The End Game


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1. Goodbye

So this is what it feels like. To die. She stands over me, an angel in the darkest of my days. She's speaking to my doctor, their tones low and hushed even though I know what they're saying. There's no hope for me. For us. The doctor leaves, giving us a moment. The last moment of my life. She stands at the door, her hand on the knob as if considering whether she should leave. I know it's hard for her, but I can't imagine leaving this world without having her love once more, if only for a moment. She turns it, fully intending to leave, and it takes every ounce of strength in my body, but I manage a strangled whimper. She stops in her tracks, her knuckles unclenching as she releases the handle and closes the door with a shaky breath. She turns to face me. She stands, just looking, biting her lip in an attempt to prolong the inevitable. The familiar sound of her sneakers echo around the room as she hesitantly makes her way toward me, her eyes brimming with tears. She stops beside the cold metal table, reaching out a hand before withdrawing herself. She takes a deep breath before running her fingers through my hair ever so gently. I nestle into her hand, savouring my final moments with her. The silence fills the room, and as much as I want to whisper to her everything she means to me, my throat is tight with fear. I want nothing more than this moment. Her, me and forever. I want to tell her that from the first second I laid eyes on her I fell in love, and have been hopelessly hers ever since. I've watched her grow, and I have grown beside her. I have felt every heartbreak, every triumph, every emotion. We are in sync, we work as one, and what is one half without the other. She is the light of my life, and it breaks my heart that she will never truly know that. To speak to her, three little words just to make her understand would be enough for me. She presses her lips to my nose, and I lick her cheek in return, watching her face glow with the smile that will one day greet me in heaven. Her tears are salty on my tongue, and it fills me with joy to know the last thing I'll ever taste is the woman I've grown to love. It's peaceful. It's beautiful. It's so close to perfect. "I don't-" She starts, pausing slightly. My chest tightens hearing her pain. I want to shush her, to let her know that her being here is enough for me. I nuzzle into her hand, eliciting a sob from her lips. "I can't imagine a world without you." She cries gently, burying her face into mine, holding me close. For a second, I doubt this is real. Maybe this is heaven. The small things. The little kisses, the genuine love. She sniffles, kissing my head once again before standing. She takes a deep breath, smiling at me for the last time. I burn the image to my memory, the dimple on her left cheek, the crooked third tooth, the crinkles by her puffy eyes. I smile back at her, knowing that she will continue on with her life. She will fall in love with someone the way I have her, and she will be loved in return. I couldn't wish for anything more for her. She stands at the door, looking back at me. I want nothing more than to reach out to her dewey cheeks and wipe the stray tears that litter her flushed cheeks. She is a vision, even now. "I love you." She whispers, her voice hitching. She exhales shakily before closing the door, sealing my fate. "I love you too." I whisper back, praying that heaven smells of her perfume. "For eternity." 

 

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