Would That Make You Happy?

Frisk is your child, the result of a teen pregnancy, but they've always been told that you're their older sister. In an effort to get away from your own abusive mother, the two of you end up falling into the Underground, where Sans is startled by this abrupt change in what had become a predictable pattern of events. Maybe your presence is what is needed to stop the endless cycle of Resets.

After many struggles, both internal and external, you and your found family reach the surface, only to face even more difficulties from the society you weren't sure you'd ever see again. You meet new friends and encounter people from your past, though for good or ill, you're not sure. Sometimes it's difficult to tell kindness from cunning.

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99. Falling Apart

He's silent the entire way home, hands fidgeting with the camera in his lap. Sans won't even look at you. The faint, barely visible lights in his sockets watch the trees as they pass his window. You try, twice, to start explaining yourself but he doesn't seem to hear you. Instead, his hands tense and clutch at his camera strap. You resign yourself to silence for the last few minutes home.

When you park your car in the driveway you hesitate before pulling your keys out of the ignition. You look over at Sans and he's already opening his door and stepping out. Your hands are shaking as you shove the keys in your purse and you take a second to pull the linen wrappings off from around your head. You feel ridiculous in your costume all of a sudden. It just makes this all that much worse somehow.

Sans is waiting on the porch with his back to you, holding on to the support column at the top of the steps. You realize he didn't bring his keys —he barely ever takes his keys anywhere— but if he really wanted to get away from you he could have teleported inside. He's not storming off, not yelling at you... you wish he'd just do something instead of making you suffer through this silence.

Unlocking the door, you lead the way inside and he follows close after. As you shut it and turn the deadbolt you're aware of the silence in the house, the only light the one above you in the foyer. Everything else is dark and the two of you are alone. Your heart is pounding in your ears and you hesitate, your fingers still pinched around the lock as you try to gather yourself.

Taking in a deep breath, you turn in time to see Sans set his camera down on the small table in the foyer, press his back up against the wall, and bury his face in his hands. It takes the sound of him drawing in a soft gasp of air for you to realize something's wrong. He's shaking.

You dump your purse next to his camera and reach out for him, barely brushing his arm before he sinks down to the floor. "Sans. Oh god, honey talk to me," you say, falling to your knees in front of him and pulling his hands from his face. You're so scared, but it's not for yourself anymore.

He lets you take his hands and hold them between the two of you and you can feel just how badly he's trembling. Staring up at you with wide, dark eyes, the two tiny lights are searching your face, flickering for a moment as his face goes slack. Then he crumples, tears welling up in his sockets. "i'm sorry. babe i'm so sorry, i can't believe i did that," he says, his voice thick. "i just... god you must be so disgusted with me."

Sans tips his head back against the wall as tears slip down his cheekbones, leaving wet trails across bone. When he squeezes his sockets shut you reach out and pull him to you, letting him bury his face in your chest. He wraps his arms tight around your middle, pulling you close as you kneel on the floor between his legs. His broken sobs tear at your heart and you cradle his skull in your arms, holding him. Your vision blurs.

"I love you," you say, because you can't think of anything else. Because you mean it and you know he needs to hear it. "I love you so much. I've got you. Talk to me."

His fingers spasm against your back, clutching at the bandages of your costume. "i've just been trying to keep all my shit together," he says, through his tears. "for you, and frisk, and papyrus. i just couldn't... i just couldn't do it anymore. i fucked up. shit."

You don't know what to say. You're not sure if there's anything to say that might help. So you wait, stroking the back of his head and bowing over him to rest your cheek on top of his skull. Sniffling, you squeeze your eyes shut.

After a few minutes Sans relaxes just a fraction, rubbing small circles into your back to soothe the spots where he was digging in with his fingers. You hear him draw in a deep, shaky breath before turning his head so he can speak clearer. "he can offer you so much more than i can. you wouldn't have to keep him a secret, and he can leave ebott with you. he's not gonna wake you up in the middle of the night and scare the shit outta you or fall to fucking pieces. i can't stand him and the worst part is i don't even have a good reason."

"I love you," you say again, holding him tight. "Sans I'm not going anywhere, no matter what. It was just a stupid dream. It scared me too, but it didn't mean anything."

"i know," he mumbles.

"He'll only ever be a friend."

"i know and i feel like such an asshole. i was trying to play nice, for you, and then i... i took everything out on him." He buries his face in your chest again and lets out a long, low, frustrated sound. "it was everything with those humans hurting frisk, and then having to talk them out of loading to undo everything... and ugh, papyrus. he doesn't... he's dealing with this shit with mettaton and he hasn't been talking to me. because he doesn't want me to be upset and it's just..."

"I guess that runs in the family," you murmur and he nods against you.

"and you've been so busy, and you've been so happy being friends with this guy and i didn't want to drag you down with me. so i just..."

"I know," you say, trying to blink away the tears still blurring your eyes. "Hun I'm so sorry, I should have realized. You should have told me."

"i know. i..." He's trembling again, reaching up to cup the back of your head and pull you down so he's the one holding you. You let him shift you into his lap, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and tucking your head under his jaw. "i can't stop feeling scared of losing you."

You press soothing kisses along his jaw, doing your best to try and comfort him. "Did you honestly think I was cheating on you? After everything we've been through together?"

He doesn't answer. He just hugs you closer and won't let go.

"I'm sorry," you say softly.

"no, i'm sorry," he says, sighing as he buries his face into the side of your neck. "i knew better. it's not a good excuse, but i felt like if we could just make it through today everything would be fine. i'd get you back and i'd feel okay again."

"You never lost me. I was always here." You lay one hand against his chest, pressing gently.

"i love you. so much," he whispers, like he's afraid the universe might hear him and take you away. Just to punish him. "and i'm so sorry. i'll... shit i need to apologize to deacon, don't i? i need to try harder."

You can't help feeling guilty, that Sans is only having all these extra doubts and fears because of you. Because you were so excited to have a new human next door, a friend. But even as you're feeling guilty another part of you rebels against the injustice of it. You're allowed to make friends with whoever you want. He should trust you and respect that. You chide yourself with the reminder that he was trying. "I do think you should apologize. But I'm not expecting you to befriend him. Or even like him. I just... don't want to be caught in the middle." You hesitate, biting your lip. "With him or anyone I might be friends with in the future."

"ok. i can do that. i promise," he says, nuzzling your neck.

"And talk to me when something upsets you. Don't bottle it all up. No matter how busy you think I am, you're more important," you press, trying to pull away so you can look at him but he just follows you.

"ok."

"Sans are you going to let me go any time soon?"

"depends, do you think deacon is home yet?" he says, and his voice is muffled by your neck so for a second you think you misheard him.

"What? Hun, you don't need to talk to him tonight," you protest, surprised. You manage to pull your head back enough to look at him, and you're relieved to see that the lights in his eyes are brighter than before.

He gives a stubborn grumble, clenching his jaw. "i do. i wanna get this over with while i still feel bad. maybe then i won't act like such an ass."

"...Okay... I guess I can text him."

   
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