a colleague in past situations so really it isn't exactly depression at this point."

she bit her lip which could mean she's  either nervous or frustrated towards me. "Your too smart for your own good Dr. Reid. If you really want to know for sure then I'll show you but this is a place not many can just forget about."

"I know that's why I asked for something more secluded. I also know that you didn't just accept this offer from the person who runs this place without your own motive Audrey."

"My own motive? Lovely who wouldn't want an opportunity to tear down a special FBI agent?" She slowed her breathing. She relaxed her shoulders. 

I can't seem to correctly understand how she can switch from being stern to being relaxed. She showed me onto the bed. I watched as she took out a box from under the bed. "What? Did you honestly think the only items are on display?" She laughed. Once she opened the box that's when I saw knives their pocket knives. "Easy to use and sharp enough to get a point across."

Without question I let her take my shirt off. I'm not being wise at all. There's a feeling of dread inside of me because if the team knew what I was doing right now. That I was doing this instead of a case they might never forgive me. She took off her shirt to expose her arms. They had old cuts on them that were faded. It reminded me of my waist. Just like I was starring at her scars she was staring at mine. She saw the slight blood smeared over them and she saw how the five cuts were slightly deep. I think in this moment she also sees potential and honestly i believe that scares the both of us however she shows no sign of worry but then again a classic profile would be she's a sadomasochist with some narcissistic traits.

"You know observing and profiling only does so much. Experiencing it helps you understand things a lot more." Her fingers traced over my wounds. "Plus we're not here for sex Dr. Reid. We're here to see how you feel if I harm you or you harm me correct? After all there's not many other reasons that would keep you here."

"You're right by now i had many chances where i could've left but i didn't and that's something i myself can't understand at the moment."

She leaned closer to me then pointed the knife at my chest. "Would you like me to go first Dr. Reid?" she asked.

Within this moment I'll have to make a choice and I know if i go through with this i could regret it or I'll never be able to forget it.

 

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